Right Now...April 2017

It's been so long since I've written one of these posts and actually I'm totally avoiding my painting and desiring to write instead.

Something about finishing a painting stunts me at times b/c I want it just done because I've stared at it for SO long but once I finish it...it's done. There's always the next one, the next lesson and new learning.

So Right now....
* Sunday afternoons become peaceful if Mark takes the boys b/c I'm tired of breaking up fights and disciplining.
* I feel sorry that Mark on his work days takes the boys for me b/c he is exhausted from preaching but I'm very grateful.
* there are books I'm reading "Nothing to Prove" by Jennie Allen rocking my world and definitely feels like she peaked into my life (except I was never a cheerleader)...but literally how she describes how she feels is how I feel as a minister's wife, as a daughter of God, as a woman in this world.
* it's beautiful outside but I just want to stay in jeans and my cute top - the to-do list for outside is outrageous but I'm avoiding it too since I know I do it by myself.
* feeling somewhat lonely these days but that is simply an illusion.
* having great determination and enjoying my Tiny Leaps BIG Changes fitness accountability/challenge group already and so impressed with the peeps and their desire for change.

* Older son-boy started baseball and I can already see him growing so much intellectually and emotionally through it but my momma heart hurts to see him learn TRUE life lessons (his team of boys is great and his coaches are OUTSTANDING, my prayers answered).
* Young son-boy is testing so many limits right now that my heart races when I'm speaking with him and I just want him to obey and do what I ask but he has other ideas in mind and wants to know how far he can go...my energy drains with him and my patience disappears VERY easily........how I dislike this part of motherhood and yet it is seemingly the most important. He is NOT the boss and I try to work with him and many "parenting" techniques up my sleeve but ultimately I default to my parents' way with me growing up. Sometimes it works...sometimes it doesn't.

* Wishing for a steady paycheck out of me again but not wanting the demands, expectations and pressures with it.
* desiring a website to begin sharing my art and sharing its message of hope and resiliency.
* desiring for others to understand me but acknowledging that I think too much of myself.

So yeah, this is me right now, complex me.