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Play = discovery:

Choosing Joy:

Choose What Delights Your Soul:

I'M OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE!

I have always been against any kind of weight loss shake or supplements because it was deemed as "weight loss" and I have bad memories of family members trying all kinds of programs or shakes to lose weight and feel better. Hence, my hesitancy to ever becoming involved in a fitness program including a shake. I've steared clear all these years and knew my motives would not have been healthy if I did it. I would have abused it and taken it to either a strict level or I would have "failed" in my eyes and been worse off. It has been a year as I have witnessed the growth of my friend Rachel and her pursuit as a Beachbody coach. For the record I'm still allergic to the "beachbody" words because I do not feel that I am in this to have a "beach model body". I do not believe that is realistic nor will I place myself in a position to go extreme as I've wanted in the past.

My inner self and heart has changed over the years and I simply desire to be the healthiest I can be for myself, as a daughter of God and who He desires for me to become and for my family. I want to be the wife who can do the activities with her husband, the mom who can chase her boys and give them "competition" as they get older and the friend who can walk alongside and show love and empathy. I am my best self when I am physically sweating every day and I am my best mental self when I have exerted myself and pushed my limits. I am kinder, listen longer, think deeper and give love more. I want that for this world. I want for others to also desire this. We are all made for such much more!! Thus, I signed up to be a coach with this fitness system called Beachbody and primarily I am here to help others...here to reach places I never thought I might reach and to work on nutrition because my Lord knows I have struggled with the sugar/carb cycle for a lot of years. I'm ALL IN for what God's desire for my life and I want to help.

Processing Sacred in the Ordinary Moments

Consider your everyday, ordinary life. Consider Buechner’s message: “Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.” 

• How can you listen to your life? How DO you listen to your life? Stopping, pausing, pacing my mind to consider what is in this very moment. I currently listen through quiet moments. Early morning standing for a brief moment in the drive way before I go in and get ready for my day after my run or workout class. I listen through my commute to work sometimes in silence and sometimes with K-LOVE or AIR1. I stare at my boys while they begin to go to sleep and remember those early days or no sleep but lots of love-this also includes some of the struggles I had during those times too.
• What do you hear? What do you want to hear? I hear clocks often, birds, tasks being done by neighbors when I'm home, I hear air circulating in the hospital and overhead announcements, I hear babies crying and sometimes complete silence except for monitors while in the NICU. I hear life all around me and sometimes I also hear death which ironically feels very deafening and intense at times...but later blends into peace. I WANT to hear encouragement, I WANT to hear building up of others, I want to hear my own thoughts building me up and pressing me forward. I WANT to hear ocean sounds, water, the birds, natural sounds from our earth. I want to hear His spirit in my thoughts expressing to me which way to go or how to think.
• What do you already notice, and what do you want to see more of? I notice that the more hurried I am, the less observant I am. The more sacred I consider my time, the more meaningful my conversations become and I am gentler with myself and others. I want to see more understanding. I want to see more outdoors. I want to see more support.
• How can you begin to dive deeper into noticing the sacred in your ordinary? Perhaps you’re quite good at noticing the details and recognizing them as sacred. How can you develop this practice further? Are there patterns to what you’re noticing? Are you noticing them at a specific time of need, of joy, of tenderness? De-cluttering to allow more space for movement and more space for less distractions. Intentionally focusing on one thing at a time rather than multitasking with 7 things. It is most difficult for me to notice the sacred when I am stressed. I go tunnel-vision and struggle to recalibrate. I am noticing that it is all within my perspective and that my perspective can shift.
• How do you feel in those moments of noticing? I feel more at peace and content when I notice. I realize the importance of pausing or sitting a little longer in the moment. I don't jump to the next thing and just 'am'.
• When you scan your ordinary life, what objects, numbers, signs do you seem to notice? I mostly notice butterflies, wings, owls, occasionally the number 7 but I'm not completely buying into it meaning something every-single-time, when I see turquoise I get very excited!
• What do you think your angles are trying to communicate with you? Are they messages of hope? Confirmation that you are on the right path? That you are loved? That they are simply with you? I am not sure and I have not fully explored this concept. I desire to sift through this subject more from a Biblical point of view to dissect if this is something I believe. I have always considered it to be the Holy Spirit within me (God's Spirit) but I do know that angels exist. I'm just not sure what role they would have in communicating with me.
If there was an angel of Finding the Sacred in the Ordinary and she was trying to tell you one deeply important message, what would it be? If I have this type of angel who is with me then I would surmise she would be telling me to "cherish your quiet moments and simply listen, realize 'you are enough' and loved.
Hello Intention!

Play = discovery

Choosing Joy

I am a Renegade

ren·e·gade

ˈrenəˌɡād/

 noun

1. 1. an individual who rejects conventional behavior

   
   

   
   

I no longer want to conform to the 'American Dream' and the haste and hurriedness that this culture proclaims as successful and beneficial. I see only unfulfilled hearts that long for space to think and to experience. I no longer want to feel like my principles and what I believe in is "untolerable" and that I'm a bigot because I believe something different than someone else. I no longer feel bound to believe that I am suppose to look like the magazine covers and if I don't, that I have somehow failed. I no longer want to sit in silence working to love the unlovable while inconsiderate loud-mouth people (who like their comfort zones) bash another's life because someone is at a different place or season in life than they are--or that their struggles are soley by choice with intention. I no longer want to believe that the education I received is the ONLY avenue for change.

