Beginning Again

Wow, 2022 into 2023 was a ride like nothing I anticipated!

I was working at writing in 2022 and came across an email in my inbox from a recruiter at Cincinnati Children's. I was curious, but not overly interested as I had not been working outside the home (as I was doing my own thing with coaching and art and whatnot). 

But this email and this job description peaked my interest because of working with women with depression; specifically postpartum moms. What? There's a job for this!!?? Cool! So I let it sit with me for a couple of days and then discussed with my husband that I just wondered about doing an interview. Well, one thing led to another and to another and the ball began rolling. We set a start date in June 2022 while credentialling for being medical staff was approved and they would prepare to bring me on.

Whew, what I did not anticipate was how working from home with my boys over the summer was HARD and I began to see some of my healthy habits shifting. I became more focused on working, striving and pouring top energy into doing therapy for these women, connecting with the pediatric clinics and cultivating new systems in my life. 

And as winter months came, I ate and ate and ate, and I stopped working out like I had been because "I'd rather focus on the next session." Gradually I watched the scale go up and my clothes become tighter. Every week, I could see what direction I was going and quarterly I would re-evaluate, but not fully commit.

Fastforward to today and I'm more than 15-17 pounds heavier, have less muscle, have much less energy and sit most of my work days (whether driving to home therapy sessions to sit or sitting in front of a screen for telehealth sessions). I'm lucky if I get 5,000 steps!

I have LOVED BODI (beachbody on demand), but the choice fatigue continued to hit me, and I just didn't feel like moving like I used to-especially if it was 30 minutes or more. Forget about 45 minutes! What full-time working mom has 45 minutes to sweat and then clean up! And I was not about to sacrifice my sleep (that was Kara in her 30's, she is now in her 40's).

So this is Day ONE of using a different Lifestyle and Nutrition Company's resources and custom meal plan. This time I paid for a customized meal plan because although I KNOW how to develop a meal plan and do ALL the steps. I DO NOT WANT TO DO IT. I want someone else to do it for me and sure enough, it is working. She (the coach) calculated out my appropriate macros and caloric intake and now I simply have to follow it "mostly". I do substitutes for proteins, carbs, veggies or fruits if I need to.

I JUST NEED A MINDSET SHIFT. I still love BODI, but sometimes it just becomes repetitive. So cheers to day one!!

Challenge: Meal-Planning - creating margin & de-stressing our routine

I've known for quite a while that we've needed plans for weeknight meals. Mark is a great cook but time and little kiddos do not allow us to really remain organized. I'm looking to pursue this approach and really hone into for the next 3 months. It may take me some time to get into though but I'll be working towards it.

Why this approach works:

• 30 minutes: Once you have your themes, meal planning is just a matter of plugging in the weekly favorites on the appropriate day. I can pick our meals and write the master grocery list in 30 minutes or less. And that’s if I’m being extra fussy.
• One trip to the grocery store: You’ve planned the week out, you’ve done your shopping. You’ll have everything you should need for a whole week! I used to practically live at the grocery store!
• Frees up mental agony: I keep my menu on the fridge. I never have to guess what’s for dinner ever again. I know exactly what prep work to do during small pockets of time throughout the day. Prep a veggie here, mix a marinade there, pull the pizza dough from the freezer for tomorrow.
• Opens time for baking: I now have time to make my favorite from-scratch foods because I’m not running to the grocery store all the time! And my fridge is stocked with the right ingredients. I pick one or two things to bake each week and add the ingredients to my one shopping list. I bake them when I have time and am in the mood.

