Christmas Traditions - To add to

My Study Process :: Passing the LISW Exam

I was grateful that going into studying for the test I already knew the therapy theories especially family therapies really well from my background in taking the Marriage and Family Therapy national exam 5 years ago when I thought I was going to fully pursue Marriage and Family Therapy.

Studying in 2 weeks is a pretty big task though and I knew that it was (not to mention full-time job, wife, mother, runner). Per my coworker Mercedes she scheduled the test and then just did it. Once you get into the study portion and look at the ASWB study guide it is not nearly as intimidating as it initially seems.

ASWB Practice Test - $85 and yes it was worth it - a couple of these questions were on the exam

Pinterest: allowingmyself - my board "To Study for the LISW Exam"

Filled out my responses to the ASWB Clinical Exam Content utilizing:
- Beating the Social Work Exam - best blog - "KSA of the Day" was most helpful
- The Social Work Exam - general information - easy to find
- LCSW Study Buddy - good info on how to pass
- Free Practice Tests
- Therapist Development Center - good sample questions
- Social Work Scrapbook - a down-right cool blog
- Suicide Warning Signs
- About Childhood Trauma
- Diagnostic Information - disorders & medications
- Helpful website - oppositional defiant disorder & conduct disorder

- Addictions

- Perpetrators Information - Physical/Emotional/Sexual Abuse, Neglect

- Child Neglect
- Couples Therapy - a good article

Didn't really use but found them interesting:
- Audio Clips of Theories
- SW Dictionary Flash cards
- More Flash cards
- Social Work Podcast

READING THE SW CODE OF ETHICS

Reading Wikipedia for DSM diagnoses - Bipolar I & II; Schizophrenia Types; Major Depression; Dsthymia; Cyclothymia; Paraphilic disorders 

A Friend's Flashcards - helped when I saw "I AM GOING TO BEAT THIS TEST" - it's amazing how one can psych herself out...so don't...don't psych yourself out.

National-Clinical Social Work Exam

The night before...am I freaked out...it's complicated...do I believe I will pass "yes" and the mantra I will take tomorrow morning at 8:00am is "I'm gonna beat this test".

The more I think about it the more nervous I am. I have consistently studied for two weeks now and I'm exhausted from it. I've done it the way I learn best, through Pinterest, writing out tutorials for others, listening to a CD of a "review" for the exam and even looking over some Youtube videos, reading through flashcards from a coworker of mine and writing out explanations I don't understanding along with drugs I've never seen before and lastly practice test questions (A LOT OF QUESTIONS).

I'm nervous...nervous...grateful...hopeful...anticipating and so hoping my alarm clock goes off!!

Anxiety does weird things to relatively normal people...it does...bad habits start to creep in, in order to cope and trying to remain healthy is a hard and intentional task. But here I am depending on the Lord who has shown me that HE has his plan and I feel this is part of his plan. I also pray it is part of His plan because sometimes I do wonder if my selfish ambition takes over...really wonder but doors have been shut and doors have been open. I'm almost there...

Life Response: What would be possible if you were the bravest version of yourself?

Oh where would I begin, seriously where?

* bravest version of myself...she'd trust the path laid before her - question it and then remain focused
* she'd be brave in her love for others
* she would not give into her insecurities when interacting with those "more together" or "higher up"
* she would continue to take risks at the benefit of others
* she would wear more colors and would ask friends to "swap" clothes so that she could enjoy variety without having to buy things
* she would allow herself to be ok with feeling the emotions she feels while not dwelling on irrational thoughts
* she would not fear the unknown but embrace it for what it is
* all together my bravest version of myself would really kick butt...seriously she would, I think she would lovingly confront others when appropriate and have gratitude for the blessings she has including friendships

* she would "boast" in her weaknesses since God is working through & in her while not dwelling on them...AMEN!!

Oh what freedom bravery would have in this version! What utter enjoyment of life I would presume even when crappy stuff comes. This bravery present to encounter the worst and rawest parts of life and yet see light within the walls that she's built. Wow, if I would have red hair this would rock...but I don't so my bravest version of myself would likely have the same hair as I do but possibly even shorter and with highlights!!!