I believe that ordinary, regular people can impact others for the good. I believe that a smile is worth much more than a stare or a whisper. I believe that I am no better than another person. I believe that others' struggles may be more than they can handle and that I need to give grace and love. I believe that God made my body as it is and that I am responsible to care for it and put into it what is needed AND NOT what is always wanted. I believe that my education is helpful and that my experience in life is of even more value. I believe that we are all to thrive and not just to survive. I believe that we will all be held accountable for our motives and actions in this life. I believe that although I don't like the selection for this year's presidential election, that I am to pray for my leaders and hold them accountable to what they say they will or will not do. I believe that pessimism and cynicsm are toxic to one's health but that sarcasm can be healthy and fun if not directed at someone. Lastly, I believe that I am not alone and that others feel this way too but simply may not say anything because of others' perceptions. 

I have many friends from many different backgrounds who have views that I wholey disagree with; however, if you need a meal, a prayer, help of some sort I am willing to be present. Our differences do NOT have to be at the center of our relationships. Love and grace are to be...it's that simple. We can dialogue about it and be respectful.

Transition :: Change, it's what's for Dinner

IT'S BEEN 8 WEEKS! –I transitioned to part-time about 8 weeks ago and it's been very good, HARD, yet very good. Any change in life is hard and full of uncertainties and I'm still navigating these uncertainties. But the even little-bit-more space in my head to create and think about doing something other than exercise, work, food, wash, homework, bed-time AND repeat has been very healthy. God has shown me weaknesses I've known that I have had but haven't had to exactly face yet and now He has me ready to face them. He has me ready to move forward and to trust and to BELIEVE that He is good and HE IS ABLE.  –It's no secret that I struggle with depression and this past year's burn-out moved me deceptively into a functional-yet-paralyzing depression; whereby, it was hard to concentrate, focus on one thing at a time, my thoughts raced, my anxiety over the littlest things was hightened and my overall sense of well-being was depleted. I LOVE what I get to do at the hospital (Perinatal ICU & Neonatal ICU Social Worker) and the sacred moments I encounter daily; however, I was no longer able to give of myself to my loved ones outside of work. I still believe that this work is what I am called to do BUT I know there is so much MORE He has in store for me. I know that painting is suppose to blossom into helping others and guiding them through hard times. I know that running and fitness in my life is to take on a life of its own to help others to move forward. I know that this life is NOT my own. –I am learning that what I am learning right now is preparing me for next steps and I need to share this. MY MESS IS MY MESSAGE. I struggle like everyone else does; yet I want to strive and overcome and trust and persevere. Darkness has a purpose in my life and His light is suppose to come out of it and not for my glory but for God's. I wish so many of my friends could understand this but they continue to chase meaningless things. I don't want to chase meaningless things. A LITTLE OF WHAT’S HAPPENING... –So many springtime colors around here!! Birds hatching and their mothers feeding them in their nests, in our yard! –Enjoying the sunshine - I don't ever want to take that for granted. –Beginning the process of dreaming about Redecorating and repurposing and re-falling-in-love with my home... –The boys are growing, growing, growing. My patience has increased with not being so rushed all the time. And I'm slower to anger (check with me tomorrow to see if this still stands *wink*). –Being able to do more things so that Mark doesn't have to carry almost the entire load like he was before. Watching him begin to pursue some new things for himself –Pursuing self-development again and recalibrating goals –ABOUT TO JUMP OFF THE ADOPTION CLIFF!!!! Ah our electronic Profile is ready, we have Profile books sent to the Adoption Agency to submit to birthmothers when we choose AND this is crazy talk people!!

Motherhood and being Blind

I often wonder the reason behind the seasons that occur in each of our lives. And I don't mean weather seasons but rather the life-challenging seasons. The ebb and flow of the valleys and the mountains and the in-between. Each transitionary time takes on a lot of unknowns and challenges. The change of pace is something that can rarely be grasped and anticipated. Most of the time it feels like as my friend Amy stated, "I'm along for the ride." Being present during transition while I 'wait' is probably the hardest piece of wisdom I'm holding onto at this point.

It's unusual for me to think in terms of motherhood because I have most always thought in terms of self...self-examination, self-awareness and self-actualization. All those fancy words mean to say: I have thought a lot in my life about myself and about my dreams. Even while following God and pursuing an intimate relationship with Jesus, I have often hoped that my dreams were part of His will. It's a confusing process in seeking Him because the more I ask and the more I dream, the more I feel less certain that my dreams are the best. I start to see His dreams and His work in me looking different. His work through me blesses others and not just myself.

This week is meant to help me in the upcoming transition, it's meant not to sugar-coat things but to give me some reality into more time with my kids and the Truth that I know and believe: more time with my kids WILL be HARD. And that's ok. I'm not ignorant to the fact that being around them more may bring out those things that I do not like more. It will likely mean discipling more, holding my temper more, praying more and hopefully can mean at some point, hugging more, loving more and playing more. I'm not even sure what this is going to look like as of yet and frankly I'm not holding my breath thinking it will look any one way because the reality is that even when promised one thing-life throws curve balls!!

The picture below really spoke to me:



God placed the desire in my heart to go part-time beginning in August-September-October of 2015 and I prayed about it. lamented over it and wrestled with him over it. I knew I needed to in November but didn't verbalize it until December. By that time I'd already been searching to see if I was suppose to be somewhere else and had some good interactions with other prospects but the conversations came back around to working with the moms and postpartum women. I couldn't shake it so I decided to stay and see what was going to happen. Each step of obedience came with some clarity and then uncertainty again. And this has been the cycle this entire winter-spring: some clarity then uncertainty.

