For anyone who really knows me will know, that when something falls apart or I perceive it as falling apart, I tend to self-destruct myself. I do those habits which are not beneficial and become quite indecisive about many things. How Mark can handle it I do not know. I am in that place presently and it is a very hard place for me to move from. But I have been here before...it sometimes waits for me and this time I am captured.
Only through humbling myself before God do I see Light and re-begin my journey with Him. I can't describe to you exactly right now on this blog how this all began but in vague terms, it began with uncertainty, misguidedness on my own part and details. It regards my purpose, what I perceive my purpose to be here on this earth, one of my roles and something that I cherish and it may all fall apart.
It is daunting and I already broke down with Mark but I can see more now how it is part of a framework for which I do not understand and although I may in my own mind (lose everything I worked for), in the end - it wasn't really mine to begin with. Sound vague enough for you?
Right now I know what I need to do: be obedient and follow though and walk in obedience otherwise I will self-destruct (which means gaining weight, not running, not caring, sleeping a lot & giving up)...none of us want that.
Hi, sorry I did not read this until now. I pray that you are in a better place at this point. You must be related to me. I feel like this at times too but never put it into words especially for other people. I always think of it as I have failed somehow. I know that after reading and studying the book " The Search for Significance" that God love us no matter what and that if Satan can find a weakness he will prey on it. You are very special to God and me! and of course to others and no matter what path you take, God will use it for His good. Please don't self-destruct! I knew that Mark was a godly man when I met him and I appreciate him more now. I'll be praying for you both. Hang in there. God has special plans for you both. Ian loves you both and you CAN do this wiht God's help! Love you, Mom
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