Here is my 'Right Now'...
It's Sunday afternoon...20 degrees outside and sunny.
* Mark is napping upstairs (he preached at a fellow minister's church who had an emergency) about us being Imperfect People who imperfectly serve a Perfect God.
* Katie (our dog) is on the edge of the couch guarding our neighborhood cul-de-sac through surveillance
* the boys are playing RoBlox (don't ask b/c I don't really know, my husband knows)
* I hear the cutest responses from them about going to get ice cream or "I have a hamburger at home and some cookies I could share with you" "I have to go to work, so I'll see you later. I'm a janitor today."
* sitting on the couch with a new heated blanket (a surprise gift from Mark b/c he knew I'd love it)
* laptop on my lap and going through Mel Robbin's #Mindset Reset 35-day program (LOVE IT, worth it, helping my mindset and my anxieties)
* looking through my own process of "triggers"--> "worries" --> "creating Anchor thoughts" to create a healthy mindset
* sitting next to the 3 books that I'm digging into: Chris Hogan's "Everyday Millionaires", "The Clever Gut Diet Cookbook" which is pretty good and then "The Plant Paradox Quick and Easy: The 30-Day Plan to Lose Weight, Feel Great and Live Lectin-Free"
* hearing the washer and dryer going b/c I felt the need to put whatever I could into them laundry-wise so Mark wouldn't have to and so it's just done and out of my mind
* the dishwasher is quiet which is odd...but then again we are out of dish detergent & I don't want to make a run to Kroger - a shopping trip or pick-up is better for tomorrow or sometime during the week
* reflecting on this past week's mayhem of my own sickness, beginning a new job, the boys being in and out of school due to weather and Martin Luther King, Jr. day.....it was SO DIFFERENT; yesterday Mark & I were able to have a lunch date at Applebee's since our friends Sue & Larry had the boys over for lunch and to play
* processing through this morning's church service (the boys & I went to Ginghamsburg-a large church down the road from our house)...it's complicated...no longer feeling that sense of belonging is something that I do not sit well with but I know I belong in God's kingdom and in HIS churches who are HIS people regardless of knowing anyone, being in a role, actively serving or simply observing...it is all ok* the boys feel some of the detachment from our previous church family...they understand that our "break" from church responsibilities this past Fall developed into more of a "no-longer part of" process due to the health of our family so we could move on and seek God's direction...our mission we came to pursue here initially was done...we just didn't know that the future wouldn't include us...we planned 20 years...
God said, "it's ok...I'm helping you let go, seek me, don't fight..." A sense of abandonment was natural given the circumstances surrounding our "break" and we are not here to discuss a who-to-blame scenario....we have our own experience to draw from. (people are well-meaning and I'm sure mean no harm but sometimes decisions are made with blindfolds and unintentionally create great harm and further hurt). None of us live in a vacuum but depression and isolation are brutal and the emotions that plague the people are relentless. Counseling helps but is only one piece of the puzzle. Too many pieces were not present for our puzzle to remain together...…..we needed to begin a new puzzle where we could allow God to fill those other pieces and for us to gain some healing.
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