As I read this young woman's blog post - I found myself asking that question she asks "do I have a problem with not getting my way?"......... That is a hard, revealing question and it leads to yes I am selfish and wow this post hit me b/c I could be her. She speaks of long-distance running and then not being able to do it.
So, I found out about 6 weeks ago that I have Lyme disease. And for me, that was great news! After over three months of doctor visits and blood tests and weight checks and pain killers and no answers as to what was wrong with me, I was thrilled to find out that I didn’t have something more debilitating like an autoimmune disorder, which does run in my family. Let’s just say that through the experiences with all the doctors (some much better than others), learning what it’s like to be sick for an extended period of time, and trying to take care of each other above ourselves through it all…I learned a lot. (Randall probably learned his own stuff, too, but I don’t want to speak for him).
I learned not to take my energy for granted. Not to take my health for granted. As a person accustomed to long-distance running, it was a huge blow to not even have the energy to do laundry. I would literally wake up, go to work, come home and sleep. Randall would cook, do laundry, and put me to bed. It sucked. I was tired and cranky and moody all the time. Who wants to feel that crappy especially when you have no idea why you feel crappy to begin with?
I’ve gotten back up to maybe a mile and a half at this point, which compared to how I used to run, is like a power-walk through the mall. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. Even though I am still recovering, still looking to be able to do everything that I once could, I am so grateful to our Father and Redeemer who has renewed me. My spirit and my body are being renewed. It has been a painful process at points, for sure. And, through this process, I’ve had to come face to face with a big hiccup for me – not being able to do what I want to do.
As a write those words, I’m afraid to even publish this blog post. Do I want to admit that I have a problem sometimes with not getting my way? No, I don’t. But, I think that might be the biggest thing that God forced me to learn through all of this. Life isn’t about doing it your way, or getting your way, or doing what you want to do. God can and will take control when we drop the ball. I’m afraid to say that I did drop the ball in some ways. I hope that I am finally freed from the throes of the Lyme disease, but more than that, I hope that this learning experience sticks with me and forces some permanent changes in my life. I hope that in 4 months, or whenever this Lyme disease fully gets out of my system, I will look back and be grateful that I was sick. If that’s what it takes for me to finally get it, that LIFE, Life in Christ, is truly greater than me and my whims, then I’ll take it. And, if you read this, and you see me being princess-y, unnecessarily, just remind me of Lenny, as my mom likes to call him…Lenny the Lyme….
Life with Lyme = LIFE Renewed
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