Life Response: What would be possible if you were the bravest version of yourself?

Oh where would I begin, seriously where?

* bravest version of myself...she'd trust the path laid before her - question it and then remain focused
* she'd be brave in her love for others
* she would not give into her insecurities when interacting with those "more together" or "higher up"
* she would continue to take risks at the benefit of others
* she would wear more colors and would ask friends to "swap" clothes so that she could enjoy variety without having to buy things
* she would allow herself to be ok with feeling the emotions she feels while not dwelling on irrational thoughts
* she would not fear the unknown but embrace it for what it is
* all together my bravest version of myself would really kick butt...seriously she would, I think she would lovingly confront others when appropriate and have gratitude for the blessings she has including friendships

* she would "boast" in her weaknesses since God is working through & in her while not dwelling on them...AMEN!!

Oh what freedom bravery would have in this version! What utter enjoyment of life I would presume even when crappy stuff comes. This bravery present to encounter the worst and rawest parts of life and yet see light within the walls that she's built. Wow, if I would have red hair this would rock...but I don't so my bravest version of myself would likely have the same hair as I do but possibly even shorter and with highlights!!!

And perhaps...she would even be brave enough to clear out the clutters of memories that she thinks she wants to hold on to from the past...high school...college-undergrad...grad...early marriage....release & receive.

                                          

Reflecting...

Re-evaluating perspective...something that we all need to do in this hum-drum of life. Too many of us just let life happen to the point that we only react to what is given to us rather than stopping to pause...stopping to reflect on experience.

When I stop, when I pause, when I give time back to the One who knows me more than I know myself...it is divine time and time well spent. I wish I could understand the timing for events in our lives but I can't. I wish I could discern why people experience trauma and pain but I can't. What I do know is that there is more happening than just what we see. 

There's another purpose happening right now, there's a reason for this occurrence. There's a reason I did the race relay when I did...there's a reason I accomplished the presentation I did this past week when I did and there's a reason I'll be taking a licensure test here soon...and lastly there's really we'll be starting the adoption process when we start it.

I can't explain timing, I can't rationalize the things I see at work with babies and their moms. I can't always determine what is the absolute best or right way for a case to go. I'm finite...I'm flawed like everyone else but I'm meant to be here...now...to cross paths with multiple people and to be different--not only in work but in life, in running, in art, in all aspects of myself.

I'm so not together and neither is anyone else but man I meet a lot of people who give off that expectation of togetherness. I just hope people know that I care...I care deeply, I feel deeply, I think deeply and chances are if I don't give that to someone then I'm in my own turmoil. May His Spirit be strong in me...may I seek Him and not my own desires...may I let go of what I think I know and what I think should happen in my life...

Bourbon Chase

I'm so blessed to be with a man who gets it and allows it. Mark knew that I'd be gone a long while for this relay and he was willing which makes all the difference.

Synopsis: living with 6 other people in 1 van for over 27 hrs; lost count of port-a-potties I used; cold rain; no sleep (I tried); cheering on teammates & hundreds of strangers; beautiful distilleries; awesome pace for myself; great organized event; fun finish; new connections.

I was runner 6 out of 12 and had relatively challenging legs. My legs included: leg 6 @ 6:30pm-6.2 miles, leg 18 @ 3:15am-6.2 miles and leg 30 @ 1:15pm-5.3 miles up a HUGE hill that almost made me take out 3 people simultaneously and a car! AND it was worth it. 

Chris was so encouraging, gave me insight into Ironman training and taught me to tell my legs to "shut up" and it worked. :) Sara is my friend from college whom I played basketball with who got me into the race and the most fun about being with her was the conversations we had before and after the relay. Adam is such a great guy and I'm so thankful he brought those two together. Justin was also encouraging and seemed to know everybody around him - a kind of guy who knows no stranger. Christina was our captain who was the only one who had done the relay before and was so gracious with how she handled decisions and adversity. Michele definitely had a larger than life personality and shared some of her stories of her many travels overseas for work. We all kind of complained about our courses we ran and then celebrated at the end. Truly an enjoyable experience.