I've moved to the point of simply knowing it (the transition) may not be what I want...but it's what I need. It's what my family needs and ultimately...God will help to change my 'want to'.

So when I think of the women I work with and realize how I see motherhood, I realize even moreso that a mother is truly born when a baby is born and also has to grow and develop like any baby.

My motherhood has went through so many seasons now with Ian whose 7 and Elijah who is 3. I have worked part-time jobs, struggled with being home not with Ian and then with him for a little bit. But Elijah I have only been with during his 8 weeks when he was first born and a week here or there. It's unsettling not to have fully spent time with your children in a way that helps you to really know them. Our culture strips away that time with busyness and distractions. I've come to a point where I'm fed up with going too fast and being distracted.

I respect and admire women in leadership positions who seem to "do-it-all" however, I know the price of doing that and that includes involvement in their children's lives. My striving and determination to accomplish my goals is a good thing but even a good thing might not be a great thing. I want to do great things and in God's kingdom, it's all upside down. Great things may not happen through success in the world's eyes nor through completing the goals. Great things may happen in the little things that get passed on to my children like: kindness, patience, trust, hope and discernment.

Wow, I am so blind to God's work in me!! Seriously I am so blind to wanting this world's success and meaning. I want to be recognized for my hard work and it blinds me to recognizing God's work around me. I want to feel respected and appreciated in the hospital environment but it blinds me to fully appreciating how blessed I am to be where I am. I am blinded and I don't want to be.

Part-time is coming...and I have NO CLUE how it will really look but for now I'm enjoying each day with my boys with the fights, whines, playing together, throwing toys, time-outs, picky eating, excited smiles and eyes and lousy eye-rolling and frowns.

I don't want to be blind...not anymore.

Right Now :: Leap Day

It feels like a whirlwind of a month that has culmenated. I am not oblivious to the world's problems nor to my own struggles (and yes I do struggle and at times it is intense). But for today, even with the struggles of today I choose to believe in what God's thoughts are for me and not in my doubts. There are a lot of doubts but faith is believing in what I cannot see. I want to let God to consume me and to restore me to how He sees me. So today I choose, in this moment I choose. Regardless of circumstances I choose.

Now check back with me in an hour and I'll tell you whether I choose or not because it is a process.

Why I love my life right now...

I love my life right now...not because there are answers to my questions because for many of them I have to wait.

I love it because it is an adventure whereby I have to practice continual trust that my life is not my own and that God is good. He is truly good for whatever happens. God is conspiring to bless me, I'm sure of it. It scares me to say it though sometimes because I see and experience people's worst fears first hand. But they have also taught me that life goes on and that joy has to be refound in the simple things that cannot be replaced.

I could lament about many things but honestly that won't help. I could wish away things that could be different but that would take away time.

I love it because I know I'm blessed with health, with friendship, with love and with the blessing of living a sunny day. I have a house that I hope to make more into a home with time. I have eyes that see colors and a nose that smells many scents. My mouth can taste what the world has to offer in food and I can listen to the wind and to voices as they speak pain and elation.

I don't know what tomorrow brings. I can plan and analyze but ultimately it's not up to me. I can train and push myself but if I turn a good thing into an idol then it's meaningless. I can worry about full-time, part-time or no work and in the end what counts is that the work is meaningful and that God can use me wherever He desires. I choose to inhabit my days and think differently than most. I won't settle and that word drives me crazy. I will push the lines because who knows where it will go? If I play safe all the time then I will miss out on opportunities and on blessings.

Feeling is part of living; although I can't be bound by feelings. We either live bravely or we give into the notion that "this is all there is". Live in piece that you are exactly where you need to be and if you don't like it then change your view. Sit at an angle or even go upside down (though not when driving) but change something. Take a risk.

My desire for more...my desire to Go Beyond My Beyond

My desire for more...my desire to Go Beyond My Beyond

There are multiple parts of me just like anyone else and often I think in terms of physicial, emotional, mental and spiritual. But they are all circular and cyclical in my life and all interconnect with the other. When one part shifts then the others shift. Most recently when I shift the physical everything else shifts and often for the good.

It is also the case for spiritual whereby everything shifts when I seek God more, sit in stillness with Him, listen for His voice, read His Word, allow Him to work within me and obey His whispers "still, small voice".

However, I have found that the times when I shifted my mental and emotional parts that they didn't last long because I had not started with the spiritual piece of myself.

If I had more time I would make gifts for others, I would supposedly give more of myself to others. I would take my children on "field trips" and experiential endeavors that would have a lasting effect on them.

Sit with the questions and longings in life.

Leading & Loving It :: 2015

Nuggets abounded throughout the entire Re:Treat in Nashville, TN this last week. For women in ministry and pastor's wives, it was so refreshing and engaging. None of us are "just a woman in ministry" nor are we "normal". I'm still astounded by the style that these women had because if you know me you know that I have a "style" however when I'm relaxed it primarily shows as race shirts and jeans. I'm not glitzy or trendy rather I'm simply comfortable. Is it evident yet that I wish I did "style" more? I do, confession made, time to move on.

I won't lie, I cried a lot. When you finally let loose of the chains of rush and life and simply present yourself before Jesus, He moves and He moves BIG.

