Change often comes when we don't want it, but we know that "something" has to give.
Something in our life is just not meshing with the other areas in our life and we want change, we may even crave change, BUT deep down, we want more than anything to stay comfortable.
We want this change to come in the form of better things, things like unexpected blessings (insert whatever things you consider "good"). But change can be subtle or immediate.
We find our family in an immediate change. An immediately different rhythm and although at first I did not welcome it nor fully understand the details of it, I choose to embrace it.
"Sometimes when our routine changes, God speaks into our non-routine more clearly."(Mark Batterson, Circle Maker).
I chose to read (audiobook) Circle Maker on Day 1 of our immediate change. I chose to sit and to pray and to think and to surrender. I found a previous canvas I wrote on and was dumbfounded that the words that had been written at least 8 months ago applied to me right in that THAT MOMENT.
"Woah" is all I can say. God doesn't waste past experiences...He uses them to continue to prepare us for His work AS WE ALLOW HIM.
There are nuggets that I'm learning through shifting routine and through some fasting that I dare say, I could NOT have learned otherwise. Stopping obligations, responsibilities (within reason) and expectations all-together allows space not only physically, but in all other areas.
There no "hurry", only necessarily life stress with boys (which has been enough this past year-mind you). How caregivers care for themselves makes ALL the difference. And as much as I have tried to care for myself over this past year, I found that I had fallen into certain habits that did not serve the Kara I desire to become.
We all have pet 'vices' and even 'sins' but it's easy to rationalize them away as our personality or our "lot in life". There are times I allow my own labeling of myself dictate if I can or cannot accomplish something. And that is BOLOGNA!
I know anyone reading this at some point might say "must be nice" to be rid of obligations, responsibilities or expectations from something...well yes and no. These things provide some structure, pieces of our identity unfortunately, and connection with community. When those aren't present, we are forced to see gaps in our lives. We are forced to see what we don't like about life even more and what we do like. It really is an opportunity.
So embrace the change, whether you want it or not. You cannot NOT change anyway. That is Life.
