Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
So Beyond Excited!!
I am so beyond excited! I won this class on Ali Edward's blog! It is one of those things where you feel like a kid again when all the other kids get picked and then just resign yourself to the fact that, "it's ok, it is just not something I will ever get randomly chosen for."
I went along just like any other giveaway - make my Spring Cleaning comment, "Spring cleaning tip? hmmmmm….clean out – in order to really clean-up, get rid of those things you didn’t use over the winter time" and researched the class - placed it on here to say it is on my wishlist for the "someday" AND I was chosen!
How excited I was when I saw my name, like opening up that Golden Ticket with Wonka Bars! I sat there and screamed in jubilee and Ian jumped up from his very focused Thomas the Train play session and ran around the basement towards me saying "what is it?!!! what is it mommy??!!!!" in such excitement only a 2-year-old could muster.
So this 30-year-old mother is estatic and remembering where all of her scraps are and various everyday papers for this class. I plan to focus more on it during those times when I would be doing those LLOONNGG runs after the marathon is done. So very blessed!
I went along just like any other giveaway - make my Spring Cleaning comment, "Spring cleaning tip? hmmmmm….clean out – in order to really clean-up, get rid of those things you didn’t use over the winter time" and researched the class - placed it on here to say it is on my wishlist for the "someday" AND I was chosen!
How excited I was when I saw my name, like opening up that Golden Ticket with Wonka Bars! I sat there and screamed in jubilee and Ian jumped up from his very focused Thomas the Train play session and ran around the basement towards me saying "what is it?!!! what is it mommy??!!!!" in such excitement only a 2-year-old could muster.
So this 30-year-old mother is estatic and remembering where all of her scraps are and various everyday papers for this class. I plan to focus more on it during those times when I would be doing those LLOONNGG runs after the marathon is done. So very blessed!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Today....
Today was a little different...15 miles @ 5:15am for me...
The guys getting ready...they rode 10 or so miles & ran 3 miles...
AND tried to organize some on our IKEA shelf...it may never look like this gain but at least there is some semblance of organization.
15 miles & "Circles"
Awoke at 4:35am this morning (alarm was to go off at 5) and felt somewhat ok to get up. I just figured well the more I lay, the less I sleep, and the more I lay, the more tempted I am to miss this run. See this run couldn't happen at any other time this weekend due to weather, on-call obligations & other plans.
NOTE: I now can make a ponytail out of my hair - it hasn't been this long in a very LONG time.
I get out of bed and begin to run (clothed mind you) and begin to remember why I was so disciplined to get up so early when it was just a mere 20 degrees out this past winter. I would not say it felt fabulous but the potential was there. Anywho I titled this run "Circles" because that is what I literally did around numerous neighborhoods around our north side of town...I just went around and around and then straight and around and around so the map looks pretty weird but I got it in! And after having strep throat I am happy with that. It was a little lonely but I talked periodically with God and felt my knee alittle but just kept going.
NOTE: I now can make a ponytail out of my hair - it hasn't been this long in a very LONG time.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Facebook Notes = New Blog Posts
I went into my facebook notes archives and found that I write a lot and have for quite awhile. I'll be incorporating more of these notes into blog posts...and probably inserting them chronologically into this blog to stay true to myself and the time when I wrote them. So excited for whenever I take this task on!! Can you feel my excitement?
Here's one from March 21, 2010 @ 12:00pm "Turning Point"
There are times in life when you just know that you are beginning another chapter of your life. I had this realization this past week as I began to see my professional self becoming more awakened and determined to pursue some goals and being given opportunities to do so. Between hospital social work, home-care social work and marriage & family therapy at CCJ my world is opening up a little bit more and I'm allowing it to do so.
As I study for my licensure exam I'm reviewing all kinds of knowledge and WOW THERE IS A LOT! and it always has me looking at my own worldview and how I consider life and people. We have so much potential and so many times we kick ourselves. So many different ways of looking at the world, situations and our own thoughts. Then there is God's view and it is so revealing. I could go on and on about truth and Truth but I will not do that here.
So the Turning Point - I cleaned out drawers and cabinets and some areas in the basement full of memories from Grayson, KY (beginning of marriage and undergrad years), found high school newspaper clippings (realized I had settled at one point for living in another person's shadow), notes from friends (some I am still close to and some I have no idea what has happened to them), cards from occasions, a ton of personality tests I had taken (you'd think I'd know myself by now) and gobs of class notes that were meticulously written perfectionistically to learn. I was and still somewhat am a knowledge-seeker but back then I grabbed everything...especially Biblically or some sort of understanding of myself. A lot of searching.
I sit here now realizing that I am further along, utilizing more of my heart than before in considering life and situations, giving a lot more people the benefit of the doubt, seeing more colors (I loved black & white in middle school), not perfectionist in my endeavors (for goodness sake one of my anthems is "imperfection"). We're messy people and life is messy. Not everything fits in a nice box or goes on a straight line. Memories fall in and out - I got rid of A LOT of stuff and I think also took some things out of my brain as well which was nice.
Creating more room for new people, new development and a deepering relationship with Christ. It's not as much about me...my time isn't as much about me. It's a nice place, not a comfortable place but at least the predictable is unpredictable and I'm more ok with that.
My grad notes contained lots of great thinking nuggets and questions. AND I found how to interview the problem!!! YES! (for those unfamiliar with therapy - we can talk later about that)
This is a new phase in life. I've done the teenage deep thing (conversations with Sarah Beachy, Olga Panchenko and Kristi Brandon about God and then there were my own struggles), the hold onto all memories thing (notes from Megan King, memories with Jane Wamsley in middle school, Alena [List] Bauman and Robyn [Elliot] Myers), the college struggle and hold on to notes that got me through (thanks Beth Johnson, Karissa [Evans] Kimmel and Rachel [Szallai] Harvey), the bridal shower tid-bits and all the wedding items, the notes in class passed in grad school (hahaha Leslee, Randi, Karen and Rebecca), and there were some other things I went through - my Christian book obsession that are great books but I'm not going to read them. My obsession with marriage information at the beginning of our marriage (poor Mark he was ambushed with that stuff), found coasters I ambitiously made with Sherrill Rommel in Louisville that awakened my creative juices & sent me on a rampage to stock up on crafts, and race numbers from all of our races (most I can't remember now - no wait I can remember), and pictures I didn't know we had of hanging out with friends (Aaron & Jen Johnson, Mandy Gorman, and my extended family as they were getting to know Mark). Yep a lot has happened.
Searching, Undergrad, real world job, Grad school, pretend world, Church world, God world, Jasper, Baby World and now...family world with professional pursuits. I'm finally getting there and I know this phase will have many stories of its own.
.
Here's one from March 21, 2010 @ 12:00pm "Turning Point"
There are times in life when you just know that you are beginning another chapter of your life. I had this realization this past week as I began to see my professional self becoming more awakened and determined to pursue some goals and being given opportunities to do so. Between hospital social work, home-care social work and marriage & family therapy at CCJ my world is opening up a little bit more and I'm allowing it to do so.
As I study for my licensure exam I'm reviewing all kinds of knowledge and WOW THERE IS A LOT! and it always has me looking at my own worldview and how I consider life and people. We have so much potential and so many times we kick ourselves. So many different ways of looking at the world, situations and our own thoughts. Then there is God's view and it is so revealing. I could go on and on about truth and Truth but I will not do that here.
So the Turning Point - I cleaned out drawers and cabinets and some areas in the basement full of memories from Grayson, KY (beginning of marriage and undergrad years), found high school newspaper clippings (realized I had settled at one point for living in another person's shadow), notes from friends (some I am still close to and some I have no idea what has happened to them), cards from occasions, a ton of personality tests I had taken (you'd think I'd know myself by now) and gobs of class notes that were meticulously written perfectionistically to learn. I was and still somewhat am a knowledge-seeker but back then I grabbed everything...especially Biblically or some sort of understanding of myself. A lot of searching.
I sit here now realizing that I am further along, utilizing more of my heart than before in considering life and situations, giving a lot more people the benefit of the doubt, seeing more colors (I loved black & white in middle school), not perfectionist in my endeavors (for goodness sake one of my anthems is "imperfection"). We're messy people and life is messy. Not everything fits in a nice box or goes on a straight line. Memories fall in and out - I got rid of A LOT of stuff and I think also took some things out of my brain as well which was nice.
Creating more room for new people, new development and a deepering relationship with Christ. It's not as much about me...my time isn't as much about me. It's a nice place, not a comfortable place but at least the predictable is unpredictable and I'm more ok with that.
My grad notes contained lots of great thinking nuggets and questions. AND I found how to interview the problem!!! YES! (for those unfamiliar with therapy - we can talk later about that)
This is a new phase in life. I've done the teenage deep thing (conversations with Sarah Beachy, Olga Panchenko and Kristi Brandon about God and then there were my own struggles), the hold onto all memories thing (notes from Megan King, memories with Jane Wamsley in middle school, Alena [List] Bauman and Robyn [Elliot] Myers), the college struggle and hold on to notes that got me through (thanks Beth Johnson, Karissa [Evans] Kimmel and Rachel [Szallai] Harvey), the bridal shower tid-bits and all the wedding items, the notes in class passed in grad school (hahaha Leslee, Randi, Karen and Rebecca), and there were some other things I went through - my Christian book obsession that are great books but I'm not going to read them. My obsession with marriage information at the beginning of our marriage (poor Mark he was ambushed with that stuff), found coasters I ambitiously made with Sherrill Rommel in Louisville that awakened my creative juices & sent me on a rampage to stock up on crafts, and race numbers from all of our races (most I can't remember now - no wait I can remember), and pictures I didn't know we had of hanging out with friends (Aaron & Jen Johnson, Mandy Gorman, and my extended family as they were getting to know Mark). Yep a lot has happened.
Searching, Undergrad, real world job, Grad school, pretend world, Church world, God world, Jasper, Baby World and now...family world with professional pursuits. I'm finally getting there and I know this phase will have many stories of its own.
.
Being Gentle with Myself...
Has there ever been time when you come to the realization that "whoa, I'm pretty hard on myself?"
Nah, me neither...but and that is a BIG BUT, God always shows me this truth when I get sick. It never fails. In the moment of my sickness, I lament, I question and I get through it but in the process often miss out on the bigger picture. Guess what Kara, it's not about you.
This process of training for this 4th marathon has been a different journey for me. One that has at times almost consumed me with workouts entailing swimming one day to running 5-7 miles then weight training an hour and another day running more than 10+ miles. It has been a lot of on my body and I know this, but there are times when it does feel like you're invincible. Until a knee injury comes up...then you focus on that or then you get sick and you focus on that...which is my current story.
Through the knee injury or whatever it is/was, I've had to buckle down and do only the movement that would benefit my knee which has meant less weight training, and decreased workouts during the week AND most importantly giving my stress, my time and my own anger to the One who can take it (no not Mark), Christ. It's a different view and takes a different perspective.
But I have realized that while being sick, I can now look back and I make a *sigh*. It was good. I would not have taken a break from this training process any other way especially after a 22 mile run last week. This has brought to my mind, being gentle with myself and letting myself heal and move forward. We are so hard on ourselves and I see it all the time in doing therapy and ESPECIALLY with couples. We are hard on us and we are hard on our spouses. In reality, we all really are doing the very best that we can in those moments. But we are all vulnerable to criticsm - it hurts from our spouses but it seems natural to us to do it to ourselves.
In addition, the bigger picture that I could not see involved the facilitation of the premarital class/group I do on Sunday mornings and this past week was Sex & Intimacy. This was the one session I was so excited about and lamented all at the same time. I was excited to present this awesome gift that God gives to us as married couples - this intimacy we have with no other person on earth and yet how to present it and be bold enough to say what needs to be said about the effects of sex before marriage & some consequences that come from living together before that commitment is made.
