Reviewing 6 months - Hello Soul, Hello Mantras e-course - NICU Social Worker

Divine timing is all I can say...

As I go back through the e-course "Hello Soul, Hello Mantras" from Kelly Rae Roberts, I am struck by how God has used this growth to propel me to where He wants me to be.

The journey began in February of this year where I was burning out...running little, feeling heavy (in all aspects) and faultering much. I knew I was throwing myself (or rather allowing myself 'no pun intended since this blog is called the same') to run ragged, to not care for myself, to say yes too often to a high-energy job that was sucking the life out of me.

My profession is medical social work but oddly enough my background is in marriage and family therapy (my roots) so the two professions work well together but fight for my theoretical stance. I've been following Kelly's work for at least 4 years and notably became more intrigued after the birth of her son True (especially since I'd had my first child just a year or so before and struggled with the balance of motherhood with my identity.

Thus, Kelly's story is eerily similar to mine especially since I chose other endeavors over art in high school. But moving this story on...

February - the pace of life had to stop (it couldn't) but my self-care, my care for my family and my sanity had to shift. Thus, the e-course was presented...I thought "no way, I can't or don't have time..." and then it hit me. "I can't afford not to do this, this looks awesome". So I jumped.

It was absolutely lovely going through Part One, that's my wheel-house. I LOVE becoming still, quieting and contemplating about life, my identity, reframing, utilizing therapeutic methods and concepts to shift perspective and inviting God into my world. (I laugh at this last part...WOW has He showed me so much about how I 'invite' Him in - he created the whole world ya know, it's more like inviting me in).

Part One - a breeze, shifted my view of work and life balance. Brought me back to my love for all things contemplative and intentional. Part Two however, rendered so much anxiety to even START!! A perfectionism that I thought had been subdued came out flaming. I'd get stuck quick and for long periods of time.

I'd start to do the basic techniques and would do A LOT of canvases but it took me forever to initiate that next step and that next video. I kept thinking, "I'm going to miss something, I'm going to forget." "I paid money for this, I want to document it, I want to REMEMBER."

My thought now, "oh how sad that i put so much pressure on myself and didn't just whole-heartedly trust that I'd learn what I'd need."

Remaining unattached and revisiting my 5-11 year old self while painting was probably the most healing thing I could do for myself at that time. It creating a new learning curve for "letting go" that I hadn't experienced in the a long time. To give yourself permission just to enjoy and "see what happens", "remain curious" and not even entertaining doubt was so freeing. I remember thinking upon these concepts while in grad school while learning to facilitate conversations in therapy. You'd ask curious questions, not for the sake of diagnosing but simply about of curiousity towards better understanding.
Through this time period, I allowed myself to run again and was consistent with a "base" so I could pick up and run half marathons at any given time. From April to now, I've done 3 "just for fun" and each time I PR'd (ran my best times)-1:51! WOW! I've been running over 9 years now with marathons and halves. This kind of fun and pacing hasn't happened until now.

The Themes that came out of part Two were priceless...including "Nothing wasted, all is present" as you'd cover one layer after another.

This applied to my life - in that I had been really struggling with whether to keep on moving towards my Marriage Family Therapist license for some time or to simply 'let it go' knowing that my Social Work license was equally rewarding and purposeful. I had a hard time of letting go and did it a month before starting this class. But essentially I was doing it while painting and it began to bleed into my real life scenario more and more. Knowing that NOTHING WAS WASTED, that the education and training I had received was very much still part of me and still important to me but that another layer was ready to be applied. I let go...I didn't renew.

I began to let go of comparing myself to the productivity of my coworkers and to own my own style of social work. I began to reorder my time to begin running again and set up races for motivation. I read more, lived more and gave back to my family more.

Each video, each lesson helped me move to another level. Oh yes, I struggled and sometimes I didn't touch a canvas for days but when I did, it felt good. As of now I've only finished two canvases and that's ok. I have many at different levels now and layers. I have mantras/life-giving phrases sweeping in and out of my thought-process.