And perhaps...she would even be brave enough to clear out the clutters of memories that she thinks she wants to hold on to from the past...high school...college-undergrad...grad...early marriage....release & receive.

                                          

Reflecting...

Re-evaluating perspective...something that we all need to do in this hum-drum of life. Too many of us just let life happen to the point that we only react to what is given to us rather than stopping to pause...stopping to reflect on experience.

When I stop, when I pause, when I give time back to the One who knows me more than I know myself...it is divine time and time well spent. I wish I could understand the timing for events in our lives but I can't. I wish I could discern why people experience trauma and pain but I can't. What I do know is that there is more happening than just what we see. 

There's another purpose happening right now, there's a reason for this occurrence. There's a reason I did the race relay when I did...there's a reason I accomplished the presentation I did this past week when I did and there's a reason I'll be taking a licensure test here soon...and lastly there's really we'll be starting the adoption process when we start it.

I can't explain timing, I can't rationalize the things I see at work with babies and their moms. I can't always determine what is the absolute best or right way for a case to go. I'm finite...I'm flawed like everyone else but I'm meant to be here...now...to cross paths with multiple people and to be different--not only in work but in life, in running, in art, in all aspects of myself.

I'm so not together and neither is anyone else but man I meet a lot of people who give off that expectation of togetherness. I just hope people know that I care...I care deeply, I feel deeply, I think deeply and chances are if I don't give that to someone then I'm in my own turmoil. May His Spirit be strong in me...may I seek Him and not my own desires...may I let go of what I think I know and what I think should happen in my life...

Bourbon Chase

I'm so blessed to be with a man who gets it and allows it. Mark knew that I'd be gone a long while for this relay and he was willing which makes all the difference.

Synopsis: living with 6 other people in 1 van for over 27 hrs; lost count of port-a-potties I used; cold rain; no sleep (I tried); cheering on teammates & hundreds of strangers; beautiful distilleries; awesome pace for myself; great organized event; fun finish; new connections.

I was runner 6 out of 12 and had relatively challenging legs. My legs included: leg 6 @ 6:30pm-6.2 miles, leg 18 @ 3:15am-6.2 miles and leg 30 @ 1:15pm-5.3 miles up a HUGE hill that almost made me take out 3 people simultaneously and a car! AND it was worth it. 

Chris was so encouraging, gave me insight into Ironman training and taught me to tell my legs to "shut up" and it worked. :) Sara is my friend from college whom I played basketball with who got me into the race and the most fun about being with her was the conversations we had before and after the relay. Adam is such a great guy and I'm so thankful he brought those two together. Justin was also encouraging and seemed to know everybody around him - a kind of guy who knows no stranger. Christina was our captain who was the only one who had done the relay before and was so gracious with how she handled decisions and adversity. Michele definitely had a larger than life personality and shared some of her stories of her many travels overseas for work. We all kind of complained about our courses we ran and then celebrated at the end. Truly an enjoyable experience.

Reviewing 6 months - Hello Soul, Hello Mantras e-course - NICU Social Worker

Divine timing is all I can say...

As I go back through the e-course "Hello Soul, Hello Mantras" from Kelly Rae Roberts, I am struck by how God has used this growth to propel me to where He wants me to be.

The journey began in February of this year where I was burning out...running little, feeling heavy (in all aspects) and faultering much. I knew I was throwing myself (or rather allowing myself 'no pun intended since this blog is called the same') to run ragged, to not care for myself, to say yes too often to a high-energy job that was sucking the life out of me.

My profession is medical social work but oddly enough my background is in marriage and family therapy (my roots) so the two professions work well together but fight for my theoretical stance. I've been following Kelly's work for at least 4 years and notably became more intrigued after the birth of her son True (especially since I'd had my first child just a year or so before and struggled with the balance of motherhood with my identity.

Thus, Kelly's story is eerily similar to mine especially since I chose other endeavors over art in high school. But moving this story on...