I've prayed and prayed about this very subject with God for quite some time. And behold, I got sick...and so sick that I could not do this. In God's mighty plan, He brought forth a compassionate couple who has experienced these things, seen the consequences, and now knows God's plan for their lives. They at first were not going to be there (which is ok) just as a mentor couple to share their experience but then 15 minutes later called me back to say, "we'll come home early, we wish someone would have taught us this before we got married". So WOW, they facilitated it and in my mind, that is how it was suppose to happen. His perfect plan worked for the good when my plan falls short. It just helps to get perspective at times...
Nah, me neither...but and that is a BIG BUT, God always shows me this truth when I get sick. It never fails. In the moment of my sickness, I lament, I question and I get through it but in the process often miss out on the bigger picture. Guess what Kara, it's not about you.
This process of training for this 4th marathon has been a different journey for me. One that has at times almost consumed me with workouts entailing swimming one day to running 5-7 miles then weight training an hour and another day running more than 10+ miles. It has been a lot of on my body and I know this, but there are times when it does feel like you're invincible. Until a knee injury comes up...then you focus on that or then you get sick and you focus on that...which is my current story.
Through the knee injury or whatever it is/was, I've had to buckle down and do only the movement that would benefit my knee which has meant less weight training, and decreased workouts during the week AND most importantly giving my stress, my time and my own anger to the One who can take it (no not Mark), Christ. It's a different view and takes a different perspective.
But I have realized that while being sick, I can now look back and I make a *sigh*. It was good. I would not have taken a break from this training process any other way especially after a 22 mile run last week. This has brought to my mind, being gentle with myself and letting myself heal and move forward. We are so hard on ourselves and I see it all the time in doing therapy and ESPECIALLY with couples. We are hard on us and we are hard on our spouses. In reality, we all really are doing the very best that we can in those moments. But we are all vulnerable to criticsm - it hurts from our spouses but it seems natural to us to do it to ourselves.
In addition, the bigger picture that I could not see involved the facilitation of the premarital class/group I do on Sunday mornings and this past week was Sex & Intimacy. This was the one session I was so excited about and lamented all at the same time. I was excited to present this awesome gift that God gives to us as married couples - this intimacy we have with no other person on earth and yet how to present it and be bold enough to say what needs to be said about the effects of sex before marriage & some consequences that come from living together before that commitment is made.
I've prayed and prayed about this very subject with God for quite some time. And behold, I got sick...and so sick that I could not do this. In God's mighty plan, He brought forth a compassionate couple who has experienced these things, seen the consequences, and now knows God's plan for their lives. They at first were not going to be there (which is ok) just as a mentor couple to share their experience but then 15 minutes later called me back to say, "we'll come home early, we wish someone would have taught us this before we got married". So WOW, they facilitated it and in my mind, that is how it was suppose to happen. His perfect plan worked for the good when my plan falls short. It just helps to get perspective at times...
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Strep Throat & Running
Today thinking about running, biking or resting...plus 3 counseling sessions (luckily very low caseload day). I was reading all of these running forums about what other runners are doing especially those who got sick right in the middle of marathon training like I am.
Conversation on Facebook
STATUS - runners: run with strep throat...rest?...bike?....just exhausted still, luckily only 3 sessions today, I think I can do that
Sara Priest West REST! (Sara's a friend from college who I played basketball with who is now a full-fledged runner training for her first marathon and a speed-demon in my book)
Kara Messmore here's the deal - this is day 5 I haven't done a thing -- Friday: the Conference, Sat...I rested, Sun...big rest, Mon...big rest, Tuesday (today) ? do you think that is too long of a rest? I have a 15 or 12 mile run on thursday
Sara Priest West I would skip today, try to do something light on Sunday morning and you should be fine.
Kara Messmore hhhmmmmm I'll consider, I do want to get over this, just not sure with the weather changing again that I want to let go of doing something while it's in the 70's - the thought of running those miles on THursday in the 40s - doesn't seem all that doable now
---------------------------------------------------
Well after this conversation I took a shower and got dressed for work and I am EXHAUSTED. So new realization, I need to take it easy and ease into it. I could see myself biking today. I'm just really bummed that the weather is going to turn cold AGAIN and that my supposed 12-15 mile run on Thursday would be in the 40's. I work on Friday and am on-call all weekend which is a big bummer since that is when I'd do my run so maybe Saturday after being on-call??? Maybe??
Conversation on Facebook
STATUS - runners: run with strep throat...rest?...bike?....just exhausted still, luckily only 3 sessions today, I think I can do that
Sara Priest West REST! (Sara's a friend from college who I played basketball with who is now a full-fledged runner training for her first marathon and a speed-demon in my book)
Kara Messmore here's the deal - this is day 5 I haven't done a thing -- Friday: the Conference, Sat...I rested, Sun...big rest, Mon...big rest, Tuesday (today) ? do you think that is too long of a rest? I have a 15 or 12 mile run on thursday
Sara Priest West I would skip today, try to do something light on Sunday morning and you should be fine.
Kara Messmore hhhmmmmm I'll consider, I do want to get over this, just not sure with the weather changing again that I want to let go of doing something while it's in the 70's - the thought of running those miles on THursday in the 40s - doesn't seem all that doable now
---------------------------------------------------
Well after this conversation I took a shower and got dressed for work and I am EXHAUSTED. So new realization, I need to take it easy and ease into it. I could see myself biking today. I'm just really bummed that the weather is going to turn cold AGAIN and that my supposed 12-15 mile run on Thursday would be in the 40's. I work on Friday and am on-call all weekend which is a big bummer since that is when I'd do my run so maybe Saturday after being on-call??? Maybe??
Saturday, March 19, 2011
To ALL the sick people...
It is not a regular deal that I get sick but when I get sick, I feel like I really get sick. Of course any one person could probably say the same thing but I get down and then realize that strength of those people who are continually fighting a disease or fighting the side effects of medications that help them with their primary disease. I have so much admiration for YOU. I am weak and am definitely one of those who likes to be pampered. Poor Mark - but he has Ian to work with right now. Thank you Mark...it means a lot.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
22 miler *awe* *sigh* yes!
So I might be a little obsessed with this Garmin Connect thing....I ended up having to do a little loop in between switching biking friends and thought "how will this show up on my route"? Anywho 22 miles done.
Thoughts before a LONG Run
These are my thoughts before a LONG run...you may be surprised:
* I don't want to do it
* I'm nervous
* what route would be best
* will I have the strenght?
* it will take me how long? almost 4 hours? or more?!!!
* what am I thinking that is insane!?
* well, what if I do it later - can't do it later, just do it Kara
* well, the sun will be out
* can I just go back to sleep right now? NO!
* did I eat too much or too little?
* will I have enough fluids?
* will my shoes be able to make it all the way through?
* this is going to hurt, oh my legs they hurt already
* wait a second, this is what I want to do!
* I know I will feel awesome afterwards!
* the birds are chirping!!
* I can do this! God can do this - He can do this through me!
* if I do this, it will be a testament to His strength and not mine
* hmmmmmm how many GU's will it take...4?
* what is the flatest route I can run or that can have a bike accompany me?
* it is just 1 mile at a time (2 miles for every water stop)
* every 4 or so miles for GU
* what is the best way to dress - 45/50 degrees to 65 degrees while I run
--- Nike shorts (cold legs will get warmer)
--- Flying Pig Mini-Marathon short sleeve running shirt (a little cold for sleeveless running shirt)
--- maroon long-sleeve wick-away shirt (holds cell phone too & to keep warm)
--- hat (yellow or white?)
--- sunglasses (el cheapo pair)
--- Garmin Forerunning 205 watch
--- 26.2 Chicaband
--- running socks & 2 types of shoes (old running shoes phrasing them out & new running shoes) *yellow tag on old pair of running shoes is my "chip" from the Tulsa Half-Marathon in November 2010 where I almost broke 2 hours
--- Body Glide Anti-Chafe
* ipod shuffle? or no ipod shuffle? (well you know God has been telling you lately or you sense He is telling you to turn it off) so NO - woah, never have ran without it
* I don't want to do it
* I'm nervous
* what route would be best
* will I have the strenght?
* it will take me how long? almost 4 hours? or more?!!!
* what am I thinking that is insane!?
* well, what if I do it later - can't do it later, just do it Kara
* well, the sun will be out
* can I just go back to sleep right now? NO!
* did I eat too much or too little?
* will I have enough fluids?
* will my shoes be able to make it all the way through?
* this is going to hurt, oh my legs they hurt already
* wait a second, this is what I want to do!
* I know I will feel awesome afterwards!
* the birds are chirping!!
* I can do this! God can do this - He can do this through me!
* if I do this, it will be a testament to His strength and not mine
* hmmmmmm how many GU's will it take...4?
* what is the flatest route I can run or that can have a bike accompany me?
* it is just 1 mile at a time (2 miles for every water stop)
* every 4 or so miles for GU
* what is the best way to dress - 45/50 degrees to 65 degrees while I run
--- Nike shorts (cold legs will get warmer)
--- Flying Pig Mini-Marathon short sleeve running shirt (a little cold for sleeveless running shirt)
--- maroon long-sleeve wick-away shirt (holds cell phone too & to keep warm)
--- hat (yellow or white?)
--- sunglasses (el cheapo pair)
--- Garmin Forerunning 205 watch
--- 26.2 Chicaband
--- running socks & 2 types of shoes (old running shoes phrasing them out & new running shoes) *yellow tag on old pair of running shoes is my "chip" from the Tulsa Half-Marathon in November 2010 where I almost broke 2 hours
--- Body Glide Anti-Chafe
* ipod shuffle? or no ipod shuffle? (well you know God has been telling you lately or you sense He is telling you to turn it off) so NO - woah, never have ran without it
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Allowing Myself....Right Now
I'm allowing myself to stay up past my bedtime because I just feel like it. Allowing myself to wonder what tomorrow holds, what this upcoming 22 mile runs holds...hoping friends will come alongside me to support me. I'm allowing myself to give myself grace for those little vices I fight daily. But now I think I will allow myself to go to bed. Yes, indeed I will.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Crop for Kicks & Christmas Card Punch Collage Project
This year instead of me signing up for Crop for the Cure in Evansville (although for a good cause), I decided to stay home and save money. Candy, my very fabulous friend decided to go along in my adventure. Candy received "door prizes" about every hour...hence her facebook statuses of "I Won Again!" Here are some pictures...
this is Ian "helping" me out at the CVS to print photos instantly before our Crop
this shows my crafting area (and yes I have gotten rid of a lot but as I told my premarital couples in our class this past Saturday...I spent & bargain-hunted...a lot throughout our first 5 years of marriage for crafty stuff)
this is the album cover for the "Christmas Card Punch Collage Project"
title page quotes Ali Edwards from this post and I add, "From present years until 2007 I had kept cards but apparently through our move from Louisville, KY to Jasper, IN I did not keep Christmas cards from years before. Beginning in 2004 we wrote Christmas newsletters and have placed them in those years. This is definitely a work-in-progress."