I'm owning my voice more and ok with where I am. At the beginning of the summer I kept wanting to jump forward into where I thought God wanted me, but I kept sensing that He wanted me to know that I'd have to walk the road of obedience with Him before I'd just jump there. I waited, I listened, I lived, I struggled, I looked for other jobs because the stress was so overwhelming, I redefined my role again and again and again. Then my grandmother died...and that catapulted me forward. Life had more meaning and more lessons. I saw her legacy, I felt her wisdom.

Our marriage relationship continued through a growth-spurt, hard but rewarding. I watched a friend move in bravery towards a new journey away from our hospital environment. She took the leap of faith, YES! I was so proud of her!! Then the next thing I know.......I'm the one who gets kicked to move forward.

"Surely Lord you don't mean me to be interested in her position, surely not, that's too emotional, too heavy, I'm fine where I'm at, I love my unit!" And oh so gently He nudged me and I agonized. I agonized. I sought godly wisdom from friends, I considered my purpose statement for my life. I questioned if this leap of faith -- if this risk would fit? I shot it down several times - more than I can count. I got mad, I rationalized. Then I dreamed. I did a pro/con list. I thought of everything I'd told my friend about "trust", "being brave", stepping out, going ALL IN for Him. And as I discussed with my loving and patient husband. It was clear...comfort versus risk, continuing to do good or going for great.

I stepped out. And as I stepped out...my heart felt fear, emotion and joy. Even as my mother spoke with me about potentially having a rare, incurable form of cancer...there was light. And in the days ahead...even as our car broke down and died and we had to rush to get another one, which i LOVE now right before going to the doctor's appointment to hear if she had cancer or not-there was light... And many other stressors. I finished my first painting and LOVED it. LOVED what it symbolized to me. 

I have felt like I've been on a cliff of trust for a very long time now...maybe almost a year and I finally jumped, whole-heartedly with abandon, fully trusting, learning not to doubt, and expected God to go beyond my beyond. May I not forget this time! Sacred Moments...I get to be a part of sacred moments every single day now. I officially become the Miami Valley NICU Social Worker Monday. I can't tell you how surreal this change is, but it's different, it's meaningful and He's shifting my perspective on how to deal with the hard stuff. It truly does take a unique person to do such a job. And now I get to live into this unique person I had not thought that I was, but I am. Cheers!!

What i want to invite in...

I want to invite in...
* pure joy
* grace to enjoy now
* bravery to challenge myself
* courage to continue to let go & trust
* let go of the good to go towards great

 

Right Now :: July 12, 2014

Right now I'm sitting in our bedroom hoping to get to bed soon because I'm exhausted and been off routine since, well the death of my grandmother on June 26. Not being at work on routine days and not exercising the way I usually do has thrown me off. I've been able to spend lots of time with my boys, quality time and attended the NACC conference which was such a blessing.

 

I continually realize that as much as I know about my faith and as much as I believe, there is still so much that I don't know and frankly, so much about people of other faiths and generations that really challenge me to question and redefine with God why I believe what I believe.

He helps me sift through the muck that this world and myself honestly has created. He challenges me to truly "love my neighbor" including those who could care less about my faith or even perceive me as judgmental before even knowing me.

  

I was challenged most humorously enough by the comedian Tim Hawkins at the conference. He was hilarious and totally made fun of others in a respectful way. He made me laugh about my believes (not in a disrespectful manner but in a 'yes that is what the world thinks about me' way). I was challenged to lighten up and to recognize that I am solely here for Christ's glory and no one else. I'm NOT here to follow a strict do-this, don't-do-that agenda. I'm here to bust the devil's plan to blind my friends and neighbors. The distortions that the devil places on them. And ya know what, it's hard...it's hard because I too doubt sometimes and I ask hard questions. Sometimes questions that I too cannot answer, but then I pray and then I believe and then I begin to actually "see" with my own eyes things that cannot be counted as 'fate' or 'coincidence'. I see Truth, I see grace, I see compassion that is not of a human source.