Below are some of my notes and things that hit me during the sessions:

@LORIWILHITE  @BRANDIANDBOYS
What if our roles were more about God (thankfulness) and less about myself?

Unlock Community :: friendship is built on what we don't have to say
                                 :: vision gives pain a purpose
                                 :: gives thanks to God for His love never quits
Unlock Confidence :: Galatians 1:1 "I am Commissioned"
Unlock Peace :: it surpasses understanding
Unlock Healing :: He'll fix what is broken

~~ Personally: I locked up uncertainty...there's a lot going on in my life on the level of what God is doing, He is giving and taking away.

@LISEHARPER; LISAHARPER.NET
Navigate the High and Low Points
Mark 9 - God redeemed Moses' story (he didn't get to go into the Promise Land; however, he met Jesus on the mountain)
- learnings: we get to commune with God!  Jesus leans down to listen to my prayers! DO NOT forget to Pray!!

"It is helplessness, not holiness that is the first step to access God." ~ Tim Keller

~~ Personally: I see that a valley, a new season is about to come, I'm on a mountain after running the marathon. I'm presented with several options with work and can see clearly that my family needs more of me. Things are becoming clear and choices have to be made.

@NYEATTS; NOELYEATTS.COM
Worldhelp.net - Child Sponsorship - Trips - Various Missions
* Acknowledge the Needs - what gets our own attention?
* Find your place
* Make this a lifestyle - a Culture

When overwhelmed: acknowledge you are a small part of His story
                                : it's not MY story; we are only supporting actors
                                : long for a different world/a new world; embrace the global world

REMEMBER WHO WE ARE AS PEOPLE OF FAITH; Who God Called Us to Be
Get Uncomfortable

~~Personally: I struggle with seeing all the needs because I walk daily in a world of heroin and in the knowledge that infants will be sent home with parents who don't deserve them and who may mistreat them regardless of what I can do. I live in an overwhelming awareness that evil is present BUT I also live in a local world of seeing miracles a lot. I struggled to feel led to address the global needs when I'm entrenched in the local needs. Noel stated to me "I have the opposite place because I see all the global needs and struggle to hear and feel led to address the local needs. It's OK. You are called to the local arena, I am called to the global arena."

@JULIERICHARD; FEARLESSMOM.COM

"Mistakes are only wasted if kept to ourselves."

You can control how to respond and how to act.

Luke 1 - Zechariah and Elizabeth were pregnant with John the Baptist and Mary visited Elizabeth and Elizabeth only had praise and encouragement for Mary (not jealousy, no envy, only love).

Learning: be content with my capacity; stay in your own lane. Be confident in your own CALLING.

LOVE God: LOVE His HOUSE: LOVE His WAYS

{{SHAKE OFF the Nay-Sayers}}

Run your own Race & make sure that it's God that you chase...people are sinners..Galatians 6:9, in the proper time (God's time) you WILL reap a harvest

~~Personally: this speaks volumes to me to encourage other women in my life towards their best in Christ and not envy their success or their perceived success; to remain faithful in my present Calling and stay in my lane

Speaker Q&A

"if it doesn't edify me then don't listen to them"

We live in a Culture of Critique - strive to build others up, be loyal

Receive PLAY :: ease , comfort, safety, laughter

Friendship are either for a: REASON/SEASON/LIFETIME (sometimes we are disappointed when friends end up being in another category than we had thought they were)

[OVERWHELMED] by Linda and Larissa

You can control your schedule

1) Get Healthy (sleep, eating)

2) Reprioritize your Life

3) Create & Develop Margin - space reserved for the unexpected (between success versus stress); a necessity; Isaiah 26 having perfect peace; happen purposefully   

     - identify priorities & non-negotiables (meals together, dates, mom mode, quiet God times)

     - narrow your focus (invest in one, simplify)

     - schedule times of rest to function at our best (it's ok to do nothing; turn off the noice; morning time/evening time)

4) Saying NO - quickly identify when placed on the spot; Acts 6:1-6 You have to know what your devotion will be to; John 5:19 Be prayerful in the details of life

5) Time-Management - Psalm 90:12; time-inventory/set limits with your phone/find pockets at a time/calendars

    - Don't try to push the river, it will flow by itself. (blooms & catepillars)

    {Enjoy when you are in the moment.}

~~Personally: I know this is an area of constant struggle and although I feel that myself and my family are doing it right...I still find myself in RUSH-MODE so many times and for what? and for whom?

@LISAYOUNGFC; FELLOWSHIPLIVE.COM

Share from the overflow of your Heart

The church is the bride of Christ...building the church

Unlikely people

Unlikely circumstances

Unlikely response - perseverence

Our only role model should be JESUS

Deserts - Jesus time in the desert being tempted by Satan

1) enter the desert : full of the Holy Spirit

    - take time to be in the Holy Spirit

    - drawing away in silence

2) enter the desert : equipped with the Word of God 

    - God Word is meant to transform : Peter's declaration of faith "you are the Son of God"

3) enter the desert : aware of the resources & God's provision

    - God will give resources & people you enjoy  (P-I-E: People I Enjoy)

4) enter the desert : pursuing your purpose (use your pain) 

LET YOUR PAIN HAVE A PURPOSE

~~Personally: WOW, WOW, WOW - I'm about to go into a desert time and what timely wisdom to hold on to!! I LOVE PIE "People I Enjoy". 

