Beginning Again

Wow, 2022 into 2023 was a ride like nothing I anticipated!

I was working at writing in 2022 and came across an email in my inbox from a recruiter at Cincinnati Children's. I was curious, but not overly interested as I had not been working outside the home (as I was doing my own thing with coaching and art and whatnot). 

But this email and this job description peaked my interest because of working with women with depression; specifically postpartum moms. What? There's a job for this!!?? Cool! So I let it sit with me for a couple of days and then discussed with my husband that I just wondered about doing an interview. Well, one thing led to another and to another and the ball began rolling. We set a start date in June 2022 while credentialling for being medical staff was approved and they would prepare to bring me on.

Whew, what I did not anticipate was how working from home with my boys over the summer was HARD and I began to see some of my healthy habits shifting. I became more focused on working, striving and pouring top energy into doing therapy for these women, connecting with the pediatric clinics and cultivating new systems in my life. 

And as winter months came, I ate and ate and ate, and I stopped working out like I had been because "I'd rather focus on the next session." Gradually I watched the scale go up and my clothes become tighter. Every week, I could see what direction I was going and quarterly I would re-evaluate, but not fully commit.

Fastforward to today and I'm more than 15-17 pounds heavier, have less muscle, have much less energy and sit most of my work days (whether driving to home therapy sessions to sit or sitting in front of a screen for telehealth sessions). I'm lucky if I get 5,000 steps!

I have LOVED BODI (beachbody on demand), but the choice fatigue continued to hit me, and I just didn't feel like moving like I used to-especially if it was 30 minutes or more. Forget about 45 minutes! What full-time working mom has 45 minutes to sweat and then clean up! And I was not about to sacrifice my sleep (that was Kara in her 30's, she is now in her 40's).

So this is Day ONE of using a different Lifestyle and Nutrition Company's resources and custom meal plan. This time I paid for a customized meal plan because although I KNOW how to develop a meal plan and do ALL the steps. I DO NOT WANT TO DO IT. I want someone else to do it for me and sure enough, it is working. She (the coach) calculated out my appropriate macros and caloric intake and now I simply have to follow it "mostly". I do substitutes for proteins, carbs, veggies or fruits if I need to.

I JUST NEED A MINDSET SHIFT. I still love BODI, but sometimes it just becomes repetitive. So cheers to day one!!

The Beautiful Creative Chaos

I have never been able to put words to the beautiful creative chaos that happens when I have painted or done some project with my hands. But yes, this is true quotes from Kelly Rae sums it up:

I have learned over the years as a creative that when inspiration hits, all balance goes out the window and your whole life gets tossed into the air. Everything is chaos and unorganized and untethered while Spirit uses us to weave magic and beauty and cohesion from the tossed up pieces. 

I find that I sort of lose my sense of center and groundedness while I'm up in the air swirling about in creation mode. When all the dust settles, restoration is essential while I quiet it all back down, and in a way come back down and ground out. Any other creatives go through this process? Please say yes. 

After going through this process more than once over the years, I've learned to pause. To celebrate. To give gratitude to the process and the people that made and will continue to make it happen. To reconnect with my friends and myself. To be present. #SeekBrighterTreasures  

AND in fact the last 2 years I have kept an organized home and it's driven me somewhat nuts because I have not allowed myself to paint or really create with my hands. They are always cleaning up or organizing. It makes sense. I have allowed the dust to settle and have been re-grounding into something new. It's inspiring.

A story of Redemption rather than a story of Perfection.

In 2018-2019, I experienced major heartbreak and darkness. It was shocking. My family and I are still feeling the impact many months later. There has continued to be a ripple effect of new-normals that have been painful, alongside re-injuries that happen when dealing with relationships and human beings. The details may stay muted, but in time, everyone will know a fuller story.

I share this pain, not for sympathy, but because I want to offer a glimpse of how I've gone through the pain and disappointment. Life does not necessarily turn out how we would like it to be. When we do a 5 or 10 year plan, there is so much that is out of our control and variables we will never see. The plot twists, diagnoses, betrayals, side-conversations, broken friendships, misunderstandings, weight of the world and I could go on.

