I want you to remember her Elijah, this was you that last time you spent some time with her. We watched Kacie play in the NCAA tournament. Unfortunately, Ian's pictures are elsewhere-I'll add later.
Today she passed away more unexpectantly than I would have thought but I think she knew it was her day. See, Alice (Grandma Cassell) knew fully Jesus and had this beautiful relationship with him that I can only hope to have. Sometimes I wouldn't understand her when she spoke and prayed to Him and when she would hand me literature she had been reading about relevant and controversial topics. But what impacted me the most was that she knew grace. She knew what it meant, how to bestow it to another person and how to remain loyal to those she loved while still loving the others who had offended.
When I was younger she'd share her clip-on earrings with me and necklaces. I thought I was the most beautiful little girl with those gems on. She'd let me eat cheerios out of her cereal cabinet. She'd play Aggravation until the cows came home. She expected a lot from her kids but for her grandkids she wanted the world for us. She knew we were growing up in harder times with more influential cultures that pressed us from all sides. She knew we needed her. She was equally proud of all us of grandchildren and did not have any favorites...well I think each of us at one point felt that we were possibly her favorite. She'd share her heart with me while visiting during college and graduate school. When grandpa wasn't at his best, I'd watch her love him.
Her heart was BIG and her hand-written letters were beautiful. I often had to squint to read them because of her stylish cursive/almost calligraphy hand-writing but they were beautiful. For several years now I've kept every birthday, anniversary or basic message simply thinking, it might be her last. She'd talk about being ready go to be with the Lord. She would pray for my children and for my husband and myself and I felt her prayers. Her physical presence, hug, voice will be missed but her legacy will live on. Grandma Alice as she always wanted me to call her (I called her Grandma Cassell from a young age), I will miss you dearly...dearly...dearly.
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My favorite "senior moment" memory of Grandma was a couple years ago when she stopped wearing her hearing aids. The sound of the door bell rang and she picked up the phone next to her and loudly said, "Hello!! Hello?!" and we just sat and laughed. "Grandma someone is at the door." She said, "Oh!!" in her high-pitched tone. It was awesome! She smiled and laughed too.
So now...I lay aside any guilt I had for not visiting more with grace that you continually passed on to me. I lay aside the hopes I had in listening more to you and in spending one-on-one time with you without children rustling and bustling beneath my feet. I hold the laughter of my children when being around you, the hugs and cuddles Eli gave to you last time we visited and Ian's pouty face. I hold on to visiting you in the rehab facility after your last hospitalization and although it was my last visit with you. I kissed you several times and hugged you. I loved you and was able to express how precious you are to me. Until I see you in heaven, the real heaven...with Jesus, may you know how deeply loved you are.