@DRTARAJENKINS; TARAJENKINS.ORG

PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN - make a decision today

1) Take a Stand - take the chains off
   - not a feeling, a decision
   - He orders my STEPS and my STOPS
2) Stop Faking a Stand
   - live on the "dash"  (birth date - death date)
3) Life can come & SHAKE your Stand
    - Eph 6:13, when this is done all...STAND
    - enemy tries to distract you
    - shaking - the people you thought were devouted are actually debree
Hab: 3:19 & 2 Samuel 22:34 - He Transforms what you are, where you are.

~~Personally: Take a Stand Kara, live on the dash, this is a short life and loving the local church is not easy. It is hard, people can be hard but keep standing. Keep Standing!

Monumental Marathon :: Going Beyond My Beyond

I am so grateful for my NOTES app on my phone because it was the easiest way to chronicle my struggles and learning through this past training season. Below is the brief story of how Monumental was chosen and the amazing race that it was for me - all glory to God.

Beginning in April-May as I had become faster through that past year (2014-2015) I wondered and dreamed about running another full marathon. With all the hats I wear and the current family dynamics I wasn't sure if it was the right time nor the best idea. I prayed about it occasionally and just let it go. I was having difficulties with remaining purposeful with my long runs through the summer. I did not but it wasn't pretty. It came to the end of June, beginning July that I had "had it". I was negative-thinking, critical of myself and others and just plain "blah". Mid-July, I remembered my hope of running this particular marathon and it just so happened to fall right before a vacation and conference I was already scheduled to attend "Leading & Loving It" in Nashville, TN. Mark and I discussed it and I pulled out a training plan I had held onto since copying it in 2008 (Running a Sub-4:00 hour Marathon by Runner's World). And that week in mid-July I mapped out the entire schedule on my Google Calendar - 16 weeks of pretty intense running including hills, speed work and long runs.

I was excited and wrote a huge blog about expectations and not becoming legalistic about it. Looking back, I believe I was wholely blessed with the process and did fairly well not becoming legalistic. I was determined! God had allowed me to be ready!!

No lie, it was hard. Training while working full-time was hard, being a mom and training was hard, and holy cow being a wife and training was hard especially since I'm a morning-waker and Mark's a night owl. "Good night Elijah, good night Ian, Hi Hon, how was your day Mark?, goodnight hon!" No joke, a new routine developed.

But training also healthily distracted me from disappointments in life, loss of loved ones, emotionally painful work days and ultimately, gave me margin and space to be with God and listen to His book of love. I went from Genesis to Acts (race day was John and Acts) and what perfect books for the race. I can't get over God's timing, His perfect timing. I don't understand His timing nor all of His ways, but He is good.

After the two-20 milers and then the 22 miler I knew I was ready but of course the two weeks before the race I fret. I get anxious, I lament and I text my closest friends for advice and confidence. I lean on their confidence and lean on their prayers. I speak with God but find it hard to trust Him. Will you really allow me to beat my goal or will it be a learning lesson of dependence? Will you keep me from injury? What if I dehydrate and don't meet my goal? What if my boys don't see me finish for whatever reason? What if Mark and I get mad at each other during race weekend? What if, what if what if?

--------------------------------------------
Alas, race weekend comes and I'm nervous but holding it in mostly. Royally distracted by the 3 year old screaming from the back seat as we make our way to Indianapolis. Yes, distracted and trying to keep the peace or at least the 3 of us ok while Elijah just has his tantrums. Emergency bathroom stop, have to get cash, what about supper? Oy!!

Finally at the hotel and boys are crazy. I head down to pick up my packet with my dad (love my daddy!) and look at the race course on screen as it's driven. Yes flat but kind of boring?! Anxious!

I laid everything out and knew it'd be ok. I didn't sleep much and heard my boys breathing and coughing and tossing and turning. I prayed and talking with Jesus about all kinds of things. Eventually it was time and by then my stomach was flipping. REALLY?!! Why is it flipping? I'm thinking. I want to maintain pace soooo badly, it's been a wild ride training already. Can I do this? What if I don't...blah...blah..blah. I received texts from several people and reply back. Slightly freaking out, ok freaking out. But luckily one of the key points to running a full marathon is to be able to empty your body out before running. And my body emptied, as nervous as it was. (A.k.a. I went to the restroom well.) I know TMI, but it's true!

Met my parents and went to the start. So many people! I find my coral and decide to stay towards the front. And then the 3:45 hour pacer stood in front of me and I said "I think I'm gonna back up." That's WAY too fast!
As the crowd moved forward after the gun shot, I slowly crept back to make sure I wasn't in over my head and then began. The first 8-14 miles I had to back myself off considerably and run a 9:00 pace (teatering between 8:30-9:15) and let everyone pass me. I wasn't slow nor did I walk but just kept listening to the book of John. Jesus talked to the Pharisees at one point and said (my paraphrase) you know the book of the Law but you are idiots and do not know me. You must know me and live in LOVE. It means nothing to simply know Scripture. Can you say: conviction! Yes I'm listening to Scripture but it means nothing if I don't talk with Jesus and seek Him.

My pace was on target by mid-way and I felt like God was simply stating to me, keep listening and just do 8 more miles (miles 12-20) so I thought this way and knew that at mile 20 I would think 3 more miles to get to mile 23 and then 3 more miles to get to 26.

Mile 15 came and the book of John was done. I basically talked with Jesus the entire mile and praised Him, thanking Him for this opportunity to run, move and be present with Him. What peace this mile was!! I prayed about the next miles and that I hoped I wouldn't have to stop to restart the book of Acts. I asked Siri to start the book of Acts on my iphone and she did! :) Simple joys.