Questions you should ask yourself before you assign your own themes:

1. What are my family’s very favorite meals? If I had all the time in the world and the ingredients were handed to me on a platter, what would we enjoy eating? Make a list! Ask your husband and kids to chime in.

calzones      casseroles          green beans      salmon - high quality        corn casserole     sweet potato fries
stuffed salmon    cheddar biscuits    pizzadillas      chicken parmesan      stir-fry     skillet burritos
stuffed peppers
cheesecake    french silk pie

2. Now look at that list, do you see any patterns? Are they all chicken? Then it isn’t exactly helpful to have a “Chicken Night” because it doesn’t narrow your options. You want to consider themes that help you make your weekly decision more easily. It should be broad enough to give you options but narrow enough to shorten that list.

Italian Night (pastas, breads)                  Mexican Night (chips, burritos, rice, meat)

Brinner Night (breakfast foods for dinner - i.e., french toast, pancakes, eggs, smoothies)

Soup and Salad/Sandwich Night             Crock Pot Night                                                  Pizza Night

3. Consider your goals. I wanted to start making better use of a few particular cookbooks. They are ones that I love but forget to turn to. Now they are my go-to sources for some of my weekly themes. I also wanted to make better use of the kitchen equipment taking up precious space in my cabinets. By assigning the bread maker and crockpot their own dedicated evenings, they’ll start to earn their keep. You can bet the ice cream maker will be getting an evening assigned to it come June.

food processor                   panini press             Kraftmaid Mixer          blender                     toaster

4. What do you need help remembering? I needed help remembering particular recipe sources and gear. Maybe you need help to remember to eat a new protein? Or to try a new recipe? Use one night of your themes to help be your Post-It note reminder to work towards your goals. Ideas could be: Seafood Night, Make our own takeout, Grilling, Vegetarian or Try a New Veggie Night, Use my baking stones Night, Eat from my Freezer/Pantry Night.

Eat from the Pantry Night - canned foods, fruits, boxed meals

5. Look at your schedule, which night is your busiest? Do you have more than one? Consider time-saving meal themes. For me that was the crockpot but sandwiches, simple pastas, even breakfast for dinner are all themes that would work with a constricted time schedule. Or if you’re really that busy, how about picnic night?? Pack foods for a cooler that you’re eating in the car on the go so you can avoid the drive thru! Or heck, give yourself a “Drive Thru” night but be intentional about it. It’s amazing the guilt it relieves.

Drive-Thru Night - Tuesdays or restaurant for Mark, Ian, Eli  ---- or Saturdays

6. Which day of the week is best for you to grocery shop? Plan your weekly rotation starting either that day or the next. I meal plan on Sunday, shop on Monday morning, the week starts Monday evening.

Tuesday night after supervision @ Walmart on Miller Lane or Kroger on Northwoods Blvd

OUR MEAL-PLANNING NIGHTS

Monday: Soup  & Sandwich Night— (canned soups & sandwiches); paninis; tomato basil & grilled cheese or open-face sandwiches

Tuesday: Crockpot Night – This is one of our busy after-school days (swimming lessons-. I will plan ahead in the morning so something hot is waiting for us when we get home.

Wednesday: International Night/Eat from the Pantry Night — Wide variety of foods: Greek (gyros), Chinese (stir-fry), Mexican (tacos, skillet burritos), Thai. 

Thursday: Pasta/Italian Night - (calzones, pizzadillas, rigatoni, ravioli, tortellini, spaghetti, chicken parmesan)

Friday: Family Game Night & Pizza Night — Depending on my mood that pizza might be homemade, it might be frozen, it might be delivery.

Saturday: Date Night OR Family Movie Party/Brinner Night — (breakfast foods for dinner - i.e., french toast, pancakes, eggs, smoothies) or we’ll eat out at a restaurant (alone or with the kids).

Sunday: Drive-Thru Lunch/Night or Picnic (small group night) — Pack foods for a cooler that you’re eating in the car on the go so you can avoid the drive thru! or eat in Mark's office after church.

