Our 2018 Year

Our 2018 year has not gone as anticipated nor as hoped for. The beginning of the year had such high hopes (realistic too) but in the end much disappointment will lead into appointments for 2019.

I will not sugar-coat this year nor will I lament in despair as I know our experience is shared with other families, although often in silence. Mental and physical wellness are taken for granted by many including ourselves in various seasons.

This year has brought unforeseen changes for us and more challenges than we ever desired to endure. School has proven to be an opportunity for much growth both for us as parents and for our boys. People ask us, "so do the boys like school?" Answer, "no, but they are learning, we are learning."

Mark & I realized that we needed to seek community as these challenges continued to pile up. Humans can play victim to routine and to everyday habits. We had begun to play victim to our family routine and it was beyond exhausting us emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Yet sharing is risky and being vulnerable is something that our culture does not readily celebrate or know how to embrace. People often believe that being "put-together" is how other people (family & friends included) want to see you and for how you, yourself want to be seen. (Reread that last sentence.) People do not naturally know how to walk with others in their darkness. But when you share deep challenges and recognize that routine and habits and coping mechanisms no longer serve or benefit you...something inevitably changes. Usually for the good.

However, when the carpet underneath your feet is pulled out from under you and life's routine ceases to be known, all kinds of emotions come out of you. We have experienced this, see my post from October 3rd. Our (my) trust in God stares me in the face and asks me "do you really believe in what you say you believe after all?" "or is this for real?"

Please note, I will always try to reframe life into a positive view and in an eternal view as I follow Christ and God, AND I believe in being transparent appropriately too. When my voice is not heard nor given a space to be heard, I initially become angry and anxious. I have come to realize that ultimately God's voice will be my voice and that His fight will take over what I think I need to do. I need to "be still and know He is God." His fight is better, His ways are better and His certainty and promises are better than any human guarantee on this earth.

We are not guaranteed security, the American dream, the make-affirmations-everyday-and-they-will-come-true mentality. We are not guaranteed that friends won't hurt us nor that we will not hurt them. We are not guaranteed tomorrow...

So we live into our questions and I have many at this point in time. MANY.
2019 will bring changes...big ones. We are not yet certain of what these are but as of  the announcement yesterday, Mark has resigned from his position (Lead Minister) at Troy Christian Church for the health and wellbeing of our family. We will not have answers for many people nor for ourselves. We expected to have our kids graduate here but God has a different plan and has allowed life to progress in this way.

We will remain committed to the mission we have been given: to love God first, care for our family and love people and go into the world to share God's love. 

Christmas Day

A Thrill of Hope...
Waiting Expectantly...
Savoring the Present and the Presence of family...
Remembering years past with loved ones who have left us...
Recalling that moment when I found out Santa Claus was represented by many people...
Opening the gift that I wanted so badly...
Eating my dad's pancakes in the morning (they are like crepes and THE BEST)...
Waking my parents up before the crack of dawn because I was so excited...
Peeking at the presents early and then carefully placed the tape back on (only one year - I think)...
Sitting by the candlelight and Christmas lights pondering what that night's years ago meant to this world when a little baby was born in a stable (cave) with animals around and 'unseen' by the world...
Reading the Christmas story...
Singing carols in a circle with the Cassell family and being so obnoxious with everyone...
Hanging out every Christmas Eve with the Price family & doing our gift exchange... (until my grandmother passed my Junior year of high school)
Listening to the Christmas music (all genres) and humming along...
Unwrapping stocking stuffers has always been a favorite of mine (especially those from my mom) because it was the little things that made me laugh and brought me joy...yes chocolate...brought me joy...
Taking a Morning Run to clear my mind and warm up my body...(a favorite tradition now for me)

When you have your own family, you can set your own pace and your own traditions. This is both an opportunity and an expectation. I miss the magic of being young and although I catch glimpses of this with my boys now...it's different. I enjoy the hunt of looking for gifts for them, but I do not buy literally into the consumerism. I seek the traditions of having an Advent Calendar, opening little gifts and surprising them with pajamas dinners. The build-up to this day feels different. We use a stuffed blue Star "Starry" instead of an Elf on the Shelf to demonstrate the days leading up to Christmas and watch as he leads us to focus on where Jesus was born.