What happened next is not something I could have anticipated. I listened to Acts and saw how God grew His church. How love spread the Word and how people persecuted the disciples for their witness. I kept thinking about water stops and gel stops but otherwise listened and tried to run straight (like a race car driver by the corners). I didn't really walk except to put water down my mouth and then would throw it on me to cool my muscles. Praise God for Biofreeze!!! No muscle aches.

Again what happened next was awesome...I felt myself going faster! 8:30-8:45 pace for that matter. I arrived at mile 20 and knew that if I just maintained the comfortable pace - NOTE COMFORTABLE pace!! I was totally like "WHAT?!" It was comfortable. By mile 20 I did not expect to feel comfortable but it was.

By miles 22-23 I began to hit a wall and my muscles were getting tight so I made sure to walk intentionally during the water stop and then just ramped it up again. The last 8 miles of the race I was literlly passing EVERYBODY. There was one young lady that did pass me and her pace was awesome 8:00-8:15 and I let her go. Run in my lane, run my own race I told myself.

Miles 24-25 were nothing but grit and consistency, still surprised that my pace was good and not slowing down. Mile 25 came and I quickened and laid it all down - 8:00 minute pace! What a race?! What an adventure?! I want my boys to see!! I voice texted Mark at 24.2 just to make sure. ;) So sue me, this was important to me.

I came around the corner and had a quarter mile left and sprinted. Who has a sprint after 26 miles?! (let me rephrase who has a sprint who is not an elite runner?) and I did and I sprinted and I saw the time. My goal time was crushed - PRAISE GOD. Only He can orchestrate such a race where I was steady and faster at the end. What a great prayer for my own life, to pursue Him quicker as my life moves forward. And even better than the goal time - MY BOYS GOT TO SEE ME FINISH!! yes, tear in my eye.

Monumental Marathon #5, best yet. Want to stay on cloud 9 for a while. Mapped out the post-race recovery plan and it's pretty sweet. Muscles doing well except for the ill-equipped massage I received Friday but that's another blog post. So bad that I just laughed. I can't wait to run with friends who are doing their first half-marathons this upcoming Spring!!

Permission to...REFLECT, the creative path...

Permission granted to....REFLECT

Having a creative path…my mother showed me how to express through crafts and making gifts for other people. I thoroughly enjoyed creating things around the holidays with my mom, my aunts and cousins and making things with my hands. I loved color and whimsical patterns. I began to fall in love with writing in my creative writing class and placing down my thoughts through pen. I was drawn to deep thinking and abstract mindfulness.

In middle school, I excelled at most anything I touched including art. I found myself consumed by learning about it, almost perfectionistically but it directed me towards thinking about art therapy and helping others express their grief, their pain through art. I obtained awards and when I was doing a painting or a drawing, that is all that I was thinking about and was not distracted.

Unfortunately or fortunately as it may be, my path in art went elsewhere when I chose the road known and went into music with band and my older brother being a Senior. I chose band over art and I believe that is what my family desired and I did so mostly but I also experienced a lot of anxiety with performance. My sophomore year, I then chose again (out of familiarity and desires) to go into band again instead of art and this time it was because of a boy. The regret I have or at least the do-differently I would have done is I would have chosen art…if I would have had the courage and been able to let go of expectations and familiarity. I did not give myself permission.

My writing was my main mode of artistic expression for years and doing various projects until while in graduate school in Louisville, KY I met up with one of Mark’s coworkers, Cheryl and she introduced me to card making and from card-making I went into my own version of scrapbooking with my friend Candy in Jasper, IN and from making gifts then I felt led to give towards desiring to paint. I felt inspired by Ali Edward’s version of scrapbooking and documenting life. I used to read her blog almost every day for at least 4 years and from there I was introduced to Kelly Rae Roberts and her paintings. Her mantras on her paintings resonated with me so strongly. They were thoughts I had a lot and felt while doing therapy with others but I could never pin-point how to make my thoughts manifested into real life as she was able to do so.

I’m one who wants to go against the rules and not for the purpose of rebellion but for the simple truth that I enjoy adventure and I long to feel joy and not failure or disappointment. I want to experience life in the present moment and experiment with things. My small group at church went through Chazown and grew through writing out our Core Values, Spiritual Gifts and Past Experiences. I formed a purpose statement that has helped to direct me (nie push me) into some new directions. Hence, in April 2014, I took a risk and committed to Kelly Rae’s e-course Hello Soul, Hello Mantra with courage and seeking a change in mindset. Then almost one year ago today, I accepted a new position and transitioned into a NICU role very different from my previous medical social worker role at the hospital.

Since the e-course, I have created paintings and projects of love and purpose for people in my life that I felt led to do. The Lord has shown me parts of myself and some passions I did not know existed through the NICU role. AND I want to be creative with running and making it not just about myself but about others and about viewing oneself with grace and with respect and thwarting the darkness and negativity that pulls us all down at some point.

What I really desire is a tribe, a community of like-minded women to be encouraging to and to be encouraged by. I want to be surrounded by those who don’t know what they are doing creatively and yet they are doing it.

One Article: Sub-4:00

Running a marathon in under 4 hours is a hallmark achievement for many runners out there and it should be.  Recently I wrote an article onRunnersGoal.com about what an achievement a sub-4:00 marathon is.  Running a marathon in under 4 hours will essentially put you in the top quartile of marathon finishers out there.  Naturally, that begs the question of how does one train to run a marathon in under 4 hours.