I see His Holy Spirit at work in me and I realize that there were times when even Jesus didn't follow the script of the Old Testament because He was moving towards redeeming us. He was moving towards LOVE and not LISTS. He was making a way when there was no way to God.

So yes I have values and opinions but I can't lose sight of Love and of the fact that maybe, Jesus wouldn't think that way about this person or this person, no in fact He loves them no matter what their views are of Him and eventually, He will have to judge as He is the only judge. My role is to simply Love and speak Truth in love.

Reminder: Grandma - tenderhearted mercy, kindness, called to live in peace

Reminded today of what life is worth and who you love. Read this and thought of Grandma especially-she lived this!

Colossians 3:12-15 NLT
12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

She was/is my Grandma...I want you to know her.

Life is precious, it is short, our views are limited, we are finite. Enjoy now. Live wisely, choose wisely, live grace. Display love, speak kindly, write letters, get your hair done (you'll feel better), wiggle your nose and pretend to transport to family and back home, read God's Word, live love, know what you believe. Laugh often and watch the Reds. - A very dear & wise woman I knew, her spirit will live on through generations
I want you to remember her Elijah, this was you that last time you spent some time with her. We watched Kacie play in the NCAA tournament. Unfortunately, Ian's pictures are elsewhere-I'll add later.

Today she passed away more unexpectantly than I would have thought but I think she knew it was her day. See, Alice (Grandma Cassell) knew fully Jesus and had this beautiful relationship with him that I can only hope to have. Sometimes I wouldn't understand her when she spoke and prayed to Him and when she would hand me literature she had been reading about relevant and controversial topics. But what impacted me the most was that she knew grace. She knew what it meant, how to bestow it to another person and how to remain loyal to those she loved while still loving the others who had offended.

When I was younger she'd share her clip-on earrings with me and necklaces. I thought I was the most beautiful little girl with those gems on. She'd let me eat cheerios out of her cereal cabinet. She'd play Aggravation until the cows came home. She expected a lot from her kids but for her grandkids she wanted the world for us. She knew we were growing up in harder times with more influential cultures that pressed us from all sides. She knew we needed her. She was equally proud of all us of grandchildren and did not have any favorites...well I think each of us at one point felt that we were possibly her favorite. She'd share her heart with me while visiting during college and graduate school. When grandpa wasn't at his best, I'd watch her love him. 

Her heart was BIG and her hand-written letters were beautiful. I often had to squint to read them because of her stylish cursive/almost calligraphy hand-writing but they were beautiful. For several years now I've kept every birthday, anniversary or basic message simply thinking, it might be her last. She'd talk about being ready go to be with the Lord. She would pray for my children and for my husband and myself and I felt her prayers. Her physical presence, hug, voice will be missed but her legacy will live on. Grandma Alice as she always wanted me to call her (I called her Grandma Cassell from a young age), I will miss you dearly...dearly...dearly. 

 

My favorite "senior moment" memory of Grandma was a couple years ago when she stopped wearing her hearing aids. The sound of the door bell rang and she picked up the phone next to her and loudly said, "Hello!! Hello?!" and we just sat and laughed. "Grandma someone is at the door." She said, "Oh!!" in her high-pitched tone. It was awesome! She smiled and laughed too.

So now...I lay aside any guilt I had for not visiting more with grace that you continually passed on to me. I lay aside the hopes I had in listening more to you and in spending one-on-one time with you without children rustling and bustling beneath my feet. I hold the laughter of my children when being around you, the hugs and cuddles Eli gave to you last time we visited and Ian's pouty face. I hold on to visiting you in the rehab facility after your last hospitalization and although it was my last visit with you. I kissed you several times and hugged you. I loved you and was able to express how precious you are to me. Until I see you in heaven, the real heaven...with Jesus, may you know how deeply loved you are.