It is no longer filled with school events (because their school doesn't have a program) nor church events (because our church does not do a separate program with rehearsals). My boys have never desired to wait in line to meet a white bearded man in red robbing nor have they been brought up to believe in just one "real" Santa Claus. Rather, the story of St. Nicholas and his good deeds and his giving heart. They would rather give and surprise others. Now don't get me wrong, they LOVE receiving too. But it's different.

We rarely watch advertising commercials during this time because we use Netflix and Amazon Prime. It's different than growing up with Toy commercials bombarding the TV during every holiday movie. I remember finding out there were new toys each time I saw one and I wanted more. I even knew what Christmas was about growing up but it didn't stop my wanting. It's just different today, not better or worse, just different.

I do relish watching my boys play with their new gifts even if there are not many. I enjoy making them breakfast on this morning - whether pancakes or just blueberry muffins (from a box) as was the case this morning.

It's still meaningful and it still matters. That is today, not just another day, but it is our today.

  

The Real Tragedy

I'm finding deep sorrow in this season and I don't know how else to phrase it.

And it's not necessarily for me but it is for my sons, one in particular. I grieve his loss of wonder and wilderment due to anxiety and emotions that at his age - I wish he would never experience.

I mourn that he feels left out, he feels bullied at times and that to him, embarrassment is the ultimate ending to a friendship and his biggest fear. It shouldn't be this way. He shouldn't have to deal with life in this manner. And the isolation is almost unbearable. He has gifts that he doesn't even know about because he fears beginning new things.

He despises when we leave the house because he will "waste time" when he could be doing something else.

Despair to deliverance - this is God's promise. Mercy Lord, please Mercy

Overwhelming Growth & Change

Change often comes when we don't want it, but we know that "something" has to give.
Something in our life is just not meshing with the other areas in our life and we want change, we may even crave change, BUT deep down, we want more than anything to stay comfortable.

We want this change to come in the form of better things, things like unexpected blessings (insert whatever things you consider "good"). But change can be subtle or immediate.

We find our family in an immediate change. An immediately different rhythm and although at first I did not welcome it nor fully understand the details of it, I choose to embrace it.

"Sometimes when our routine changes, God speaks into our non-routine more clearly."(Mark Batterson, Circle Maker).

I chose to read (audiobook) Circle Maker on Day 1 of our immediate change. I chose to sit and to pray and to think and to surrender. I found a previous canvas I wrote on and was dumbfounded that the words that had been written at least 8 months ago applied to me right in that THAT MOMENT.

"Woah" is all I can say. God doesn't waste past experiences...He uses them to continue to prepare us for His work AS WE ALLOW HIM.

There are nuggets that I'm learning through shifting routine and through some fasting that I dare say, I could NOT have learned otherwise. Stopping obligations, responsibilities (within reason) and expectations all-together allows space not only physically, but in all other areas.

There no "hurry", only necessarily life stress with boys (which has been enough this past year-mind you). How caregivers care for themselves makes ALL the difference. And as much as I have tried to care for myself over this past year, I found that I had fallen into certain habits that did not serve the Kara I desire to become.

We all have pet 'vices' and even 'sins' but it's easy to rationalize them away as our personality or our "lot in life". There are times I allow my own labeling of myself dictate if I can or cannot accomplish something. And that is BOLOGNA!

I know anyone reading this at some point might say "must be nice" to be rid of obligations, responsibilities or expectations from something...well yes and no. These things provide some structure, pieces of our identity unfortunately, and connection with community. When those aren't present, we are forced to see gaps in our lives. We are forced to see what we don't like about life even more and what we do like. It really is an opportunity.

So embrace the change, whether you want it or not. You cannot NOT change anyway. That is Life.

Minimalist Challenge: Day Three

List down 20 Essential Clothing Items

(You know something - I had to look this up because in my Casual Style world...a good pair of jeans, t-shirt and fitted sweatshirt with a ball-cap are all I need plus cozy shoes. But apparently there is so much more to this.

