Transition :: Change, it's what's for Dinner

IT'S BEEN 8 WEEKS! –I transitioned to part-time about 8 weeks ago and it's been very good, HARD, yet very good. Any change in life is hard and full of uncertainties and I'm still navigating these uncertainties. But the even little-bit-more space in my head to create and think about doing something other than exercise, work, food, wash, homework, bed-time AND repeat has been very healthy. God has shown me weaknesses I've known that I have had but haven't had to exactly face yet and now He has me ready to face them. He has me ready to move forward and to trust and to BELIEVE that He is good and HE IS ABLE.  –It's no secret that I struggle with depression and this past year's burn-out moved me deceptively into a functional-yet-paralyzing depression; whereby, it was hard to concentrate, focus on one thing at a time, my thoughts raced, my anxiety over the littlest things was hightened and my overall sense of well-being was depleted. I LOVE what I get to do at the hospital (Perinatal ICU & Neonatal ICU Social Worker) and the sacred moments I encounter daily; however, I was no longer able to give of myself to my loved ones outside of work. I still believe that this work is what I am called to do BUT I know there is so much MORE He has in store for me. I know that painting is suppose to blossom into helping others and guiding them through hard times. I know that running and fitness in my life is to take on a life of its own to help others to move forward. I know that this life is NOT my own. –I am learning that what I am learning right now is preparing me for next steps and I need to share this. MY MESS IS MY MESSAGE. I struggle like everyone else does; yet I want to strive and overcome and trust and persevere. Darkness has a purpose in my life and His light is suppose to come out of it and not for my glory but for God's. I wish so many of my friends could understand this but they continue to chase meaningless things. I don't want to chase meaningless things. A LITTLE OF WHAT’S HAPPENING... –So many springtime colors around here!! Birds hatching and their mothers feeding them in their nests, in our yard! –Enjoying the sunshine - I don't ever want to take that for granted. –Beginning the process of dreaming about Redecorating and repurposing and re-falling-in-love with my home... –The boys are growing, growing, growing. My patience has increased with not being so rushed all the time. And I'm slower to anger (check with me tomorrow to see if this still stands *wink*). –Being able to do more things so that Mark doesn't have to carry almost the entire load like he was before. Watching him begin to pursue some new things for himself –Pursuing self-development again and recalibrating goals –ABOUT TO JUMP OFF THE ADOPTION CLIFF!!!! Ah our electronic Profile is ready, we have Profile books sent to the Adoption Agency to submit to birthmothers when we choose AND this is crazy talk people!!

Motherhood and being Blind

I often wonder the reason behind the seasons that occur in each of our lives. And I don't mean weather seasons but rather the life-challenging seasons. The ebb and flow of the valleys and the mountains and the in-between. Each transitionary time takes on a lot of unknowns and challenges. The change of pace is something that can rarely be grasped and anticipated. Most of the time it feels like as my friend Amy stated, "I'm along for the ride." Being present during transition while I 'wait' is probably the hardest piece of wisdom I'm holding onto at this point.

It's unusual for me to think in terms of motherhood because I have most always thought in terms of self...self-examination, self-awareness and self-actualization. All those fancy words mean to say: I have thought a lot in my life about myself and about my dreams. Even while following God and pursuing an intimate relationship with Jesus, I have often hoped that my dreams were part of His will. It's a confusing process in seeking Him because the more I ask and the more I dream, the more I feel less certain that my dreams are the best. I start to see His dreams and His work in me looking different. His work through me blesses others and not just myself.

This week is meant to help me in the upcoming transition, it's meant not to sugar-coat things but to give me some reality into more time with my kids and the Truth that I know and believe: more time with my kids WILL be HARD. And that's ok. I'm not ignorant to the fact that being around them more may bring out those things that I do not like more. It will likely mean discipling more, holding my temper more, praying more and hopefully can mean at some point, hugging more, loving more and playing more. I'm not even sure what this is going to look like as of yet and frankly I'm not holding my breath thinking it will look any one way because the reality is that even when promised one thing-life throws curve balls!!

