A story of Redemption rather than a story of Perfection.

In 2018-2019, I experienced major heartbreak and darkness. It was shocking. My family and I are still feeling the impact many months later. There has continued to be a ripple effect of new-normals that have been painful, alongside re-injuries that happen when dealing with relationships and human beings. The details may stay muted, but in time, everyone will know a fuller story.

I share this pain, not for sympathy, but because I want to offer a glimpse of how I've gone through the pain and disappointment. Life does not necessarily turn out how we would like it to be. When we do a 5 or 10 year plan, there is so much that is out of our control and variables we will never see. The plot twists, diagnoses, betrayals, side-conversations, broken friendships, misunderstandings, weight of the world and I could go on.

But as I am learning, I'd rather see a story of redemption rather than a story of perfection. I'd rather replace the habit of mindlessly consuming with the practice of creating. I'd rather contribute beauty to this world than give out bitterness.

The Courage to Let Go begins with the Willingness to Walk-Away
The Problem is Never the Things rather the Problem is our Attachment to Things

September

September is always a dreaming month for me as it is my birth month.

I naturally reflect on the last 365 days as well as multiple years of my life.
I view God's faithfulness.
Seek some clarity in the events that unfolded and often find that I simply need to Trust that God's plan is working as He deems good for me.
NEVER STOP GROWING.

So with that...I'm 20 days from another year around this sun...down.

IMPROVE THE MOMENT
IMAGINE the outcome you want from your current situation.
* So where are you? What about your situation would you like to be different? What about your situation is a the same?
* Picture yourself interacting with the (new) world around you.

For me, I'm not quite in the desert nor the promised land...I'm somewhere in between. I'd like more direction in my current situation with family, with profession, with gentleness and radical acceptance towards myself. I'd like to have a more openness to my soul and my mind and landscapes, meaning confidence and motivation to move forward, head outside, take on the world, take on a child, seize the day type of mentality. And part of that includes ME NOT THINKING when I initially wake up because then I OVERTHINK.

I like the current freedom and flexibility of my time in this season as I'm not employed and am able to focus on household work, children's development and if I want-to dream. However, I'm often scattered and not honed into my current present.

MEANING - find meaning in a situation or season.
* Am I learning anything about myself?
* What lessons can I take away from this?
* How will things be different in the future?
* In the grand scheme of things, how much does this really matters?

For me, I'm learning that I do desire a type of structure and need to practice The Five Second Rule 5-4-3-2-1, so that I don't use my time unwisely scrolling or spaghetti-brain chasing my tail.
I am learning that Radical Acceptance of a season is so important to embrace when circumstances or others' responses are truly out of my control and that I can have control over how I think about the season (rather than walking around disappointment, I pick myself back up, sit before God and ask "what next?").
In the future, I will still risk friendship, risk vulnerability and risk authenticity, because it is who I am. I will still share deep learnings and sufferings...I just won't expect people to understand or to respond in an empathetic manner with grace.
In the blimp that is life, a season of disappointment will become very small in the rearview mirror as long as we/I move forward.

PRAY/PRACTICE - connecting with God and doing anything with a sense of purpose for His glory 

RELAX - there is no quick fix, meditate or do a body scan and observe your body

ONE THING IN THE MOMENT - in times of trouble your mind tends to run in the past or the future, so bring yourself back to the present moment with a GROUNDING practice.
* sitting on the ground * going outside and planting your feet in the grass * closing your eyes and visualizing your breath traveling in and out as you breathe * moving your hands through water or sand * pick a flower and smell it * cover the crown of your head * Hum a song * stand up and press your feet into the ground * take a cold or hot shower or bath * sit criss-cross applesauce with your palms up open in surrender

VACATION - staycation, daydream, don't run away from your problems - rather take a break.
* phone a friend * listen to your favorite song * go outside * do a yoga pose * take yourself out of the situation

ENCOURAGEMENT - pretend you are talking to a friend and imagine what you would say to your friend to encourage them.

 "Kara, you are exactly where you need to be and you are learning to persevere daily to work through your own mess so that you can then help others. It begins with depending on God, leaning towards Him and inviting Him in. You can't see the whole picture, you can't understand it all, only He can. If you want to a beautiful soul then you must go through the struggle and you will come out on the other side...again and again. You are a work-in-progress until Heaven."