When I worked full-time I did have "staple" items for my dress attire and mixed and matched but once I dropped to part-time and then resigned, I basked in jeans and athletic wear every single day.

So I went looking and guess what, Women Essentials has a TON of suggestions on the internet!! So here are a few that I have customized for myself utilizing these resources.)

OK seriously, what is with "ankle boots"?!!!

1) a good bra fitted to my body (including sports bra)
2) comfortable underwear
3) denim jeans that slim
4) good running shoes
5) wick-away workout top
6) white/black t-shirts
7) neutral flats
8) little black dress
9) black ankle pants
10) sleeveless blouse
11)  pair of favorite earrings
12) light jacket (denim or khaki) I have khaki
13) matching pj's
14) sunglasses
15) nice trench coat jacket
16) black tank
17) trucker cap
18)
19) 
20)

One of those days...

Today is one of those days...it happens to be my birthday but sadness and parenting guilt do not discriminate. When living with boys who don't like school and feel like it's a "waste of time" just in elementary, the morning and afternoon routines feel ridden with exacerbating negativity no matter what I say.

I have normally been a class half-full person, but admit that their negativity hits a spot in me that hurts. It initially hurts and then makes me mad.

What have I done to have them hate school? We've always taught that learning is good. We read books and look up "how-to" things but somehow...learning just isn't fun for them at school like it was for me.

Sure, I grew in anxiousness each new year but somehow found a rhythm and understood that school is just part of life: good, bad or whatnot. It was expected and I wanted to do good. I wanted to learn and I wanted to excel.

This drive is somehow diverted from them into other areas of life that feel more important to them. I feel as if I failed. I have failed to show them joy in life through exploring, discovering and through completion of things.

Modern parenting today has many, many pressures for sure and I try to watch what I read, listen to and see. I desire to be transparent with others and to be real with them, but this is hard. Parenting is hard. Keeping a good attitude when all I hear is complaining is hard.

And as much as reading about other parents who experience the same thing with kids who have ADHD...it helps but it doesn't...because nothing is changing. The only thing that I can change, is myself: my thoughts about it, my responses and reactions and my perspective.

The rest is not what I can focus on.

Some resources that I am finding helpful in seeking out how help for my own responses is: 

http://www.ImpactADHD.com

And https://www.additudemag.com

The webinars for both of these websites are really good and today's webinars were on School Survival Skills and the other on Parent/Teacher Relationships

LATER ON THIS DAY:

I discovered that my eldest had not taken his ADHD medication this morning which would account for his ROYAL negativity and continual outbursts of loudness and interruption in the morning and especially as I picked him up from school. He apparently dropped the pill somewhere in the house and never retrieved another one.

As he spoke, bounced off the walls and complained incessantly this afternoon that he was "hangry", it made sense to me and still about 'did me in.' If you have never experienced this type of intensity it is somewhat like, feeling like your are on a constant roller coaster between the movement and changes in volume and subjects. It's overwhelming and when siblings play off of them, which his little brother also I'm sure has ADHD as well (the evidence is pretty upfront) then it just compounds the situation.

Minimalist Challenge: Day Two

Pick a Theme for your Home &/or Wardrobe

Contemporary
This style relies more on neutral colors with little to no embellishment on furniture. Lighter fabrics, such as silk and cotton, are popular, as are lighter colors in wood and metal. Clean lines take the place of ruffles or other adornments. Bold pops of color in accent pieces or pillows provide a more homey contrast. 

Eclectic
Eclectic decorating can sound like a mish-mash of styles, but there are ways to get this style to look cohesive. One way to make your style more cohesive is to use pieces that have similar colors in them to play off each other. Another idea is to create balance with your items, such as pairing a large overstuffed chair with a sleek and skinny lamp.

My Workspace I would look more like Industrial
& Eclectic with dashes of Whimsical
Industrial takes some inspiration from mid-century modern, but makes the minimalism even more pronounced. Instead of hiding mechanical parts, industrial décor uses them as design elements. Industrial details include exposed brick and steel. Occasionally, this style will see raw wood or copper accents. Stark, bold angles are also part of this theme, bringing to mind factory settings from the turn of the 1900s.