EXAMPLE: http://www.peanutblossom.com/blog/2013/10/bringing-back-our-family-meals.html/

Monday: Soup  & Sandwich Night— I will be experimenting with the dozens of ideas from my favorite cookbook Enlightened Soup and pairing it either with a homemade bread fromthis bread machine baking book or with fresh baked biscuits from a tube or a grilled sandwich. (When warmer weather comes around this will switch to Salad for Dinner Night and still involve fresh bread.) Please note: these are books I’ve already had in my library but which were collecting dust!

Tuesday: Crockpot Night – This is one of our busy after-school days (swimming lessons-. I will plan ahead in the morning so something hot is waiting for us when we get home.

Wednesday: Noodle Night – My family could eat pasta every night of the week and be happy. This ensures my kids that at least one night of the week something “easy” and 100% acceptable will be on their plates.

Thursday: International Night — This was the trickiest thing for me to work into the routine. We love to eat a wide variety of foods: Greek, Chinese, Mexican, Thai. I didn’t want to dedicate one whole night to each of those. Yuck. Rather, I look at this night as more of a free for all for our more adventures recipes. I will likely work in those flavors into other nights of the week (Tortilla soup on Mon., Sweet & Sour Meatballs on Tues. in the crockpot) but this is the one night where I’m guaranteed to turn to one of our  favorites (Annie’s chicken gyros for example).

Friday: Family Game Night & Pizza Night — Depending on my mood that pizza might be homemade, it might be frozen, it might be delivery.

Saturday: Date Night OR Family Movie Party — This will be our “Popcorn for Dinner” night or we’ll eat out at a restaurant (alone or with the kids).

Sunday: Casserole Or Sunday Roast — With the extra time on Sundays, I can do a traditional roasted meat & potatoes meal or if we’re busy having fun, a casserole fresh or from the freezer.

Edited to add: The adorable meal planning pad I have is sold here.  I love it because it has a magnetic strip that sticks to the fridge!! But the sheets are tear-off so you could display it any way you like. The bottom half is a perforated tear-off grocery list which is handy too.

October 21st to Now....

Many things have occurred in this span of time, some of which I am going to share now and some of which I am not going to until the timing is right.

No one really needs to read this, I hope others never have to experience this but if they do I hope it helps.

This is like waiting for a bomb to go off...

October 21st 5:35am - Pregnancy test read very positive, very quickly. Blood test later that day said that I was "very" pregnant (high levels) and my progesterone was low so I go get a $125 prescription for progesterone (hormone) so as to minimize the chances of miscarriage. Dr. Beckman's office can't get me in until Nov. 17th.

During the next several weeks, no healthy food is eaten, only whatever I crave in anticipation of this growing baby I have in my body and so all I eat seems like carbs, comfort foods and I can barely drink water so flavored drinks & NO RUNNING. This is very different than Ian's pregnancy but that is what other people say especially if this might be a girl. We are very, very excited. I am cautiously optimistic until I see the first ultrasound and hear the heartbeat. It's taken a while to get this pregnancy...

Weeks go by and I am covering a coworker at the hospital so I'm working a lot...and am pretty well exhausted at night and just trying to keep eating b/c I'm so nauseous. People tell me, nausea is good so be thankful for it. I become thankful for it & working is a great distraction. So thankful.

Come Nov. 17th, Thursday 10:45am - I am to be working this day but clock-out for this appointment. Dr. Beckman gets called out so we wait another hour...and more time...get my lovely physical...and finally over lunch (I'm starving by now) get to sit down for this ultrasound (the only thing I am really coming for). The screen pulls up...and all we can see is what looks like a whole...black space...for where a baby should be. SHOCK.

I'm thinking..."no way...and I have to work, I can't react, this is surreal"...the more it was all processed throughout the day the more emotions would come. Anembryionic pregnancy...my body is pregnant, thinks it is pregnant but there is no baby...just fluid and a sac. I'm having nausea for nothing. Devastating, loss of hope, loss of promise, questions, no answers, now have to wait to move on until this is out of my body.