Experience with Sub-4:00 Marathons

I have run a number of marathons and as I previously noted my first marathon was over 4 hours.  Granted there were some extenuating circumstances associated with that marathon but over time I have been able to lower my personal best marathon time to 3:03:27 at Leavenworth in 2012.

The sub-4:00 marathon will come easier for some than others.  For some it will not come naturally and will take some structure and dedication to achieve your goal.  That said, the bottom line is that it is very possible to run a marathon in under 4 hours but you are going to have to work for it.

First a word of caution; while a sub-4:00 marathon is an laudable accomplishment, it cannot and should not define who you are as a runner.  The love of running is much more than achieving an arbitrary time standard.  I know several people who will likely never be in a position to run a marathon in under 4 hours and they are some of the most dedicated, passionate, and praiseworthy runners I have ever encountered.  If you run a marathon in 6 or 7 hours you deserve every bit of the same respect and accolades as someone who runs the same race in under 3 hours.

Elements of Successful Training

To run a sub 4-hour marathon you are going to need to be able to run 26.2 miles at a pace that is equivalent to a 9:10 per mile or faster.  To be able to run that pace for that far you are going to need a structured plan.  You are going to need to build your running endurance and get used to running at an intensity around the pace you plan to running on marathon day.  You are going to need to build yourself up and start getting used to changing speeds while you are running.

To successfully run a sub 4-hour marathon you are going to want to have a training program that is based on consistency and involves four primary elements: speedwork, marathon pace tempo runs, long runs and recovery.

A lot of times when one prepares for a marathon there is a lot of focus on the long run and there should be since this is the element that will help you simulate the experience of your marathon.  Without a doubt the long run remains the single most important element of a marathon training program but if you want to run a marathon fast, you need to get used to running fast and that is where speedwork and marathon pace tempo running comes in.

A final element that I would recommend as part of any marathon training program is some elements of strength training.  Strength training will help you to avoid injury as well as develop the muscle fibers that give you an extra boost out on the race course.

Here is what I would recommend for each one of these elements:

Long Run – Like I noted the long run is the most important element of any marathon training program.  There are a lot of philosophies out there about how fast one should run their long runs.  There are those that suggest that the benefit of the long run is really time on your feet and pace is not important while others will tell you that it is necessary to run your long runs not tangibly slower than your anticipated marathon pace.  To me the answer is in the middle.  The time of your feet aspect of the long run is important as that is the way you are going to build yourself up to a point of being able to take the beating of marathon day.  That said, if you want to run fast you have got to get your body used to running fast.  What I have found that has worked for myself is that if I run my long runs around 45 seconds t0 1:30 minutes per mile slower than my anticipated marathon pace, I have been successful.  If you are shooting for a sub-4 hour marathon I would recommend trying to hit a pace right at or slightly faster than 10:00 per mile.

Marathon Pace Tempo Runs – Aside from the long run, the marathon pace tempo run is really the next most important workout for marathon success.  In a tempo run of this nature one would warm up for a mile or two and then run at slightly faster than anticipated marathon pace (9:10 mile pace for a 4-hour marathon but I would recommend one target a 9:00 mile pace) for a specified distance.  This get your body used to running at marathon pace by helping you work on your lactate threshold (i.e., pace or intensity at which you body can remove lactate from your bloodstream).  This is the most important workout for being able to run and sustain your pace over the long haul.

Speedwork – Speedwork can take many forms but every variant is focused on helping your body learn how to run at a fast pace, faster than the lactate threshold pace.  This in turn helps you improve your VO2max (or body’s oxygen utilization efficiency) and speeds you up.  The importance of VO2max or speedwork in your training is directly proportional to distance so the shorter the distance of your race.  Since the marathon is a long race, speedwork is important but not as important as the other elements of a successful training program.  In other words, if your week is going to pot, drop the speed workout from your training plan first so you can still get your tempo and long runs in.  Like I noted, speedwork can take lot of different forms but for me, in the context of a marathon training program, I have found that 1 kilometer and 1 mile repeats at around 5k to 10k race pace work best.  For a 4-hour marathon an equivalent 5k pace would be 7:56 mile pace and 10K pace is 8:14 mile pace.    These “intervals” can be run as part of a fartlek-type workout or on a track or treadmill with some rest in between.  Unless you are like me and actually enjoy getting out to the local track for speedwork, I would recommend just incorporating your speedwork into a standard distance run as fartlek-type workout.  In such a workout, one would warm up for a mile and then alternate running at 5k-10k race pace for either 1k or 1 miles before settling into a jog for an equivalent distance as the interval (i.e., 1k to 1 mile) before starting the process again.  You would repeat this until you completed the number of intervals that your plan calls for.

Recovery Runs – These are what they sound like they are.  One should never do two hard workouts back-to-back.  You are going to want to break those up with a recovery run where you are just going out for a run and doing what your body allows you to do.  On these sort of runs just do what you can as the objective is to get out and run for the enjoyment of running and while you are at it working out the residual effects of your harder efforts.

Strength Training – You do not need to go crazy here.  Keep it simple.  All you are trying to do here is to strengthen your core and joints to increase your power and make your body more resistant to the wear and tear of a marathon training program.  No need to get a gym membership and really all you need to do is what you learned in gym class.  I am talking push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups, lunges, squats, etc.  What I have found that works for me is to do these sort of exercise 2-3 times as week for the biggest bang for your buck.