Wardrobe

Casual Fashion Style

Casual is a combination of elegance with comfort. This simple style has caught up well with the passage of time and is one of the most sought after fashion styles as of now. None of the exotic and bold items will be in the wardrobe of a woman who follows casual fashion. They would prefer to put on a white T-Shirt and black pants over tight and uncomfortable exotics any day. They tend to keep it simple and match the accessories with whatever the simple clothing they are wearing.

7 Ways to Bless Your Day with Less by Deb Wolf

1. Less Talking and More Listening

• Ask questions and listen to the complete answer.
• Don’t interrupt. Wait…
• Make and maintain eye contact with the person with whom you’re talking.
• Avoid distractions.

Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others. Proverbs 12:15

2. Less Technology and More in Person

• Set aside tablet and phone free times.
• Create tablet and phone free zones.
• Choose one family member to talk with in person or if that’s not possible on the phone each day.
• Focus on the ones you’re with not the ones out in cyberspace.

I am sure that when I come, Christ will richly bless our time together. Romans 15:29

3. Less Worry and More Peace

• Address your feelings. Admit worry and the need to let it go.
• Pray about the problem and why your worried about it.
• Memorize God’s promises, say them and trust Him.
• Live in the present, do what you are able, and let go of the rest.

Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Psalm 37:7

4. Less Control and More Freedom

• Stop trying to manage every little detail.
• Refuse to say or do anything that might be manipulative.
• Accept things you can’t change.
• Walk away from perfectionism.

For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. Galatians 5:13

5. Less Complaining and More Compliments

• Look for and focus on the positive.
• Stop and think before you speak.
• Be appreciative.
• Think like Thumper’s mother . . . “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

6. Less Judging and More Forgiving

• Be honest. You’ve made bad choices and decisions.
• Realize how much God has forgiven in you.
• Look at the bigger picture . . . there are many things don’t know about the person you are judging.
• Free yourself of the need to be “right.”

Instead, be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

7. Less Fear and More Faith 

• Keep a gratitude journal.
• Remember the ways God has protected you in the past.
• Ask Him to increase your faith and remove your fear.
• Memorize – The Lord is my light and my salvation—so why should I be afraid? TheLord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble? Psalm 27:1

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

What do you think? Are you ready to replace excessive talking, technology, worry, control, complaints, judging, and fear with listening, in person, peace, freedom, compliments, forgiving and faith?

Where would you like to live with less? How will you start?

Minimalist Challenge: Day One

Define your Personal Style

I struggle to define my own personal style because immediately I want to pinterest everything I like to see what "my style is" and yet it falls short of probably the reality of my everyday life with family and pets.

However, one thing I do know...I LOVE the coffee house feel even though I do not like the taste nor really the smell of coffee, but I enjoy Chai Tea Lattes with skim milk.

I desire the atmosphere that is in coffee shops: collaboration, community, warm scents and liquids, cozy feelings of graduate school really. The intimate lighting, white space for my brain and occasionally the chosen art piece that gets me thinking or inspired.

There is freedom to me in these environments where the walls and the seating set the stage for meaningful thought or conversation. New ideas, special memories, connection. So to sum it up, the WOOD, White, Warmth, Lighting, black accents, clean slate/endless possibilities feeling that these spaces bring to me.

But I would venture to say that my Personal Style also includes Teals, Turquoise, pictures of laughter or hugs. The soundtrack of my life is upbeat and then mellow with nostalgic rhythms here and there from Coldplay and U2. Norah Jones I'm sure is in there with Michael Buble. And maybe this is more or less where I would want to write and paint. Because life isn't so perfect like this. 

I do like nice pillows but the reality is that they end up on the ground to become pathways to stay away from "hot lava" or become doors to hidden caves where superheros live. Keeping them clean or without wear isn't doable nor the aim of the space since it fosters creativity.