To be a _________ without Losing Your Mind

In my previous social work/counseling "lives" (5/9) that I have done over the past 14+ years including internships, I have found what environments I become small in and which ones I thrive through. I have recognized the "seasoned" workers who seek excellence in all they do and continue to evolve and grow and I have recognized the "tenure" workers who have settled into mantras of comfort and avoidance of rocking any boats.

The tenure workers see change coming and simply sit back because "they've seen it all before" and although they share their feedback...business continues as usual. They settle. They remain in their corners with their heads ducked to the side so as not to be seen because it's a "job". They await their next vacation or time off. As much as I respect their stability, I deeply mourn their lack of tenacity and passion.

In each environment...(marriage and family therapy, counseling, private agency, community home health, hospital: rural and urban; psychiatric and various units), I have sensed the need for improvement in how to help healers to heal while they are helping others. Mental health professionals and healthcare professionals are healers even if they also have to be paper pushers, insurance negotiators and policy puppets (no disrespect intended). We need healthier outlets, time for reflection and an acknowledgement that healing work is hard, complicated and complex.

So in order to NOT LOSE YOUR MIND...____________ (i.e. healers) need:

A Supportive Community :: what the world needs = you to come alive
   We are made for community. We need people behind us, in front of us and beside us. We co-create     our perspectives.

A Simple Path :: there is a path and you're already on it
   We fear we don't have what it takes, or that we are wasting our time. We must continue and not
   think too much but have a plan. Growth can come through recognition.

Share yourself: it's not about self-promotion :: self-promoting is gross but helping is kind.
   Share your work with joy and creativity. Be yourself as you are. "There you are...how can I help?"

I want to invite you into considering how your gift can impact others in your community, neighborhood, or trained profession.

There you are caregivers...there you are healers...how can I help you? How can I encourage you? How can I offer soul space for you to also receive healing and remain thriving? How can I help you replenish your body, mind and spirit so you can then continue to help others?

This is where I am, this is what I think about and this is where I have been stuck for two years after resigning from work. Wondering, wondering how God would use me again. Wondering how I need to risk.

Transition :: Change, it's what's for Dinner

IT'S BEEN 8 WEEKS! –I transitioned to part-time about 8 weeks ago and it's been very good, HARD, yet very good. Any change in life is hard and full of uncertainties and I'm still navigating these uncertainties. But the even little-bit-more space in my head to create and think about doing something other than exercise, work, food, wash, homework, bed-time AND repeat has been very healthy. God has shown me weaknesses I've known that I have had but haven't had to exactly face yet and now He has me ready to face them. He has me ready to move forward and to trust and to BELIEVE that He is good and HE IS ABLE.  –It's no secret that I struggle with depression and this past year's burn-out moved me deceptively into a functional-yet-paralyzing depression; whereby, it was hard to concentrate, focus on one thing at a time, my thoughts raced, my anxiety over the littlest things was hightened and my overall sense of well-being was depleted. I LOVE what I get to do at the hospital (Perinatal ICU & Neonatal ICU Social Worker) and the sacred moments I encounter daily; however, I was no longer able to give of myself to my loved ones outside of work. I still believe that this work is what I am called to do BUT I know there is so much MORE He has in store for me. I know that painting is suppose to blossom into helping others and guiding them through hard times. I know that running and fitness in my life is to take on a life of its own to help others to move forward. I know that this life is NOT my own. –I am learning that what I am learning right now is preparing me for next steps and I need to share this. MY MESS IS MY MESSAGE. I struggle like everyone else does; yet I want to strive and overcome and trust and persevere. Darkness has a purpose in my life and His light is suppose to come out of it and not for my glory but for God's. I wish so many of my friends could understand this but they continue to chase meaningless things. I don't want to chase meaningless things. A LITTLE OF WHAT’S HAPPENING... –So many springtime colors around here!! Birds hatching and their mothers feeding them in their nests, in our yard! –Enjoying the sunshine - I don't ever want to take that for granted. –Beginning the process of dreaming about Redecorating and repurposing and re-falling-in-love with my home... –The boys are growing, growing, growing. My patience has increased with not being so rushed all the time. And I'm slower to anger (check with me tomorrow to see if this still stands *wink*). –Being able to do more things so that Mark doesn't have to carry almost the entire load like he was before. Watching him begin to pursue some new things for himself –Pursuing self-development again and recalibrating goals –ABOUT TO JUMP OFF THE ADOPTION CLIFF!!!! Ah our electronic Profile is ready, we have Profile books sent to the Adoption Agency to submit to birthmothers when we choose AND this is crazy talk people!!

