Guest Post : Storytelling Frames by Elizabeth Kartchner

Guest Post : Storytelling Frames by Elizabeth Kartchner

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Adult Personalities

Studying for a licensure exam - may put tidbits like these up from time to time to consider: GESTALT - * Perls likens the unfolding of adult personality to the peeling of an onion: 1. Phony layer - stereotypical and inauthentic 2. Phobic layer - fears keep clients from seeing themselves 3. Impasse layer - giving up power 4. Implosive layer - fully experiencing deadness 5. Explosive layer - letting go of phony roles

Turning Point

There are times in life when you just know that you are beginning another chapter of your life. I had this realization this past week as I began to see my professional self becoming more awakened and determined to pursue some goals and being given opportunities to do so. Between hospital social work, home-care social work and marriage & family therapy at CCJ my world is opening up a little bit more and I'm allowing it to do so.

As I study for my licensure exam I'm reviewing all kinds of knowledge and WOW THERE IS A LOT! and it always has me looking at my own worldview and how I consider life and people. We have so much potential and so many times we kick ourselves. So many different ways of looking at the world, situations and our own thoughts. Then there is God's view and it is so revealing. I could go on and on about truth and Truth but I will not do that here.

So the Turning Point - I cleaned out drawers and cabinets and some areas in the basement full of memories from Grayson, KY (beginning of marriage and undergrad years), found high school newspaper clippings (realized I had settled at one point for living in another person's shadow), notes from friends (some I am still close to and some I have no idea what has happened to them), cards from occasions, a ton of personality tests I had taken (you'd think I'd know myself by now) and gobs of class notes that were meticulously written perfectionistically to learn. I was and still somewhat am a knowledge-seeker but back then I grabbed everything...especially Biblically or some sort of understanding of myself. A lot of searching.

I sit here now realizing that I am further along, utilizing more of my heart than before in considering life and situations, giving a lot more people the benefit of the doubt, seeing more colors (I loved black & white in middle school), not perfectionist in my endeavors (for goodness sake one of my anthems is "imperfection"). We're messy people and life is messy. Not everything fits in a nice box or goes on a straight line. Memories fall in and out - I got rid of A LOT of stuff and I think also took some things out of my brain as well which was nice.

Creating more room for new people, new development and a deepering relationship with Christ. It's not as much about me...my time isn't as much about me. It's a nice place, not a comfortable place but at least the predictable is unpredictable and I'm more ok with that.

My grad notes contained lots of great thinking nuggets and questions. AND I found how to interview the problem!!! YES! (for those unfamiliar with therapy - we can talk later about that)

This is a new phase in life. I've done the teenage deep thing (conversations with Sarah Beachy, Olga Panchenko and Kristi Brandon about God and then there were my own struggles), the hold onto all memories thing (notes from Megan King, memories with Jane Wamsley in middle school, Alena [List] Bauman and Robyn [Elliot] Myers), the college struggle and hold on to notes that got me through (thanks Beth Johnson, Karissa [Evans] Kimmel and Rachel [Szallai] Harvey), the bridal shower tid-bits and all the wedding items, the notes in class passed in grad school (hahaha Leslee, Randi, Karen and Rebecca), and there were some other things I went through - my Christian book obsession that are great books but I'm not going to read them. My obsession with marriage information at the beginning of our marriage (poor Mark he was ambushed with that stuff), found coasters I ambitiously made with Sherrill Rommel in Louisville that awakened my creative juices & sent me on a rampage to stock up on crafts, and race numbers from all of our races (most I can't remember now - no wait I can remember), and pictures I didn't know we had of hanging out with friends (Aaron & Jen Johnson, Mandy Gorman, and my extended family as they were getting to know Mark). Yep a lot has happened.

Searching, Undergrad, real world job, Grad school, pretend world, Church world, God world, Jasper, Baby World and now...family world with professional pursuits. I'm finally getting there and I know this phase will have many stories of its own.
.

Great Quotes

God made you as you are in order to use you as He planned. ~J.C. Macaulay

Mountain tops are for views & inspiration but fruit is grown in the valleys.

Clutter Excuses

If you haven't determined yet I enjoy reading Christine Kane's insights I get weekly in my email inbox. If you're a clutter-clinger, be kind to yourself. Begin with an awareness of your thoughts and excuses. For starters, read over this list to see if you can find YOUR excuse!

Clutter Excuse #1: "I'd be a bad mean horrible person if I…"
Guilt is heavy gooey energy that convinces us we're bad people if we let go of heirlooms, knick-knacks, unwanted clothing, or unwanted gifts.

These items clutter up our lives and keep us in a comfortable – but draining – place. And conveniently, we never have to decide what we actually do want in our environment. We become environmental victims. Often, that spreads out into other parts of our lives too!

Clutter Excuse #2 - "I spent so much on it!"
Do you punish yourself for having made a bad choice by keeping the item around? Or convince yourself that you're going to get your money's worth – even if it drains the heck out of you?