PAGES
2010 1 *note I misplaced the newsletters I received :S
2010 2
2009 1
2009 2
2008 - this page has an interesting story, I couldn't find many cards at all and figured out that in Christmas 2008 Ian was born -- hence I'm not sure where I put the many cards and newsletters I received throughout that season
2007 - the big white squares with the signatures were from my basketball girls
2006 - couldn't find cards so this begins our newsletters
2005
2004 - note the cards on the write - they were the last Christmas cards we received from Mark's Grandpa Bruce, his writing is precious to us
this is Ian "helping" me out at the CVS to print photos instantly before our Crop
this shows my crafting area (and yes I have gotten rid of a lot but as I told my premarital couples in our class this past Saturday...I spent & bargain-hunted...a lot throughout our first 5 years of marriage for crafty stuff)
this is the album cover for the "Christmas Card Punch Collage Project"
title page quotes Ali Edwards from this post and I add, "From present years until 2007 I had kept cards but apparently through our move from Louisville, KY to Jasper, IN I did not keep Christmas cards from years before. Beginning in 2004 we wrote Christmas newsletters and have placed them in those years. This is definitely a work-in-progress."PAGES
2010 1 *note I misplaced the newsletters I received :S
2010 2
2009 1
2009 2
2008 - this page has an interesting story, I couldn't find many cards at all and figured out that in Christmas 2008 Ian was born -- hence I'm not sure where I put the many cards and newsletters I received throughout that season
2007 - the big white squares with the signatures were from my basketball girls
2006 - couldn't find cards so this begins our newsletters
2005
2004 - note the cards on the write - they were the last Christmas cards we received from Mark's Grandpa Bruce, his writing is precious to us
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Ian's Bargaining Skillz
So the boy has talent...he begins with a *sigh* then gruffly & sternly says, "Mommy, me have juice!" Mommy says, "No...not now it is too late." He tips his head slightly and in the most loving voice says, "Mommy, peese juice?"
Mommy says, "Sweetie, no it is too late." Which promptly is followed after by a soft but excited voice of "milk!!???" with his head slightly tilted my way. Mommy says, "yes Ian that is ok." He marches to the refrigerator for his milk as he proudly just negotiated his latest bargain.
Nurture Project
Nurture Project (LOVE THIS)
I have found that with working with various clients (especially mothers) that we have bought into this notion in our society that we cannot take time for ourselves or that somehow we are to do this solely on our own.
Nurturing You: Clipboard Project
As a busy mama – I’m sure the notion of “me time” either make you roll your eyes, burst into laughter…or tears?!! We mamas put our own needs on hold to meet the needs of everyone around us…and that can leave us burned out, frustrated and cranky!
I went to a parenting talk a year ago and what I came away with from it was this – if our ‘cup’ is empty (ie we are not filling ourselves up with the things we need to be happy), then we have nothing to spill out and give to those around us. We need to keep filling our own cup to be able to pour out into everyone else’s.
Since adding a third child to the mix, my cup has definitely been empty (more like a stone dry well actually!) and I keep going back to what I heard in the course…that I need to fill my cup. I need to carve out time for feeding my soul. This doesn’t need to be a huge amount of time on a weekly basis (that would be nice, but lets be realistic!), it could be a 10 minute meditation each day, it could be a long hot bubble bath once a week, it could be a monthly afternoon out with a friend. I love to be creative, and my natural high comes from making something out of nothing with my own two hands (and perhaps the help of a sewing machine!), so for me – I want to make time to pursue my creative fantasies (fixing holes in children’s pants does.not.count) – to do what I love for the sake of just doing it because I LOVE IT! Whether you love sewing, gardening, cooking, shopping…you know what feed your soul and I’m telling you – you need to make time for it!
To follow through with my wild notions of nurturing myself I need an actual plan to do this. I must choose and work to carve out the time – otherwise sneaky old regular life gets in the way of cup filling efforts. Luckily, my husband is on board with this plan (perhaps in the hopes I’ll become less cranky) – if you have small children at home all day every day then you need to enlist the support of someone to give you some alone time. Or, during school or nap times, wedge some cup-filling in there for you instead of cramming work/cleaning/cooking/washing into every free minute. Shiny happy mama = shiny happy family (you know it’s true)!
Most days I’m not even sure what day it is, so I’ve made a pretty little reminder clipboard for my nurturing plans. It’s propped up against my mirror where I’ll see it every day, and I can make a date/plans with myself on a slip of paper and keep it on the board for that week. Each week I will find the time to do one nice thing with myself – and once done I can switch the paper out with my following weeks plan. You can make one too! Yeah! Lets make 2011 the year where our cups are full, our families enjoy the splashings and we truly love and care for ourselves…wishing you all good things for this new year!
Emily
Nurture time reminder clipboard
Supplies:
Mini clipboard (office supply stores carry these)
Acrylic paint & foam brush
Paper (think scrapbook, gift-wrap, hand-made, magazine pages)
Mod podge/gel medium (or any white glue)
Ribbon or lace
Stickers, tags, fun things to embellish with.
Steps:
Cover all or part of the clipboard with your papers. You can make a collage of papers, or use one special piece. Paint the glue onto the clipboard to stick the paper down on, and then coat the paper in another layer of your glue.
Once the paper is dry, paint the remaining portion of the clipboard with 2-3 layers of acrylic paint (I simply lifted the metal clip to paint underneath it).
Add a strip of ribbon or lace using the glue.
Choose a word such as ‘nurture’, ‘nourish’, ‘breathe’, ‘my time’ to serve as a reminder to yourself!
Decorate the clipboard with any stickers or other fun things to make it your happy place.
*on the back of the clipboard I glued a library pocket to hold ‘ideas’ – then each week I can choose an idea from the pocket, and add to it as I feel inspired.
Some simple and (mostly!) inexpensive nurturing ideas:
Have a bubble bath
Read a magazine in bed
Take a solo trip to the library
Play with some watercolour paints
Visit a garden
Treat yourself to a nutritious meal at a favorite cafe
Download a meditation online, lay down and relaxxxx
Lay outside on a blanket and watch the clouds
Attend a class that you’ve always been meaning to try
Write a list of things you are grateful for
Receive a massage
Doodle with crayons
Sit in a park and people watch
Visit a museum or art gallery
Go for an indoor swim
Read a chapter of a book
Plan a girls night with some friends – organize and send invites
Have a home facial
Go for a walk and take photos of things you see
Take a self portrait
Create a visual soul collage from magazine pictures
Organize your wardrobe
Burn oils and listen to music
Write a card/letter to a friend
Plant something in your garden or in a pot
Phone your best friend for a chat
Write some goals in your journal
Try a new recipe
Set your timer for half an hour of crafty time
Give yourself a hand massage & manicure
Take yourself out for coffee/hot chocolate
Make a cd of your favorite music for listening to in the car
I have found that with working with various clients (especially mothers) that we have bought into this notion in our society that we cannot take time for ourselves or that somehow we are to do this solely on our own.
Nurturing You: Clipboard Project
As a busy mama – I’m sure the notion of “me time” either make you roll your eyes, burst into laughter…or tears?!! We mamas put our own needs on hold to meet the needs of everyone around us…and that can leave us burned out, frustrated and cranky!
I went to a parenting talk a year ago and what I came away with from it was this – if our ‘cup’ is empty (ie we are not filling ourselves up with the things we need to be happy), then we have nothing to spill out and give to those around us. We need to keep filling our own cup to be able to pour out into everyone else’s.
Since adding a third child to the mix, my cup has definitely been empty (more like a stone dry well actually!) and I keep going back to what I heard in the course…that I need to fill my cup. I need to carve out time for feeding my soul. This doesn’t need to be a huge amount of time on a weekly basis (that would be nice, but lets be realistic!), it could be a 10 minute meditation each day, it could be a long hot bubble bath once a week, it could be a monthly afternoon out with a friend. I love to be creative, and my natural high comes from making something out of nothing with my own two hands (and perhaps the help of a sewing machine!), so for me – I want to make time to pursue my creative fantasies (fixing holes in children’s pants does.not.count) – to do what I love for the sake of just doing it because I LOVE IT! Whether you love sewing, gardening, cooking, shopping…you know what feed your soul and I’m telling you – you need to make time for it!
To follow through with my wild notions of nurturing myself I need an actual plan to do this. I must choose and work to carve out the time – otherwise sneaky old regular life gets in the way of cup filling efforts. Luckily, my husband is on board with this plan (perhaps in the hopes I’ll become less cranky) – if you have small children at home all day every day then you need to enlist the support of someone to give you some alone time. Or, during school or nap times, wedge some cup-filling in there for you instead of cramming work/cleaning/cooking/washing into every free minute. Shiny happy mama = shiny happy family (you know it’s true)!
Most days I’m not even sure what day it is, so I’ve made a pretty little reminder clipboard for my nurturing plans. It’s propped up against my mirror where I’ll see it every day, and I can make a date/plans with myself on a slip of paper and keep it on the board for that week. Each week I will find the time to do one nice thing with myself – and once done I can switch the paper out with my following weeks plan. You can make one too! Yeah! Lets make 2011 the year where our cups are full, our families enjoy the splashings and we truly love and care for ourselves…wishing you all good things for this new year!
Emily
Nurture time reminder clipboard
Supplies:
Mini clipboard (office supply stores carry these)
Acrylic paint & foam brush
Paper (think scrapbook, gift-wrap, hand-made, magazine pages)
Mod podge/gel medium (or any white glue)
Ribbon or lace
Stickers, tags, fun things to embellish with.
Steps:
Cover all or part of the clipboard with your papers. You can make a collage of papers, or use one special piece. Paint the glue onto the clipboard to stick the paper down on, and then coat the paper in another layer of your glue.
Once the paper is dry, paint the remaining portion of the clipboard with 2-3 layers of acrylic paint (I simply lifted the metal clip to paint underneath it).
Add a strip of ribbon or lace using the glue.
Choose a word such as ‘nurture’, ‘nourish’, ‘breathe’, ‘my time’ to serve as a reminder to yourself!
Decorate the clipboard with any stickers or other fun things to make it your happy place.
*on the back of the clipboard I glued a library pocket to hold ‘ideas’ – then each week I can choose an idea from the pocket, and add to it as I feel inspired.
Some simple and (mostly!) inexpensive nurturing ideas:
Have a bubble bath
Read a magazine in bed
Take a solo trip to the library
Play with some watercolour paints
Visit a garden
Treat yourself to a nutritious meal at a favorite cafe
Download a meditation online, lay down and relaxxxx
Lay outside on a blanket and watch the clouds
Attend a class that you’ve always been meaning to try
Write a list of things you are grateful for
Receive a massage
Doodle with crayons
Sit in a park and people watch
Visit a museum or art gallery
Go for an indoor swim
Read a chapter of a book
Plan a girls night with some friends – organize and send invites
Have a home facial
Go for a walk and take photos of things you see
Take a self portrait
Create a visual soul collage from magazine pictures
Organize your wardrobe
Burn oils and listen to music
Write a card/letter to a friend
Plant something in your garden or in a pot
Phone your best friend for a chat
Write some goals in your journal
Try a new recipe
Set your timer for half an hour of crafty time
Give yourself a hand massage & manicure
Take yourself out for coffee/hot chocolate
Make a cd of your favorite music for listening to in the car
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
So Tired...
I am soo tired. It never fails, I can get up at 4:30am on Monday morning and swim, do an entire full day at the hospital and go to bed at a decent time....then get up at 5:30am Tuesday to run a 5 or 7 mile run and feel awesome + do a weight lifting class close after. And then Tuesday evening comes and I'm exhausted. It's 8:45pm and I will be going to bed very soon. At least I remember the "high" and great feeling after the morning run. It just gets hard by the time 4:00-6:00pm comes around. Alas, not complaining - "just sayin'". :) But it's worth it.
Flex all-sport ear buds review and giveaway
YEP a giveaway that looks really great to me! Plus I had to swipe Mark's earplugs b/c mine had the lining taken off with wear and now they suck into my ears after a few miles.
Flex all-sport ear buds review and giveaway - from this BLOG.
I don't like to gush about products that I'm asked to review--might not seem authentic, you know? But here's a product I need to gush about. It's Flex all-sport ear buds by H2OAudio. What makes these ear buds so cool? Well let me explain:
*They're waterproof to 3 feet (in case you fall into a nearby lake)
*They're sweatproof
*They come in a wide variety of colors
*They come with three pairs of silicone earplugs in small, medium and large so that you can customize the fit
*They're made so that you can use them, rinse them off, and repeat--no more sweaty ear buds!
