A personality tendency

This is so telling of my personality, I have to "prepare" for my randomness for this e-course painting class.

I repeat, I have to "prepare" for this "randomness".

I did it also for a freezer meal workshop. I say I have rid myself of perfectionistic tendencies and expectations and have "let go" of that part of myself but she appears whenever I try something new. Hmmm....well hello there again, I didn't expect to see you there.


I don't like to be unprepared...I like to know. My anxiety rises as I don't know what's coming especially if with a group of people. I like to be random, humorous and outrageous in the safety of my safe places. The only exception to this...and some still applies but is with running. I can run a different course that I don't know and usually do ok as long as I have no timing or pace expectations otherwise I stumble a lot.

Motherhood is definitely this way with not knowing the moods of the boys or what they will do next but now I just expect the unexpected with them.

more phrases - deep Truths

trust His goodness

Let Peace find you.

Invite Jesus in.

loves you perfectly EVERY single moment

Let pain transform.

Take-Aways from Cafe Chocolate March 7-8

I learned...
Extravagant Grace for Us - Laughter/Icebreaker session
* Becky Perry is simply flat out hilarious (I knew it but had not experienced in a large group yet)
* that each of us speakers were chosen by God (not coincidental) that we did the sessions we did
* that story about Jesus turning water into wine had much more significance than I had ever considered or known
   - Jesus created better wine than had already been served = his wisdom and his grace is beyond compare (it would have shamed the bride and bridegroom if there wasn't more wine) so Jesus went above and beyond
   - the wedding might have been Martha's sister Mary and disciple Thomas' ??
Extravagant Grace for our Friends
* Barefoot friends are those who go the extra mile with us - who walk with us and support us in the raw times and seasons
* it was so much fun giving the message about friends - I felt so honored and humbled
* the story about the paralyzed man's friends bringing him to Jesus and lowering him on the cot through that person's house brought out what importance, effort and possibly sacrifice it was for his friends to do the action
  - his friends cared for him so much that they went against the custom and had such faith to know that Jesus would heal him
   - in the same story Jesus stated "Your sins are forgiven" and went straight to the man's heart (Jesus didn't immediately say "get up and walk" rather he first dealt with what the man needed most...his heart)
   - it made me think about how many times I think I have to relieve a physical need for friend which is good but how much more wonderful would it be to provide an encouragement for a friend's heart?
Extravagant Grace for Those in Need - Service session
* stitching the wrap together for my grandmother was frankly hard (it looks easier until you have it in front of your face)
* it was perfect timing for us to do the craft because it brought out insecurities and possibly even frustrations (I don't claim to be a "perfectionist" but I am type A and I'd like for it to look at least the best it can)
* AND I recognize how much I hate to measure anything even with a book...I LOVE to eyeball everything
* Janet and Emily were so much fun to watch in their elements (when I wasn't slightly getting ticked at my stitching)
Extravagant Grace for our Enemies - Forgiveness session
* it was very telling to me
* Tiffany's vulnerability made the session that much more raw to me
* viewing the person I have the hardest time forgiving in the chair and letting him/her go...was hard and healing - it's a daily action
Extravagant Grace - Quiet session
* the chocolate tasting quiet time was a..w..e..s..o..m..e, maybe it was alone time, maybe it was taking the time to savor the different types of chocolates or simply it was personifying the chocolates and seeing themes in my own life
* Carolyn is just too sweet and quite funny - her sincerity is so genuine
* themes: essential ingredients of life: Jesus, His Word, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self-control :: nourishment of the soul includes consistency in His Word and Wisdom :: chocolate is often grown by other plants and absorbs those plant's flavors (i.e. floral, citrusy, nutty or fruity) and it was neat to see how I absorb qualities of my friends and even their laughs
* more themes: with truffles - I tend to take little bites until I get to the center and I don't immediately bite into it...I relate this also to how I develop friendships - I take little bites until I know I can trust
"The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart." Samuel 16:7
* Like Dark Chocolate "Sometimes God uses bitter times in our lives to bring richness in our relationship with him or in our character." --> through change He moves me into a willingness to move out of my comfort zone
Extravagant Grace for My Sins
God's grace is life-giving...to me..."how is my life different because of God's grace?"
* I'm not paralyzed in fear and anxiety
* I'm not a slave to myself and my fears
* He's shown me I am 'made for more'
* Laura has a way with words and wisdom - I'm in awe of her ability to relate to even those of our world who are deemed "disabled" or "special needs"

Lastly, worship - the take-away was that of allowing myself to be drawn to the words of songs that I did not know but knew that God would transform my heart through. Kara Joy and Pat made it easier to sing louder especially when Pat would look right at me and smile.