But as I am learning, I'd rather see a story of redemption rather than a story of perfection. I'd rather replace the habit of mindlessly consuming with the practice of creating. I'd rather contribute beauty to this world than give out bitterness.

The Courage to Let Go begins with the Willingness to Walk-Away
The Problem is Never the Things rather the Problem is our Attachment to Things

Right Now :: September Edition

* Pumpkin Spice lit candle on my craft desk (a.k.a. writing desk, work space, area of task-mastering).

* wearing an athletic tank top and shorts because the humidity make the 81 degrees seem hotter

* working through a "procrastination" exercise (isn't it ironic don't you think?)

* boys are 7 and 11 and somehow still enjoy Pokemon battles together

* trying to narrow my focus down to 3-5 tasks a day which is still really large

* not sure what I want to do for my birthday (40!) 

* attended a vocal lesson with a friend this morning which was very enlightening (I've never really known how to use my diaphragm in singing)

September

September is always a dreaming month for me as it is my birth month.

I naturally reflect on the last 365 days as well as multiple years of my life.
I view God's faithfulness.
Seek some clarity in the events that unfolded and often find that I simply need to Trust that God's plan is working as He deems good for me.
NEVER STOP GROWING.

So with that...I'm 20 days from another year around this sun...down.

IMPROVE THE MOMENT
IMAGINE the outcome you want from your current situation.
* So where are you? What about your situation would you like to be different? What about your situation is a the same?
* Picture yourself interacting with the (new) world around you.

For me, I'm not quite in the desert nor the promised land...I'm somewhere in between. I'd like more direction in my current situation with family, with profession, with gentleness and radical acceptance towards myself. I'd like to have a more openness to my soul and my mind and landscapes, meaning confidence and motivation to move forward, head outside, take on the world, take on a child, seize the day type of mentality. And part of that includes ME NOT THINKING when I initially wake up because then I OVERTHINK.

I like the current freedom and flexibility of my time in this season as I'm not employed and am able to focus on household work, children's development and if I want-to dream. However, I'm often scattered and not honed into my current present.

MEANING - find meaning in a situation or season.
* Am I learning anything about myself?
* What lessons can I take away from this?
* How will things be different in the future?
* In the grand scheme of things, how much does this really matters?

For me, I'm learning that I do desire a type of structure and need to practice The Five Second Rule 5-4-3-2-1, so that I don't use my time unwisely scrolling or spaghetti-brain chasing my tail.
I am learning that Radical Acceptance of a season is so important to embrace when circumstances or others' responses are truly out of my control and that I can have control over how I think about the season (rather than walking around disappointment, I pick myself back up, sit before God and ask "what next?").
In the future, I will still risk friendship, risk vulnerability and risk authenticity, because it is who I am. I will still share deep learnings and sufferings...I just won't expect people to understand or to respond in an empathetic manner with grace.
In the blimp that is life, a season of disappointment will become very small in the rearview mirror as long as we/I move forward.

PRAY/PRACTICE - connecting with God and doing anything with a sense of purpose for His glory 

RELAX - there is no quick fix, meditate or do a body scan and observe your body

ONE THING IN THE MOMENT - in times of trouble your mind tends to run in the past or the future, so bring yourself back to the present moment with a GROUNDING practice.
* sitting on the ground * going outside and planting your feet in the grass * closing your eyes and visualizing your breath traveling in and out as you breathe * moving your hands through water or sand * pick a flower and smell it * cover the crown of your head * Hum a song * stand up and press your feet into the ground * take a cold or hot shower or bath * sit criss-cross applesauce with your palms up open in surrender

VACATION - staycation, daydream, don't run away from your problems - rather take a break.
* phone a friend * listen to your favorite song * go outside * do a yoga pose * take yourself out of the situation

ENCOURAGEMENT - pretend you are talking to a friend and imagine what you would say to your friend to encourage them.

 "Kara, you are exactly where you need to be and you are learning to persevere daily to work through your own mess so that you can then help others. It begins with depending on God, leaning towards Him and inviting Him in. You can't see the whole picture, you can't understand it all, only He can. If you want to a beautiful soul then you must go through the struggle and you will come out on the other side...again and again. You are a work-in-progress until Heaven."