The picture below really spoke to me:



God placed the desire in my heart to go part-time beginning in August-September-October of 2015 and I prayed about it. lamented over it and wrestled with him over it. I knew I needed to in November but didn't verbalize it until December. By that time I'd already been searching to see if I was suppose to be somewhere else and had some good interactions with other prospects but the conversations came back around to working with the moms and postpartum women. I couldn't shake it so I decided to stay and see what was going to happen. Each step of obedience came with some clarity and then uncertainty again. And this has been the cycle this entire winter-spring: some clarity then uncertainty.

I've moved to the point of simply knowing it (the transition) may not be what I want...but it's what I need. It's what my family needs and ultimately...God will help to change my 'want to'.

So when I think of the women I work with and realize how I see motherhood, I realize even moreso that a mother is truly born when a baby is born and also has to grow and develop like any baby.

My motherhood has went through so many seasons now with Ian whose 7 and Elijah who is 3. I have worked part-time jobs, struggled with being home not with Ian and then with him for a little bit. But Elijah I have only been with during his 8 weeks when he was first born and a week here or there. It's unsettling not to have fully spent time with your children in a way that helps you to really know them. Our culture strips away that time with busyness and distractions. I've come to a point where I'm fed up with going too fast and being distracted.

I respect and admire women in leadership positions who seem to "do-it-all" however, I know the price of doing that and that includes involvement in their children's lives. My striving and determination to accomplish my goals is a good thing but even a good thing might not be a great thing. I want to do great things and in God's kingdom, it's all upside down. Great things may not happen through success in the world's eyes nor through completing the goals. Great things may happen in the little things that get passed on to my children like: kindness, patience, trust, hope and discernment.

Wow, I am so blind to God's work in me!! Seriously I am so blind to wanting this world's success and meaning. I want to be recognized for my hard work and it blinds me to recognizing God's work around me. I want to feel respected and appreciated in the hospital environment but it blinds me to fully appreciating how blessed I am to be where I am. I am blinded and I don't want to be.

Part-time is coming...and I have NO CLUE how it will really look but for now I'm enjoying each day with my boys with the fights, whines, playing together, throwing toys, time-outs, picky eating, excited smiles and eyes and lousy eye-rolling and frowns.

I don't want to be blind...not anymore.

Challenge: Meal-Planning - creating margin & de-stressing our routine

I've known for quite a while that we've needed plans for weeknight meals. Mark is a great cook but time and little kiddos do not allow us to really remain organized. I'm looking to pursue this approach and really hone into for the next 3 months. It may take me some time to get into though but I'll be working towards it.

Why this approach works:

• 30 minutes: Once you have your themes, meal planning is just a matter of plugging in the weekly favorites on the appropriate day. I can pick our meals and write the master grocery list in 30 minutes or less. And that’s if I’m being extra fussy.
• One trip to the grocery store: You’ve planned the week out, you’ve done your shopping. You’ll have everything you should need for a whole week! I used to practically live at the grocery store!
• Frees up mental agony: I keep my menu on the fridge. I never have to guess what’s for dinner ever again. I know exactly what prep work to do during small pockets of time throughout the day. Prep a veggie here, mix a marinade there, pull the pizza dough from the freezer for tomorrow.
• Opens time for baking: I now have time to make my favorite from-scratch foods because I’m not running to the grocery store all the time! And my fridge is stocked with the right ingredients. I pick one or two things to bake each week and add the ingredients to my one shopping list. I bake them when I have time and am in the mood.

Questions you should ask yourself before you assign your own themes:

1. What are my family’s very favorite meals? If I had all the time in the world and the ingredients were handed to me on a platter, what would we enjoy eating? Make a list! Ask your husband and kids to chime in.

calzones      casseroles          green beans      salmon - high quality        corn casserole     sweet potato fries
stuffed salmon    cheddar biscuits    pizzadillas      chicken parmesan      stir-fry     skillet burritos
stuffed peppers
cheesecake    french silk pie

2. Now look at that list, do you see any patterns? Are they all chicken? Then it isn’t exactly helpful to have a “Chicken Night” because it doesn’t narrow your options. You want to consider themes that help you make your weekly decision more easily. It should be broad enough to give you options but narrow enough to shorten that list.