Bohemian and Whimsical are the styles that keep coming up in my results for style quizzes so yeah I'd like that. But living with family changes everything. :)

To be a _________ without Losing Your Mind

In my previous social work/counseling "lives" (5/9) that I have done over the past 14+ years including internships, I have found what environments I become small in and which ones I thrive through. I have recognized the "seasoned" workers who seek excellence in all they do and continue to evolve and grow and I have recognized the "tenure" workers who have settled into mantras of comfort and avoidance of rocking any boats.

The tenure workers see change coming and simply sit back because "they've seen it all before" and although they share their feedback...business continues as usual. They settle. They remain in their corners with their heads ducked to the side so as not to be seen because it's a "job". They await their next vacation or time off. As much as I respect their stability, I deeply mourn their lack of tenacity and passion.

In each environment...(marriage and family therapy, counseling, private agency, community home health, hospital: rural and urban; psychiatric and various units), I have sensed the need for improvement in how to help healers to heal while they are helping others. Mental health professionals and healthcare professionals are healers even if they also have to be paper pushers, insurance negotiators and policy puppets (no disrespect intended). We need healthier outlets, time for reflection and an acknowledgement that healing work is hard, complicated and complex.

So in order to NOT LOSE YOUR MIND...____________ (i.e. healers) need:

A Supportive Community :: what the world needs = you to come alive
   We are made for community. We need people behind us, in front of us and beside us. We co-create     our perspectives.

A Simple Path :: there is a path and you're already on it
   We fear we don't have what it takes, or that we are wasting our time. We must continue and not
   think too much but have a plan. Growth can come through recognition.

Share yourself: it's not about self-promotion :: self-promoting is gross but helping is kind.
   Share your work with joy and creativity. Be yourself as you are. "There you are...how can I help?"

I want to invite you into considering how your gift can impact others in your community, neighborhood, or trained profession.

There you are caregivers...there you are healers...how can I help you? How can I encourage you? How can I offer soul space for you to also receive healing and remain thriving? How can I help you replenish your body, mind and spirit so you can then continue to help others?

This is where I am, this is what I think about and this is where I have been stuck for two years after resigning from work. Wondering, wondering how God would use me again. Wondering how I need to risk.

Cannot Let Go...the need for Less

I am stumped. I want to release, in fact I want to experience a "release revolution" in my life. So much so, that I want to be able to part with more than half of the possessions I own.

On the surface, most cannot see the tension in me or this intention because it has not played out in physical, tangible results in our home yet. Oh sure, here and there some things have been sold, given away, donated, picked up by the Veterans of America or traded for something of more use.

But Simplicity and Minimalism keep knocking on my mental and emotional home in my brain. So much so, that three years ago I declared "I'm ready to let this all go..." Um, there is way more to it than that I have found.

I can be impulsive, but this has grown less fruitful in my mind as I age. And I've always liked being "frugal"...well that just meant MORE STUFF for less money. I grew up thinking, "if I only could get that or experience that, then..." Now that I'm older and I can decide to actually get that or experience that...I have allowed myself to do so on occasions when it probably wasn't the wisest timing. AND IT'S ACCUMULATED.

A packing party seems completely appropriate; however, letting go of my childhood, high school, college and young adult items have still proven EXTREMELY difficult. And I think I know why now...it occurred to me that even though I felt like I was going through my own hell at times...that ultimately I want to hold onto Innocent childhood, naïve Kara; I really respect and like the Kara who persevered through high school even with an eating disorder and ADHD (her writings are intense & emotionally raw awesomeness)...who endured extreme self-sabotage in college even while playing basketball and then moved on to re-create herself in graduate school to receive multiple master's degrees. The last one...still amazes me.

Motherhood flattened me to my deepest core which has held the biggest blessings and the deepest lows. Caring for others is HARD. Taking responsibility is hard, but this post isn't about that.

It's about recognizing what is holding me back. How might our life be better with LESS?