Right Now :: June 18

I'm reflecting on the past several months...
* listening through Real Marriage by Mark & Grace Driscoll - great read, highly recommend
  - some key points I can immediately remember "enduring, endearing marriage"
  - learn to repent
  - Mark and I are working to improve sharing our hearts and be receptive to the other's thoughts and feedback as well as wanderings
* reading through Brennan Manning's Memoir "All is Grace" - great reflective, raw read

* finished up "Becoming Myself" by Stacy Eldridge - one of the best books I've read
  - female friendships are all, we prick and scratch one another out of our insecurities

Right Now :: May 17, 2014

Right now, I'm sitting after a full-day of fun and spontaneous activity including: running 8 miles with Mark this morning (after one full year since the last time we did it together - thank you MOM!); having a great morning coloring the new cardboard train that we built together (well sort of, Mark & I put it together while the boys ran in and out of it), sitting down the couch with Mark in the basement (which is rare these days) and just saying random things to Ian like "is the TV's name Roger?" "what about the duck?" "I'd like to be a unicorn, ok Charlie".

 

Deciding to have a meal at TGI Fridays, finding a free appetizer coupon and sitting through a meal of Elijah firmly stating "no" to everything. Mark and I saying "grrrr" and rolling with it. Hanging out at Five Below store and then heading home for much-needed naps.

Waking up to Ian standing and staring at the closet in his room and then exclaiming "MY LIGHT TURN YELLOW AND I DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT BECAUSE I was standing and staring Mommy!" --> Wow that's a new concept!

The boys playing in the dirt and with our neighbor and guided by mommy to use shovels and buckets (at least an hour of playing I think, unassisted?).

Then hanging with some close friends, painting, parenting and eating. LOVELY LOVELY LOVELY. I don't want this day to end but it must.

AND RIGHT NOW.... focusing on "This One Thing" sermon that I listened to this last week of Andy Stanley's and had begun "God is Able" by Priscilla Shirer but gave it away because I knew that my friend needed it right now. God has a funny way of giving things and taking them away for our good.

But God is and will be showing me these next several weeks, how to move past a habit and connecting with Jesus rather than relying and being satisfied by my own understanding. God is good, ALL the time.

Mother's Day May 2014

I wrote a note to my own mother and all I know is that when I was writing it, my heart was speaking. I can't remember what I said but I know that it meant something to her and to me. I also wrote my grandmother a note whom at the time was in the hospital. I think it a great opportunity on Mother's day to really recognize and reflect on what our experience with our mothers has been, whether birth mothers, adoptive mothers, spiritual mothers and mentor mothers. She has shown me femininity, she's shown me grace and character. My boys will be come the men of God in part because of how she raised me and whether through her own words or her actions, taught me how a woman receives a man's affections and in turn the respect that is to be given from a man to a women - it's chivalry.

 

 

When God Engages you for this world...if you decide to Pull This Thread

Unravel to the ends of the earth...

I have to say that hearing these words in this video from Jen Hatmaker gives me chills. I have tears behind my eyes and my heart beats faster. I know that once we pull the thread of our current awareness and of our current security in this world that it will unravel, beautifully and with rawness.

I truly desire this and know that He is calling us (Mark & I) to let the strings of our view of this world to unravel and view it the way he does. That...is...so...hard as well. Because then the questions begin to roll off my tough. I feel like we have been moving towards this within the last few years after reading Radical and then when I went through "7": A Mutiny Against Excess but if I really, really press myself I am still currently living in comfort and I'm living in security. I rest in these two spaces and for that I know my heart is drawn towards this change.

It's the kind of change where you're on the seat of your pants looking into what's next while living in the present, depending on His presence each moment because you just can't fathom the next step.

It's foreign to this world, FOREIGN. When God engages Kara Sue Price Messmore for this world...she won't know what hit her...only that the Love of Jesus Christ so overwhelms her heart and her soul that she has no choice but to move in the direction of her Savior and begin to share the gospel in ways she didn't know that she could.

It's having compassion for those who are manipulative. It's knowing boundaries and giving grace. It's being the hands and feet of one whom knows all, sees all and has control over all. Be the change you want to see in the world God's way.