*They don't fall out when in use
I tried them while on the bike trainer and loved the comfortable fit and sound quality. Even more, I loved that I could take them off and rinse them off when I finished. Since I can't run, I recruited this guy to try them out on the treadmill. He didn't love the power pink color, but he did like the performance--they never fell out or became loose while he ran. So a big thumb's up.
Now H2OAudio wants me to share the wealth. They've given me one pair of black headphones to giveaway (see, I picked black to appeal to both genders!).
For the giveaway:
1) Be a MissZippy follower or become one and let me know (required)
2) Like H2OAudio on Facebook (required)
3) Bonus--Post this giveaway on your blog, Facebook, or tweet about it.
Contest ends March 15 when I pick a winner through Random.org. Good luck!
Flex all-sport ear buds review and giveaway - from this BLOG.
I don't like to gush about products that I'm asked to review--might not seem authentic, you know? But here's a product I need to gush about. It's Flex all-sport ear buds by H2OAudio. What makes these ear buds so cool? Well let me explain:
*They're waterproof to 3 feet (in case you fall into a nearby lake)
*They're sweatproof
*They come in a wide variety of colors
*They come with three pairs of silicone earplugs in small, medium and large so that you can customize the fit
*They're made so that you can use them, rinse them off, and repeat--no more sweaty ear buds!
*They don't fall out when in use
I tried them while on the bike trainer and loved the comfortable fit and sound quality. Even more, I loved that I could take them off and rinse them off when I finished. Since I can't run, I recruited this guy to try them out on the treadmill. He didn't love the power pink color, but he did like the performance--they never fell out or became loose while he ran. So a big thumb's up.
Now H2OAudio wants me to share the wealth. They've given me one pair of black headphones to giveaway (see, I picked black to appeal to both genders!).
For the giveaway:
1) Be a MissZippy follower or become one and let me know (required)
2) Like H2OAudio on Facebook (required)
3) Bonus--Post this giveaway on your blog, Facebook, or tweet about it.
Contest ends March 15 when I pick a winner through Random.org. Good luck!
Monday, March 7, 2011
20 miler...
This day was pure loveliness...really it was. It was about 50 degrees when I left to go on my run which I knew would be something to talk about. Right when I stepped onto my first mile I kept thinking "ok when is this knee pain going to hit". It had been aching all morning and was aching right before I stepped out. Well the knee pain never came...it NEVER came and this 20-miler I was doing it by myself. I talked to God once again the entire time whether about my own fears - giving them to Him, prayers for friends and Mark, discussing various situations and clients.
It felt soo warm even with a pretty good wind. I looked down at one point and saw my legs...bright read...from wind burn but it didn't matter. I was on a mission. Below is the route I took. It was a new route for me that I had never done and I tried to keep it as flat as possible with some hills here and there. I ended up taking a short break to go to the restroom at mile 13 and then did a quick text to Mark to let him know where I was and that I was running to the church for my last 7. He encouraged me and it meant the world to me.
I kept going and it was a sight to see myself breaking through those last couple of miles. I was drained and my legs were tired...very, very tired. But I was so happy to run in shorts that I didn't care one bit and I finished! I finished running up the gravel side of the road to the church with Mark coming out the doors clapping, whistling and haulering for me. What support! I felt like a million bucks and like I had just won the Boston Marathon or something :)
It felt soo warm even with a pretty good wind. I looked down at one point and saw my legs...bright read...from wind burn but it didn't matter. I was on a mission. Below is the route I took. It was a new route for me that I had never done and I tried to keep it as flat as possible with some hills here and there. I ended up taking a short break to go to the restroom at mile 13 and then did a quick text to Mark to let him know where I was and that I was running to the church for my last 7. He encouraged me and it meant the world to me.
I kept going and it was a sight to see myself breaking through those last couple of miles. I was drained and my legs were tired...very, very tired. But I was so happy to run in shorts that I didn't care one bit and I finished! I finished running up the gravel side of the road to the church with Mark coming out the doors clapping, whistling and haulering for me. What support! I felt like a million bucks and like I had just won the Boston Marathon or something :)
To Be Written Posts
Those posts that need to be written:
* Ian's bargaining skills
* most recent 20-miles ran last Thursday
* impromptu Ohio trip to grandparents & Ian
* what it means to "guard your heart", Proverbs 4:23 for those couples struggling
* change in counseling room (owning how it [this counseling adventure] is really not my own including the space I work in)
* upcoming Crop & potential projects
* Ian's bargaining skills
* most recent 20-miles ran last Thursday
* impromptu Ohio trip to grandparents & Ian
* what it means to "guard your heart", Proverbs 4:23 for those couples struggling
* change in counseling room (owning how it [this counseling adventure] is really not my own including the space I work in)
* upcoming Crop & potential projects
Saturday, February 26, 2011
KAMFT Conference: The Basics and Beyond for Treating Today's Sexual Issues
Each workshop I went to was chalk full of interesting new research and information about sexual issues that couples and families encounter in this day and age, including the medical factors, differing sexual desires in a couple and the basics of sexual addiction with treatment process for couples and families.
In the Thursday morning workshop: Understanding the Medical Factors Behind Couple’s Sexual Problems (by Jean D. Koehler, PhD, LMFT, AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, Therapist and Supervisor, Asst. Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, University of Louisville Medical School), common medical causes were discussed along with treatments of sexual dysfunction, making referrals, and opportunities for further training. I was quite pleased to find that with working in a hospital PRN I had picked up enough terminology and medical language that I could understand most of the terms and surgical procedures that were presented. She discussed a lot about the effects of such procedures on a couple's sex life & the impact on their own differing desires). It was interesting to learn more about the impact of "free" testosterone (definition & amounts) in the human body and how this hormone impacts the regulation of sexual desire and arousal. I'd have to review my notes but most interesting to me was the effect after some cancer treatments. I would definitely like to look more into this subject to better understand how patient are being educated on how medical procedures may impact their marital relationships. I think men and women should be equipped with this information.
The Thursday afternoon workshop: Resolving Desire Differences by Jean A. Campbell, LMFT. Jean blended solution-focused techniques with a holistic approach of David Schnarch to help us as therapists to guide our clients out of toxic sexual interactions stemming from desire differences. Again I would need to revisit my notes on this but found that I agreed a lot with the emphasis on differentiation and how ultimately part of work may be in helping a spouse or both spouses to understand that their partner does not fully "complete" you and that the problem does not all lie in that other person's plate. Acknowledging and owning your own stuff and what you are yearning or desiring for that other person is your "stuff" and not theirs. It is your expectation and although you desire to be completely safe with that person...other things and desires get in the way and this is a lot of misinterpretation and miscommunication. (I may scan my notes here if I think about it - a lot to think about on this one). But I do see this one a lot in counseling.
Thursday late afternoon, evening was: The Ethics Behind Working With Sexually Related Issues by Stefanie Carnes, PhD. Although I was completely exhausted this provided an opportunity to learn what Federal Guidelines there are for reporting and working with someone possibly struggling viewing child pornography or other illegal actions of a sexual nature. She provided various role plays for us as therapist to do with our "clients" (our colleagues) and it helped to take out the shock value of such discoveries. It was good for me to talk through as a therapist b/c often times you don't know what issues may really be occurring with this person in front of you and they are only telling you one piece of information at a time. There for differing views in the room pertaining to the reporting aspect of this subject which honestly was nice to see since I was struggling with what I would do in certain circumstances.
All day Friday was Stefanie Carnes again with: the Basics and Beyond for Treating Today's Sexual Issues. I was pretty exhausted from the day before with just a lot of useful information. This workshop provided me with guidelines of how to navigate the minefield of family therapy for sexual addiction. There was a lengthy discussion about the criteria for sexual addiction (what it is and how we clarify it which was very interesting. She gave us an assessment tool that appeared to be very helpful. The hard part for me is when I began to gain a better understanding of the computer pornography industry and its impact on individuals, youth, and families. We were given demonstrations on particular iPhone Apps and it revealed an even darker side of this world than I am used to. Don't get me wrong I know it's there...but I do not participate in it nor do I research it myself to better understand a client's frame of mind. (For me that is too dangerous and I am wired in such a way that potentially exploring such things is not beneficial at all). So to say the least this was disturbing and very hard for me to sit through. Plus my paranoia began to work, but luckily God is so good helped me to see that His grace is enough and trusting in Him and His plan is ultimately the best way to think about and understand such behavior in our world. This understanding helps me to better relate with those close to me and not to distrust or be suspicious of things going on.
She utilized art therapy to show how spouses experienced the betrayal and how the client also felt their experience of the addiction (such shame & darkness). The impact on the family was heart-wrenching. Difficult therapeutic situations were presented and these are regular everyday people...we all fall but WOW these people fall the hardest I do believe regardless of their pasts that brought them to this desperate place of using sex or pornography to numb, to gradify, and to escape.
Towards the end we were facilitating the couple disclosure process and lastly appropriate interventions for children (of most interest to me) along with receiving resources for treatment of sexual addiction. I am a resource person because I am a generalist in where I do therapy and how I have to do therapy in a small town. My supervisor is priceless to me and invaluable.
Future: So looking to the future I began jotting down ideas for a workshop to do covering How to Help & Protect your Children to Develop a Health Sexuality. There are a lot of resources for helping parents to protect their children from online predators but the discussion for developing a health sexuality is not as prevalent. Below are a few links I am currently reading and may utilize some of their information for my own workshop.
Teaching Children Healthy Sexuality: Focus on the Family
Resources for Healthy Sexuality: The Penners
Teaching Children Healthy Sexuality: How to Start Early by Ron Jackson
Healthy Sexuality Development
In the Thursday morning workshop: Understanding the Medical Factors Behind Couple’s Sexual Problems (by Jean D. Koehler, PhD, LMFT, AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, Therapist and Supervisor, Asst. Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, University of Louisville Medical School), common medical causes were discussed along with treatments of sexual dysfunction, making referrals, and opportunities for further training. I was quite pleased to find that with working in a hospital PRN I had picked up enough terminology and medical language that I could understand most of the terms and surgical procedures that were presented. She discussed a lot about the effects of such procedures on a couple's sex life & the impact on their own differing desires). It was interesting to learn more about the impact of "free" testosterone (definition & amounts) in the human body and how this hormone impacts the regulation of sexual desire and arousal. I'd have to review my notes but most interesting to me was the effect after some cancer treatments. I would definitely like to look more into this subject to better understand how patient are being educated on how medical procedures may impact their marital relationships. I think men and women should be equipped with this information.
The Thursday afternoon workshop: Resolving Desire Differences by Jean A. Campbell, LMFT. Jean blended solution-focused techniques with a holistic approach of David Schnarch to help us as therapists to guide our clients out of toxic sexual interactions stemming from desire differences. Again I would need to revisit my notes on this but found that I agreed a lot with the emphasis on differentiation and how ultimately part of work may be in helping a spouse or both spouses to understand that their partner does not fully "complete" you and that the problem does not all lie in that other person's plate. Acknowledging and owning your own stuff and what you are yearning or desiring for that other person is your "stuff" and not theirs. It is your expectation and although you desire to be completely safe with that person...other things and desires get in the way and this is a lot of misinterpretation and miscommunication. (I may scan my notes here if I think about it - a lot to think about on this one). But I do see this one a lot in counseling.
Thursday late afternoon, evening was: The Ethics Behind Working With Sexually Related Issues by Stefanie Carnes, PhD. Although I was completely exhausted this provided an opportunity to learn what Federal Guidelines there are for reporting and working with someone possibly struggling viewing child pornography or other illegal actions of a sexual nature. She provided various role plays for us as therapist to do with our "clients" (our colleagues) and it helped to take out the shock value of such discoveries. It was good for me to talk through as a therapist b/c often times you don't know what issues may really be occurring with this person in front of you and they are only telling you one piece of information at a time. There for differing views in the room pertaining to the reporting aspect of this subject which honestly was nice to see since I was struggling with what I would do in certain circumstances.