Italian Night (pastas, breads)                  Mexican Night (chips, burritos, rice, meat)

Brinner Night (breakfast foods for dinner - i.e., french toast, pancakes, eggs, smoothies)

Soup and Salad/Sandwich Night             Crock Pot Night                                                  Pizza Night

3. Consider your goals. I wanted to start making better use of a few particular cookbooks. They are ones that I love but forget to turn to. Now they are my go-to sources for some of my weekly themes. I also wanted to make better use of the kitchen equipment taking up precious space in my cabinets. By assigning the bread maker and crockpot their own dedicated evenings, they’ll start to earn their keep. You can bet the ice cream maker will be getting an evening assigned to it come June.

food processor                   panini press             Kraftmaid Mixer          blender                     toaster

4. What do you need help remembering? I needed help remembering particular recipe sources and gear. Maybe you need help to remember to eat a new protein? Or to try a new recipe? Use one night of your themes to help be your Post-It note reminder to work towards your goals. Ideas could be: Seafood Night, Make our own takeout, Grilling, Vegetarian or Try a New Veggie Night, Use my baking stones Night, Eat from my Freezer/Pantry Night.

Eat from the Pantry Night - canned foods, fruits, boxed meals

5. Look at your schedule, which night is your busiest? Do you have more than one? Consider time-saving meal themes. For me that was the crockpot but sandwiches, simple pastas, even breakfast for dinner are all themes that would work with a constricted time schedule. Or if you’re really that busy, how about picnic night?? Pack foods for a cooler that you’re eating in the car on the go so you can avoid the drive thru! Or heck, give yourself a “Drive Thru” night but be intentional about it. It’s amazing the guilt it relieves.

Drive-Thru Night - Tuesdays or restaurant for Mark, Ian, Eli  ---- or Saturdays

6. Which day of the week is best for you to grocery shop? Plan your weekly rotation starting either that day or the next. I meal plan on Sunday, shop on Monday morning, the week starts Monday evening.

Tuesday night after supervision @ Walmart on Miller Lane or Kroger on Northwoods Blvd

OUR MEAL-PLANNING NIGHTS

Monday: Soup  & Sandwich Night— (canned soups & sandwiches); paninis; tomato basil & grilled cheese or open-face sandwiches

Tuesday: Crockpot Night – This is one of our busy after-school days (swimming lessons-. I will plan ahead in the morning so something hot is waiting for us when we get home.

Wednesday: International Night/Eat from the Pantry Night — Wide variety of foods: Greek (gyros), Chinese (stir-fry), Mexican (tacos, skillet burritos), Thai. 

Thursday: Pasta/Italian Night - (calzones, pizzadillas, rigatoni, ravioli, tortellini, spaghetti, chicken parmesan)

Friday: Family Game Night & Pizza Night — Depending on my mood that pizza might be homemade, it might be frozen, it might be delivery.

Saturday: Date Night OR Family Movie Party/Brinner Night — (breakfast foods for dinner - i.e., french toast, pancakes, eggs, smoothies) or we’ll eat out at a restaurant (alone or with the kids).

Sunday: Drive-Thru Lunch/Night or Picnic (small group night) — Pack foods for a cooler that you’re eating in the car on the go so you can avoid the drive thru! or eat in Mark's office after church.

EXAMPLE: http://www.peanutblossom.com/blog/2013/10/bringing-back-our-family-meals.html/

Monday: Soup  & Sandwich Night— I will be experimenting with the dozens of ideas from my favorite cookbook Enlightened Soup and pairing it either with a homemade bread fromthis bread machine baking book or with fresh baked biscuits from a tube or a grilled sandwich. (When warmer weather comes around this will switch to Salad for Dinner Night and still involve fresh bread.) Please note: these are books I’ve already had in my library but which were collecting dust!

