The word "friend" is used a lot these days and especially in social media as we "friend" others and make connections.
This has it's really great and positive points of feeling belonging or inclusion, but it has also watered down the significance of this word and this connection with others.
My tendency is to call my very closest female friends "sister" and I do that intentionally because I have no biological sisters so they are my sisters. I distinguish them from a friend because they know the 2% of my life. The deepest information that I would not share with just a daily friend or neighbor.
Now those whom are called "friends" in my life are those who have walked some life with me. They are more than an acquaintance. Their lives have somewhat intertwined with mine in a particular season and they often become steady companions across seasons of life. We may not speak daily, but we pick up where we left off when discussions do happen. I consider you my friend and I care deeply about how you are doing and want to help if possible and if I can. In this case, "friend" also encompasses my closer male friends who are (not coincidentally) often my "sisters'" husbands or close friends.
Those who are not necessarily friends because the relationship has not developed deep enough and usually pleasantries and service talk happen are considered "acquaintances". Those who see me once a week on Sundays at church, by this definition are actually more acquaintances to me than solid friends. I do care about them but it is rare for me to know anything more about them except what I would possibly see on social media or if they tell me about their trip they just took or the sickness they just endured.
These classifications aren't a bad thing and they do help me to clarify boundaries around how much time and effort I would put into a particular relationship. Some seasons lend to cultivating my sisters or a particular sister during a period of time. Some seasons means I make more times for those who are real-life friends, not just screen "friends".
Unfortunately, it was during a recent season of life where I learned that these classifications can in fact become fluid due to trauma or crisis (i.e. unintentional hurt and abandonment) or misunderstandings or even political restlessness of our country. With that being said, there are times when those who are my sisters or friends may have completely different views than myself so in that case I make sure to be respectful of their views even if I am not in agreement. My view of them doesn't necessarily change unless they "come at me" and don't respect my views. I am human, but I do not intentionally move someone out of a classification just because we disagree.
However, the case with acquaintances is different because if it's a connection that is not worth cultivating then it is easy to back up from that person or people if their views are different. I tend to become more careful of what I share or how I ask them questions and in the (age of COVID) it is easier to distance myself from them. As before, I am human and it is a protective mechanism to protect myself and my family. No one will see or hear me lash out at an acquaintance and the practice of "loving my neighbor" will remain important to me.
Furthermore, those who are strangers are really neighbors whom I simply do not know yet and have not invested any time with or crossed paths. Some attempt to "friend" me on social media, but it is rare for me to accept that invitation unless there is a mutual connection or valid reason to connect.
Lastly, there are toxic people and I would consider these people of the hurting kind. The saying is true, "hurt people HURT people." I have been one of them in the past and I remain vigilant to keep myself out of this connection category. Bitterness, sarcasm, rejection, abandonment, abuse, victimhood, learned helplessness often permeate these connections. It is hard to spend time with these humans. It is even harder if he/she/they profess a Christian worldview and love for Christ. One doesn't know when the porcupine prickly spikes will come out.
Think through your current and past relationships. Are these categories something you have dealt with? Do you find that some relationships are fluid throughout the categories or do you identify them in just one category and they will remain there? How has your experience shaped how you connect with others?
Candy is one of my sisters from another mister. We haven't spoken in at least a year and maybe texted once this past year, but there is no mistaking, when we see one another I am her K-Girl and I will spill my guts to her. There are several more sisters, but this day I'm just going to post this picture of us the last time we were together.
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