It's the 9-10-11 year old coming out of me who just knows that I'm suppose to do something more in the world. She is bold, she is fierce and she is loving. She wants to "pull the thread" so to speak. She wants to step out and step up to His vision for her life, to her becoming the woman He desires, to be more than the world destines her to be, to be more than the profession says she is and to be the Kara, the daughter of the King, the wife, the mother, the friend that He desires for her to become.

I know she's here...it's just a matter of time and obedience that may determine how quickly she will allow Him to break the mold. Oh....goodness....this is real.

Meaning of my full name

The name Kara means 'beloved, friend, dear, diamond and pure'. It is a female's name that has its origin from the Latin.

Kara - Meaning: Sweet melody. Origin: Irish
Meaning: One who is pure. Origin: Greek
Meaning: Precious one, beloved one, Cherished One. Origin: Italian

Kara, the alternative spelling, is from theCornish word, meaning love. This is likely cognate to the popular Welsh girls' nameCarys.

The name is also that of an island in the Inner Hebrides island group, Scotland; Cara Islandlying just off the southern tip of the Isle of Gigha.

In Turkey the word Kara means 'dark', which may or may not be related to the Gaelic Ciaraof the same meaning.

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Hebrew Meaning: 
The name Sue is a Hebrew baby name. In Hebrew the meaning of the name Sue is: Graceful lily.

American Meaning: 
The name Sue is an American baby name. In American the meaning of the name Sue is:Graceful lily.

English Meaning: 
The name Sue is an English baby name. In English the meaning of the name Sue is: Lily.. In the apocryphal Book of Tobit Susannah courageously defended herself against wrongful accusation. White lilies grew in the Biblical city of Susa in Persia.

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Thus, sweet melody, beloved one, precious one, pure, graceful lily.

Marriage Builders Weekly :: Sex in Marriage

Sex brings more pleasure and satisfaction to marriage than anything else. And sex causes more disagreements and frustration in marriage than anything else.

Sex is one of the main reasons we get married…and sexual problems are one of the main reasons people get divorced.

When I talk about sex to married couples, I like to refer to it as both a thermostat and a thermometer. In your home, you control the temperature by turning the thermostat up or down. Sex heats up a marriage. It makes it better.

Sex can also be a marriage thermometer: it tells the temperature. If the sex is bad or infrequent, then a married couple probably isn't communicating well. You may have stress, or unresolved anger, or a host of other issues. Poor sex is a symptom of these problems.

For more on this topic watch this week's show Watch Now

So a married couple's sex life not only can make their marriage better, but can also reveal whether or not they have problems. What kind of sex life do you and your spouse have? What does it reveal about your marriage?

I believe there are three truths that we need to understand about sex. The first is that God created sex for pleasure and lifelong enjoyment. Our God is a fun God! He wants us to enjoy sex in marriage.

The second is that God gave us sexual boundaries to protect us. Just like vehicles come with an owner's manual that tells us what not to do, God gave us sex but set parameters for it. Things like adultery, fornication, incest, and lust—the Bible says these things are wrong.

No one gets mad because their owner's manual says to put oil in their Fords every few thousand miles. No one says, "Ford Motor Company doesn't want me to have any fun!" Ford wants us to treat the car right so we can enjoy it.

God is the same with sex. His rules aren't to keep us from having fun, but from getting hurt. He wants our bodies to be places of pleasure and delight for our spouses…but for no one else.

The third truth I believe about sex is that God created our sexual differences to make marriage more fulfilling and dynamic. Men and women are very different sexually. For men, sex stimulates our emotions. For women, emotions stimulate sex. We're two halves of a whole.

A woman becomes more sexual as her husband becomes more romantic and emotional. At the same time, men tend to open up more emotionally when their wives become more sexual. It all works together.

Because sex is so important, I tell couples that there are five basic ingredients of a healthy sex life. Husbands and wives should:

1. Commit to meeting their spouse's sexual needs.
2. Communicate their sexual needs to their spouse.
3. Commit to sexual purity (thoughts and actions) to protect the integrity of their marriage.
4. Be honest and accountable about temptations that can hurt a marriage.
5. Refuse to be close friends with those who violate the marriage covenant.

