Confession :: I am an Adrenaline Junkie

I am an Adrenaline junkie. 
It's a realization that I had not considered until recently.

In the past I have tried to maintain a balance of how much daily caffeine or sugar I allow myself to have, simply because I know it impacts my moods. The "high" is nice but the crash is not.

Within the last 3 weeks I have experienced various "withdrawal" symptoms, including body aches, fatigue, racing thoughts and what seems like my heart skipping beats. I have watched my pulse and I can see somewhat when it happens.

Yesterday I thought was going into a panic attack of some sort but then realized I had drank my pre-workout drink (that has caffeine) but that I hadn't began my workout yet in the allotted time and so my heart-rate increased while I was sitting still.

The Adrenaline part is fascinating though because I am one who becomes determined when I have deadlines. When there are events to plan and people to contact and projects to finish I can put my game face on. It usually begins with a little anxiety knowing that something must be done and then my body gives me a shot of adrenaline that helps me propel forward.

However, I have developed a tolerance level and need more adrenaline in order to keep up the same pace. It's the same thing when a friend in crisis reaches out to me and I see an opportunity to help or encourage. I get a shot of adrenaline. But this has become a cycle, because after all the adrenaline is gone then I crash.
AND I crash hard.

I used to believe that my "shutdown" was because of major stressors, but now I have come to see that this is a pattern. I go, go, go and then crash. My body shuts down, my mind goes into a fog and if I am not careful to fuel it with healthy food as well as healthy mindsets then I almost black out.

My husband and boys can attest to this. I have to go into my bedroom, shut off the lights and shut out the world and just lay there and try to sleep it off. It's miserable and it has to stop.

Strep Throat & Running

Today thinking about running, biking or resting...plus 3 counseling sessions (luckily very low caseload day). I was reading all of these running forums about what other runners are doing especially those who got sick right in the middle of marathon training like I am.

Conversation on Facebook
STATUS - runners: run with strep throat...rest?...bike?....just exhausted still, luckily only 3 sessions today, I think I can do that

Sara Priest West REST! (Sara's a friend from college who I played basketball with who is now a full-fledged runner training for her first marathon and a speed-demon in my book)

Kara Messmore here's the deal - this is day 5 I haven't done a thing -- Friday: the Conference, Sat...I rested, Sun...big rest, Mon...big rest, Tuesday (today) ? do you think that is too long of a rest? I have a 15 or 12 mile run on thursday

Sara Priest West I would skip today, try to do something light on Sunday morning and you should be fine.

Kara Messmore hhhmmmmm I'll consider, I do want to get over this, just not sure with the weather changing again that I want to let go of doing something while it's in the 70's - the thought of running those miles on THursday in the 40s - doesn't seem all that doable now
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Well after this conversation I took a shower and got dressed for work and I am EXHAUSTED. So new realization, I need to take it easy and ease into it. I could see myself biking today. I'm just really bummed that the weather is going to turn cold AGAIN and that my supposed 12-15 mile run on Thursday would be in the 40's. I work on Friday and am on-call all weekend which is a big bummer since that is when I'd do my run so maybe Saturday after being on-call??? Maybe??

To ALL the sick people...

It is not a regular deal that I get sick but when I get sick, I feel like I really get sick. Of course any one person could probably say the same thing but I get down and then realize that strength of those people who are continually fighting a disease or fighting the side effects of medications that help them with their primary disease. I have so much admiration for YOU. I am weak and am definitely one of those who likes to be pampered. Poor Mark - but he has Ian to work with right now. Thank you Mark...it means a lot.

Sick ALL Week

I didn't realize I hadn't written here this entire week but I have been sick and not really online much. God has been doing a lot with me and showed me several things this past week:

* when I read more and research more again about counseling & the therapeutic approaches I feel so much more competent in my profession (it is so true)
* God is bigger than me and He knows what people already need
* speaking with close friends really does help me out so much --- it's about feeling loved and appreciated
* as my facebook status at one point said: "living in a slower world and realizing that this life is more about people than productivity or even success (sickness does that to you)"
* my craft area and creativity needs to wait while I grow in my professional knowledge and intuition (I've slacked on that)
* it's about people, people, people and their stories
* no tastebuds = good portion control & easier to stop when full
* little boy learned to walk in circles around the basement pole and thought he was so amazing doing it!
* communicating with Mark is such a process & hard work -- it helps counseling couples and seeing where they mess up sometimes, it motivates me to work harder and to give Mark more grace when he doesn't "get" me