* we would be able to decide what to do (less stuff to choose from)
* we would read the books we have because there aren't that many or re-read classics & read others from the library
* we would be able to move more efficiently (if we did move houses)
* we would know exactly what we might need b/c if we didn't have it, then we could budget for it or just buy it
* our eyes would be less distracted
* I would feel less weightedness thinking that I need to arrange, clean or organize things
* I would not even think about giving "this" or "that" to someone - it would be IMMEDIATE because I'm not using it which would save brain space and instead I could simply give them the gift of time or a phone call
* less choice
* less mess
* less prep
* more space (physically, emotionally, mentally and likely spiritually)
* more animation and creativity
* possibly a release of past identities with acceptance of what has gone and anticipation of what is to come
* I wouldn't have to think of maximizing every single item, cherishing the memories by putting them in boxes
* wouldn't have to think about where picture frames would go and how to rotate pictures and what to do with the current photos
* I'd become more select with what comes into my home; thus, more focused
* calm exploration versus TASKS
* more miracles and surprises would be noticed

Bucklist for ADHD Peeps

1. Create your “commonplace”

The #1 most important change that I made this year was creating a commonplace. Having a commonplace is that important. It will change your life.

What’s a commonplace, you might be wondering?

A commonplace is a single digital location where you keep ALL of your most important information. Your commonplace might include things like:

• Your daily to-do list
• Ideas that you come up with
• Your daily progress (what you accomplish)
• People who you want to reach out to
• A list of cities that you want to travel to
• Account usernames and passwords (you can password protect this type of sensitive information)

Any information that you need to reference regularly should go into your commonplace.

The main benefit of having a commonplace is that rather than having 100 different folders full of various information on your laptop, and sticky notes all over your room, you just have one centralized system where you store all of your most important information.

Like I said, creating a commonplace was the easiest and most impactful change that I made this year.

You will feel mentally “at ease” once you create your commonplace. You’ll no longer have to scour your computer for missing documents. Everything will be in one convenient location, so that you’ll always know where to find exactly what you’re looking for.

To create your commonplace, you can use:

• Microsoft OneNote (free for Microsoft users)
• Evernote (free and premium versions are available)

I use OneNote, and it’s surprising how much of a life-changing tool it can be for people with ADHD.

Just set aside 2 or 3 hours to transfer over all of your information into OneNote or Evernote, and you will fall in love with your commonplace. I promise you.

Both OneNote and Evernote come with awesome tutorials that make it really easy for you to get started.

Note: If you’re a little bit old school, then you definitely can use a physical commonplace like the one pictured above, if you really want to. But, I can assure you that using OneNote or Evernote will make your life so much easier.

2. Figure out what you’re good at, and do it often

Did you know that people with ADHD are capable of accomplishing just about anything in life?

It’s true.

Some of the world’s most competitive, highest-performing people have ADHD. Like Richard Branson, Simone Biles, Ingvar Kamprad, Seth Godin, etc.

But, here’s the rub:

You have to figure out what you’re good at, and do it often.

People with ADHD often get bogged down with comparing themselves to other (normal) people. That’s a problem, because you have ADHD, and you aren’t normal.

It’s time for you to embrace being different. 

In reality, you’re the only person who truly knows what you’re good at. Every person with ADHD has some unique skill or special talent that they can leverage.

If you don’t know what you’re good at just yet, that’s OK. But, you need to start thinking about what you’re good at, and start figuring out how you can do that thing often.

Here’s how to figure out what you’re good at:

• Write down your favorite activities that you do on a regular basis
• Write down your favorite websites that you browse most often
• Write down any traits or skills that you receive compliments on

Once you narrow down one or two things that you’re good at – that’s going to be your ticket to a successful life with ADHD.

> For Richard Branson, his thing was starting businesses

> For Simone Biles, her thing was competitive sports

> For Ingvar Kamprad, his thing was creating an incredible furniture store (IKEA)

> For Seth Godin, his thing was marketing

> For you, your thing is…

It’s time for you to figure out your talents, and give your gift to the world.

3. Create genuine connections with people who have your best interests in mind

The people who you surround yourself with on a daily basis will make or break you.

If you have people in your life who aim to lift you up, then you’re incredibly blessed.

If you have people in your life who repeatedly knock you down, then you might want to think about separating yourself from these types of people as much as possible.

Having ADHD already creates a little bit of havoc in your life. You don’t need more unnecessary drama or wasted mental energy.