Release Revolution :: Discovering what Needs to be Healed

This isn't just a Release of possessions but is also a release of inner turmoil or angst or distress that has built up in my body, mind and spirit.

In discovering what needs to be healed, we can take simple and intentional steps to move forward.

What are these steps? Well I can read all I want in all kinds of books, but I am finding out that whatever it is that needs healed in us often is shown through reviewing how we cope.

When are the times you run to food, alcohol, any substance or ignore the small voice in your head that tells you "let's face this together"? When do you tend to feel like crawling in a hole? What is it about these times that propels you into shame?

And again I can ask all the questions in the world but until you and I STOP and PAUSE to consider where our pain is (literally and/or figuratively) we will not be able to even begin to identify where we may need healing.

I sense that my strong tendency to numb with food is because I need healing in the area of loving myself enough to allow myself to feel bad...to feel sad...to feel overwhelmed...to feel unloved. And that my thought-process needs to shift in order to better understand that these are feelings and that my mind is more powerful than I believe. My presence in another's life matters more than I think. And my brave is much braver than I could ever imagine.

I know my Creator and even when I feel distant from Him, it's ok to come back around and sit with Him in silence and ask Him "what needs to be healed?" "Can you help me please?"

And this begins...the process...(all over again)...and I'm a better person for it.

Release Revolution :: My Story & Prayer

In this Release Revolution season, I can now see that many times I try to piece my own story together by combining others' stories. For instance, I read about how an artist came to be the artist that she is and I immediately connect with this person's story and begin to use some of their words or phrases to describe a piece of myself.

I do this and realize that I have my very own words for this time; yet, I do not trust that my words as accurate, nor as eloquent as what the other artist has said. And then it dawns of me...I don't accept my version of who I am.

It's bold...I do not fully accept the version of who I am and how I would state my season.

It's very revealing if you think about it. It's easy to use another's words and descriptions for your own life experience since you connect with it. However, we have our own words to use and our own thoughts to think.

So coming now to my story and my current prayer "Lord, please take my broken and make it beautiful," I see how my deep brokenness of this season of life may help another person. Someone else may connect with my description and even want to use my words...but I hope and encourage this person to really look into how they would describe their own season and their own brokenness. It is so revealing.

My cracks and brokenness have and will continue to leave scars on my heart, soul and skin. My prayer is that God fills those places with His beauty and uses it for His good to help another. Sometimes I find it hard to face my thoughts these days knowing that some self-pity-filled feeling may be around the corner that will convince me that I'm always going to be stuck.

It's a seductive kind of feeling and thought-process and one that leads me to begin to believe that I deserve things in this life that I really don't. Disappointment sets in and then doubt rules the day and once again I am bound to my emotions. That is not the way I want to live. Steadfast and with faith is how I want to live.

Christmas Day

A Thrill of Hope...
Waiting Expectantly...
Savoring the Present and the Presence of family...
Remembering years past with loved ones who have left us...
Recalling that moment when I found out Santa Claus was represented by many people...
Opening the gift that I wanted so badly...
Eating my dad's pancakes in the morning (they are like crepes and THE BEST)...
Waking my parents up before the crack of dawn because I was so excited...
Peeking at the presents early and then carefully placed the tape back on (only one year - I think)...
Sitting by the candlelight and Christmas lights pondering what that night's years ago meant to this world when a little baby was born in a stable (cave) with animals around and 'unseen' by the world...
Reading the Christmas story...
Singing carols in a circle with the Cassell family and being so obnoxious with everyone...
Hanging out every Christmas Eve with the Price family & doing our gift exchange... (until my grandmother passed my Junior year of high school)
Listening to the Christmas music (all genres) and humming along...
Unwrapping stocking stuffers has always been a favorite of mine (especially those from my mom) because it was the little things that made me laugh and brought me joy...yes chocolate...brought me joy...
Taking a Morning Run to clear my mind and warm up my body...(a favorite tradition now for me)

When you have your own family, you can set your own pace and your own traditions. This is both an opportunity and an expectation. I miss the magic of being young and although I catch glimpses of this with my boys now...it's different. I enjoy the hunt of looking for gifts for them, but I do not buy literally into the consumerism. I seek the traditions of having an Advent Calendar, opening little gifts and surprising them with pajamas dinners. The build-up to this day feels different. We use a stuffed blue Star "Starry" instead of an Elf on the Shelf to demonstrate the days leading up to Christmas and watch as he leads us to focus on where Jesus was born.