You won't. And it will. We've all done stupid things. And we've all had to let them go. Now it's your turn.

Clutter Excuse #3 - "I might need this someday."
I often wonder how many idle telephone cords exist in the world. Way in the back of old desk drawers. Stuffed on closet shelves. They can't be gotten rid of. Why?

Because we might need them some day.
Evidently, some day - in spite of technological progress - you're going to need that particular grey phone cord that came in the box with a phone you bought in 1989.

Throw it out. Now. Same thing goes for: The broken fax machine, switch plates from your first house, and every glass flower vase that came with deliveries.

Clutter Excuse #4 - "I might do this someday."
I know. I know. Someday you'll take those broken pieces of china you've collected and create a beautiful mosaic birdbath. And you'll go through those stacks of magazines and make that collage for your sister's 30th birthday party. (She's 51 now.)
Now – I don't mean to deny you your plans and dreams. However, I urge you to consider experiencing the infinite relief that appears when you let old project ideas go. Call your sister and tell her the collage ain't gonna happen. Buy a mosaic birdbath from an artist who makes her living from creating such treasures.
And then, make space for what you want to do. Don't fill your space with what you should do.

Clutter Excuse #5 - "I gotta look good to my guests."
CD's. Books. DVD's. Are these items treasured? Or are they simply a prop so your guests will be impressed by your intelligence and diverse tastes?
Remember this: we are motivated by two things: Fear or Love. Which of these keeps you clinging to items because of appearances?

Clutter Excuse #6 - "I Don't Know Where It Goes."
When items don't have a home, it's harder to determine whether or not they are clutter. Some things may seem like clutter - like the cute card that your daughter made that floats around from drawer to drawer - but they're not clutter.
They're homeless.
Once you start defining spaces for items, then it's easier to see when something doesn't fit anywhere and should just get tossed.

Clutter Excuse #7 - "My thoughts don't have any power. Do they?"
Everything has energy. The thoughts you have about the things in your home CREATE energy. If you are surrounded by stuff you keep out of guilt, then your environment holds guilt. If you hang on to stuff given to you by your ex, and you still feel bitter – then there is bitterness in your home.

Get it? It's either fueling you, or draining you. Some things might be neutral, of course. But if anything triggers you, then that is your barometer. Let it go.

Clutter Excuse #8 - "But I never wore it!"
See Clutter Excuse #2.

Clutter Excuse #9 - "There's too much stuff!"
Overwhelm can stop us in our tracks. If this article makes you aware that there are lots of items in your life you don't like, then go slow. Schedule small chunks of time each day. It takes time to be clutter-free! But the newfound clarity and lightness are worth it!

