2022 Word of the Year

I would like to welcome 2022 with cordial high five. 

Thank you for showing up and being present in humanity.

The Word to embody 2022 is...

I chose this word for 2022 because it kept popping up in my head and I feel a need to simply sit with it and figure out what that actually means. It's not just nutritionally (which has often been a focus for many years for me) but internally in my brain space...in my heart and moreso in my soul. Nourishing our soul while not going too deep into ourselves and helping to nourish the souls of others. 

2021 proved to be a challenging year as many of my friends went through various hardships and transitions. Walking with others in pain and in transition is no easy task. It is a day by day surrender of my will and my ambition. I will not say that I did it seamlessly nor unselfishly, because I am human. I feel that God chose to use this time, to show me various areas of my life that needed to be worked on and discussed. Boundaries has been one of the biggest conversations I have had with God. 

The question of, where do I begin and where do I end? What is doable for me at this time to give? How might I navigate deep friendship while remaining myself. There is no easy answer and many times I felt that I had fallen short. But there is grace.

So yes, this is a stART.

Confession :: I am an Adrenaline Junkie

I am an Adrenaline junkie. 
It's a realization that I had not considered until recently.

In the past I have tried to maintain a balance of how much daily caffeine or sugar I allow myself to have, simply because I know it impacts my moods. The "high" is nice but the crash is not.

Within the last 3 weeks I have experienced various "withdrawal" symptoms, including body aches, fatigue, racing thoughts and what seems like my heart skipping beats. I have watched my pulse and I can see somewhat when it happens.

Yesterday I thought was going into a panic attack of some sort but then realized I had drank my pre-workout drink (that has caffeine) but that I hadn't began my workout yet in the allotted time and so my heart-rate increased while I was sitting still.

The Adrenaline part is fascinating though because I am one who becomes determined when I have deadlines. When there are events to plan and people to contact and projects to finish I can put my game face on. It usually begins with a little anxiety knowing that something must be done and then my body gives me a shot of adrenaline that helps me propel forward.

However, I have developed a tolerance level and need more adrenaline in order to keep up the same pace. It's the same thing when a friend in crisis reaches out to me and I see an opportunity to help or encourage. I get a shot of adrenaline. But this has become a cycle, because after all the adrenaline is gone then I crash.
AND I crash hard.

I used to believe that my "shutdown" was because of major stressors, but now I have come to see that this is a pattern. I go, go, go and then crash. My body shuts down, my mind goes into a fog and if I am not careful to fuel it with healthy food as well as healthy mindsets then I almost black out.

My husband and boys can attest to this. I have to go into my bedroom, shut off the lights and shut out the world and just lay there and try to sleep it off. It's miserable and it has to stop.

In my 20's - What I Learned...

In my 20's (as told to a friend recently) - I wish I would have told myself: 
* it's ok not to work full-time right now - it's a season
* I am called to be obedient and to do the things that I know are right 
* asking for help is a must and i never know how God is going to work in someone else's life when they are able to help me
* home improvement and organizing/cleaning are my best stress-reliev

ers and help when I am anxious
* not focusing on what I don't know is a must (meaning focus on eternal things and not on what I wish I could change or think I "should" change)
* I feed my anxiety and depression by eating too much sugar...not drinking enough water......thinking that this will last forever...
* there are trigger points for me: not having those important and meaningful conversations with other women/eating the sugar & feeling bad/not exercising or feeling guilty that i haven't moved
* not giving myself grace!

what I totally learned:
* give myself grace
* ask for help or offer to help another
* get out of bed immediately & focus on what I am excited about today
* remember it is a SEASON
* don't say "always" or "never"
* God's power is waaaayyyy bigger than my thinking and my own plan
* it's ok to not know if I will ever use my degrees or get full licensure (master's in marriage & family therapy & social work)
* my role will change with Mark and my boys as my identity changes in relation to how I interact with those around me (my identity primarily in Christ but does transform depending on whom I am around & serving)
* SIMPLIFY
* declutter and keep only what is needed...
* humble myself
* know that God will bring me people who will support me and be there for me (IF I allow myself to access them & allow them to help)
* being vulnerable is a beautiful thing....I am still guarded but am able to discern people much better through His Spirit - HIS doing not mine
* doing studies by Beth Moore & Priscilla Shirer really opened my eyes to what I needed to learn and how to grow...
* change is good
* in your 20's you are still searching for YOU and for what you think you might want or who you are.......as you grow older, it becomes more defined and a bit clearer (although God may change it as He changes your heart)

I'm Reminded...

