I went into my facebook notes archives and found that I write a lot and have for quite awhile. I'll be incorporating more of these notes into blog posts...and probably inserting them chronologically into this blog to stay true to myself and the time when I wrote them. So excited for whenever I take this task on!! Can you feel my excitement?
Here's one from March 21, 2010 @ 12:00pm "Turning Point"
There are times in life when you just know that you are beginning another chapter of your life. I had this realization this past week as I began to see my professional self becoming more awakened and determined to pursue some goals and being given opportunities to do so. Between hospital social work, home-care social work and marriage & family therapy at CCJ my world is opening up a little bit more and I'm allowing it to do so.
As I study for my licensure exam I'm reviewing all kinds of knowledge and WOW THERE IS A LOT! and it always has me looking at my own worldview and how I consider life and people. We have so much potential and so many times we kick ourselves. So many different ways of looking at the world, situations and our own thoughts. Then there is God's view and it is so revealing. I could go on and on about truth and Truth but I will not do that here.
So the Turning Point - I cleaned out drawers and cabinets and some areas in the basement full of memories from Grayson, KY (beginning of marriage and undergrad years), found high school newspaper clippings (realized I had settled at one point for living in another person's shadow), notes from friends (some I am still close to and some I have no idea what has happened to them), cards from occasions, a ton of personality tests I had taken (you'd think I'd know myself by now) and gobs of class notes that were meticulously written perfectionistically to learn. I was and still somewhat am a knowledge-seeker but back then I grabbed everything...especially Biblically or some sort of understanding of myself. A lot of searching.
I sit here now realizing that I am further along, utilizing more of my heart than before in considering life and situations, giving a lot more people the benefit of the doubt, seeing more colors (I loved black & white in middle school), not perfectionist in my endeavors (for goodness sake one of my anthems is "imperfection"). We're messy people and life is messy. Not everything fits in a nice box or goes on a straight line. Memories fall in and out - I got rid of A LOT of stuff and I think also took some things out of my brain as well which was nice.
Creating more room for new people, new development and a deepering relationship with Christ. It's not as much about me...my time isn't as much about me. It's a nice place, not a comfortable place but at least the predictable is unpredictable and I'm more ok with that.
My grad notes contained lots of great thinking nuggets and questions. AND I found how to interview the problem!!! YES! (for those unfamiliar with therapy - we can talk later about that)
This is a new phase in life. I've done the teenage deep thing (conversations with Sarah Beachy, Olga Panchenko and Kristi Brandon about God and then there were my own struggles), the hold onto all memories thing (notes from Megan King, memories with Jane Wamsley in middle school, Alena [List] Bauman and Robyn [Elliot] Myers), the college struggle and hold on to notes that got me through (thanks Beth Johnson, Karissa [Evans] Kimmel and Rachel [Szallai] Harvey), the bridal shower tid-bits and all the wedding items, the notes in class passed in grad school (hahaha Leslee, Randi, Karen and Rebecca), and there were some other things I went through - my Christian book obsession that are great books but I'm not going to read them. My obsession with marriage information at the beginning of our marriage (poor Mark he was ambushed with that stuff), found coasters I ambitiously made with Sherrill Rommel in Louisville that awakened my creative juices & sent me on a rampage to stock up on crafts, and race numbers from all of our races (most I can't remember now - no wait I can remember), and pictures I didn't know we had of hanging out with friends (Aaron & Jen Johnson, Mandy Gorman, and my extended family as they were getting to know Mark). Yep a lot has happened.
Searching, Undergrad, real world job, Grad school, pretend world, Church world, God world, Jasper, Baby World and now...family world with professional pursuits. I'm finally getting there and I know this phase will have many stories of its own.
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