All day Friday was Stefanie Carnes again with: the Basics and Beyond for Treating Today's Sexual Issues. I was pretty exhausted from the day before with just a lot of useful information. This workshop provided me with guidelines of how to navigate the minefield of family therapy for sexual addiction. There was a lengthy discussion about the criteria for sexual addiction (what it is and how we clarify it which was very interesting. She gave us an assessment tool that appeared to be very helpful. The hard part for me is when I began to gain a better understanding of the computer pornography industry and its impact on individuals, youth, and families. We were given demonstrations on particular iPhone Apps and it revealed an even darker side of this world than I am used to. Don't get me wrong I know it's there...but I do not participate in it nor do I research it myself to better understand a client's frame of mind. (For me that is too dangerous and I am wired in such a way that potentially exploring such things is not beneficial at all). So to say the least this was disturbing and very hard for me to sit through. Plus my paranoia began to work, but luckily God is so good helped me to see that His grace is enough and trusting in Him and His plan is ultimately the best way to think about and understand such behavior in our world. This understanding helps me to better relate with those close to me and not to distrust or be suspicious of things going on.
She utilized art therapy to show how spouses experienced the betrayal and how the client also felt their experience of the addiction (such shame & darkness). The impact on the family was heart-wrenching. Difficult therapeutic situations were presented and these are regular everyday people...we all fall but WOW these people fall the hardest I do believe regardless of their pasts that brought them to this desperate place of using sex or pornography to numb, to gradify, and to escape.
Towards the end we were facilitating the couple disclosure process and lastly appropriate interventions for children (of most interest to me) along with receiving resources for treatment of sexual addiction. I am a resource person because I am a generalist in where I do therapy and how I have to do therapy in a small town. My supervisor is priceless to me and invaluable.
Future: So looking to the future I began jotting down ideas for a workshop to do covering How to Help & Protect your Children to Develop a Health Sexuality. There are a lot of resources for helping parents to protect their children from online predators but the discussion for developing a health sexuality is not as prevalent. Below are a few links I am currently reading and may utilize some of their information for my own workshop.
Teaching Children Healthy Sexuality: Focus on the Family
Resources for Healthy Sexuality: The Penners
Teaching Children Healthy Sexuality: How to Start Early by Ron Jackson
Healthy Sexuality Development
20 miles...knee...outloud
This 20 mile run was unique in itself. Stacy was with me for the first 11-12 miles and wow the first 10 miles flew by! It was great just talking about anything and everything but for me also processing the conference I was at this past Thursday & Friday (more on that later).
Once Stacy and I split I found myself running the next 2-3 miles at 8:30-9:00 minute pace which is fast and too fast for the middle of a long training run; thus knee pain hit me like a brick wall around miles 14-15. It was painful so I slowed down and then realized that this knee pain may also be connected to how I allow oxygen to come into my body (a.k.a. talking outloud might help). But more importantly I felt God saying..."turn the music off and talk to me about what is on your mind." I had noticed that when running with Stacy and talking that my knee pain doesn't show up and more importantly the time went by faster so I decided to try it and ended up praying outloud with my Lord for the rest of the run (over an hour and half).
It was the most calming thing I think I have ever done running. I had to slow down and I had to face some of my thoughts while more importantly praising Him and praying for others. I also ended up going a slightly different route to add on miles and found myself completely by myself in the middle of not much. God was calling me to Him and I finally got it. I prayed for Mark in more ways than I have before and found peace knowing that by the end of this run, God knew my fears in a way that I had not expressed before, He knew my joys and hopes for Mark and He & I knew where I stand with Ian and motherhood.
The conversation defined a lot for me and at one point I just stopped talking and started listening. Of course my mind kept wanting to tell me TALK so your knee won't hurt but I went in and out and listened. The song, "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path" kept going through my mind. I even sang at one point -- RUNNING!
Moral of this story...stop and take time to listen and to speak outloud to God even when you are moving. It made all the difference and wouldn't you know...my knee pain went away almost instantaneously! I laughed, God you're so funny.
The conversation brought new meaning to running and to putting Christ first. What a revelation to me.
Once Stacy and I split I found myself running the next 2-3 miles at 8:30-9:00 minute pace which is fast and too fast for the middle of a long training run; thus knee pain hit me like a brick wall around miles 14-15. It was painful so I slowed down and then realized that this knee pain may also be connected to how I allow oxygen to come into my body (a.k.a. talking outloud might help). But more importantly I felt God saying..."turn the music off and talk to me about what is on your mind." I had noticed that when running with Stacy and talking that my knee pain doesn't show up and more importantly the time went by faster so I decided to try it and ended up praying outloud with my Lord for the rest of the run (over an hour and half).
And no this photo is not me. It is to symbolize what it was like running alone, just the sound of my feet on the pavement and my heart in a conversation with God.
It was the most calming thing I think I have ever done running. I had to slow down and I had to face some of my thoughts while more importantly praising Him and praying for others. I also ended up going a slightly different route to add on miles and found myself completely by myself in the middle of not much. God was calling me to Him and I finally got it. I prayed for Mark in more ways than I have before and found peace knowing that by the end of this run, God knew my fears in a way that I had not expressed before, He knew my joys and hopes for Mark and He & I knew where I stand with Ian and motherhood.
The conversation defined a lot for me and at one point I just stopped talking and started listening. Of course my mind kept wanting to tell me TALK so your knee won't hurt but I went in and out and listened. The song, "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path" kept going through my mind. I even sang at one point -- RUNNING!
Moral of this story...stop and take time to listen and to speak outloud to God even when you are moving. It made all the difference and wouldn't you know...my knee pain went away almost instantaneously! I laughed, God you're so funny.
The conversation brought new meaning to running and to putting Christ first. What a revelation to me.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Morning Run
This morning I tore myself out of bed - yes tore. The sheets could barely come off of me as I thought about a) sleep, b) everything that awaited me at the hospital, & c) what I would feel like if I ran or if I didn't run. I opted to run.
As I began thinking, "hmm...maybe just 4 miles" I geared up to get in my rhythm and gradually I began to think...about EVERYTHING. Here are some various thoughts that i zoned out with:
* projects for Crop for Kicks with Candy
- Christmas card squares-all years
- Ian's pages (some important ones)
- "past" pictures & stories
* clients...
- various couples & their directions
- upcoming conference
- my point-of-view, God's point-of-view & their point-of-view
* plans for this weekend (20-miler, Mark's sermon, on-call)
* laundry needs
* how fast or slow to go on this run
* most importantly: how to move to obedience when tempted to fall
- yes a loaded thought but I pictured myself in a moment when I would & have felt overwhelmed to overeat or to overindulge in items that are not good for my mind or my body
- analyzed my motives & my methods
- humbled myself before God to be lifted up with His strength & not my own
- thought about conversations with clients about overcoming & conquering
PS - I ended up running 5 miles :) I love how thoughts just take you places. The extra energy helped me kick my day off and He was first in my thoughts.
As I began thinking, "hmm...maybe just 4 miles" I geared up to get in my rhythm and gradually I began to think...about EVERYTHING. Here are some various thoughts that i zoned out with:
* projects for Crop for Kicks with Candy
- Christmas card squares-all years
- Ian's pages (some important ones)
- "past" pictures & stories
* clients...
- various couples & their directions
- upcoming conference
- my point-of-view, God's point-of-view & their point-of-view
* plans for this weekend (20-miler, Mark's sermon, on-call)
* laundry needs
* how fast or slow to go on this run
* most importantly: how to move to obedience when tempted to fall
- yes a loaded thought but I pictured myself in a moment when I would & have felt overwhelmed to overeat or to overindulge in items that are not good for my mind or my body
- analyzed my motives & my methods
- humbled myself before God to be lifted up with His strength & not my own
- thought about conversations with clients about overcoming & conquering
PS - I ended up running 5 miles :) I love how thoughts just take you places. The extra energy helped me kick my day off and He was first in my thoughts.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
CCJ Oasis: Staying in Love
Is it possible for two people to fall in love and actually stay there? Absolutely! During our Oasis time on Sunday nights we are doing this four-session video group study on making the most of your marriage with pastor & author Andy Stanley.
If you are unable to meet with us or have missed a group session, catch-up below & download the discussion questions. We'd love to have you in our actual group session - plus you get to connect with other couples who are working to "make it" in our marriage relationships.
If you are unable to meet with us or have missed a group session, catch-up below & download the discussion questions. We'd love to have you in our actual group session - plus you get to connect with other couples who are working to "make it" in our marriage relationships.
Sunday, February 27th is scheduled as a Guided DATE NIGHT for couples to do to make Love a Verb - each couple individually goes out on their own date night.
February 13th - The Juno Dilemma
February 20th - Re-Modeling
February 27th - Guided DATE NIGHT: MarriedLife (WE Marriage) PDF
March 6th - Feelin' It
March 13th - Multiple-Choice Marriage
Saturday, February 19, 2011
18 miles...
In keeping with my resolve, I did my training run today out of trust in God (for my knee pain) and knowing that it would RESET me (since it is my RESET button), and because I knew a friend and coworker would be helping me out with the last half or so.
It was amazing! It was a little rough as I wined up and down some of the initial neighborhoods around 6am just to get some extra mileage around the Jasper HS area and then went around one neighborhood (Poplar St) like 3 times to get myself to 3-4 miles before doing the longer stretch on St. Charles St. to the middle and beyond.
When doing long runs you have to take the run in segments (especially mentally) or it gets super intimidating and down right depression sometimes. I wore my mask this morning (it was 33-35 degrees) and I can't stand breathing in cold air. I was in awe at the full moon practically right in front of me most of the time and then as I watched the sun rise (pretty spectacular). I noticed a house that is like a barn in one of the neighborhoods - never saw that before. Adam, a friend came rushing by a couple of times in shorts & with a football jersey as his outer wear (crazy!).
I did waters/powerade stops & GU's and by the time mile 9 was coming up...my knee began hurting and I trusted in God. Knowing that if I couldn't finish the long run that somehow it would be ok and that I would simply go slower this next mile until I got to the house to refuel and to "pick up" with Stacy.
So we began mile 10 and the knee pain was still there but as we spoke (which I found came pretty easy once my breathing was back in rhythm) the pain quietly disappeared...and I found myself wanting to go faster, in fact going faster and conversing! I forgot what that was like since I am a solo runner usually. It was awesome! We ran from 13th-15th, on the Riverwalk, Clay to Division to Sunshine to 5th to Kluemper to 2nd through some neighborhoods. So the last 8 miles was full of conversation, stories, background discussion and just enjoying one another's company and the blessings God has given to both of us. She runs ultras...yes ultras - ya know the crazy people who do 50+ miles!!!
But it was lovely, and made to realize how I am not to go this journey alone. I am ultimately responsible for my own motivation but we are to live in community - both in our spiritual walks and in our physical endeavors. I learned a good lesson and was truly, truly blessed. Thanks Stacy!
It was amazing! It was a little rough as I wined up and down some of the initial neighborhoods around 6am just to get some extra mileage around the Jasper HS area and then went around one neighborhood (Poplar St) like 3 times to get myself to 3-4 miles before doing the longer stretch on St. Charles St. to the middle and beyond.
When doing long runs you have to take the run in segments (especially mentally) or it gets super intimidating and down right depression sometimes. I wore my mask this morning (it was 33-35 degrees) and I can't stand breathing in cold air. I was in awe at the full moon practically right in front of me most of the time and then as I watched the sun rise (pretty spectacular). I noticed a house that is like a barn in one of the neighborhoods - never saw that before. Adam, a friend came rushing by a couple of times in shorts & with a football jersey as his outer wear (crazy!).