Tuesday: Crockpot Night – This is one of our busy after-school days (swimming lessons-. I will plan ahead in the morning so something hot is waiting for us when we get home.

Wednesday: Noodle Night – My family could eat pasta every night of the week and be happy. This ensures my kids that at least one night of the week something “easy” and 100% acceptable will be on their plates.

Thursday: International Night — This was the trickiest thing for me to work into the routine. We love to eat a wide variety of foods: Greek, Chinese, Mexican, Thai. I didn’t want to dedicate one whole night to each of those. Yuck. Rather, I look at this night as more of a free for all for our more adventures recipes. I will likely work in those flavors into other nights of the week (Tortilla soup on Mon., Sweet & Sour Meatballs on Tues. in the crockpot) but this is the one night where I’m guaranteed to turn to one of our  favorites (Annie’s chicken gyros for example).

Friday: Family Game Night & Pizza Night — Depending on my mood that pizza might be homemade, it might be frozen, it might be delivery.

Saturday: Date Night OR Family Movie Party — This will be our “Popcorn for Dinner” night or we’ll eat out at a restaurant (alone or with the kids).

Sunday: Casserole Or Sunday Roast — With the extra time on Sundays, I can do a traditional roasted meat & potatoes meal or if we’re busy having fun, a casserole fresh or from the freezer.

Edited to add: The adorable meal planning pad I have is sold here.  I love it because it has a magnetic strip that sticks to the fridge!! But the sheets are tear-off so you could display it any way you like. The bottom half is a perforated tear-off grocery list which is handy too.

Excerpt: To Young Mothers

A Note to Young Moms

On October 7, 2006, my daughter, Shauna Niequist, gave birth to her first child.  Shauna had recently turned thirty and Henry was a “planned baby.”  But planned or not, a baby radically changes life.  The week Shauna found out she was pregnant she also signed a book contract, and a month later she traded her full-time leadership position on a church staff for part-time church consulting and speaking. 

Shauna was overjoyed to become a mother, and willingly shifted the main focus of her time and energy to child-rearing; however, she knew that in order to be her best self she should continue to develop and use—to some degree—the full range of gifts God has given her.  The challenge of blending motherhood with serving outside the home increased on September 26, 2011, when Henry was joined by baby brother Mac.  While snuggling a baby who delightfully smiled all day—and (not so delightfully) much of the night too, Shauna was finishing her third book and schlepping Mac along with her to speaking engagements.

Now Henry is six and Mac is twenty months.  Shauna has intentionally slowed life down a bit now, but she’s still a mom with a diaper bag slung over one shoulder and a computer bag over the other.  She and musician husband, Aaron Niequist, negotiate daily how best to share both parenting and the creative life. 

As for me—Nana Lynne—I am enjoying my favorite era of life so far: Since Shauna was born almost thirty-eight years ago, I’ve rarely had a paying job.  But I’ve always been busy as a volunteer.  Currently my volunteer ministry world is as big as the Congo and the Middle East, and my heart has been captured by both regions.  My personal world is as small as two little boys who make me feel like a young mom again!  (And yes, ones heart can be captured by countries and by little boys at the very same time!)

Together Shauna and I examined my long-past experiences and her recent-past experiences and shaped the following five suggestions for women combining the realities of motherhood with...well, with anything!  We hope these are helpful.

Pay attention to your authentic responses to life.

Be honest with yourself. Listen to your soul, your emotions, your joys, your frustrations.  We are so quick to say, I shouldn’t feel like this; I should feel like that.  I shouldn’t desire this; I should be content with that.  But when we dismiss or deny our authentic responses and lose touch with our true needs, feelings, dreams and desires, we often end up frustrated and bitter.