Motherhood and being Blind

I often wonder the reason behind the seasons that occur in each of our lives. And I don't mean weather seasons but rather the life-challenging seasons. The ebb and flow of the valleys and the mountains and the in-between. Each transitionary time takes on a lot of unknowns and challenges. The change of pace is something that can rarely be grasped and anticipated. Most of the time it feels like as my friend Amy stated, "I'm along for the ride." Being present during transition while I 'wait' is probably the hardest piece of wisdom I'm holding onto at this point.

It's unusual for me to think in terms of motherhood because I have most always thought in terms of self...self-examination, self-awareness and self-actualization. All those fancy words mean to say: I have thought a lot in my life about myself and about my dreams. Even while following God and pursuing an intimate relationship with Jesus, I have often hoped that my dreams were part of His will. It's a confusing process in seeking Him because the more I ask and the more I dream, the more I feel less certain that my dreams are the best. I start to see His dreams and His work in me looking different. His work through me blesses others and not just myself.

This week is meant to help me in the upcoming transition, it's meant not to sugar-coat things but to give me some reality into more time with my kids and the Truth that I know and believe: more time with my kids WILL be HARD. And that's ok. I'm not ignorant to the fact that being around them more may bring out those things that I do not like more. It will likely mean discipling more, holding my temper more, praying more and hopefully can mean at some point, hugging more, loving more and playing more. I'm not even sure what this is going to look like as of yet and frankly I'm not holding my breath thinking it will look any one way because the reality is that even when promised one thing-life throws curve balls!!

The picture below really spoke to me:



God placed the desire in my heart to go part-time beginning in August-September-October of 2015 and I prayed about it. lamented over it and wrestled with him over it. I knew I needed to in November but didn't verbalize it until December. By that time I'd already been searching to see if I was suppose to be somewhere else and had some good interactions with other prospects but the conversations came back around to working with the moms and postpartum women. I couldn't shake it so I decided to stay and see what was going to happen. Each step of obedience came with some clarity and then uncertainty again. And this has been the cycle this entire winter-spring: some clarity then uncertainty.

I've moved to the point of simply knowing it (the transition) may not be what I want...but it's what I need. It's what my family needs and ultimately...God will help to change my 'want to'.

So when I think of the women I work with and realize how I see motherhood, I realize even moreso that a mother is truly born when a baby is born and also has to grow and develop like any baby.

My motherhood has went through so many seasons now with Ian whose 7 and Elijah who is 3. I have worked part-time jobs, struggled with being home not with Ian and then with him for a little bit. But Elijah I have only been with during his 8 weeks when he was first born and a week here or there. It's unsettling not to have fully spent time with your children in a way that helps you to really know them. Our culture strips away that time with busyness and distractions. I've come to a point where I'm fed up with going too fast and being distracted.

I respect and admire women in leadership positions who seem to "do-it-all" however, I know the price of doing that and that includes involvement in their children's lives. My striving and determination to accomplish my goals is a good thing but even a good thing might not be a great thing. I want to do great things and in God's kingdom, it's all upside down. Great things may not happen through success in the world's eyes nor through completing the goals. Great things may happen in the little things that get passed on to my children like: kindness, patience, trust, hope and discernment.

Wow, I am so blind to God's work in me!! Seriously I am so blind to wanting this world's success and meaning. I want to be recognized for my hard work and it blinds me to recognizing God's work around me. I want to feel respected and appreciated in the hospital environment but it blinds me to fully appreciating how blessed I am to be where I am. I am blinded and I don't want to be.