February - the pace of life had to stop (it couldn't) but my self-care, my care for my family and my sanity had to shift. Thus, the e-course was presented...I thought "no way, I can't or don't have time..." and then it hit me. "I can't afford not to do this, this looks awesome". So I jumped.

It was absolutely lovely going through Part One, that's my wheel-house. I LOVE becoming still, quieting and contemplating about life, my identity, reframing, utilizing therapeutic methods and concepts to shift perspective and inviting God into my world. (I laugh at this last part...WOW has He showed me so much about how I 'invite' Him in - he created the whole world ya know, it's more like inviting me in).

Part One - a breeze, shifted my view of work and life balance. Brought me back to my love for all things contemplative and intentional. Part Two however, rendered so much anxiety to even START!! A perfectionism that I thought had been subdued came out flaming. I'd get stuck quick and for long periods of time.

I'd start to do the basic techniques and would do A LOT of canvases but it took me forever to initiate that next step and that next video. I kept thinking, "I'm going to miss something, I'm going to forget." "I paid money for this, I want to document it, I want to REMEMBER."

My thought now, "oh how sad that i put so much pressure on myself and didn't just whole-heartedly trust that I'd learn what I'd need."

Remaining unattached and revisiting my 5-11 year old self while painting was probably the most healing thing I could do for myself at that time. It creating a new learning curve for "letting go" that I hadn't experienced in the a long time. To give yourself permission just to enjoy and "see what happens", "remain curious" and not even entertaining doubt was so freeing. I remember thinking upon these concepts while in grad school while learning to facilitate conversations in therapy. You'd ask curious questions, not for the sake of diagnosing but simply about of curiousity towards better understanding.
Through this time period, I allowed myself to run again and was consistent with a "base" so I could pick up and run half marathons at any given time. From April to now, I've done 3 "just for fun" and each time I PR'd (ran my best times)-1:51! WOW! I've been running over 9 years now with marathons and halves. This kind of fun and pacing hasn't happened until now.

The Themes that came out of part Two were priceless...including "Nothing wasted, all is present" as you'd cover one layer after another.

This applied to my life - in that I had been really struggling with whether to keep on moving towards my Marriage Family Therapist license for some time or to simply 'let it go' knowing that my Social Work license was equally rewarding and purposeful. I had a hard time of letting go and did it a month before starting this class. But essentially I was doing it while painting and it began to bleed into my real life scenario more and more. Knowing that NOTHING WAS WASTED, that the education and training I had received was very much still part of me and still important to me but that another layer was ready to be applied. I let go...I didn't renew.

I began to let go of comparing myself to the productivity of my coworkers and to own my own style of social work. I began to reorder my time to begin running again and set up races for motivation. I read more, lived more and gave back to my family more.

Each video, each lesson helped me move to another level. Oh yes, I struggled and sometimes I didn't touch a canvas for days but when I did, it felt good. As of now I've only finished two canvases and that's ok. I have many at different levels now and layers. I have mantras/life-giving phrases sweeping in and out of my thought-process.

I'm owning my voice more and ok with where I am. At the beginning of the summer I kept wanting to jump forward into where I thought God wanted me, but I kept sensing that He wanted me to know that I'd have to walk the road of obedience with Him before I'd just jump there. I waited, I listened, I lived, I struggled, I looked for other jobs because the stress was so overwhelming, I redefined my role again and again and again. Then my grandmother died...and that catapulted me forward. Life had more meaning and more lessons. I saw her legacy, I felt her wisdom.

Our marriage relationship continued through a growth-spurt, hard but rewarding. I watched a friend move in bravery towards a new journey away from our hospital environment. She took the leap of faith, YES! I was so proud of her!! Then the next thing I know.......I'm the one who gets kicked to move forward.

"Surely Lord you don't mean me to be interested in her position, surely not, that's too emotional, too heavy, I'm fine where I'm at, I love my unit!" And oh so gently He nudged me and I agonized. I agonized. I sought godly wisdom from friends, I considered my purpose statement for my life. I questioned if this leap of faith -- if this risk would fit? I shot it down several times - more than I can count. I got mad, I rationalized. Then I dreamed. I did a pro/con list. I thought of everything I'd told my friend about "trust", "being brave", stepping out, going ALL IN for Him. And as I discussed with my loving and patient husband. It was clear...comfort versus risk, continuing to do good or going for great.