I did waters/powerade stops & GU's and by the time mile 9 was coming up...my knee began hurting and I trusted in God. Knowing that if I couldn't finish the long run that somehow it would be ok and that I would simply go slower this next mile until I got to the house to refuel and to "pick up" with Stacy.
So we began mile 10 and the knee pain was still there but as we spoke (which I found came pretty easy once my breathing was back in rhythm) the pain quietly disappeared...and I found myself wanting to go faster, in fact going faster and conversing! I forgot what that was like since I am a solo runner usually. It was awesome! We ran from 13th-15th, on the Riverwalk, Clay to Division to Sunshine to 5th to Kluemper to 2nd through some neighborhoods. So the last 8 miles was full of conversation, stories, background discussion and just enjoying one another's company and the blessings God has given to both of us. She runs ultras...yes ultras - ya know the crazy people who do 50+ miles!!!
But it was lovely, and made to realize how I am not to go this journey alone. I am ultimately responsible for my own motivation but we are to live in community - both in our spiritual walks and in our physical endeavors. I learned a good lesson and was truly, truly blessed. Thanks Stacy!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Keeping the Resolve...
I'm in the middle of this marathon training and I must say...I'm losing some of my mojo and motivation for running and training. It may sound weird but as the weather gets warmer...I'm not wanting to run as much. It was almost easier to tell myself to push through the cold (teens, 20s, 30s) and snow rather than sitting at home or in bed.
But as it becomes warmer, my mindset is changing. It is kind of disappointing to me. It also could be the pain in my knee that has developed. It makes me think...maybe my focus is off, maybe I'm doing too much of this for me and not enough for God. Is this a selfish goal? Is it more satisfying than my relationship with God? Do I need to tone back and focus more on what He wants me to do? Is running part of it?
Yes, I'm thinking to much but it's part of how I am wired. I am wired to be aware of my relationship with God, to be aware of how my body feels and functions, the be aware of my thoughts (positive and negative and meaningful), and I am aware of how my routine affects my family and my ministry. I'm wired to be aware.
So I'm trying to keep my resolve...to break through pain without neglecting my body and not being wise. I'm hoping and praying to continue to run for this marathon but also to tone back and to consider what other things God desires me to think about and to do. Keeping my resolve, intending on continuing, knowing God is with me and hoping perseverence and consistency will be rewarded.
But as it becomes warmer, my mindset is changing. It is kind of disappointing to me. It also could be the pain in my knee that has developed. It makes me think...maybe my focus is off, maybe I'm doing too much of this for me and not enough for God. Is this a selfish goal? Is it more satisfying than my relationship with God? Do I need to tone back and focus more on what He wants me to do? Is running part of it?
Yes, I'm thinking to much but it's part of how I am wired. I am wired to be aware of my relationship with God, to be aware of how my body feels and functions, the be aware of my thoughts (positive and negative and meaningful), and I am aware of how my routine affects my family and my ministry. I'm wired to be aware.
So I'm trying to keep my resolve...to break through pain without neglecting my body and not being wise. I'm hoping and praying to continue to run for this marathon but also to tone back and to consider what other things God desires me to think about and to do. Keeping my resolve, intending on continuing, knowing God is with me and hoping perseverence and consistency will be rewarded.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
My Response is my Responsibility
My Response is My Responsibility
I go back to this video for premarital couples again and again, and for Mark & I.
This is part of the premarital couples' date night for the topic "communication" which is right before the conflict resolution session so it helps to soften hearts.
I go back to this video for premarital couples again and again, and for Mark & I.
This is part of the premarital couples' date night for the topic "communication" which is right before the conflict resolution session so it helps to soften hearts.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Chica Bands Giveaway @ Momma Are We There Yet? Blog
Momma Are We There Yet?: Chica Bands: "(photo from Runner's World) I have searched long and hard for headbands. I used to have different bands for everyday wear, working out, com..."
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Spring 2011 Training Schedule
Here is my Spring 2011 Training Schedule I am currently following. For the most part I am doing pretty well with it. I sometimes struggle on Tuesdays after getting up so early Mondays and working a full day at the hospital. Tuesday morning run is so hard to do. Otherwise this is a compiled training for a tri and for a marathon - actually a marathon that would beat 4 hours .
* cycling = bike training in our basement or a spinning class
** "bp" = body pump class (weight lifting)
*** "stretching" = pilates/yoga class
**** swim/# = the miles I need to run on that day if I am not swimming
Follow along if you would like or take bits and pieces from it. I learned from Mark but this is the first full schedule that I have organized by myself and for myself so I'm pretty happy. :) Happy training!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Nutritional Information - Training
Written on Go! St. Louis website - I need to concentrate on this - ENJOY!
Nutrition is a very important part of training. Proper food and fluids not only provide energy for an athlete to achieve his/her daily fitness goals, but also helps in muscle recovery after your workout. Clint Verran, a licensed physical therapist – specializing in running-related injuries; a personal running coach; and one of America’s premier runners – is a big believer in the power of nutrition. Here, he provides some nutrition tips for adults participating in the GO! St. Louis Family Fitness Weekend.
Daily Nutrition : The goal of your daily nutrition should be to adequately fuel your exercise, promote recovery, and avoid fat storage. Eat often to help control portion size. Multiple, smaller meals are best rather than large meals which trigger fat storage.Eat a small snack right before you run and fuel up on some carbohydrates immediately after running. Plan snacks between meals. Exercise and a steady caloric intake during the day keep your metabolism hot. Plan your eating around your activity. Monitor carbs. Eat carbs earlier in the day to fuel your exercise and daily activities. Limit mega doses of carbs in the evenings, unless you’re racing the next morning!
Race Week: Traditional carbo-loading techniques call for a 3-4 day "depletion" phase, where runners completely avoid any and all carbohydrates. The theory is that by starving yourself of carbohydrates, you make your muscles carbohydrate receptors hyper-sensitive to carbs. Then, when you reintroduce carbs, you load your muscles with more than they could normally absorb.
The problem with this method is that you expose yourself to a high risk of illness. Your immune system runs on carbs. The last thing you want is to get sick the week before your big race. INSTEAD, try a very subtle reduction in carb intake for a few days, early in the week. A small reduction should be fine because you are already tapering your training at this point. Then, the last three days before the race, get in as many high-quality carbs as you can.
During the Week: The marathon is the only distance where calories are required during the race. 10Ks and half marathons can easily be run on the body’s own glycogen stores. During the marathon, the best way to take in calories is to drink them. DO NOT pass up a sports-drink station. Sports drinks solve two problems: hydration and calories. Plain water is better than nothing, but you are missing a great opportunity to fuel your muscles. Carbo-gels or Energy Gels can satisfy thisn need if sports drinks are infrequent. You need to practice taking these gels during training. Take the gel with a couple big gulps of water. If you choose the gel route, try taking three. One gel at 6 miles, 12, and 18. Getting them in on the early side will be more beneficial than waiting until the end of the race. Look for caffeinated gels for later in the race. The caffeine will help keep you mentally focused when you really need it.
Post-Run Recovery: The most important thing to remember when it comes to recovery nutrition is TIMING. Immediately after exercise, your muscles crave carbohydrates. If you can consume carbs within 45 minutes or so after a cardiovascular workout, your body will do a much better job of storing the carbohydrates as muscle glycogen as opposed to turning it into fat. This muscle glycogen will come in very handy for your next run! TIP: Try to take in AT LEAST 500 calories of carbohydrates (grains, cereal, fruits, energy bars) within 30 minutes following a run. The longer you wait, the more of this wonderful effect is lost. Change into some dry clothes, EAT, then get that shower!
Important Habits
The most important habits you can have to live a long and healthy life are:
yes 1.Exercise and move your body every day.
yes 2.Always use your seat belts.
oops 3.Drink water - your body is 70% water.
sort of 4.Eat a good breakfast every day.
sort of 5.Eat a lot of fruits and vegetables.
sort of 6.Limit fat, salt, caffeine, and sugar in your food.
try to 7.Sleep 7 to 8 hours every night.
yes 8.Spend time with friends and laugh a lot!
Life with Lyme...= LIFE Renewed
As I read this young woman's blog post - I found myself asking that question she asks "do I have a problem with not getting my way?"......... That is a hard, revealing question and it leads to yes I am selfish and wow this post hit me b/c I could be her. She speaks of long-distance running and then not being able to do it.
So, I found out about 6 weeks ago that I have Lyme disease. And for me, that was great news! After over three months of doctor visits and blood tests and weight checks and pain killers and no answers as to what was wrong with me, I was thrilled to find out that I didn’t have something more debilitating like an autoimmune disorder, which does run in my family. Let’s just say that through the experiences with all the doctors (some much better than others), learning what it’s like to be sick for an extended period of time, and trying to take care of each other above ourselves through it all…I learned a lot. (Randall probably learned his own stuff, too, but I don’t want to speak for him).
I learned not to take my energy for granted. Not to take my health for granted. As a person accustomed to long-distance running, it was a huge blow to not even have the energy to do laundry. I would literally wake up, go to work, come home and sleep. Randall would cook, do laundry, and put me to bed. It sucked. I was tired and cranky and moody all the time. Who wants to feel that crappy especially when you have no idea why you feel crappy to begin with?
I’ve gotten back up to maybe a mile and a half at this point, which compared to how I used to run, is like a power-walk through the mall. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. Even though I am still recovering, still looking to be able to do everything that I once could, I am so grateful to our Father and Redeemer who has renewed me. My spirit and my body are being renewed. It has been a painful process at points, for sure. And, through this process, I’ve had to come face to face with a big hiccup for me – not being able to do what I want to do.
As a write those words, I’m afraid to even publish this blog post. Do I want to admit that I have a problem sometimes with not getting my way? No, I don’t. But, I think that might be the biggest thing that God forced me to learn through all of this. Life isn’t about doing it your way, or getting your way, or doing what you want to do. God can and will take control when we drop the ball. I’m afraid to say that I did drop the ball in some ways. I hope that I am finally freed from the throes of the Lyme disease, but more than that, I hope that this learning experience sticks with me and forces some permanent changes in my life. I hope that in 4 months, or whenever this Lyme disease fully gets out of my system, I will look back and be grateful that I was sick. If that’s what it takes for me to finally get it, that LIFE, Life in Christ, is truly greater than me and my whims, then I’ll take it. And, if you read this, and you see me being princess-y, unnecessarily, just remind me of Lenny, as my mom likes to call him…Lenny the Lyme….
Life with Lyme = LIFE Renewed
So, I found out about 6 weeks ago that I have Lyme disease. And for me, that was great news! After over three months of doctor visits and blood tests and weight checks and pain killers and no answers as to what was wrong with me, I was thrilled to find out that I didn’t have something more debilitating like an autoimmune disorder, which does run in my family. Let’s just say that through the experiences with all the doctors (some much better than others), learning what it’s like to be sick for an extended period of time, and trying to take care of each other above ourselves through it all…I learned a lot. (Randall probably learned his own stuff, too, but I don’t want to speak for him).
I learned not to take my energy for granted. Not to take my health for granted. As a person accustomed to long-distance running, it was a huge blow to not even have the energy to do laundry. I would literally wake up, go to work, come home and sleep. Randall would cook, do laundry, and put me to bed. It sucked. I was tired and cranky and moody all the time. Who wants to feel that crappy especially when you have no idea why you feel crappy to begin with?
I’ve gotten back up to maybe a mile and a half at this point, which compared to how I used to run, is like a power-walk through the mall. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. Even though I am still recovering, still looking to be able to do everything that I once could, I am so grateful to our Father and Redeemer who has renewed me. My spirit and my body are being renewed. It has been a painful process at points, for sure. And, through this process, I’ve had to come face to face with a big hiccup for me – not being able to do what I want to do.