 Recommended Training Plan

Ok, so now you know the elements, how do we put that together into an overall plan?  There are a lot of plans out there on the internet – some good and some not so good.  In reality the best way to develop a plan is to know yourself – your strengths, your weaknesses, your ability to recover, etc. to make a solid plan.

That said, if a friend of mine came to me and asked what plan should they should follow if they wanted to break a 4:00 marathon, I would recommend a 16 week plan that incorporates all of the elements that we have previously discussed.  Some may be able to get away with a 12 week plan depending on what your mileage base has been but to be successful a 16 week plan gives you the best opportunity.

Going into any such plan, you have to have some running experience and I would recommend that you follow these guidelines when determining when to jump into a marathon training program.  In reality, the outlined plan below considers that one has already had the experience of training for and running a marathon but now wants to see if they can break the elusive 4-hour mark.

Everyone has a different schedule so some days are more convenient than others for certain types to runs.  The days on this schedule can be flipped around to some degree but what you want to do is make sure you do not have two hard days (i.e., speed, tempo, or long) on two consecutive days and you want to try to be as consistent as you can on day of the week of your hard days (for example long runs on Saturdays, Speedwork on Tuesdays, etc.).

	Day #1 (Recovery)	Day #2 (Speed)	Day #3 (Recovery)	Day #4 (MP Tempo)	Day #5 (Recovery)	Day #6 (Long)	Day #7 (Rest)
1	6 Miles	3 x 1k	4 Miles	4 Miles	4 Miles	8 Miles	Off
2	6 Miles	2 x 1 Mile	5 Miles	5 Miles	4 Miles	12 Miles	Off
3	6 Miles	4 x 1k	4 Miles	6 Miles	5 Miles	14 Miles	Off
4	6 Miles	3 x 1 Mile	5 Miles	7 Miles	6 Miles	12 Miles	Off
5	6 Miles	5 x 1k	6 Miles	5 Miles	5 Miles	16 Miles	Off
6	6 Miles	3 x 1 Mile	5 Miles	7 Miles	6 Miles	14 Miles	Off
7	6 Miles	6 x 1k	6 Miles	8 Miles	7 Miles	18 Miles	Off
8	6 Miles	3 x 1 Mile	5 Miles	8 Miles	6 Miles	16 Miles	Off
9	6 Miles	6 x 1k	6 Miles	8 Miles	8 Miles	20 Miles	Off
10	6 Miles	4 x 1 Mile	5 Miles	9 Miles	8 Miles	16 Miles	Off
11	6 Miles	6 x 1k	6 Miles	9 Miles	6 Miles	22 Miles	Off
12	6 Miles	4 x 1 Mile	5 Miles	9 Miles	8 Miles	16 Miles	Off
13	6 Miles	6 x 1k	6 Miles	10 Miles	6 Miles	20 Miles	Off
14	6 Miles	3 x 1 Mile	5 Miles	10 Miles	8 Miles	12 Miles	Off
15	6 Miles	4 x 1k	6 Miles	10 Miles	6 Miles	8 Miles	Off
16	6 Miles	4 Miles	4 Miles	Off	2 Miles	Race	Off

MP = Marathon Pace Tempo Run

There are many other plans out there and many of them might get you to your race goals.  Nonetheless, if you completed the  recommended plan previously outlined and did so at the recommended paces, I am confident that you will be fully prepared to break the 4-hour mark. 

http://www.runnersgoal.com/how-to-run-a-marathon-in-under-4-hours/

Monumental Marathon: #5

I haven't written in a while and I have SSOOOOOOO much to write about!!

I had been thinking about running another FULL marathon this year simply because I've been really consistent and have a great base from this past year. I had been getting my best times while simply enjoying the running during the week on a flexible time-frame while working full-time and little kids at home and my awesome husband.

The Monumental Marathon in Indy has just stuck on my radar for awhile but simply because I ran the half two years ago and enjoyed it. At that time I was just trying to stay motivate to run at all and just signed up to do it. So much has changed since then both mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

My last full marathon was St. Louis in 2011 where I became so dehydrated from the hot day that I ended up in the ER on the way home; thus, I have a race shirt now that is worth $3,000 and you better believe I still wear it now!!!

So I've sat with this desire to do another one just not knowing when and where. I'd had thought I'd do a BIG one like in DC or in New York but in the end I'd rather spend more time with my family and less money on a race (especially with running so many halves this past year).

But what I don't want to happen to me while I train is to be overcome with expectations and what I want to remember is:

* it's ok to be flexible...modify the training schedule and it-will-be-ok
* don't make this journey as idol - your family is more important than the miles
* do persevere through the hard weeks when you don't want to get up - it will be worth it
* do ask friends to ride their bike while you run a long run
* do ask for prayer, it's not just a physical challenge but a spiritual one as well
* keep consistent with your sleep times
* utilize your run time as prayer time for others and for listening to Scripture
* think of others, think of others, think of others

It's way too easy to get consumed with training and to focus on yourself and whether training is going well or not. It's too easy to feel overwhelmed and let fear set in. Be brave and be bold.

The Goal: Sub-4:00 hour marathon = 9:09 pace over 26.2 miles.

The Drive: Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual health - gaining wisdom + distraction from adoption wait.

The Hope: become more like who God desires for me to be & help others along the way; have my sons seem me accomplish this goal - be more prepared to tackle other big goals set before me
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Next posts to reflect my readings and articles regarding marathon.