Well, the month of June happened. It sure did. It began with continued uncertainty and ended with at least a door open and at most, multiple doors closed. That is sort of how this life-thing works.
I feel torn between being tired of the grief that I have experienced (loss of friendships, absence of authentic community and security of financial futures and home setting) and the hovering change that is about to take place...moving.
I'd known it, I've owned it, I've dreamt of it and I've accepted. But uncertainty comes in ways. I'm learning that I must remain curious and open. There is only one person who wants for me to remain closed: the Enemy.
"Protect yourself" he whispers in my ear..."people are like this, they will disappoint you...your story doesn't matter nor does your experience." LIES. LIES. But man they are believable indeed!!
So I take this time to acknowledge that the "in-between" of waiting is one of the hardest experiences I have ever endured. And this has gone on for years. Waiting for a family, waiting for when the timing of adoption was right (it wasn't, we got a dog), waiting for ministry to get better, waiting for friendships to go deeper, waiting for the dress to fit, waiting for my boys to grow more to be able to do x...y....z....
While we are waiting...we can serve. I haven't done that well and I know that. I haven't showed up every day of my life and especially every day of this past year. I can cowar just like anyone and have done so, and I have missed the piece of friendship where another person challenges me to be who God called me to be. I want that kind of friendship.
That's all for now.