As a write those words, I’m afraid to even publish this blog post. Do I want to admit that I have a problem sometimes with not getting my way? No, I don’t. But, I think that might be the biggest thing that God forced me to learn through all of this. Life isn’t about doing it your way, or getting your way, or doing what you want to do. God can and will take control when we drop the ball. I’m afraid to say that I did drop the ball in some ways. I hope that I am finally freed from the throes of the Lyme disease, but more than that, I hope that this learning experience sticks with me and forces some permanent changes in my life. I hope that in 4 months, or whenever this Lyme disease fully gets out of my system, I will look back and be grateful that I was sick. If that’s what it takes for me to finally get it, that LIFE, Life in Christ, is truly greater than me and my whims, then I’ll take it. And, if you read this, and you see me being princess-y, unnecessarily, just remind me of Lenny, as my mom likes to call him…Lenny the Lyme….
Life with Lyme = LIFE Renewed
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
A More Comfortable Ride - Tri Training
From IRONGIRL email newsletter...
I've been off my bike for a few months (oh do I enjoy the off season and the holidays) and I dread getting back in the saddle. For the simple reason; it hurts and it takes a while for the ride to get comfortable. Here are a few tips for a more comfortable ride:
a)Seat - your seat is so important to your comfort. They make women specific seats so do a little research to find one. Ask at your local bike store to do a butt fit...sounds crazy and a little embarrassing because they actually measure your butt, but it will identify the perfect size seat for your frame.
b)Bike fit - it really does pay off to have a proper bike fit...not just once but throughout your time on your bike. New shoes - get re fitted, back hurts -get re fitted. This is not set it and forget it, this is a work in progress.
c)Padding - to pad or not to pad! For long rides it is necessary to find a good pair of bike shorts or pants that have a nice pad in them. You might feel like you are wearing a diaper when you are walking around but on the saddle it is all about comfort so you get in a good productive ride!
d)Chamois Cream - to lube or not to lube. I can honestly say I have never had saddle sores or chaffing issues but I do use a chamois cream for the moisture and comfort. There is no one size fits all on chamois cream either, but there is one specifically for women. The ingredients are anti- bacterial so less chance for infection and they have added ingredients for a moisturizing consistency (who wants wax on their girlie parts)....Hoo Ha Ride Glide...for women by women
If you visit www.reflectsports.com and use Irongirl15 at check out you will get a 15% discount...
I've been off my bike for a few months (oh do I enjoy the off season and the holidays) and I dread getting back in the saddle. For the simple reason; it hurts and it takes a while for the ride to get comfortable. Here are a few tips for a more comfortable ride:
a)Seat - your seat is so important to your comfort. They make women specific seats so do a little research to find one. Ask at your local bike store to do a butt fit...sounds crazy and a little embarrassing because they actually measure your butt, but it will identify the perfect size seat for your frame.
b)Bike fit - it really does pay off to have a proper bike fit...not just once but throughout your time on your bike. New shoes - get re fitted, back hurts -get re fitted. This is not set it and forget it, this is a work in progress.
c)Padding - to pad or not to pad! For long rides it is necessary to find a good pair of bike shorts or pants that have a nice pad in them. You might feel like you are wearing a diaper when you are walking around but on the saddle it is all about comfort so you get in a good productive ride!
d)Chamois Cream - to lube or not to lube. I can honestly say I have never had saddle sores or chaffing issues but I do use a chamois cream for the moisture and comfort. There is no one size fits all on chamois cream either, but there is one specifically for women. The ingredients are anti- bacterial so less chance for infection and they have added ingredients for a moisturizing consistency (who wants wax on their girlie parts)....Hoo Ha Ride Glide...for women by women
If you visit www.reflectsports.com and use Irongirl15 at check out you will get a 15% discount...
Monday, January 31, 2011
10 Design Blogs You Must Read
10 Design Blogs You Must Read
Yes this is my past time...looking at design blogs or surfing Etsy.com.
Yes this is my past time...looking at design blogs or surfing Etsy.com.
Learning to Love, Live & be more of myself...
Ali Edward's Mini Poster "Today. It is ok. Embrace imperfection. Go with the flow. Find your voice. Tell your story. Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be. I am a LIFE ARTIST. Play." An unforeseen day...had work days switched so today was unpredictable...endless possibilities...
It's truly a process...this morning I woke up to swim and struggled but did it and did not know what the rest of today held. But I found myself in a great conversation with a dear friend over breakfast after waking up my little man from his sleep with a happy smile and giggles.
This season especially today was lovely...just l-o-v-e-l-y and I want to cherish it. In this moment as I sit here at this dear friend's home I am listening to the moving Christian music in the background on the surround sound and just taking some time for myself while she is hard at work with her daily work. I'm calm...I'm "with it" and it's refreshing. It's such a blessing to be able to "invade" someone else's life for a few hours to see how they live, where they live and what they do. It takes me out of my life a little to see the bigger picture and to see how others' lives (our triumphs and struggles) and how we are really ALL THE SAME.
We struggle and we don't want to ask for help and try to figure it out ourselves. Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we give up. We all have different gifts that help others out. How many times do I sit on my hands demanding it be done MY way without asking for help?? Grrr....
This is just lovely...
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Vulnerability
Speaking of vulnerability, all of this reading about shame and its effects and how vulnerability (willingness to express it and/or not express it or access it), has brought me to now.
Over the past several days I have been pondering...where am I "closed" to people and where am I "open". So being a person of authenticity (striving to do so) I am figuring out who and with whom I am more authentic and with whom I go into counseling mode (which is a bit different) and/or life mode (which is basic conversation). In a profession where "objectivity" is touted as the ultimate need...for a professional, although very hard to attain - I am presented with a dilemma. How much of myself do I allow in a room with being present with someone in their pain? All of myself? Some of myself? All & some together or none of myself if it is terribly traumatic? How much do I allow in a simple public setting where people might be watching (or not)?
There are those people who I "let my guard" down with whom I trust and can assume and have been shown to be trustworthy and "get me". There are those who I can be fun with and joke around with but am unsure still about those deep issues or discussions that roll around in my head on a daily basis. There are those I have issues in common with (food issues - mind you vulnerability here) and there are those who I have no common issue with one bit and yet discuss life with.
We all have "inner circles" at least it is a belief of mine that it is healthy to do so. Jesus had an inner circle of those He trusted. And then a family circle - those I consider family but might not fully disclose to depending on their personality and then there is a "friend" circle - I call you "friend" but we might not have time or have invested in a deep friendship together. And then there are acquaintances - a very large group that I interact with a good bit but without that deep meaning that is part of my heart. We are a church of close to a 1,000 people now and I find most of my relationships in the congregation to be acquaintances (good ones) but still that is the level. Which is where I'm finding it is the hard part for me with vulnerability and facebook.
Many of my facebook friends are simply acquaintances. "I like you, you like me, we have Christ and that is our commonality." There are friends, "I hang out with you, you with me and we read and discuss items, we're friends." Those even closer - "I make time out of my day for you, you check up on me and we 'do life' together and share our lives together." Those who are closest: "you challenge me, you call me on 'my stuff' when I'm letting it get in the way again of thriving...you care and you allow me to be vulnerable and I trust you completely - you follow-up." We all have those opportunities for these close friendship (for me sisterships) but often we don't allow ourselves to be vulnerable and simply shut people out. My problem at times & more recently, I begin to mix everything up and place my closest friends into regular friends and aquaintances and shut them out - I close off as one friend told me. And I do.
It's a way to separate myself to help me see where I am at and how much of myself I can give, am willing to give and would like to give. Ultimately I wish I had enough for everything and everyone but I'm not God and don't desire to be. Vulnerability...how much am I willing to let out? How much am I able to share? Will you listen? Will you care? Will this mean anything to you if you would know I or someone else was struggling? Could you give? We all face it, we just don't talk about it too much b/c it might be uncomfortable or make us talk about those issues we'd rather keep hidden. Those things that we feel shame towards or do not know how to express. Yes this is me, deep me and I'm ok with it. I have the stability of instability and realize that is why I do therapy...how else will I get it? LOL *sigh*
Over the past several days I have been pondering...where am I "closed" to people and where am I "open". So being a person of authenticity (striving to do so) I am figuring out who and with whom I am more authentic and with whom I go into counseling mode (which is a bit different) and/or life mode (which is basic conversation). In a profession where "objectivity" is touted as the ultimate need...for a professional, although very hard to attain - I am presented with a dilemma. How much of myself do I allow in a room with being present with someone in their pain? All of myself? Some of myself? All & some together or none of myself if it is terribly traumatic? How much do I allow in a simple public setting where people might be watching (or not)?
There are those people who I "let my guard" down with whom I trust and can assume and have been shown to be trustworthy and "get me". There are those who I can be fun with and joke around with but am unsure still about those deep issues or discussions that roll around in my head on a daily basis. There are those I have issues in common with (food issues - mind you vulnerability here) and there are those who I have no common issue with one bit and yet discuss life with.
We all have "inner circles" at least it is a belief of mine that it is healthy to do so. Jesus had an inner circle of those He trusted. And then a family circle - those I consider family but might not fully disclose to depending on their personality and then there is a "friend" circle - I call you "friend" but we might not have time or have invested in a deep friendship together. And then there are acquaintances - a very large group that I interact with a good bit but without that deep meaning that is part of my heart. We are a church of close to a 1,000 people now and I find most of my relationships in the congregation to be acquaintances (good ones) but still that is the level. Which is where I'm finding it is the hard part for me with vulnerability and facebook.
Many of my facebook friends are simply acquaintances. "I like you, you like me, we have Christ and that is our commonality." There are friends, "I hang out with you, you with me and we read and discuss items, we're friends." Those even closer - "I make time out of my day for you, you check up on me and we 'do life' together and share our lives together." Those who are closest: "you challenge me, you call me on 'my stuff' when I'm letting it get in the way again of thriving...you care and you allow me to be vulnerable and I trust you completely - you follow-up." We all have those opportunities for these close friendship (for me sisterships) but often we don't allow ourselves to be vulnerable and simply shut people out. My problem at times & more recently, I begin to mix everything up and place my closest friends into regular friends and aquaintances and shut them out - I close off as one friend told me. And I do.
It's a way to separate myself to help me see where I am at and how much of myself I can give, am willing to give and would like to give. Ultimately I wish I had enough for everything and everyone but I'm not God and don't desire to be. Vulnerability...how much am I willing to let out? How much am I able to share? Will you listen? Will you care? Will this mean anything to you if you would know I or someone else was struggling? Could you give? We all face it, we just don't talk about it too much b/c it might be uncomfortable or make us talk about those issues we'd rather keep hidden. Those things that we feel shame towards or do not know how to express. Yes this is me, deep me and I'm ok with it. I have the stability of instability and realize that is why I do therapy...how else will I get it? LOL *sigh*
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability | Video on TED.com
I'm beginning to really enjoying reading her words & watching her talks...
Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability | Video on TED.com
I guess Tao said this - not a follower of his but enjoyed the different perspective.
"To be whole, let yourself break.
To be straight, let yourself bend.
To be full, let yourself be empty.
To be new, let yourself wear out.
To have everything, give everything up.
Knowing others is a kind of knowledge;
knowing yourself is wisdom.
Conquering others requires strength;
conquering yourself is true power.
To realize that you have enough is true wealth.
Pushing ahead may succeed,
but staying put brings endurance.
Die without perishing, and find the eternal.
To know that you do not know is strength.
Not knowing that you do not know is a sickness.
The cure begins with the recognition of the sickness.
Knowing what is permanent: enlightenment.
Not knowing what is permanent: disaster.
Knowing what is permanent opens the mind.
Open mind, open heart.
Open heart, magnanimity."
Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability | Video on TED.com
I guess Tao said this - not a follower of his but enjoyed the different perspective.
"To be whole, let yourself break.
To be straight, let yourself bend.
To be full, let yourself be empty.
To be new, let yourself wear out.
To have everything, give everything up.
Knowing others is a kind of knowledge;
knowing yourself is wisdom.
Conquering others requires strength;
conquering yourself is true power.
To realize that you have enough is true wealth.
Pushing ahead may succeed,
but staying put brings endurance.
Die without perishing, and find the eternal.
To know that you do not know is strength.
Not knowing that you do not know is a sickness.
The cure begins with the recognition of the sickness.
Knowing what is permanent: enlightenment.
Not knowing what is permanent: disaster.
Knowing what is permanent opens the mind.
Open mind, open heart.
Open heart, magnanimity."
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Get Your Paint On
After yesterday's post I realize that after running a long run (just accomplished 13.1 miles on a treadmill! - never done that before), everything just seems brighter and more possibilities are at hand for me. Just an observation.
I came across this ecourse class and it is something that would definitely go on my bucket list. Painting...always wanted to do it just never have taken the time or have seen the ambition for it.
However, training for a marathon now pretty well takes up any free time that would be put into such a creative 'venture. Would love to do it in the future!
I came across this ecourse class and it is something that would definitely go on my bucket list. Painting...always wanted to do it just never have taken the time or have seen the ambition for it.
However, training for a marathon now pretty well takes up any free time that would be put into such a creative 'venture. Would love to do it in the future!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Just Some Thoughts
Today has been a weird day for me, kind of scattered. Slept extra long this morning (went to bed at 9:00pm and woke up different times but ended up "getting" up out of bed at 7:15am). Went to "bodyvive" which usually is simply pilates and stretching but today was almost like a dance class with music and moves.
Cleaned myself up quickly and changed and went directly to do errands before my 10:00am counseling appointment which was pretty intense and took a lot of thinking. Did various tasks between 11-12 and then had a nice session at 12. I wondered why I was so very hungry afterwards (hmmmm didn't have lunch yet) and wanted to eat everything in site.
Ended up working on Premarital Class - all workbooks done and various changes made. But feel a little frazzled and uncertain. Could b/c of a 10-13 mile run I am to do on Friday but with the impending snow I'm unsure if I'll get to do it while Ian is at childcare before I pick him up to head to Louisville for supervision. Mark will be in Louisville which I'm so excited about for him.
Wanting to get our basement area painted...don't think that will happen and want to spend time with friends. Maybe too many expectations, maybe just thinking too much or too little or trying to be too productive. I'm not sure but I don't feel right :S. Alas, just trying to figure out how to remain obedient. Today I really haven't taken time to be with God and no doubt that is part of it so while I'm driving and waiting and thinking, I think I'll discuss all of this with him.
Cleaned myself up quickly and changed and went directly to do errands before my 10:00am counseling appointment which was pretty intense and took a lot of thinking. Did various tasks between 11-12 and then had a nice session at 12. I wondered why I was so very hungry afterwards (hmmmm didn't have lunch yet) and wanted to eat everything in site.
Ended up working on Premarital Class - all workbooks done and various changes made. But feel a little frazzled and uncertain. Could b/c of a 10-13 mile run I am to do on Friday but with the impending snow I'm unsure if I'll get to do it while Ian is at childcare before I pick him up to head to Louisville for supervision. Mark will be in Louisville which I'm so excited about for him.
Wanting to get our basement area painted...don't think that will happen and want to spend time with friends. Maybe too many expectations, maybe just thinking too much or too little or trying to be too productive. I'm not sure but I don't feel right :S. Alas, just trying to figure out how to remain obedient. Today I really haven't taken time to be with God and no doubt that is part of it so while I'm driving and waiting and thinking, I think I'll discuss all of this with him.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Overcoming Fear
This morning I FINALLY did it. I got up at 4:35am to go swimming at 5:00am and out of faith that God would see me through. A) being in a bathing suit - never a strong suit for me, B) being intimidated by all these other swimmers who can actually "swim", C) trying to fit in and find a lane to swim in when people are "regulars" and probably like their particular lanes.
Well, it worked and Praise God I didn't drown and actually enjoyed this early morning swim. I didn't sleep much at all, in fact tossed and turned all night. But this morning as I got out of my card into the cold air and saw some of the sky and just listened to the sounds of the morning I thought, "hmmmm, yeah I could get used to this."
It was lovely.
Well, it worked and Praise God I didn't drown and actually enjoyed this early morning swim. I didn't sleep much at all, in fact tossed and turned all night. But this morning as I got out of my card into the cold air and saw some of the sky and just listened to the sounds of the morning I thought, "hmmmm, yeah I could get used to this."
It was lovely.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Mary/Martha & Paint
This afternoon & evening a story developed and the question arose, would I be a Mary or a Martha? (see Luke 10:38-41) I ended up painting some of our basement walls with a friend and then some exciting news came to her and she left. I stood there thinking..."hmmm I had not intended to really paint but now that I have begun I must finish". All the while thinking I would not be able to go our Sunday night class "Supernatural". As time passed by I got the primer up on the dark walls and realized the reality - either I was staying home and putting another coat on, putting up the paint color and staying up later than intending while missing this awesome class. Or I just needed to let go and leave it in God's hands that I would get back to it later on this week or when time became available. I chose the path of Mary by finishing up and making sure I was to class and I did not regret it. If you want to see what this class is about go to: www.lifechurch.tv/watch/supernatural. It's Worth it and I'm learning...when I choose Mary God works in my heart and life transforms.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
I Wore the Tights
10 miles @ 9:09-9:13 pace (I'll take it - just not the potential calf injury I might develop)
This morning at the time of 6:45 I went out to the brisk dark air to begin my run for 9-10 miles. I found myself wearing tights (without outer pants)...well I didn't just discover that I had them on or anything (that would be interesting) but rather it was an intentional choice.
I have never been a runner or athlete to wear such form-hugging sportwears. In fact, I am pretty self-conscious and always have been. However, as I ran in 2010 into the present, I finally gave up the need to hide my thighs by buying bigger & longer shorts. Unfortunately, the style of shorts I had always worn were no longer "in style" or sold by New Balance so I had to venture out into the running shorts made today for women. These shorts inevitably show your inner thighs (ever-so briefly) but nonetheless they show.
But today I wore the tights. The tights told a story of partial confidence & acceptance, not caring and running with intention and warmth. I wore the tights. The kind of tights that are so snug they show the shape of your butt. That part is the hardest for me, but I began to think 1) it's dark, 2) people out now are on a mission to get somewhere and don't care, 3) my yellow hat is way cooler, and 4) I'll be running with a good stride so you might not tell the shape :)
But alas, I wore the tights...symbolizing in some way a serious runner, an intentional woman, and independence from my critical voice in my head. I wore the tights.
This morning at the time of 6:45 I went out to the brisk dark air to begin my run for 9-10 miles. I found myself wearing tights (without outer pants)...well I didn't just discover that I had them on or anything (that would be interesting) but rather it was an intentional choice.
I have never been a runner or athlete to wear such form-hugging sportwears. In fact, I am pretty self-conscious and always have been. However, as I ran in 2010 into the present, I finally gave up the need to hide my thighs by buying bigger & longer shorts. Unfortunately, the style of shorts I had always worn were no longer "in style" or sold by New Balance so I had to venture out into the running shorts made today for women. These shorts inevitably show your inner thighs (ever-so briefly) but nonetheless they show.
But today I wore the tights. The tights told a story of partial confidence & acceptance, not caring and running with intention and warmth. I wore the tights. The kind of tights that are so snug they show the shape of your butt. That part is the hardest for me, but I began to think 1) it's dark, 2) people out now are on a mission to get somewhere and don't care, 3) my yellow hat is way cooler, and 4) I'll be running with a good stride so you might not tell the shape :)
But alas, I wore the tights...symbolizing in some way a serious runner, an intentional woman, and independence from my critical voice in my head. I wore the tights.
Friday, January 14, 2011
One Year Ago
One Year Ago at this time I was struggling and it was bad, very bad. I was sick most of January off and on but a 3-4 day consecutive stretch made me have to think about and reconcile what I wanted and where I was going. I was walking the path back into depression or my "darkness" and one day I ended up watching "Julie and Julia". A wonderful movie whereby the main character Julie is present day begins her own renewed journey of cooking through Julia Child's cookbook "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" and along the way she finds herself through blogging and through struggle. She gains confidence and begins to have her own voice.
I found it inspiring as I'm sure many others have and secretly began my own blog (www.allowingmyself.blogspot.com) with the premise that I needed to begin allowing myself to do certain things again and find joy in them. I was disinterested in most everything and felt a deep void. Usually this happens when I'm distant from God and that was part of it but it was also because I was distant from myself and my own voice. I wanted to rediscover this voice or as Kelly Rae has been saying on her blog find myself as my own "secret ingredient".
Throughout this past year I did receive the gumption and desire to pass the LMFT licensure exam to train again for not one but two half-marathons (Cincinnati Flying Pig & Tulsa Route 66)...strive to work more hours at the hospital, pursue client's stories in counseling and aspire to be consistent in my exercise & fitness (August through December "and beyond"). As a mother I was witnessed to a baby becoming a little boy or man, our toddler and listen to him as he begins his journy of language and repetition including expressing himself in fun ways (& not so fun ways).
I was witness to Mark pursuing his reading through the Bible and inspired by his perseverence to blog and continue going even through all the Old Testament names. I could see him change over the Summer and into the Fall.
I still aspire to do many things a year, in fact probably too many things so I am trying to be realistic while at the same time piling it on. God is the most important and I need to make sure to keep it that way. I want to be available to Mark and to Ian and also feel led to continue on in my own journey of fitness and pursuit of another marathon. But this time with cross-training and with better eating habits. My desire is to lose 10lbs over this next year (healthily) and to pursue more knowledge and practice with MFT (summer & fall) while decluttering our home to potentially down-size at some point. I'd love to craft and put creativity first but this isn't the time. I have energy, I have gumption and I'm ready to MOVE.
Are you ready to MOVE? If so, where with what or doing what or just being?
I found it inspiring as I'm sure many others have and secretly began my own blog (www.allowingmyself.blogspot.com) with the premise that I needed to begin allowing myself to do certain things again and find joy in them. I was disinterested in most everything and felt a deep void. Usually this happens when I'm distant from God and that was part of it but it was also because I was distant from myself and my own voice. I wanted to rediscover this voice or as Kelly Rae has been saying on her blog find myself as my own "secret ingredient".
Throughout this past year I did receive the gumption and desire to pass the LMFT licensure exam to train again for not one but two half-marathons (Cincinnati Flying Pig & Tulsa Route 66)...strive to work more hours at the hospital, pursue client's stories in counseling and aspire to be consistent in my exercise & fitness (August through December "and beyond"). As a mother I was witnessed to a baby becoming a little boy or man, our toddler and listen to him as he begins his journy of language and repetition including expressing himself in fun ways (& not so fun ways).
I was witness to Mark pursuing his reading through the Bible and inspired by his perseverence to blog and continue going even through all the Old Testament names. I could see him change over the Summer and into the Fall.
I still aspire to do many things a year, in fact probably too many things so I am trying to be realistic while at the same time piling it on. God is the most important and I need to make sure to keep it that way. I want to be available to Mark and to Ian and also feel led to continue on in my own journey of fitness and pursuit of another marathon. But this time with cross-training and with better eating habits. My desire is to lose 10lbs over this next year (healthily) and to pursue more knowledge and practice with MFT (summer & fall) while decluttering our home to potentially down-size at some point. I'd love to craft and put creativity first but this isn't the time. I have energy, I have gumption and I'm ready to MOVE.
Are you ready to MOVE? If so, where with what or doing what or just being?
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