WE ARE INFLUENCED

WE ARE INFLUENCED: here are some interesting insights from a couple of reviews of great books.
“From Mary Pfiffer’s Book – Reviving Ophelia”,
Girls struggle with mixed messages:
Be beautiful, but beauty is only skin deep.
Be sexy, but not sexual.
Be honest, but don’t hurt anyone’s feelings.
Be independent, but be nice.
Be smart, but not so smart that you threaten boys.
Girls have long been evaluated on the basis of appearance and caught in myriad double binds; achieve, but not too much; be polite, but be yourself; be feminine and adult; be aware of our cultural heritage, but don’t comment on sexism.”
~~~
“From Jackson Katz’s summary of ‘Tough Guise’, The myth of the real man is linked intimately with the phenomenon of the tough guise wherein boys and men learn to show the world only those parts of themselves that the dominant culture has defined as manly. Even at a remarkable young age, boys are likely to be well-versed in the rules of the macho game. Males absorb early on and from everywhere that not only is there such a thing as a real man but also that there is a price to pay for not qualifying as one. For boys across racial, ethnic and socioeconomic lines, being a real man often means being tough and strong, fitting into the narrow box that defines ideal manhood.”

The Story of Today

I did well being an imperfectionist Friday - did some fun layouts at a craft get-together at church with some wonderful ladies. Just being our raw selves and enjoying creativity. I was so giddy I couldn't stand it!

So the Story of Today - each day has a story in and of itself. This morning Mark gave a message that was very down to the point of why we are here: For God/Jesus and For Others and how being a servant is more important then just serving. He sat on a ladder (on top) for most of it which made me very nervous though I trust him.

But the big Story of Today may be our basketball banquet. It's an event of memories, thank you's and reminiscing from the coaches (I'd love to talk but usually don't - just never have). And it sums up the season and the last time I'll really see the Seniors together with their team. It's bittersweet and of course I think of so many inspirational things I'd love to write down for these girls but inevitably don't get it done :S. I'd love to tell them why I came back...into the middle/end of the season, what God was doing with me now that I can look back..., how their lives and presence really do impact me..., what hopes I have for each one of them..., the significance that they have in others lives..., and just how precious they are to God. These young ladies are where I've been and although their families are different, where they grew up is slightly different, their personalities are all different and the groups of friends they hang out with are different, we have two things in common: basketball and being a woman in this world. I'd like to say we also have our relationship with Christ in common but I know that is not entirely true. Some are active spectators watching others grow in their faith while they focus more on the world and what the world says. Some go to services but don't really let it hit their heart and some are just blind to how their decisions and comments affect other people.

I'm not naive and although I try and usually do have a rosy view of them, I'd like to think that I can be that person that simply sees the most beautiful parts of them and I can encourage them in that. I don't need to see the bad, nor think about it: we're all human and fall short. I just hope that God has shown something to them through me and my own presence. Whether that be love, grace, encouragement, hope or recreating themselves to be who they desire to be. That is the Story of Today...

Falling Short 2

Wow when I fall short of the Glory of God, I fall short! not only for Him but also for myself, my family, friends and probably all the caterpillars as well.

Here is an article I just read about becoming an imperfectionist and how it can be so freeing...I see so much of myself in this!
Why Becoming an Imperfectionist Makes You Successful and Happy
by Christine Kane

"Anything worth doing is worth doing badly."
~ Julia Cameron

How much stuff do you think about doing?
How many things would you love to try but stop yourself because you don't know how to begin?
Do you avoid projects because of the pressure to do them well?

If so, feel free to join me and some of my most successful friends in our exclusive club of very special and talented people: We call ourselves the Imperfectionists!
What's an Imperfectionist?
• An Imperfectionist is often a recovering perfectionist.
• An Imperfectionist knows that getting something done is better than sitting back and waiting to do it perfectly.
• An Imperfectionist knows that being a Perfectionist is simply an excuse NOT to take action.
• An Imperfectionist congratulates herself for taking small steps.
• An Imperfectionist buys herself flowers when she accomplishes something - even if it's not quite up to her ego's high standards.
• An Imperfectionist knows that getting a scary thing done IS the reward. Not the kudos or adoration.

You Might Need to Become an Imperfectionist if…
• You tell yourself you need to get "just a little more information" before you'll try something.
• You have a case of the "Used-to-Be's." ("I used to be so good at this!" Or "I used to be so thin!" Or, "I used to write everyday and now look…")
• Your mantra to the world is: "I'm just so overwhelmed! There's too much to do! It's so hard to be me!"
• You call friends and co-workers to get sympathy for how hard it is to accomplish your goals and dreams. They often agree, citing how special you are because you have been given so much talent – and how it must be quite a burden.
• You spend more than one hour per day on Facebook, watching television, or not fully engaging in other addictive activities.
• At the end of every year, you wonder why you never seem to move any further towards your dreams.
• You are waiting for your POTENTIAL to finally kick in.

Why Becoming an Imperfectionist Makes You Successful and Happy
Being an Imperfectionist is an Intention.

When you become an Imperfectionist, you finally recognize your ego voice exactly for what it is: Your own personal Success Prevention Expert.
When you become an Imperfectionist, you finally realize how many Success Prevention Experts exist in the world.
When you become an Imperfectionist, you lower the bar – or better yet, remove it altogether. You can then create in the moment without any grade or standard. Ironically, this allows for such freedom and joy that you might end up doing a great job. (Or at least having a great time!)
When you become an Imperfectionist, you place your creative attention on the project or activity itself. You don't waste it on obsessing about the outcome. (This paradoxically leads to a higher chance of greatness, and a definite outcome of happiness!)
When you become an Imperfectionist, you get things done imperfectly. You then learn that you can tweak and fix and try again. This process makes you Unstoppable.
When you become an Imperfectionist, you finally understand that there are no mistakes. Just judgments.
Becoming an Imperfectionist doesn't mean you don't become a master of your craft or your passion - but that's not the starting goal.

How to Become an Imperfectionist
1 - Imperfectly pick one thing you keep telling yourself you want to do.
2 - If you read #1 and think, "I can't possibly pick just one! There's too many!" then do not proceed until you have picked just one.
3 - Get a timer, and set it to 55 minutes.
4 - Walk away from your computer right now and spend 55 minutes doing that very activity.
5 - Repeat #4 again tomorrow.
6 - Repeat #4 again every day after that until the item is complete.
7 - Celebrate the item's completion with chocolate, flowers, or a manicure.
8 - Go back to #1 and start over.

An Imperfect List of Things You Can Do Imperfectly
• Imperfect Writing
• Imperfect Meditation
• Imperfect Yoga
• Imperfect Romance
• Imperfect Hiking
• Imperfect Vacations
• Imperfect Scrapbooking
• Imperfect Cooking
• Imperfect Dinner Parties
• Imperfect Bowling
Add your own items to this list as needed. Find a way to let yourself experience them without judgment. And listen to this recovering perfectionist when she tells you that your success is guaranteed when you live by this principle!

Disclaimer: The preceding article should be ignored by the following people:

Brain surgeons.
Commercial airline pilots.
Skydivers.