* that time truly waits for no one (you use it or lose it)
* that wearing running shorts & showing thigh just becomes natural...don't like it but can't do much about it
* that consistency in any pursuit helps one to meet the goal
* that reading Scripture daily with purpose and not just to make a check off of your list...is one way God can speak to your innermost being
* that clutter zaps the mind
* that if I don't write then my thoughts begin to get jumbled up
* that my irritability towards life or even others has more to do about what I'm doing than it does about what others are doing to/for/with me
* that nothing good really happens after 9:00pm (might as well go to sleep)
* that energy does come from what you eat...
* that living each day like it is my last can be a positive experience or just an excuse to sin
* that talking on the phone for hours is not my desire but when it's a close friend - it really doesn't matter how long it goes
* that I'm not in control as much as I try to be
* that if I do not exercise in the morning then it is less likely that I will do it later on
* that my heart isn't as open to people and pursuits as I think it is
* that pride poisons me
* that kitties need love too
* that little boys desire love and attention from you even if you have no more energy or tolerance left
* that ultimately you ask of people to invest in themselves when you are doing therapy
* that it is way too easy to ignore another or...to be ignored
* that Jesus did not call me to a comfortable life where I get everything I want when I want it

Make a list of the things you're grateful for. This can be a list of both the obvious things, and the little blessings that are harder to recognize. It can include the sun shining on your face, your favorite beverage, hugs from a loved one, and having a roof over your head. I encourage you to write for at least 15 minutes, and put down anything that comes to mind. When you take the time to identify the things that bring you joy, you'll create a powerful tool to help you cultivate more things that make you happy, and a list to help keep things in perspective on the not-so-good days.

Being Gentle with Myself...

Has there ever been time when you come to the realization that "whoa, I'm pretty hard on myself?"

Nah, me neither...but and that is a BIG BUT, God always shows me this truth when I get sick. It never fails. In the moment of my sickness, I lament, I question and I get through it but in the process often miss out on the bigger picture. Guess what Kara, it's not about you.

This process of training for this 4th marathon has been a different journey for me. One that has at times almost consumed me with workouts entailing swimming one day to running 5-7 miles then weight training an hour and another day running more than 10+ miles. It has been a lot of on my body and I know this, but there are times when it does feel like you're invincible. Until a knee injury comes up...then you focus on that or then you get sick and you focus on that...which is my current story.

Through the knee injury or whatever it is/was, I've had to buckle down and do only the movement that would benefit my knee which has meant less weight training, and decreased workouts during the week AND most importantly giving my stress, my time and my own anger to the One who can take it (no not Mark), Christ. It's a different view and takes a different perspective.

But I have realized that while being sick, I can now look back and I make a *sigh*. It was good. I would not have taken a break from this training process any other way especially after a 22 mile run last week. This has brought to my mind, being gentle with myself and letting myself heal and move forward. We are so hard on ourselves and I see it all the time in doing therapy and ESPECIALLY with couples. We are hard on us and we are hard on our spouses. In reality, we all really are doing the very best that we can in those moments. But we are all vulnerable to criticsm - it hurts from our spouses but it seems natural to us to do it to ourselves.

In addition, the bigger picture that I could not see involved the facilitation of the premarital class/group I do on Sunday mornings and this past week was Sex & Intimacy. This was the one session I was so excited about and lamented all at the same time. I was excited to present this awesome gift that God gives to us as married couples - this intimacy we have with no other person on earth and yet how to present it and be bold enough to say what needs to be said about the effects of sex before marriage & some consequences that come from living together before that commitment is made.