We need to allow ourselves to honestly answer questions like these:  Am I pleased with how I’m living my life?  Or am I frustrated?  Angry?  Depressed?  What brings me energy?  What drains my energy?  What are my dreams for the future?  What needs in the world move me to tears? What activities and endeavors bring me joy?  What creative outlet brings me deep satisfaction? 

This type of honesty is not about self-indulgence.  It’s about dealing with what’s true inside us.  It’s about making thoughtful, prayerful decisions about how to live with joy so we can bring our “best selves” to the people we love.  As we pray about our honest feelings, or talk with trusted friends, our spouse, or a counselor, we can decide how to respond to those feelings constructively. 

Questions such as these can spark creative solutions: Are there activities I can eliminate from my schedule that will help me to feel less stressed?  Are there responsibilities I can give up that will give me more time for activities I prefer?  Is there a class I could take that will help keep my dreams for the future alive?  Is there a volunteer job I could do that would be fulfilling?  How can I creatively shape a life that’s more satisfying for me?

On the other hand, some of our feelings may indicate an area in which we need to grow in patience or obedience to God.  There may be life circumstances that we simply need to learn to accept as the reality of our life, either for a season or permanently. But until we become honest about our feelings, we can’t even begin to discern what we need to accept and what we have the freedom to change.

  

Make a commitment to yourself.

As you discover gifts, passions, or activities that breathe life into you, commit yourself to staying involved in them in some small way.  Don’t take an all or nothing approach. Often we think that if we don’t have forty hours a week to devote to something, we might as well not even try.  That’s not true!  A few hours here and there can make a huge difference—both in terms of the impact we can have on others and on the health of our own souls.  Be willing to compromise.  Get creative.  Set reasonable goals.  Use the small chunks of time you have now as an investment in your future dreams.  

Remember the importance of play.

Vocation, ministry, and family life often bring challenges that drain our energy.  If we want to be able to face those challenges consistently, we need to discipline ourselves to recharge our energy in light-hearted ways.  So, what do you love to do?  If it’s been so long since you’ve considered having fun that you have no clue what you love to do, think back through the years. What did you enjoy doing when you were a child or adolescent? 

When I first considered this question, I remembered that as a child I had enjoyed playing the flute, sewing, swimming, walking in the woods, painting, and reading—but I hadn’t done any of those things in years.  So I began experimenting with these simple pleasures from the past—and a few new ones as well—and it changed my life!  It brought me joy and energy that I need in order to face the more difficult areas of life. 

If you’re not sure where to start, begin to experiment.  Is there something you used to do but gave up long ago because it seemed frivolous? Is there something you’d love to try but you think it seems silly at your age?  Try it.  Again, just a little bit of time spent in a soul-filling pleasure can increase the energy, passion, and joy that you can bring to the people you love. 

Partner with another woman in a similar situation. 

Shortly after Henry was born, Shauna set up a schedule with another young mom to trade childcare and food preparation on a weekly basis.  On Tuesday afternoons, Shauna cared for both babies, while Annette spent several hours on a work project and then cooked dinner for both families.  The next Tuesday afternoon they reversed rolls. 

When my kids were preschoolers, I had a similar arrangement with a friend whose son and daughter were the same ages as mine.  I used my “time off” for meaningful work, catching up on details, solitude, or play—whichever I most needed on a given day.  Too often women operate in isolation rather than working together as allies and making life easier for all of us.  Let’s change this! 

Communicate clearly and constructively with your family. 

One afternoon I sat down at the kitchen table with my husband and grade-school children and visually illustrated the reality of our family life.  On a big piece of paper, I drew a large circle in the middle with four small circles around it. The large circle represented the corporate life of our family.  In it I listed the tasks required to keep a home and family operating: cleaning, grocery shopping, carpooling, administrative details, etc.  The small circles represented the individual interests for each family member: friendships, meaningful work, ministry, education, recreation, etc. 

One by one, I filled the small circles with the personal activities of each person’s life.  But when I came to my small circle, it was empty.  I explained that I was so consumed with the responsibilities of our corporate life as a family and with helping each of them keep their little circles going, that I had no time to squeeze anything personal into my little circle. “I don’t think this is fair,” I said.  “I deserve a little circle too.” 