I stepped out. And as I stepped out...my heart felt fear, emotion and joy. Even as my mother spoke with me about potentially having a rare, incurable form of cancer...there was light. And in the days ahead...even as our car broke down and died and we had to rush to get another one, which i LOVE now right before going to the doctor's appointment to hear if she had cancer or not-there was light... And many other stressors. I finished my first painting and LOVED it. LOVED what it symbolized to me. 

I have felt like I've been on a cliff of trust for a very long time now...maybe almost a year and I finally jumped, whole-heartedly with abandon, fully trusting, learning not to doubt, and expected God to go beyond my beyond. May I not forget this time! Sacred Moments...I get to be a part of sacred moments every single day now. I officially become the Miami Valley NICU Social Worker Monday. I can't tell you how surreal this change is, but it's different, it's meaningful and He's shifting my perspective on how to deal with the hard stuff. It truly does take a unique person to do such a job. And now I get to live into this unique person I had not thought that I was, but I am. Cheers!!

What i want to invite in...

I want to invite in...
* pure joy
* grace to enjoy now
* bravery to challenge myself
* courage to continue to let go & trust
* let go of the good to go towards great

 

Right Now :: July 12, 2014

Right now I'm sitting in our bedroom hoping to get to bed soon because I'm exhausted and been off routine since, well the death of my grandmother on June 26. Not being at work on routine days and not exercising the way I usually do has thrown me off. I've been able to spend lots of time with my boys, quality time and attended the NACC conference which was such a blessing.

 

I continually realize that as much as I know about my faith and as much as I believe, there is still so much that I don't know and frankly, so much about people of other faiths and generations that really challenge me to question and redefine with God why I believe what I believe.

He helps me sift through the muck that this world and myself honestly has created. He challenges me to truly "love my neighbor" including those who could care less about my faith or even perceive me as judgmental before even knowing me.

  

I was challenged most humorously enough by the comedian Tim Hawkins at the conference. He was hilarious and totally made fun of others in a respectful way. He made me laugh about my believes (not in a disrespectful manner but in a 'yes that is what the world thinks about me' way). I was challenged to lighten up and to recognize that I am solely here for Christ's glory and no one else. I'm NOT here to follow a strict do-this, don't-do-that agenda. I'm here to bust the devil's plan to blind my friends and neighbors. The distortions that the devil places on them. And ya know what, it's hard...it's hard because I too doubt sometimes and I ask hard questions. Sometimes questions that I too cannot answer, but then I pray and then I believe and then I begin to actually "see" with my own eyes things that cannot be counted as 'fate' or 'coincidence'. I see Truth, I see grace, I see compassion that is not of a human source.

I see His Holy Spirit at work in me and I realize that there were times when even Jesus didn't follow the script of the Old Testament because He was moving towards redeeming us. He was moving towards LOVE and not LISTS. He was making a way when there was no way to God.

So yes I have values and opinions but I can't lose sight of Love and of the fact that maybe, Jesus wouldn't think that way about this person or this person, no in fact He loves them no matter what their views are of Him and eventually, He will have to judge as He is the only judge. My role is to simply Love and speak Truth in love.

Reminder: Grandma - tenderhearted mercy, kindness, called to live in peace

Reminded today of what life is worth and who you love. Read this and thought of Grandma especially-she lived this!

Colossians 3:12-15 NLT
12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

She was/is my Grandma...I want you to know her.

Life is precious, it is short, our views are limited, we are finite. Enjoy now. Live wisely, choose wisely, live grace. Display love, speak kindly, write letters, get your hair done (you'll feel better), wiggle your nose and pretend to transport to family and back home, read God's Word, live love, know what you believe. Laugh often and watch the Reds. - A very dear & wise woman I knew, her spirit will live on through generations
I want you to remember her Elijah, this was you that last time you spent some time with her. We watched Kacie play in the NCAA tournament. Unfortunately, Ian's pictures are elsewhere-I'll add later.

