Thoughts on Obedience, Sleep, Blessings

Realizing how a day full of therapy appointments really drains me and excites me all at the same time. People coming to change, to enact change, to be apart of change and to embrace change. That is a pretty tall order. Such amazing people I see who really question themselves and the people around them.

I'm realizing as I question myself that sleep is an idol to me. I go to it (or at least I desire it) for my comfort and for my rest and for my "start-over" for my day if it didn't start out well. God's expressed to me that if I obey Him (which is all He asks) that then He will turn my struggle into victory and will show me what I need to do in order to be in line with His will. What an exciting thought but as we all know as humans I don't want to change. I want to stay the same doing the insane thing of thinking that my understanding and thinking are somehow working for me (which they are not).

I wonder how other people work through their idols and give them up and move on from them into obedience. I've done it before and have been so blessed by it. I am working on my "break a habit in 21 days" and since I started it I do feel better in that respect and I do believe that I have been blessed. I've felt called to go back into helping out with basketball with the girls and so there is another purpose for my evenings or late afternoons. I cherish my time with Ian and with Mark a little bit more and I feel a little bit more like myself. I was offered another PRN job for in-home social work, accepted it, and was trained in it. Things are looking up but I get down waaaay too easily thinking my life is different from everyone else's which it is not. Working in isolation is not a good thing nor a healthy thing and neither is existing in isolation. We must all come together.