Both Bill and the kids realized that we had to re-negotiate responsibilities in our family life in order to allow me some of the same opportunities they had.  There was no easy answer to the division of labor and responsibility in our family, but that conversation opened the way for us to begin making small changes. 

All parents go through seasons of life when the large circle and the kids’ small circles require enormous amounts of time.  That’s necessary and reasonable.  But if we consistently feel empty—as if we’re shriveling up inside—we owe it to ourselves, to our families, and to God to work toward a constructive, mutually workable solution that will free us to offer our gifts and love to the world with greater strength and passion. 

Almost every positive change I’ve made in life I made too late.  I wasted unnecessary time floundering in frustration before taking the steps that could lead me toward joy.  I’ve tended to let myself get so desperate that I either had to change or die! (At least that’s how it felt.)  I don’t recommend that as a way to live.  But if you tend to live that way too, and you’re feeling a bit desperate right now, please view this blog as a wake-up call.  Take it seriously. Today, grab hold of just one suggestion, thought, sentence, or even a single word in this blog to help you move an inch toward a better future. Here are some possibilities:

• Be honest.
• If you're feeling depressed, frustrated or angry, admit it.
• Talk to a friend.
• Make an appointment with a counselor.
• Pay attention to your energy level.  
• Identify one activity you do that consistently drains you.
• Identify one activity that consistently boosts your energy.
• What are your dreams for the future?  Or, what werethey before you gave them up? 
• Do you have time-consuming commitments that you could eliminate?
• Think of one activity/task/responsibility you could give up (and the world would still go on turning). 
• Look at your calendar and find one hour in your week that you could devote to something you really want to do.
• Discipline yourself to play.
• Name one thing you love to do, even if you haven’t done it for 20 years.
• Name one thing you’d like to do, even though you’ve never tried it.
• On next week’s calendar find an hour where you can write, “Play.”
• Use the next few days to think of what you’re going to do in that playful hour. 
• Set aside 15 minutes—today—to enjoy a simple pleasure: a cup of tea, a few pages in a favorite novel, a walk around the block (or the apartment complex or the house), listening to music, writing in a journal, sitting in an easy chair and looking out the window, anything!
• Pursue a partnership.
• Ask a friend to “share kids” this week, providing two free hours for her, then two free hours for you. Don’t make a big deal about it.  Suggest a one-time swap.  See how it goes.  (Or at least start thinking about whom you could talk to about sharing kids. Your default thought process might suggest that this would never work or I don’t know whom to ask. Please don’t listen to default negatives! Think about it. Pray about it. It’s really a good idea!)
• Draw circles. 
• Fill in circles for you and your family. What does that reveal?  Think and pray about how best to talk to your family about the circles. Maybe even practice by explaining your circles to a friend. (Don’t be impulsive with this. Seriously. You probably have something really important to say.  Don’t undermine it by speaking carelessly.)

What about you?  Can you relate?  Have other ideas or thoughts to add? 

http://lynnehybels.blogspot.com/2013/06/a-note-to-young-moms.html

Ian & Elijah's current routines - for my records

ELIJAH
"Usually"
Wake 7:30am & Eat --- food & bottle (usually drinks about 3 oz - we make 5oz & mix w/cereal); you're beginning to have some small chunks of banana & some vanilla yogurt!! & of course cheerios!
Play
Nap 9/9:15-9:45/10 (unless you sleep more or not)
Play
Eat 11-11:30am --- food & bottle   (baby food & real food; little bits of cheese, deli meat, pasta, etc or ground up in baby grinder----bottle 6.5 oz mixed)
Play
Nap 1ish-?
Play
Eat 2:30 (if 11 last time) or 3 (if 11:30 last time) - just bottle (6.5oz) & cheerios or other snacks
Play
Nap if tired 4:15ish-? (no later than 6:00) (if you even nap or we pick you up from childcare)
Play
Eat 6-6:30pm
Play, play, play  (sometimes bath)
Bedtime (depending on naps) 7-8:15pm -- give another bottle then lay down, no rocking needed.