Those ingredients will keep a couple's sex life active, fulfilling, and healthy. God created sex in marriage to be an Eden of pleasure and delight. Embrace it. Talk about it. Pursue it within the safe boundaries of your marriage. And most of all, enjoy it together.

For more about this topic, watch this week's show!

A personality tendency

This is so telling of my personality, I have to "prepare" for my randomness for this e-course painting class.

I repeat, I have to "prepare" for this "randomness".

I did it also for a freezer meal workshop. I say I have rid myself of perfectionistic tendencies and expectations and have "let go" of that part of myself but she appears whenever I try something new. Hmmm....well hello there again, I didn't expect to see you there.


I don't like to be unprepared...I like to know. My anxiety rises as I don't know what's coming especially if with a group of people. I like to be random, humorous and outrageous in the safety of my safe places. The only exception to this...and some still applies but is with running. I can run a different course that I don't know and usually do ok as long as I have no timing or pace expectations otherwise I stumble a lot.

Motherhood is definitely this way with not knowing the moods of the boys or what they will do next but now I just expect the unexpected with them.

more phrases - deep Truths

trust His goodness

Let Peace find you.

Invite Jesus in.

loves you perfectly EVERY single moment

Let pain transform.

Take-Aways from Cafe Chocolate March 7-8

I learned...
Extravagant Grace for Us - Laughter/Icebreaker session
* Becky Perry is simply flat out hilarious (I knew it but had not experienced in a large group yet)
* that each of us speakers were chosen by God (not coincidental) that we did the sessions we did
* that story about Jesus turning water into wine had much more significance than I had ever considered or known
   - Jesus created better wine than had already been served = his wisdom and his grace is beyond compare (it would have shamed the bride and bridegroom if there wasn't more wine) so Jesus went above and beyond
   - the wedding might have been Martha's sister Mary and disciple Thomas' ??
Extravagant Grace for our Friends
* Barefoot friends are those who go the extra mile with us - who walk with us and support us in the raw times and seasons
* it was so much fun giving the message about friends - I felt so honored and humbled
* the story about the paralyzed man's friends bringing him to Jesus and lowering him on the cot through that person's house brought out what importance, effort and possibly sacrifice it was for his friends to do the action
  - his friends cared for him so much that they went against the custom and had such faith to know that Jesus would heal him
   - in the same story Jesus stated "Your sins are forgiven" and went straight to the man's heart (Jesus didn't immediately say "get up and walk" rather he first dealt with what the man needed most...his heart)
   - it made me think about how many times I think I have to relieve a physical need for friend which is good but how much more wonderful would it be to provide an encouragement for a friend's heart?
Extravagant Grace for Those in Need - Service session
* stitching the wrap together for my grandmother was frankly hard (it looks easier until you have it in front of your face)
* it was perfect timing for us to do the craft because it brought out insecurities and possibly even frustrations (I don't claim to be a "perfectionist" but I am type A and I'd like for it to look at least the best it can)
* AND I recognize how much I hate to measure anything even with a book...I LOVE to eyeball everything
* Janet and Emily were so much fun to watch in their elements (when I wasn't slightly getting ticked at my stitching)
Extravagant Grace for our Enemies - Forgiveness session
* it was very telling to me
* Tiffany's vulnerability made the session that much more raw to me
* viewing the person I have the hardest time forgiving in the chair and letting him/her go...was hard and healing - it's a daily action
Extravagant Grace - Quiet session
* the chocolate tasting quiet time was a..w..e..s..o..m..e, maybe it was alone time, maybe it was taking the time to savor the different types of chocolates or simply it was personifying the chocolates and seeing themes in my own life
* Carolyn is just too sweet and quite funny - her sincerity is so genuine
* themes: essential ingredients of life: Jesus, His Word, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self-control :: nourishment of the soul includes consistency in His Word and Wisdom :: chocolate is often grown by other plants and absorbs those plant's flavors (i.e. floral, citrusy, nutty or fruity) and it was neat to see how I absorb qualities of my friends and even their laughs
* more themes: with truffles - I tend to take little bites until I get to the center and I don't immediately bite into it...I relate this also to how I develop friendships - I take little bites until I know I can trust
"The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart." Samuel 16:7
* Like Dark Chocolate "Sometimes God uses bitter times in our lives to bring richness in our relationship with him or in our character." --> through change He moves me into a willingness to move out of my comfort zone
Extravagant Grace for My Sins
God's grace is life-giving...to me..."how is my life different because of God's grace?"
* I'm not paralyzed in fear and anxiety
* I'm not a slave to myself and my fears
* He's shown me I am 'made for more'
* Laura has a way with words and wisdom - I'm in awe of her ability to relate to even those of our world who are deemed "disabled" or "special needs"