It is no longer filled with school events (because their school doesn't have a program) nor church events (because our church does not do a separate program with rehearsals). My boys have never desired to wait in line to meet a white bearded man in red robbing nor have they been brought up to believe in just one "real" Santa Claus. Rather, the story of St. Nicholas and his good deeds and his giving heart. They would rather give and surprise others. Now don't get me wrong, they LOVE receiving too. But it's different.

We rarely watch advertising commercials during this time because we use Netflix and Amazon Prime. It's different than growing up with Toy commercials bombarding the TV during every holiday movie. I remember finding out there were new toys each time I saw one and I wanted more. I even knew what Christmas was about growing up but it didn't stop my wanting. It's just different today, not better or worse, just different.

I do relish watching my boys play with their new gifts even if there are not many. I enjoy making them breakfast on this morning - whether pancakes or just blueberry muffins (from a box) as was the case this morning.

It's still meaningful and it still matters. That is today, not just another day, but it is our today.

  

Overwhelming Growth & Change

Change often comes when we don't want it, but we know that "something" has to give.
Something in our life is just not meshing with the other areas in our life and we want change, we may even crave change, BUT deep down, we want more than anything to stay comfortable.

We want this change to come in the form of better things, things like unexpected blessings (insert whatever things you consider "good"). But change can be subtle or immediate.

We find our family in an immediate change. An immediately different rhythm and although at first I did not welcome it nor fully understand the details of it, I choose to embrace it.

"Sometimes when our routine changes, God speaks into our non-routine more clearly."(Mark Batterson, Circle Maker).

I chose to read (audiobook) Circle Maker on Day 1 of our immediate change. I chose to sit and to pray and to think and to surrender. I found a previous canvas I wrote on and was dumbfounded that the words that had been written at least 8 months ago applied to me right in that THAT MOMENT.

"Woah" is all I can say. God doesn't waste past experiences...He uses them to continue to prepare us for His work AS WE ALLOW HIM.

There are nuggets that I'm learning through shifting routine and through some fasting that I dare say, I could NOT have learned otherwise. Stopping obligations, responsibilities (within reason) and expectations all-together allows space not only physically, but in all other areas.

There no "hurry", only necessarily life stress with boys (which has been enough this past year-mind you). How caregivers care for themselves makes ALL the difference. And as much as I have tried to care for myself over this past year, I found that I had fallen into certain habits that did not serve the Kara I desire to become.

We all have pet 'vices' and even 'sins' but it's easy to rationalize them away as our personality or our "lot in life". There are times I allow my own labeling of myself dictate if I can or cannot accomplish something. And that is BOLOGNA!

I know anyone reading this at some point might say "must be nice" to be rid of obligations, responsibilities or expectations from something...well yes and no. These things provide some structure, pieces of our identity unfortunately, and connection with community. When those aren't present, we are forced to see gaps in our lives. We are forced to see what we don't like about life even more and what we do like. It really is an opportunity.

So embrace the change, whether you want it or not. You cannot NOT change anyway. That is Life.

Permission to...REFLECT, the creative path...

Permission granted to....REFLECT

Having a creative path…my mother showed me how to express through crafts and making gifts for other people. I thoroughly enjoyed creating things around the holidays with my mom, my aunts and cousins and making things with my hands. I loved color and whimsical patterns. I began to fall in love with writing in my creative writing class and placing down my thoughts through pen. I was drawn to deep thinking and abstract mindfulness.