Positive perspectives: the baby might not have been a healthy baby anyway, there was no baby so we will lose no baby - just the potential of one, I won't have to see a form of a baby at any point, that I can now relate just a little more to someone who miscarries...etc...etc BUT it doesn't change the fact that this has happened, that I feel like if I get pregnant again that I might have to face something worse or be even more nauseated, that people may or may not understand, that at this very moment I absolutely HATE my body.

We contact family & friends with the news, people are encouraging and loving. I find that most comforting phrase to be "Oh Kara, I'm so sorry". That is all that needs to be said and I learn how it feels to hear it. No need to explain it to me, no need to tell me this wasn't God's plan (which I know) just simply...I'm so sorry.

It's numbing now, 3 days post discovery, after medication, no miscarry is happening, tomorrow to be scheduled for a surgery that I don't want, never wanted nor do I ever want to have to do again. It's just surreal and I'm ok, it's just the harsh voices I have towards myself and my body right now. The hateful view of my abdomen, the depressive tendencies wanting to surface and the harmful eating habits I want to re-inhabit. I won't, I can't...I will be healthy. I just have to wait.

No one really needs to read this, I hope others never have to experience this but if they do I hope it helps. It helped to speak with Kendra, Stephanie and text many people. The most emotional moments are the ones that kill...the majority of the time I'm fine but those moments, the weak ones...impression themselves on you. The image will forever stick. The lost hope will be felt especially over the holidays...won't be buying items on Black Friday for this invisible baby nor praying for him/her...no looking forward to February to know the gender...nor thinking that June will come fast.

A very different mourning period, I don't want to cry, I'm angry, I'm hurt, I'm numb...I'd rather forget this happened but it did so now it's part of our story...

Six Essentials to Be Prepared for Emergencies

Today's Mama post: Six Essentials to Be Prepared for Emergencies
Have you ever researched recipes for “dry” shampoo? Or scoped out your backyard for possible latrine locations? These are some of the things that have been on my mind since the March 11th earthquake we experienced here in Japan. Fortunately, I only had to go two days with nasty hair and our toilets continued to work the entire time. But the “what-ifs” were pretty scary.
One thing that helped us get through our experience with slightly less stress, was the fact that we were mostly prepared. We had candles and flashlights with fresh batteries, we had plenty of stored food in the pantry, and we had 72-hour kits for 5 out of our 6 family members. We made it through 3 days with no power, eating and sleeping well. Not everyone was so lucky.
Since March 11, many people have been curious to know what we had or wished we had had. Lists of essential 72-hour kit items are all over the Internet, but for us, this list comprises the top 6:

1. Water.
Some people have ginormous water barrels. We have a few small flats of water bottles. Our water was fine, but the water supply off-base was contaminated with sewage and–obviously–unusable for a few days.
2. Light.
Flashlights are fine if you have fresh batteries. Candles are fine if they wont tip over in an earthquake. After 3/11, I decided to buy some Coleman LED Lanterns and tape good-quality batteries to the packages.
3. Food.
Normal food that your family will eat. Food that is instant or easy to prepare.
4. Propane.
Aside from the granola bars, it’s nice to be able to make and eat something warm. This requires a camp or cook stove of some sort and enough propane to use it–possibly for days. We had both and were able to make hot chocolate, oatmeal, mac & cheese, and pancakes. We even used our outside BBQ to make salmon the first night the power was out. Warm meals are very comforting. And speaking of comfort…
5. Warmth.
Whether this means a gas powered heater or a down-filled sleeping bag for everyone, this is important. The first night our power was out, the temperature dropped to below freezing. Luckily we had plenty of blankets to pile on everyone so we stayed warm over night, but we were scrambling a bit.
6. Radio.
Battery operated so you can find out if you need to evacuate in a hurry. And speaking of communication, it’s not a bad idea to have neighbors or friends you can check in with if there is some sort of disaster.
If this all seems overwhelming, don’t worry. There are plenty of companies out there that will put everything together for you. (We purchased our 72-hour-packs from BePrepared.com.) Throw in an outfit for each family member and you’re ready to go.
What ever you decided to do, just make sure you do something. Trust me, the more prepared you are, the better you’ll feel!

