Christmas Season Reflections :: Life Giving & Life-Draining List

Life-Giving

--> planning ahead what is most important to do during the Christmas season in October 

--> making moments to reflect upon Jesus' birth and what all was happening in history at the time

--> praying and allowing God's peace to simmer in my heart and soul

--> using Honey app on my desktop for comparison price shopping

--> having a list of gifts needed when Black Friday comes around

--> wrapping gifts as we receive them in the mail

--> Advent Tree preparation in November

--> placing Pop-Its and Fidget Toys for the boys & chocolates in the Advent Calendar Tree pockets

--> putting up lights in the living room and on the Christmas Tree (soft white is my favorite)

--> buying ready-made food for celebrations (Zoup, Panera Soup)

--> wearing Ugly Christmas sweaters and Christmas pajamas

--> having white elephant gifts on-hand in the house

--> CREATING

Life-Draining

--> overwhelmed buying for everyone even with relatives' money for the boys and keeping it all equal

--> commercialism and seeing Toy Ads everywhere

--> cooking food and making menus

--> preparing church ministry events in addition to Ian's Birthday party and other family planning events

--> clutter

--> having anxiety about Covid and flu in gatherings

--> trying to travel a lot to see family

--> feeling Christmas card pressure when no decent family photos are present

--> paying postage for stamps 

Ian turns 13

Your favorite movie lately: Any videos about WWE

Your favorite food: Ice Cream Cake

Your favorite song: WWE entrance theme songs

Your favorite phrase or exaggerated word: "Beans"

You enjoy: 

• playing outside with a neighborhood friend 
• wrestling with your wrestling dummy on the trampoline
• watching WWE shoes and playing WWE video game
• watching Mr. Beast videos
• dog parks, Festivals (where dogs are or goats)
• vacation and time off with family
• cuddling with your puppies
• reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid or Big Nate

Thursday Therapy :: You are Exactly Where You Need to Be

This is a phrase that I repeat to myself when questioning how far I have come in the struggles, careers or life ambitions I have had. It is a reminder that my pace may be different from another person's pace and that although I may not be where I want to be, I am further now than where I used to be.

There are times where I am literally desperate to hear encouragement with my inner voice. This phrase reminds me of who I am and why I am here. It takes me back to life's timing and pacing and God's divine interventions in my life. 

The bigger picture and taking the long-view of faith is what grounds me in this phrase. I wouldn't be where I am unless I learned through the hardships that I've endured. I have not taken the linear road in my profession nor will I receive any accolades from colleagues or prestigious journals because I have not walked that path in academia as I thought I might.

So it is ok, I am exactly where I need to be.

Monday Musings :: Resolve to Heal

Choice is a powerful tool. It creates opportunity and space for an altered outcome to a situation. It is what kept Corrie Ten Boom alive in order for her to survive the Holocaust. She could have chosen to give up or to be swallowed up by the suffering she witnessed and endured. However, she chose to focus on what she could do and who her God, the God of the universe, was and is. She determined to move forward and endure the hardship in order to be more fully connected with God.

This is the same resolve that we need to have, dear Reader, if we are intending to move through our hurt and pain. We must resolve to heal and take the steps needed in order to shift the outcome of our hardship. It simply begins with a choice. As Jesus also stated to the paralytic man in the Gospel of John, "Do you want to be made well?" We also have to ask this very question to ourselves. In our pain and our hurt, "do I want to be made well?" And if so, then our actions need to agree with our answer.

The Hunt for a Book Title :: Brainstorming

The Hunt for Wonder: Reclaiming your Life through Exploration and Compassion

This came to my mind as a book title or article title or SOMETHING!

The original title I've pondered is From Hurt to Hope: The Way is Through, Not Out or : Practicing How to Release, Receive, Resolve and Reach Out.

Reorienting our lives into fresh perspectives when our lens has been tainted by the world's disappointments, traumas, mental health and our own fallenness is a likened to a spiritual discipline in my life.

It is a constant, daily practice of recognizing that all I see is not ONLY what is present. I find myself wishfully dreaming of being rescued from my own demons and strongholds, but then acknowledging that I must do the deep soul work needed. Only I can make such a decision for my life.

I can read a thousand books and go through a million more "guided" journals on those books but in the end if I don't actually take action outwardly then I will remain stuck in paralysis.

This has been the last five years of my life as I have taken various risks professionally and personally and courses and signed up for email lists and listened to advice and a constant digestion of information...but now I need to act.

Trauma and little "t" trauma adds up and in my case, it was vicarious/secondary trauma with helping others (social work/marriage & family therapy) along with coping with our family's mental health struggles, stresses in ministry, then raising two boys. Accumulation is a dangerous tool for burn out.

It is only in the last two years that I have started to unpack slowly, very slowly...the impact of ministry, boundaries, secondary trauma, my role, my mind, my heart and God's continual companionship.