Lastly, worship - the take-away was that of allowing myself to be drawn to the words of songs that I did not know but knew that God would transform my heart through. Kara Joy and Pat made it easier to sing louder especially when Pat would look right at me and smile.

I also learned that when God tells you to do something...you do it. Amanda showed this and I know His Spirit's voice but often silence Him if it inconveniences me or makes me feel uncomfortable. But the more I silence Him...the less likely I am to hear Him.

A Collection of "Life" phrases for Me

My 2014 Word: "Pour Out" -- many different meanings to me right now

Pour Out

Pour out my will so His can move me…
Pour out my heart to others…
Pour out my energy to move for health…

your story matterswhat you do matterswho you are mattersyour walk matters

Kingdom thinking - God's thinking is so backwards - some of these phrases won't make sense to the average person but underneath it all makes sense.

dependence is freedom

daughter of the King

allow myself to have the courage to let go...let God take over

give yourself grace

you are enough

you're doing it different

let it go...

don't compare...

He will lead you

gifted for this moment

Yes to letting go
Hello grace
Choose not to compare
Embrace that you are enough
Practice your gift in this moment
Be unique
Stay aware of His presence
Unleash your heart and be present
Permission granted to to do my best and let the rest go
Follow God's leading and timing

the significance of my insignificance

I will not live an unlived life.... by Dawna Markova

What I Wish some of my phrases were (I know that it would be awesome to have if my heart was right there):

radical obedience

self-abandonment

stand in His Truth

Motherhood phrases:

be the adult you want them to be
speak-life to him
"I'm awesome. I got this."'

Quote from Kelly Rae Roberts:
"Everything shapes us, everything matters, and everything is an opportunity for letting in gobs of light and love - even our deepest cracks, especially our deepest cracks."

My so-called Gremlins....work...

My so-called Gremlins...the thoughts that are detrimental to me and tell me stories about myself that are not uplifting at all primarily plague me at work right now. In other seasons of life they have plagued me in motherhood and in sports.

Think of a scenario in your life that you’re having friction with. Could be anything really – anything that you’re having some noisy gremlins about.

I find a consistent Gremlin right now - tells me that I don't do a good job at work and that no matter what I'm doing "it's not good enough, not fast enough and not thorough enough nor compassionate enough". It reminds me that "I'm lazy" for not jumping up at that person's request or that I just don't know what is going on with that patient or with what that physician does. It tells me ruthlessly that somehow "you're not suppose to be here". You're not a good example.

Question: What are your soul whispers telling you? Your whispers are usually in opposition of your gremlins. They often sound like little tiny quiet nudges, asking for our attention.

I'd identify my 'soul whispers' as that of the Holy Spirit to whom I know my true identity is known and formed through - whom my discernment and wisdom is received. This particular whisper or voice tells me "give yourself grace", "stop thinking about it all that way", "take a pause and gather yourself".

My authentic self as it is, she tells me "you are good, you are thorough and you do it differently than your peers". She asks me to be nice to myself and to do the best that I can but not to stress out about it. Essentially, at the deepest level God asks me to invite Him into the situation and into the multiple requests and phone calls I receive per day. He asks me to let go of some of the control and to let Him move without me killing myself to find everything out.

Question: Think of someone you admire and deeply respect. Someone you consider to to be wise, self-aware, fully dependable. They could be a dear friend, or a distant mentor. What words of wisdom do you think they would offer?