To Be Written Posts

Those posts that need to be written:

* Ian's bargaining skills
* most recent 20-miles ran last Thursday
* impromptu Ohio trip to grandparents & Ian
* what it means to "guard your heart", Proverbs 4:23 for those couples struggling
* change in counseling room (owning how it [this counseling adventure] is really not my own including the space I work in)
* upcoming Crop & potential projects

What I am Telling Myself Now...

* This winter I WILL stay active (active winter plan)
* This winter I WILL not schedule any un-needed or un-wanted activities
* This winter I WILL NOT be a glutton and overeat on foods that I don't have that often (i.e. tapioca pudding, pumpkin pie, pie in general, truffles, candy canes, sugar cookies, fudge, cheesecake, pumkpin anything, sweet potato anything)

Plan Ahead for an Active Winter Season
by American Running Association

Check your gear. Now is the time to inspect your shoes; don't stop at checking for wear, but prod, poke, and twist to be sure they are not becoming unstable. Shoe materials, such as heelcounters, can begin to break down before you can actually see anything wrong.

Check your clothes to make sure they will still fit when you need them.
Waistbands losing their elasticity? Any shirts that have shrunk enough to be a bit tight? Any socks that stay stiff even after laundering? Put them on the inactive list before they cause problems. Is your watchband cracking? Replace it now before it snaps and flies off during a workout.

Even though you want to be less active physically, you can still be involved with your favorite sport. Volunteer to help out at a race or on one of the committees that make your sport possible. If you have only a few hours on odd occasions, remember many events begin with something as simple as stuffing envelopes, and somebody has to do it. These activities will keep you in touch with other folks who have the same interests as you have.

Choose one or two goals for the coming year.

For me (Kara) I look at what directions do I want to go...marathon? triathlon? or helping someone else train?

If you compete, now is the time to browse the coming year's race calendar. Setting valuable objectives is both science and art. There is science in planning the execution, but making your goals achievable but challenging, sustainable but fresh and interesting is an art that takes constant practice.

Make a list of experiments to try when spring comes round again. There are suggestions you've read about that could make you fitter, faster, and stronger. Have you tried carbohydrate supplements during training, or hill workouts for leg strength? How about trying bike intervals instead of track intervals to reduce wear and tear on your legs and feet? Write down your list and then set priorities to try things one at a time, because if you make more than one change and you improve, you won't know what did the trick.

How about putting a little more adventure into your life by trying something new; maybe combine something different with a vacation. Running, cycling, and weight training may be the foundation of your activities, but how would you shape up and enjoy a completely new experience, such as rock climbing, or white water canoeing? Try half a dozen tennis lessons, or golf lessons. You may have an aptitude that you haven't yet discovered. You won't know if you don't try.

Catch up on your reading.
If you have a pile of magazines and newsletters, and a few self-improvement books waiting to be read, now's the time. If you don't catch up now you never will, because when the days grow longer and the sun climbs higher you will have a choice between reading about it and going out to do it; which will you choose?

Don't forget your head.
You spend time reading workout schedules, exercise routines, and all that physical stuff. This is a good time to soak up a little philosophy and psychology. Exercise, fitness, and sports and athletic competition carry over into the rest of your life, because all activities, physical and mental, take motivation, goal setting, planning, dedication, and a desire to do your best as a route to self-esteem. George Sheehan was the master of relating the thoughts of the great thinkers and writers to sports, especially running. Fitness and performance are worthwhile as far as physical health benefits are concerned, but their greatest value is in helping us to be better people, so that we develop the skills that really matter: relationships, love, family, and friends. Winter is a good time to browse good books and give your mind some workouts.