Today she passed away more unexpectantly than I would have thought but I think she knew it was her day. See, Alice (Grandma Cassell) knew fully Jesus and had this beautiful relationship with him that I can only hope to have. Sometimes I wouldn't understand her when she spoke and prayed to Him and when she would hand me literature she had been reading about relevant and controversial topics. But what impacted me the most was that she knew grace. She knew what it meant, how to bestow it to another person and how to remain loyal to those she loved while still loving the others who had offended.

When I was younger she'd share her clip-on earrings with me and necklaces. I thought I was the most beautiful little girl with those gems on. She'd let me eat cheerios out of her cereal cabinet. She'd play Aggravation until the cows came home. She expected a lot from her kids but for her grandkids she wanted the world for us. She knew we were growing up in harder times with more influential cultures that pressed us from all sides. She knew we needed her. She was equally proud of all us of grandchildren and did not have any favorites...well I think each of us at one point felt that we were possibly her favorite. She'd share her heart with me while visiting during college and graduate school. When grandpa wasn't at his best, I'd watch her love him. 

Her heart was BIG and her hand-written letters were beautiful. I often had to squint to read them because of her stylish cursive/almost calligraphy hand-writing but they were beautiful. For several years now I've kept every birthday, anniversary or basic message simply thinking, it might be her last. She'd talk about being ready go to be with the Lord. She would pray for my children and for my husband and myself and I felt her prayers. Her physical presence, hug, voice will be missed but her legacy will live on. Grandma Alice as she always wanted me to call her (I called her Grandma Cassell from a young age), I will miss you dearly...dearly...dearly. 

 

My favorite "senior moment" memory of Grandma was a couple years ago when she stopped wearing her hearing aids. The sound of the door bell rang and she picked up the phone next to her and loudly said, "Hello!! Hello?!" and we just sat and laughed. "Grandma someone is at the door." She said, "Oh!!" in her high-pitched tone. It was awesome! She smiled and laughed too.

So now...I lay aside any guilt I had for not visiting more with grace that you continually passed on to me. I lay aside the hopes I had in listening more to you and in spending one-on-one time with you without children rustling and bustling beneath my feet. I hold the laughter of my children when being around you, the hugs and cuddles Eli gave to you last time we visited and Ian's pouty face. I hold on to visiting you in the rehab facility after your last hospitalization and although it was my last visit with you. I kissed you several times and hugged you. I loved you and was able to express how precious you are to me. Until I see you in heaven, the real heaven...with Jesus, may you know how deeply loved you are.

Right Now :: June 18

I'm reflecting on the past several months...
* listening through Real Marriage by Mark & Grace Driscoll - great read, highly recommend
  - some key points I can immediately remember "enduring, endearing marriage"
  - learn to repent
  - Mark and I are working to improve sharing our hearts and be receptive to the other's thoughts and feedback as well as wanderings
* reading through Brennan Manning's Memoir "All is Grace" - great reflective, raw read

* finished up "Becoming Myself" by Stacy Eldridge - one of the best books I've read
  - female friendships are all, we prick and scratch one another out of our insecurities

Right Now :: May 17, 2014

Right now, I'm sitting after a full-day of fun and spontaneous activity including: running 8 miles with Mark this morning (after one full year since the last time we did it together - thank you MOM!); having a great morning coloring the new cardboard train that we built together (well sort of, Mark & I put it together while the boys ran in and out of it), sitting down the couch with Mark in the basement (which is rare these days) and just saying random things to Ian like "is the TV's name Roger?" "what about the duck?" "I'd like to be a unicorn, ok Charlie".

 

Deciding to have a meal at TGI Fridays, finding a free appetizer coupon and sitting through a meal of Elijah firmly stating "no" to everything. Mark and I saying "grrrr" and rolling with it. Hanging out at Five Below store and then heading home for much-needed naps.