You need people who care about you. So, when you connect with someone who genuinely has your best interests in mind, make sure to keep that person in your life forever.

Also: Having ADHD makes it really easy to impulsively cut people out of your life. So, make sure to keep high-quality people in your inner circle, and very carefully cut out the bad ones.

4. Learn about how your ADHD brain actually works (educate yourself)

Once you develop a good understanding of how your ADHD brain actually works, your entire life will start to make sense.

This is a crazy feeling that I hope you get to experience very soon (if you haven’t already experienced this “ADHD epiphany” that I’m talking about).

For example, understanding the ins and outs of ADHD will help you realize:

> Why people with ADHD always seem to take risks and chase highs

> Why having ADHD makes you more likely to seek conflict, break the rules, and be rebellious

> Why most people with ADHD don’t seem motivated in life

As you can probably imagine, ADHD seems like a really problematic condition at first glance.

But, I can assure you that understanding ADHD will help you totally turn your life around.

ADHD essentially comes down to having a lack of self-control, and a weak dopamine function.

It’s a “disorder” of control.

But, what happens when you start to take control of your ADHD?

People who decide to take control of their ADHD are capable of doing so much cool stuff in life.

For instance, you can…

• Enjoy fulfilling relationships with awesome people
• Find a job that you love
• Start your own business
• Get in amazing shape and feel really good every day

It’s truly unbelievable how much you can change your life once you understand ADHD, and get a grip on it.

Stick with me for a while, and I’ll help you transform.

5. Start practicing stoicism today (nature’s oldest mental health booster)

Stoicism can help you stay calm, content, and resilient for a lifetime.

Having ADHD practically requires you to become stoic in your thoughts and actions.

If you aren’t stoic, then you risk thinking too much, worrying about endless things, and constantly quitting when times get tough.

Luckily, there’s a lot for you to read about stoic philosophy. Stoicism is 100% required reading.

Here are some key quotes that will give you a better idea of what stoicism is all about…

From Seneca:

Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.

True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not.

Begin at once to live, and count each separate day as a separate life.

Associate with people who are likely to improve you.

From Marcus Aurelius:

You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.

The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.

When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love …

It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.

From Epictetus:

Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.

There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power or our will.

If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.

If it’s your first time learning about stoicism, prepare to be shocked by the hidden gems that you uncover.

Stoicism is nature’s oldest mental health booster, as stoicism has been practiced for thousands of years.

Now, you can use stoicism for your own benefit, too.

6. Live in the city that best suits your personality

Where you live has a huge impact on your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Your location affects you on a subconscious level.

For example, if you choose to live in New York City, you’ll mostly be surrounded by people who have to work hard in order to “make it” in America. Living in a bustling city like NYC will probably encourage you to work extremely hard, advance in your career, earn more money, and develop more professional skills. If you want to grow on a professional level, then it might make sense for you to live in a big, booming metropolitan area like NYC.

However, if you’re in a position where you just want to relax, have fun, and enjoy the outdoors, then you might choose to live in an affordable beach city like St. Petersburg, Florida. Sure, you might not be as productive in St. Petersburg as you would be in New York City. But, there’s a good chance that you’ll enjoy life more, have more time to connect with people, and enjoy a much less stressful lifestyle.

Life is all about the choices that you make. And, deciding where to live is one of the most important choices that you will ever face.

Not sure where to live? Spend some time traveling to find the city that best suits your personality. Researching cities on the internet can provide you with some incredibly helpful hints. I like to look at Wikitravel for city insights, and numbeo for cost of living comparisons.

But, there will come a point where you just have to venture out into the world for yourself to find the city that “feels right” to you.

7. Eliminate unneeded friction from your life

I’m all for eliminating unnecessary pain in life.

Some pain is extremely good for you.

But, unnecessary pain (“friction”) is just counterintuitive to living a great life.

People with ADHD suffer from a lot of unnecessary pain, because many of us have accepted dogmatic advice that just doesn’t work for people with ADHD.

How many people have tried to make you feel guilty for taking ADHD medication, for example? Probably a lot of people.