In middle school, I excelled at most anything I touched including art. I found myself consumed by learning about it, almost perfectionistically but it directed me towards thinking about art therapy and helping others express their grief, their pain through art. I obtained awards and when I was doing a painting or a drawing, that is all that I was thinking about and was not distracted.

Unfortunately or fortunately as it may be, my path in art went elsewhere when I chose the road known and went into music with band and my older brother being a Senior. I chose band over art and I believe that is what my family desired and I did so mostly but I also experienced a lot of anxiety with performance. My sophomore year, I then chose again (out of familiarity and desires) to go into band again instead of art and this time it was because of a boy. The regret I have or at least the do-differently I would have done is I would have chosen art…if I would have had the courage and been able to let go of expectations and familiarity. I did not give myself permission.

My writing was my main mode of artistic expression for years and doing various projects until while in graduate school in Louisville, KY I met up with one of Mark’s coworkers, Cheryl and she introduced me to card making and from card-making I went into my own version of scrapbooking with my friend Candy in Jasper, IN and from making gifts then I felt led to give towards desiring to paint. I felt inspired by Ali Edward’s version of scrapbooking and documenting life. I used to read her blog almost every day for at least 4 years and from there I was introduced to Kelly Rae Roberts and her paintings. Her mantras on her paintings resonated with me so strongly. They were thoughts I had a lot and felt while doing therapy with others but I could never pin-point how to make my thoughts manifested into real life as she was able to do so.

I’m one who wants to go against the rules and not for the purpose of rebellion but for the simple truth that I enjoy adventure and I long to feel joy and not failure or disappointment. I want to experience life in the present moment and experiment with things. My small group at church went through Chazown and grew through writing out our Core Values, Spiritual Gifts and Past Experiences. I formed a purpose statement that has helped to direct me (nie push me) into some new directions. Hence, in April 2014, I took a risk and committed to Kelly Rae’s e-course Hello Soul, Hello Mantra with courage and seeking a change in mindset. Then almost one year ago today, I accepted a new position and transitioned into a NICU role very different from my previous medical social worker role at the hospital.

Since the e-course, I have created paintings and projects of love and purpose for people in my life that I felt led to do. The Lord has shown me parts of myself and some passions I did not know existed through the NICU role. AND I want to be creative with running and making it not just about myself but about others and about viewing oneself with grace and with respect and thwarting the darkness and negativity that pulls us all down at some point.

What I really desire is a tribe, a community of like-minded women to be encouraging to and to be encouraged by. I want to be surrounded by those who don’t know what they are doing creatively and yet they are doing it.

What I Wish I Could Learn

I wish I could learn and pull it to my heart and not just to my head that:
* I don't need to keep "things" to feel valuable to other people (thinking I will give them gifts-half the time I forget)
* God only wants me...He will use my talents as He sees fit and in the way that it will benefit others
* that I really don't "deserve" the life that I live but must be grateful for any blessings
* that all of what I own is not really mine (it's not mine)
* that my low, deep, down-times are preparation times for seasons to come
* that if I would ever delete my facebook account, I would still be an interesting person
* that by lessening what I am distracted by will allow more room for what God wants
* that my size matters only to be healthy and not that it changes my value in God's eyes or with others
* that people-pleasing in my 20's and 30's is futile and I only serve One Master
* that my hair is never going to be a light blonde color (ever-again)
* that the little innocent girl is someone who inspires me and the simplicity of her life is something I seek again...

to be continued...

Challenge: Meal-Planning - creating margin & de-stressing our routine

I've known for quite a while that we've needed plans for weeknight meals. Mark is a great cook but time and little kiddos do not allow us to really remain organized. I'm looking to pursue this approach and really hone into for the next 3 months. It may take me some time to get into though but I'll be working towards it.