Waking up to Ian standing and staring at the closet in his room and then exclaiming "MY LIGHT TURN YELLOW AND I DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT BECAUSE I was standing and staring Mommy!" --> Wow that's a new concept!

The boys playing in the dirt and with our neighbor and guided by mommy to use shovels and buckets (at least an hour of playing I think, unassisted?).

Then hanging with some close friends, painting, parenting and eating. LOVELY LOVELY LOVELY. I don't want this day to end but it must.

AND RIGHT NOW.... focusing on "This One Thing" sermon that I listened to this last week of Andy Stanley's and had begun "God is Able" by Priscilla Shirer but gave it away because I knew that my friend needed it right now. God has a funny way of giving things and taking them away for our good.

But God is and will be showing me these next several weeks, how to move past a habit and connecting with Jesus rather than relying and being satisfied by my own understanding. God is good, ALL the time.

Mother's Day May 2014

I wrote a note to my own mother and all I know is that when I was writing it, my heart was speaking. I can't remember what I said but I know that it meant something to her and to me. I also wrote my grandmother a note whom at the time was in the hospital. I think it a great opportunity on Mother's day to really recognize and reflect on what our experience with our mothers has been, whether birth mothers, adoptive mothers, spiritual mothers and mentor mothers. She has shown me femininity, she's shown me grace and character. My boys will be come the men of God in part because of how she raised me and whether through her own words or her actions, taught me how a woman receives a man's affections and in turn the respect that is to be given from a man to a women - it's chivalry.

 

 

When God Engages you for this world...if you decide to Pull This Thread

Unravel to the ends of the earth...

I have to say that hearing these words in this video from Jen Hatmaker gives me chills. I have tears behind my eyes and my heart beats faster. I know that once we pull the thread of our current awareness and of our current security in this world that it will unravel, beautifully and with rawness.

I truly desire this and know that He is calling us (Mark & I) to let the strings of our view of this world to unravel and view it the way he does. That...is...so...hard as well. Because then the questions begin to roll off my tough. I feel like we have been moving towards this within the last few years after reading Radical and then when I went through "7": A Mutiny Against Excess but if I really, really press myself I am still currently living in comfort and I'm living in security. I rest in these two spaces and for that I know my heart is drawn towards this change.

It's the kind of change where you're on the seat of your pants looking into what's next while living in the present, depending on His presence each moment because you just can't fathom the next step.

It's foreign to this world, FOREIGN. When God engages Kara Sue Price Messmore for this world...she won't know what hit her...only that the Love of Jesus Christ so overwhelms her heart and her soul that she has no choice but to move in the direction of her Savior and begin to share the gospel in ways she didn't know that she could.

It's having compassion for those who are manipulative. It's knowing boundaries and giving grace. It's being the hands and feet of one whom knows all, sees all and has control over all. Be the change you want to see in the world God's way.

It's the 9-10-11 year old coming out of me who just knows that I'm suppose to do something more in the world. She is bold, she is fierce and she is loving. She wants to "pull the thread" so to speak. She wants to step out and step up to His vision for her life, to her becoming the woman He desires, to be more than the world destines her to be, to be more than the profession says she is and to be the Kara, the daughter of the King, the wife, the mother, the friend that He desires for her to become.

I know she's here...it's just a matter of time and obedience that may determine how quickly she will allow Him to break the mold. Oh....goodness....this is real.

Meaning of my full name

The name Kara means 'beloved, friend, dear, diamond and pure'. It is a female's name that has its origin from the Latin.

Kara - Meaning: Sweet melody. Origin: Irish
Meaning: One who is pure. Origin: Greek
Meaning: Precious one, beloved one, Cherished One. Origin: Italian

Kara, the alternative spelling, is from theCornish word, meaning love. This is likely cognate to the popular Welsh girls' nameCarys.

The name is also that of an island in the Inner Hebrides island group, Scotland; Cara Islandlying just off the southern tip of the Isle of Gigha.

In Turkey the word Kara means 'dark', which may or may not be related to the Gaelic Ciaraof the same meaning.