I also learned that when God tells you to do something...you do it. Amanda showed this and I know His Spirit's voice but often silence Him if it inconveniences me or makes me feel uncomfortable. But the more I silence Him...the less likely I am to hear Him.

A Collection of "Life" phrases for Me

My 2014 Word: "Pour Out" -- many different meanings to me right now

Pour Out

Pour out my will so His can move me…
Pour out my heart to others…
Pour out my energy to move for health…

your story matterswhat you do matterswho you are mattersyour walk matters

Kingdom thinking - God's thinking is so backwards - some of these phrases won't make sense to the average person but underneath it all makes sense.

dependence is freedom

daughter of the King

allow myself to have the courage to let go...let God take over

give yourself grace

you are enough

you're doing it different

let it go...

don't compare...

He will lead you

gifted for this moment

Yes to letting go
Hello grace
Choose not to compare
Embrace that you are enough
Practice your gift in this moment
Be unique
Stay aware of His presence
Unleash your heart and be present
Permission granted to to do my best and let the rest go
Follow God's leading and timing

the significance of my insignificance

I will not live an unlived life.... by Dawna Markova

What I Wish some of my phrases were (I know that it would be awesome to have if my heart was right there):

radical obedience

self-abandonment

stand in His Truth

Motherhood phrases:

be the adult you want them to be
speak-life to him
"I'm awesome. I got this."'

Quote from Kelly Rae Roberts:
"Everything shapes us, everything matters, and everything is an opportunity for letting in gobs of light and love - even our deepest cracks, especially our deepest cracks."

My so-called Gremlins....work...

My so-called Gremlins...the thoughts that are detrimental to me and tell me stories about myself that are not uplifting at all primarily plague me at work right now. In other seasons of life they have plagued me in motherhood and in sports.

Think of a scenario in your life that you’re having friction with. Could be anything really – anything that you’re having some noisy gremlins about.

I find a consistent Gremlin right now - tells me that I don't do a good job at work and that no matter what I'm doing "it's not good enough, not fast enough and not thorough enough nor compassionate enough". It reminds me that "I'm lazy" for not jumping up at that person's request or that I just don't know what is going on with that patient or with what that physician does. It tells me ruthlessly that somehow "you're not suppose to be here". You're not a good example.

Question: What are your soul whispers telling you? Your whispers are usually in opposition of your gremlins. They often sound like little tiny quiet nudges, asking for our attention.

I'd identify my 'soul whispers' as that of the Holy Spirit to whom I know my true identity is known and formed through - whom my discernment and wisdom is received. This particular whisper or voice tells me "give yourself grace", "stop thinking about it all that way", "take a pause and gather yourself".

My authentic self as it is, she tells me "you are good, you are thorough and you do it differently than your peers". She asks me to be nice to myself and to do the best that I can but not to stress out about it. Essentially, at the deepest level God asks me to invite Him into the situation and into the multiple requests and phone calls I receive per day. He asks me to let go of some of the control and to let Him move without me killing myself to find everything out.

Question: Think of someone you admire and deeply respect. Someone you consider to to be wise, self-aware, fully dependable. They could be a dear friend, or a distant mentor. What words of wisdom do you think they would offer?

She would say, "why is it that you're trying to do this?" God is so much bigger than these circumstances. You are good enough Kara. You have His Spirit within you to surpass all of the nonsense of this job. He has given you wisdom and compassion to be there for your patients and to do the job as it works for you. Don't compare yourself to your coworkers. Don't think that you're doing it wrong if you're doing it different. Stop comparing...give yourself grace.

Question: What is it your heart most needs to hear? Self compassion is key when answering this question.

He has gifted you to be in this moment right now. He will lead you...let it go, give yourself grace and others grace. Silence the turmoil that is in your heart and know that you are good enough. You are!

Question: What permissions can you allow yourself?

I give myself permission to work differently and to not know the answers immediately. I give myself permission to ask questions and to give myself grace for not knowing. I give myself permission to do the best I can and then let it go.

Circle all the power words or phrases that stand out.

give yourself grace

you are enough

you're doing it different

let it go...

don't compare...

He will lead you

gifted for this moment

Taking my answers from above and pairing them with the following words to help create a unique mantra. The following words are to get started. What other words might I use as pairings?

Yes to _______ letting go
Hello ________ grace
Choose _______ not to compare
Embrace ________ that you are enough
Practice _________ your gift in this moment
Be ________ unique
Stay _______ aware of His presence
Unleash your __________ heart and be present
Permission granted to _________ to do my best and let the rest go
Follow ________ God's leading and timing