Why this approach works:

• 30 minutes: Once you have your themes, meal planning is just a matter of plugging in the weekly favorites on the appropriate day. I can pick our meals and write the master grocery list in 30 minutes or less. And that’s if I’m being extra fussy.
• One trip to the grocery store: You’ve planned the week out, you’ve done your shopping. You’ll have everything you should need for a whole week! I used to practically live at the grocery store!
• Frees up mental agony: I keep my menu on the fridge. I never have to guess what’s for dinner ever again. I know exactly what prep work to do during small pockets of time throughout the day. Prep a veggie here, mix a marinade there, pull the pizza dough from the freezer for tomorrow.
• Opens time for baking: I now have time to make my favorite from-scratch foods because I’m not running to the grocery store all the time! And my fridge is stocked with the right ingredients. I pick one or two things to bake each week and add the ingredients to my one shopping list. I bake them when I have time and am in the mood.

Questions you should ask yourself before you assign your own themes:

1. What are my family’s very favorite meals? If I had all the time in the world and the ingredients were handed to me on a platter, what would we enjoy eating? Make a list! Ask your husband and kids to chime in.

calzones      casseroles          green beans      salmon - high quality        corn casserole     sweet potato fries
stuffed salmon    cheddar biscuits    pizzadillas      chicken parmesan      stir-fry     skillet burritos
stuffed peppers
cheesecake    french silk pie

2. Now look at that list, do you see any patterns? Are they all chicken? Then it isn’t exactly helpful to have a “Chicken Night” because it doesn’t narrow your options. You want to consider themes that help you make your weekly decision more easily. It should be broad enough to give you options but narrow enough to shorten that list.

Italian Night (pastas, breads)                  Mexican Night (chips, burritos, rice, meat)

Brinner Night (breakfast foods for dinner - i.e., french toast, pancakes, eggs, smoothies)

Soup and Salad/Sandwich Night             Crock Pot Night                                                  Pizza Night

3. Consider your goals. I wanted to start making better use of a few particular cookbooks. They are ones that I love but forget to turn to. Now they are my go-to sources for some of my weekly themes. I also wanted to make better use of the kitchen equipment taking up precious space in my cabinets. By assigning the bread maker and crockpot their own dedicated evenings, they’ll start to earn their keep. You can bet the ice cream maker will be getting an evening assigned to it come June.

food processor                   panini press             Kraftmaid Mixer          blender                     toaster

4. What do you need help remembering? I needed help remembering particular recipe sources and gear. Maybe you need help to remember to eat a new protein? Or to try a new recipe? Use one night of your themes to help be your Post-It note reminder to work towards your goals. Ideas could be: Seafood Night, Make our own takeout, Grilling, Vegetarian or Try a New Veggie Night, Use my baking stones Night, Eat from my Freezer/Pantry Night.

Eat from the Pantry Night - canned foods, fruits, boxed meals

5. Look at your schedule, which night is your busiest? Do you have more than one? Consider time-saving meal themes. For me that was the crockpot but sandwiches, simple pastas, even breakfast for dinner are all themes that would work with a constricted time schedule. Or if you’re really that busy, how about picnic night?? Pack foods for a cooler that you’re eating in the car on the go so you can avoid the drive thru! Or heck, give yourself a “Drive Thru” night but be intentional about it. It’s amazing the guilt it relieves.

Drive-Thru Night - Tuesdays or restaurant for Mark, Ian, Eli  ---- or Saturdays

6. Which day of the week is best for you to grocery shop? Plan your weekly rotation starting either that day or the next. I meal plan on Sunday, shop on Monday morning, the week starts Monday evening.

Tuesday night after supervision @ Walmart on Miller Lane or Kroger on Northwoods Blvd

OUR MEAL-PLANNING NIGHTS

Monday: Soup  & Sandwich Night— (canned soups & sandwiches); paninis; tomato basil & grilled cheese or open-face sandwiches

Tuesday: Crockpot Night – This is one of our busy after-school days (swimming lessons-. I will plan ahead in the morning so something hot is waiting for us when we get home.

Wednesday: International Night/Eat from the Pantry Night — Wide variety of foods: Greek (gyros), Chinese (stir-fry), Mexican (tacos, skillet burritos), Thai. 

Thursday: Pasta/Italian Night - (calzones, pizzadillas, rigatoni, ravioli, tortellini, spaghetti, chicken parmesan)

Friday: Family Game Night & Pizza Night — Depending on my mood that pizza might be homemade, it might be frozen, it might be delivery.