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Hebrew Meaning: 
The name Sue is a Hebrew baby name. In Hebrew the meaning of the name Sue is: Graceful lily.

American Meaning: 
The name Sue is an American baby name. In American the meaning of the name Sue is:Graceful lily.

English Meaning: 
The name Sue is an English baby name. In English the meaning of the name Sue is: Lily.. In the apocryphal Book of Tobit Susannah courageously defended herself against wrongful accusation. White lilies grew in the Biblical city of Susa in Persia.

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Thus, sweet melody, beloved one, precious one, pure, graceful lily.

Marriage Builders Weekly :: Sex in Marriage

Sex brings more pleasure and satisfaction to marriage than anything else. And sex causes more disagreements and frustration in marriage than anything else.

Sex is one of the main reasons we get married…and sexual problems are one of the main reasons people get divorced.

When I talk about sex to married couples, I like to refer to it as both a thermostat and a thermometer. In your home, you control the temperature by turning the thermostat up or down. Sex heats up a marriage. It makes it better.

Sex can also be a marriage thermometer: it tells the temperature. If the sex is bad or infrequent, then a married couple probably isn't communicating well. You may have stress, or unresolved anger, or a host of other issues. Poor sex is a symptom of these problems.

For more on this topic watch this week's show Watch Now

So a married couple's sex life not only can make their marriage better, but can also reveal whether or not they have problems. What kind of sex life do you and your spouse have? What does it reveal about your marriage?

I believe there are three truths that we need to understand about sex. The first is that God created sex for pleasure and lifelong enjoyment. Our God is a fun God! He wants us to enjoy sex in marriage.

The second is that God gave us sexual boundaries to protect us. Just like vehicles come with an owner's manual that tells us what not to do, God gave us sex but set parameters for it. Things like adultery, fornication, incest, and lust—the Bible says these things are wrong.

No one gets mad because their owner's manual says to put oil in their Fords every few thousand miles. No one says, "Ford Motor Company doesn't want me to have any fun!" Ford wants us to treat the car right so we can enjoy it.

God is the same with sex. His rules aren't to keep us from having fun, but from getting hurt. He wants our bodies to be places of pleasure and delight for our spouses…but for no one else.

The third truth I believe about sex is that God created our sexual differences to make marriage more fulfilling and dynamic. Men and women are very different sexually. For men, sex stimulates our emotions. For women, emotions stimulate sex. We're two halves of a whole.

A woman becomes more sexual as her husband becomes more romantic and emotional. At the same time, men tend to open up more emotionally when their wives become more sexual. It all works together.

Because sex is so important, I tell couples that there are five basic ingredients of a healthy sex life. Husbands and wives should:

1. Commit to meeting their spouse's sexual needs.
2. Communicate their sexual needs to their spouse.
3. Commit to sexual purity (thoughts and actions) to protect the integrity of their marriage.
4. Be honest and accountable about temptations that can hurt a marriage.
5. Refuse to be close friends with those who violate the marriage covenant.

Those ingredients will keep a couple's sex life active, fulfilling, and healthy. God created sex in marriage to be an Eden of pleasure and delight. Embrace it. Talk about it. Pursue it within the safe boundaries of your marriage. And most of all, enjoy it together.

For more about this topic, watch this week's show!

A personality tendency

This is so telling of my personality, I have to "prepare" for my randomness for this e-course painting class.

I repeat, I have to "prepare" for this "randomness".

I did it also for a freezer meal workshop. I say I have rid myself of perfectionistic tendencies and expectations and have "let go" of that part of myself but she appears whenever I try something new. Hmmm....well hello there again, I didn't expect to see you there.


I don't like to be unprepared...I like to know. My anxiety rises as I don't know what's coming especially if with a group of people. I like to be random, humorous and outrageous in the safety of my safe places. The only exception to this...and some still applies but is with running. I can run a different course that I don't know and usually do ok as long as I have no timing or pace expectations otherwise I stumble a lot.

Motherhood is definitely this way with not knowing the moods of the boys or what they will do next but now I just expect the unexpected with them.

more phrases - deep Truths

trust His goodness

Let Peace find you.