She would say, "why is it that you're trying to do this?" God is so much bigger than these circumstances. You are good enough Kara. You have His Spirit within you to surpass all of the nonsense of this job. He has given you wisdom and compassion to be there for your patients and to do the job as it works for you. Don't compare yourself to your coworkers. Don't think that you're doing it wrong if you're doing it different. Stop comparing...give yourself grace.

Question: What is it your heart most needs to hear? Self compassion is key when answering this question.

He has gifted you to be in this moment right now. He will lead you...let it go, give yourself grace and others grace. Silence the turmoil that is in your heart and know that you are good enough. You are!

Question: What permissions can you allow yourself?

I give myself permission to work differently and to not know the answers immediately. I give myself permission to ask questions and to give myself grace for not knowing. I give myself permission to do the best I can and then let it go.

Circle all the power words or phrases that stand out.

give yourself grace

you are enough

you're doing it different

let it go...

don't compare...

He will lead you

gifted for this moment

Taking my answers from above and pairing them with the following words to help create a unique mantra. The following words are to get started. What other words might I use as pairings?

Yes to _______ letting go
Hello ________ grace
Choose _______ not to compare
Embrace ________ that you are enough
Practice _________ your gift in this moment
Be ________ unique
Stay _______ aware of His presence
Unleash your __________ heart and be present
Permission granted to _________ to do my best and let the rest go
Follow ________ God's leading and timing

Change, change, change...going back to CCJ...

 He doesn't look too much different.

  

  

 

 

 

This post won't do justice to my feelings or the experience of leaving Troy for a few days to go back to Jasper. There are some similarities between the communities but huge differences in the scenarios and individual growth in myself. Yet we were called to go to both communities and have been called to love people.

My role at CCJ looked very different than here at TCC. My personality was/is pretty much the same but man have I grown in motherhood & in my relationship with Christ and will continue to grow here in Ohio. When you look back and go back you realize all over again why such struggles occurred...why such friendships grew or fell out...why you were so confused at times about certain things and didn't pursue them. Hindsight is 20/20 and yet there would have been some decisions that I would have made quicker or another path I might have taken but if I would have, my heart may not have grown the way it did.

It was pretty surreal driving back there and I think it did help that Mark was preaching rather than us just 'visiting' because it helped me to feel more connected. Although children were taller, families looked a little different and staff were added & changed-it didn't feel all that different. And maybe that was the eerie part. The part of that, that made me stop and think "wait a second, but 2 years have gone by and here we are with Ian-5 and Elijah 16 months". It didn't take long to remind myself once the 1400 people came and went that time has moved forward...because I also remember the overwhelming feeling I'd feel most Sundays with not knowing so many people. It's just a different animal.

Now my role is different and I work full-time whereas I did not in Jasper. I was pretty connected with the community there with coaching but not yet here. My time here is a "wait and see"..."give it time"..."give yourself grace and understand that there is a bigger picture going on". It's more about obedience than it is about what I want (and I want many things by the way) but I know they are not all good for me.

So here is to hanging with people Saturday night, feeling connected with them again and watching our boys have a blast. Here is to experiencing such a vibrant and ever-changing environment. Here is to not sleeping much and having our boys do the same -- eeeekkkkkk. And here is to traveling through hilly country and staying with dear life-long friends. It's not goodbye, just see you later.

Lastly, a toast to where God has brought us. To the mystery that awaits us and the new life-long friendships, the new families we meet at TCC and in the community, our current core group who supports us and my coworkers whom I seriously adore. Here's to a new journey "in a roller-coaster of a different color" as I've stated before. Here's to a church family who I think is ready for new changes and to move forward...to a wonderful group of women I get to be a part of and to an awesome student and children's ministries for my boys to grow up in. So yes, it's different and I'm different. Here's to new roads to be run. (But yes I'll still miss Jasper - even with a Penn Station, KOHL's, Coldstone, Red Lobster..etc..etc only 10 minutes away now).  Cheers!