Saturday: Date Night OR Family Movie Party/Brinner Night — (breakfast foods for dinner - i.e., french toast, pancakes, eggs, smoothies) or we’ll eat out at a restaurant (alone or with the kids).

Sunday: Drive-Thru Lunch/Night or Picnic (small group night) — Pack foods for a cooler that you’re eating in the car on the go so you can avoid the drive thru! or eat in Mark's office after church.

EXAMPLE: http://www.peanutblossom.com/blog/2013/10/bringing-back-our-family-meals.html/

Monday: Soup  & Sandwich Night— I will be experimenting with the dozens of ideas from my favorite cookbook Enlightened Soup and pairing it either with a homemade bread fromthis bread machine baking book or with fresh baked biscuits from a tube or a grilled sandwich. (When warmer weather comes around this will switch to Salad for Dinner Night and still involve fresh bread.) Please note: these are books I’ve already had in my library but which were collecting dust!

Tuesday: Crockpot Night – This is one of our busy after-school days (swimming lessons-. I will plan ahead in the morning so something hot is waiting for us when we get home.

Wednesday: Noodle Night – My family could eat pasta every night of the week and be happy. This ensures my kids that at least one night of the week something “easy” and 100% acceptable will be on their plates.

Thursday: International Night — This was the trickiest thing for me to work into the routine. We love to eat a wide variety of foods: Greek, Chinese, Mexican, Thai. I didn’t want to dedicate one whole night to each of those. Yuck. Rather, I look at this night as more of a free for all for our more adventures recipes. I will likely work in those flavors into other nights of the week (Tortilla soup on Mon., Sweet & Sour Meatballs on Tues. in the crockpot) but this is the one night where I’m guaranteed to turn to one of our  favorites (Annie’s chicken gyros for example).

Friday: Family Game Night & Pizza Night — Depending on my mood that pizza might be homemade, it might be frozen, it might be delivery.

Saturday: Date Night OR Family Movie Party — This will be our “Popcorn for Dinner” night or we’ll eat out at a restaurant (alone or with the kids).

Sunday: Casserole Or Sunday Roast — With the extra time on Sundays, I can do a traditional roasted meat & potatoes meal or if we’re busy having fun, a casserole fresh or from the freezer.

Edited to add: The adorable meal planning pad I have is sold here.  I love it because it has a magnetic strip that sticks to the fridge!! But the sheets are tear-off so you could display it any way you like. The bottom half is a perforated tear-off grocery list which is handy too.

Looking over my 32nd Year of Life

It is ALWAYS good to reflect and review another year of life. It create gratitude for where one is and reminds me that I've gone through tough stuff and have lived and I will continue to go through tough stuff and will get through it.

Last year at this time I was eagerly preparing for Elijah to enter the world and although I didn't even know his name at the time I knew that I had had a pretty awesome and moving 31st year of life. So to begin the recap of this 32nd year - I will start with random things:

most notably watched TV shows by me: "How I met Your Mother" and "New Girl"

new phrases I've told Ian a lot to learn about life: "Too bad, so sad" "Boring people get bored"

studies gone through church: Discipleship Essentials and Chazown; classes: They Smell Like Sheep

favorites moments of the year: when Eli began to sleep through the night and I would feed him before bed time and cuddle; Ian being excited about "muffin day"

most stressful time: coming back from maternity leave and not sleeping with Eli & moving during January

sadness moments: loss of John Simeon Kimmel and visiting my dear friend Karissa right after his loss; loss of Tracy and feeling so down from leaving friends in Jasper

elated moment of the year: coming home from our vacation around our anniversary time and Mark had the hall way upstairs and stair area all painted by our friend Brian (SO PSYCHED!!!)

learning moments: running inconsistencies, learning how to mother 2 children and make time for time with Mark; cleaning a bigger house isn't always fun

Inspired by....