ADHD Boss is a website that focuses on helping you get results for your life regardless of what it takes.

If you feel like ADHD medication improves your life, then take it (under the guidance of a doctor, of course).

If you feel like natural remedies are better suited for your lifestyle, then use them. Sometimes healthy food, exercise, and good relationships are enough for certain people with ADHD who live laid back lifestyles.

You have to do what works best for you, and forget about the people who want to push an agenda on you.

You have one life. Please get rid of unnecessary friction from your life, so that you can make the most of your limited time on this planet.

8. Make it a point to have at least one “mini-adventure” every month (always have fun)

It’s been shown that having “life experiences” is one of the healthiest and most rewarding things that people can do.

People who have many life experiences tend to have very few regrets on their deathbed. This should tell you something.

Your life experiences might involve:

• Taking a road trip with friends
• Visiting a new U.S. state that you haven’t been to before
• Attending interesting meetups (meetup.com is great for this)
• Pursuing new hobbies

Just make it a point to have at least one little adventure every month, no matter how busy or bogged down with work you are.

You have to enjoy your life, regardless of what it takes.

Stress is the ultimate contributor to disease in the modern age. And, stress amplifies your ADHD symptoms beyond all belief. So you have to do whatever it takes to fight stress, have fun, and enjoy at least one mini-adventure every single month.

You’ll be thankful in the future when you’re healthy, and you have plenty of fun memories to look back on.

Fun experiences are the absolute pinnacle of life.

9. Love people with a full heart (family, friends, strangers, yourself)

People with ADHD have to deal with many painful experiences in life.

And, most people who you come into contact with are dealing with pain in their lives, too.

You never know what someone is going through.

It’s best to just love everyone with a full heart. Family, friends, strangers, and especially yourself.

When was the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror and said “I love me”?

Many people with ADHD have really horrible self-talk. There’s a chance that you tell yourself all sorts of horrible things. I was the same way for a very long time.

But, when you love yourself, and love other people, life just gets so much better.

There’s more than enough pain in the world. You don’t need to contribute to that pain. Spread love, help other people, and you’ll be rewarded generously.

10. Take great care of your physical health (move every day)

Physical exercise improves mental health. There’s no doubt about it.

When you look good, you feel good. This is why you have to move every day.

It’s thought that hunter-gatherers used to burn between 800 to 1200 calories every single day through physical activity.

Today, the average American expends only a fraction of this amount of physical activity.

So, you don’t have to become a competitive athlete or CrossFit champion. But, you do have to move around every day if you want to enjoy a great quality of life.

I personally don’t think in terms of burning calories. I’m much more interested in immersing myself in nature, running outside, swimming in the ocean, and doing bodyweight exercises every day.

Some people prefer HIIT workouts, bodybuilding, yoga, and playing sports. That’s totally fine. You just have to do whatever it takes to get moving.

11. Always move in the direction of your “life vision” (and you’ll never have regrets in life)

Want to know one of the easiest ways to make a decision in life?

If you’re faced with a decision to make, just think about the choice that moves you closer to your life’s vision.

You do have a vision for your life, right?

If you don’t have a life vision, then you need to get started with creating a vision for your life right away.

It’s by far one of the most important things that you can do.

Because if you don’t know where you’re headed in life, then you’ll most likely become a victim of your ADHD, and you could end up going down some seriously destructive paths.

On the flip side, if you have a clear vision of what you want your life to look like, then you’ll almost always know the right choices to make for your life.

Having a life vision solves so many problems, and ultimately makes you a more confident, decisive, and interesting human being.

Final thoughts

Whether you just found out that you have ADHD, or you’ve been struggling with ADHD for many years, anyone can use this article to improve their life starting today.

This “bucket list” consists of the 11 things that will drastically improve your life on this planet. But, you have to be willing to take action. And, you have to actually apply these tips to your life.

I truly hope you use these bucket list items for everything they’re worth!

You CAN live the life you want with ADHD.

You CAN do almost anything that you want.

It’s just a matter of having a clear vision, taking action, and working with your ADHD brain rather than fighting against it.

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