Being Gentle with Myself...

Has there ever been time when you come to the realization that "whoa, I'm pretty hard on myself?"

Nah, me neither...but and that is a BIG BUT, God always shows me this truth when I get sick. It never fails. In the moment of my sickness, I lament, I question and I get through it but in the process often miss out on the bigger picture. Guess what Kara, it's not about you.

This process of training for this 4th marathon has been a different journey for me. One that has at times almost consumed me with workouts entailing swimming one day to running 5-7 miles then weight training an hour and another day running more than 10+ miles. It has been a lot of on my body and I know this, but there are times when it does feel like you're invincible. Until a knee injury comes up...then you focus on that or then you get sick and you focus on that...which is my current story.

Through the knee injury or whatever it is/was, I've had to buckle down and do only the movement that would benefit my knee which has meant less weight training, and decreased workouts during the week AND most importantly giving my stress, my time and my own anger to the One who can take it (no not Mark), Christ. It's a different view and takes a different perspective.

But I have realized that while being sick, I can now look back and I make a *sigh*. It was good. I would not have taken a break from this training process any other way especially after a 22 mile run last week. This has brought to my mind, being gentle with myself and letting myself heal and move forward. We are so hard on ourselves and I see it all the time in doing therapy and ESPECIALLY with couples. We are hard on us and we are hard on our spouses. In reality, we all really are doing the very best that we can in those moments. But we are all vulnerable to criticsm - it hurts from our spouses but it seems natural to us to do it to ourselves.

In addition, the bigger picture that I could not see involved the facilitation of the premarital class/group I do on Sunday mornings and this past week was Sex & Intimacy. This was the one session I was so excited about and lamented all at the same time. I was excited to present this awesome gift that God gives to us as married couples - this intimacy we have with no other person on earth and yet how to present it and be bold enough to say what needs to be said about the effects of sex before marriage & some consequences that come from living together before that commitment is made.

I've prayed and prayed about this very subject with God for quite some time. And behold, I got sick...and so sick that I could not do this. In God's mighty plan, He brought forth a compassionate couple who has experienced these things, seen the consequences, and now knows God's plan for their lives. They at first were not going to be there (which is ok) just as a mentor couple to share their experience but then 15 minutes later called me back to say, "we'll come home early, we wish someone would have taught us this before we got married". So WOW, they facilitated it and in my mind, that is how it was suppose to happen. His perfect plan worked for the good when my plan falls short. It just helps to get perspective at times...