I've prayed and prayed about this very subject with God for quite some time. And behold, I got sick...and so sick that I could not do this. In God's mighty plan, He brought forth a compassionate couple who has experienced these things, seen the consequences, and now knows God's plan for their lives. They at first were not going to be there (which is ok) just as a mentor couple to share their experience but then 15 minutes later called me back to say, "we'll come home early, we wish someone would have taught us this before we got married". So WOW, they facilitated it and in my mind, that is how it was suppose to happen. His perfect plan worked for the good when my plan falls short. It just helps to get perspective at times...

Vulnerability

Speaking of vulnerability, all of this reading about shame and its effects and how vulnerability (willingness to express it and/or not express it or access it), has brought me to now.

Over the past several days I have been pondering...where am I "closed" to people and where am I "open". So being a person of authenticity (striving to do so) I am figuring out who and with whom I am more authentic and with whom I go into counseling mode (which is a bit different) and/or life mode (which is basic conversation). In a profession where "objectivity" is touted as the ultimate need...for a professional, although very hard to attain - I am presented with a dilemma. How much of myself do I allow in a room with being present with someone in their pain? All of myself? Some of myself? All & some together or none of myself if it is terribly traumatic? How much do I allow in a simple public setting where people might be watching (or not)?

There are those people who I "let my guard" down with whom I trust and can assume and have been shown to be trustworthy and "get me". There are those who I can be fun with and joke around with but am unsure still about those deep issues or discussions that roll around in my head on a daily basis. There are those I have issues in common with (food issues - mind you vulnerability here) and there are those who I have no common issue with one bit and yet discuss life with.

We all have "inner circles" at least it is a belief of mine that it is healthy to do so. Jesus had an inner circle of those He trusted. And then a family circle - those I consider family but might not fully disclose to depending on their personality and then there is a "friend" circle - I call you "friend" but we might not have time or have invested in a deep friendship together. And then there are acquaintances - a very large group that I interact with a good bit but without that deep meaning that is part of my heart. We are a church of close to a 1,000 people now and I find most of my relationships in the congregation to be acquaintances (good ones) but still that is the level. Which is where I'm finding it is the hard part for me with vulnerability and facebook.

Many of my facebook friends are simply acquaintances. "I like you, you like me, we have Christ and that is our commonality." There are friends, "I hang out with you, you with me and we read and discuss items, we're friends." Those even closer - "I make time out of my day for you, you check up on me and we 'do life' together and share our lives together." Those who are closest: "you challenge me, you call me on 'my stuff' when I'm letting it get in the way again of thriving...you care and you allow me to be vulnerable and I trust you completely - you follow-up." We all have those opportunities for these close friendship (for me sisterships) but often we don't allow ourselves to be vulnerable and simply shut people out. My problem at times & more recently, I begin to mix everything up and place my closest friends into regular friends and aquaintances and shut them out - I close off as one friend told me. And I do.

It's a way to separate myself to help me see where I am at and how much of myself I can give, am willing to give and would like to give. Ultimately I wish I had enough for everything and everyone but I'm not God and don't desire to be. Vulnerability...how much am I willing to let out? How much am I able to share? Will you listen? Will you care? Will this mean anything to you if you would know I or someone else was struggling? Could you give? We all face it, we just don't talk about it too much b/c it might be uncomfortable or make us talk about those issues we'd rather keep hidden. Those things that we feel shame towards or do not know how to express. Yes this is me, deep me and I'm ok with it. I have the stability of instability and realize that is why I do therapy...how else will I get it? LOL *sigh*

2010 Christmas Letter

This year flew by with several notable moments. Kara passed her licensure test for Marriage & family therapy…ran 2 mini-marathons…and turned 30. Mark helped with cross-country again and led several new groups at CCJ while juggling everything else. We saw another Ohio State home game which was awesome and found that Ian’s explosion into language was more than exciting for us. Ian will turn two soon, very soon and loves to count. Occasionally he skips 4 or 9 but gets up to 10 and is hilarious doing so. One of his favorite words is “careful” or in his pronunciation “cawful”.

Between “pes” or please and “tank-cu” or thank you his words are becoming more clear. We do hope that this year has brought joy to you and your family in one way or another. It is trying times but we’re always persevering. While working with people is wonderful and exciting, it is also unpredictable and stressful. We’re continuing to find balance and acknowledge our limits.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to you!