* the making of a new real friendship/mentorship
* reminding myself that God has made me for His Purpose and that there is significance in that ALONE
* remembering how I want to be a "real" minister's wife and will tell you respectfully what I think
* the fact that at one point in time and sometimes still now, I'd like to have an eyebrow ring :)
* the little person moving in my belly who seems to want to tell me to keep eating his favorite foods (tomatoes, sugary candy, cheesy popcorn, waffles with peanut butter & raisins, Kraft mac & cheese, wraps)
* the 3-year-old making faces at me across the dining table and thinking he's hilarious
* the unknown...knowing somehow in 3 years I'll know why it happened that way...
* these pictures & sayings:

I am Inspired by...

I got to thinking, after a friend wrote that I was an inspiration by what I was writing, about what it means to be inspiring...or to be inspired by...

So this is what I'm currently inspired by:
* my blog posts here (11-30-10) and here (12-14-10) about Resolve & fitness from one year ago (wow I was motivated and so driven!)
* people who are ultramarathoners or endurance athletes (they live it daily)
* people who give of themselves in unique ways
* mothers who still pursue their own avenues in life while caring for their children
* those women who have miscarriage after miscarriage and yet still see hope and a future for their family
* Jim Brickman (Holiday) Pandora playlist
* lists...
* my husband and his honesty with me whether I desire to hear it or not

December Daily - Life & Expectations

This year with everything going I'm opting to make our December daily pictures & traditions more simple and small.

We've been traveling a lot, Ian is growing up so much and although I have not exercised once since November 17th, I am somehow still able to fit into my clothes which is a blessing.

I'm having to become a list-maker again and needing to refocus life and expectations. Disappointment has been a running theme this past year in some areas of our life and yet other areas have been blessed. I'm seeing how as each year goes by that people truly do become wiser and have more opportunity to turn from their wicked, fleshly, selfish ways. New creations and renewed minds...have taken on new meanings to me. I'm no longer the teenager or 20-something who makes my mistakes over & over and then wonders why I struggle so much and there are consequences. However, I'm also not the 30-something yet who understands that quicker repentance leads to quicker restoration...or that more cautious & wise preparation leads to more wise choices.

How did I not get all of this before? I read about it, but it doesn't register until life experience fulfills it. I guess I'm more human than I think and more inclined to sin and mess up and go back to my old ways than I think I am. What foolish thinking on my part.

Allowing myself to understand...to give myself grace...to better use my time and gifts...and to keep moving...AND to reconnect with God in a new, humbling way.

Swimming with Little Man

Since it's summer, we are taking FULL advantage of any swimming time we get with Ian. He began with his floaties and a ring...then a couple of days ago venture into just floaties.  AND THEN, requested nothing and just wanted to jump in!  Needless to say he receive a couple of big mouth fulls of water but came up smiling once mommy swooped him up.

It just kept asking, "Again?!!!" "Again?!!" "I just off step mommy, I do it!"  He really does enjoy the water. We began learning how to kick and slowly he is catching on.  I'd love to have him do swimming lessons now but may next summer if there is more of a routine then.  What a precious boy!  Allowing him to grow up...

Allowing Myself....Right Now

I'm allowing myself to stay up past my bedtime because I just feel like it. Allowing myself to wonder what tomorrow holds, what this upcoming 22 mile runs holds...hoping friends will come alongside me to support me. I'm allowing myself to give myself grace for those little vices I fight daily. But now I think I will allow myself to go to bed. Yes, indeed I will.

Allowing Myself to...

* be ok with not being as creative
* experiment and try to cook things that are already in our kitchen
* give grace to myself
* try to allow myself to be ok with where I am
* be as productive as possible
* listen to Ian say "hot" "go" and "uh-oh" all day long
* let go of having to take pictures of Ian (can't find the camera anyway)
* say no to things I can't do or do not want to do
2/1/10
* be diligent and connect with others (even if I don't know them well)
* consider working out for only 30 minutes a day (thanks Tammy Love) and not being so extreme or "all or nothing" thinking
* figure out and realize that I feel so much better about myself when I give to others

Allowing Myself to Go

This day I allowed myself to go to the girl's basketball vs. Gibson Southern. At least the JV - we had to get Ian home for bed and myself since I'm sick before the Varsity game really started. I was glad to see the JV play and to see the V girls in person with Ian. It was comforting.