Invite Jesus in.

loves you perfectly EVERY single moment

Let pain transform.

Take-Aways from Cafe Chocolate March 7-8

I learned...
Extravagant Grace for Us - Laughter/Icebreaker session
* Becky Perry is simply flat out hilarious (I knew it but had not experienced in a large group yet)
* that each of us speakers were chosen by God (not coincidental) that we did the sessions we did
* that story about Jesus turning water into wine had much more significance than I had ever considered or known
   - Jesus created better wine than had already been served = his wisdom and his grace is beyond compare (it would have shamed the bride and bridegroom if there wasn't more wine) so Jesus went above and beyond
   - the wedding might have been Martha's sister Mary and disciple Thomas' ??
Extravagant Grace for our Friends
* Barefoot friends are those who go the extra mile with us - who walk with us and support us in the raw times and seasons
* it was so much fun giving the message about friends - I felt so honored and humbled
* the story about the paralyzed man's friends bringing him to Jesus and lowering him on the cot through that person's house brought out what importance, effort and possibly sacrifice it was for his friends to do the action
  - his friends cared for him so much that they went against the custom and had such faith to know that Jesus would heal him
   - in the same story Jesus stated "Your sins are forgiven" and went straight to the man's heart (Jesus didn't immediately say "get up and walk" rather he first dealt with what the man needed most...his heart)
   - it made me think about how many times I think I have to relieve a physical need for friend which is good but how much more wonderful would it be to provide an encouragement for a friend's heart?
Extravagant Grace for Those in Need - Service session
* stitching the wrap together for my grandmother was frankly hard (it looks easier until you have it in front of your face)
* it was perfect timing for us to do the craft because it brought out insecurities and possibly even frustrations (I don't claim to be a "perfectionist" but I am type A and I'd like for it to look at least the best it can)
* AND I recognize how much I hate to measure anything even with a book...I LOVE to eyeball everything
* Janet and Emily were so much fun to watch in their elements (when I wasn't slightly getting ticked at my stitching)
Extravagant Grace for our Enemies - Forgiveness session
* it was very telling to me
* Tiffany's vulnerability made the session that much more raw to me
* viewing the person I have the hardest time forgiving in the chair and letting him/her go...was hard and healing - it's a daily action
Extravagant Grace - Quiet session
* the chocolate tasting quiet time was a..w..e..s..o..m..e, maybe it was alone time, maybe it was taking the time to savor the different types of chocolates or simply it was personifying the chocolates and seeing themes in my own life
* Carolyn is just too sweet and quite funny - her sincerity is so genuine
* themes: essential ingredients of life: Jesus, His Word, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self-control :: nourishment of the soul includes consistency in His Word and Wisdom :: chocolate is often grown by other plants and absorbs those plant's flavors (i.e. floral, citrusy, nutty or fruity) and it was neat to see how I absorb qualities of my friends and even their laughs
* more themes: with truffles - I tend to take little bites until I get to the center and I don't immediately bite into it...I relate this also to how I develop friendships - I take little bites until I know I can trust
"The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart." Samuel 16:7
* Like Dark Chocolate "Sometimes God uses bitter times in our lives to bring richness in our relationship with him or in our character." --> through change He moves me into a willingness to move out of my comfort zone
Extravagant Grace for My Sins
God's grace is life-giving...to me..."how is my life different because of God's grace?"
* I'm not paralyzed in fear and anxiety
* I'm not a slave to myself and my fears
* He's shown me I am 'made for more'
* Laura has a way with words and wisdom - I'm in awe of her ability to relate to even those of our world who are deemed "disabled" or "special needs"

Lastly, worship - the take-away was that of allowing myself to be drawn to the words of songs that I did not know but knew that God would transform my heart through. Kara Joy and Pat made it easier to sing louder especially when Pat would look right at me and smile.

I also learned that when God tells you to do something...you do it. Amanda showed this and I know His Spirit's voice but often silence Him if it inconveniences me or makes me feel uncomfortable. But the more I silence Him...the less likely I am to hear Him.