For instance, today I chose not to go to body pump (form of weight-lifting class) and simply sit to actually digest my breakfast and do some searching online for some "fun" things and some serious things...the next thing I know, I'm waiting for a particular topic to come up on the Today Show (Parenting & Fathers) and feel stuck waiting while remembering ALL of the things I need to do (especially mowing). I walk to take my bowl back to the kitchen and am FLOODED with all kinds of inadequacies not to mention the clutter in my home that I just passed. I think to myself, "can't I just throw it all into a box? and get it out of my sight?" however, I know what I would do...it would still be there and I would still know it.
A few weeks ago I wrote a post about self-destructing and found myself eerily-moving in that direction. I just wonder to myself, "how is it that I can counsel with my clients and ask intentional questions as they move toward their purpose or healing and yet I get caught, myself, in these same snares?" It's easy to answer: I'm human too experiencing life too and not separate from the hardships, confusion and pain of daily living. Along with that I experience the highs, joys and elation of this life as well daily. Maybe I expect something different. Maybe I allowed myself too much time this morning to wander and not focus. Maybe I didn't have my time with our Creator and my Savior. Yep, that is definitely it, that and the fact that I didn't sweat this morning - I have to sweat and get out the poisonous inadequacies and confidence-depleting thoughts and behaviors.
"Just keep swimming...just keep swimming" as Dori says in Finding Nemo.
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