Part-time is coming...and I have NO CLUE how it will really look but for now I'm enjoying each day with my boys with the fights, whines, playing together, throwing toys, time-outs, picky eating, excited smiles and eyes and lousy eye-rolling and frowns.

I don't want to be blind...not anymore.

One America 500 Festival Mini Marathon - PR!!

OneAmerica 500 Festival Mini Marathon - MINI

RUNNER

25228

 

KARA MESSMORE

TROY, OH

Female / 34

View All Female 30 - 34 Results

 

 

 

 

 

 

Division
73

Gender
433

Overall
2242

 View your MarathonFoto Race Day Photos

Finish Time
Finish Net	1:48:53
Finish Gun	2:01:53

Location	Net Time	Clock Time	Time of Day	Pace	Pace Between
Start	00:00	13:01	8:01:07
5K	25:28	38:28	8:26:35	8:11 /mi
					8:17 /mi
Brickyard	1:03:31	1:16:32	9:04:38	8:14 /mi
					8:35 /mi
11M	1:31:53	1:44:53	9:33:00	8:21 /mi
					8:03 /mi
Finish	1:48:53	2:01:53	9:50:00	8:18 /mi

DYING ON THE BATTLEFIELD OF WELL-ROUNDEDNESS

June 03, 2013  /  mark waltz

Yesterday I grabbed the Xbox controller again, as I have the past several weeks since my daughter, Liv, and her boyfriend, Jacob, have been back home for the summer. Every time I play Call of Duty, I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten worse – not better – than the last time I played.

Yesterday I finished third place (Yes, that’s the same as last place when three people play, but third still gets a ribbon in most contests. It just sounds better to me.) every game we played. Finally, in utter disgust of my inability to coordinate my hands and eyes quickly enough to avoid being killed before taking out my two “enemies,” I declared, “This is my last game.” Death is death. I was dead. And I was done.

I don’t have the natural talent to kill imaginary enemies on my TV screen. I can do it. But, I’m not good at it.

Gaming isn’t my sweet spot.

I watch people, particularly leaders, painfully strive to be good at everything. And for many leaders, the temptation seems legitimate. After all many of us have been told that we can and do many things really well. I’ve been told this often.

Yes, that sounds self-aggrandizing, like I’m all that and a bag of chips. I’m not all that, and I’m certainly not a bag of chips. But, there are many things related to leading people, ministry, guest services, and systems that I can do.  The question is – should I do everything I’m capable of doing?

Andy Stanley points out that our sweet spot is the stuff that…

• energizes us
• motivates us
• only we can do
• God made us to do

There are several things that are close seconds and thirds to my sweet spot. However, when I continue to do those things I …

• expend energy that is less than productive
• get less done that really counts
• rob other people of their own sweet spot
• buy the lie that I need to be a well-rounded leader and do it all

Years ago Stanley nailed me with this last consequence: buying the lie that I need to be a well-rounded leader.

I’m convinced that for many of us the lie gets motivated from that place of insecurity most of us try to hide. We want desperately to prove to ourselves and to others that “we’ve got it.” That we can do it. The notion of delegation and team gets all twisted up with the notion that to give away and empower is actually weakness.

In a sense it is. To give away and empower others often rightfully comes from admitting, “I’m not a 10 at everything.” We don’t like to see the things we’re “not so strong at” defined as weaknesses. And when we get close to that realization, we fall for the lie that we’d better shore up those weak places so people don’t stop believing in us.

What is it that causes us to think we must see everything we can possibly do as a “sweet spot?” Is it pride? People-pleasing? Shame? A competitive spirit?

It’s not the Spirit of Jesus, that’s for sure.

The Scriptures declare us – US – to be the body of Christ. People who are each gifted in various “sweet spots;” people who need each other in order to be the body of Jesus.

Do the hard work of inviting others to live in their sweet spot alongside you. Allow them to live out their strengths –which happen to be your “weaknesses.” Give away more of what you’re ultimately responsible for.

Don’t die on the not-so-imaginary battlefield of self-aggrandizing “I can do this.”

Each person is given something to do that shows who God is: Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits. All kinds of things are handed out by the Spirit, and to all kinds of people! (1 Corinthians 12 MSG)