IAN
"Usually"
Wake 7-7:30....or if he's really tired he sleeps in (no problem with that)
Eats when breakfast is ready
Plays
Lunch 11:15-12:15ish (whatever works)
a little more play....unless Elijah is down then...
Nap...(12:30/1ish - ? -- he reads some & then falls asleep
-- we hit the blue button on his clock & it sets for at least 1:30 -- on weekends he sleeps more if the room is dark

Snack - when he wakes from nap if its around 3:00-4:00pm
Play

Supper 5:30-7:00pm He's good with most whatever. :)
Play -------- sometimes bath (beginning at 7)
Snack before bed - cheese stick, banana, maybe cereal, something light, sometimes jello
Bedtime (starts around 7:45-8:00pm...depending on Eli too)
   -- pajamas
   -- brush teeth
   -- read book & pick out animal & put sheets or blanket on
   -- pray

Chronicles of a Babywise Mom: Days of Motherhood

Chronicles of a Babywise Mom: Days of Motherhood: Life with one baby is significantly different than life with one baby plus four children. As in all things, the differences are varied. One isn't really better or easier than another, it is just different.

Photo by Candid Memory

Many people think of a mom with three or more children and think it must be incredibly difficult and can't imagine how they would  handle it. I get that--I often had that thought myself. Yes, there are challenges to multiple children, but having four children is not four times harder than having one child.

Living in Utah, I see many large families around me. Something consistent you hear from people with large families is that after three, the difficulty is all the same. It really doesn't get harder. Even my friend's mom, who had 13 kids, says 3 was the hardest number. She was absolutely done at three. She wanted no more--it was too hard. She felt she should have more, however, and after that it was actually easier than three was. 

I think one reason it doesn't get harder and harder is that children get older. When McKenna was a baby, Brayden was 3 going on 4 and Kaitlyn was 1 going on 2. Having three children who really needed me was a challenge. With Brinley, Brayden was 7, Kaitlyn was 5, and McKenna was 3. Brayden and Kaitlyn are very self-sustaining and can help with McKenna and Brinley when needed.

I must interrupt myself here and caveat that my intention is not to tell you that you must have more than two or even one child. I don't believe in a "minimum" requirement. My parents had two kids and that was perfect for them. My intent here is only to be encouraging.

In many ways for me, having more than one child is easier than it was just having one. Having your first baby is a bit of a shock. It is your first time having someone so incredibly dependent on you. It is your first time consistently being deprived of sleep. These are things to adjust to.

With one baby, your days can easily get lonely and monotonous. For several months, you are home all day with a baby who only slowly becomes interactive. You feed baby, spend some time with baby, then you put baby down for a nap. Things are quiet. You do some stuff, then you start all over again to feed baby, play for a bit, put baby down for a nap...I remember the hours dragging on before my husband would get home. I enjoyed Brayden and loved being a mom, but day after day of the same things means that by Friday, you are just ready for something different to happen. Maybe your baby is fussy and so you spend hours in a day trying to calm your baby down. You can get overly consumed and worried about poor naps and fussiness from baby. 

As a mom past that point in life, let me just encourage you to do your best to enjoy the perks of that time! When your baby is asleep, you can sleep, too, if you want. You don't have another child who needs you. You can clean your house and it will stay clean. You don't have another child who will come along and mess it up right behind you. You can read a book in silence. You can put your full energy into that one baby. Perhaps if you are home on maternity leave you are better at relishing the moments you have since you have a known deadline when things will change.

There are many perks about one baby that you won't realize you have until it is gone.

And with that said, I love the atmosphere that many children bring to the home. Believe me that my days are anything but monotonous or lonely. Seven years ago, I counted down the hours until my husband got home. Today, when he walks in the door I am shocked that the day is almost over. My children keep things interesting. If Brinley has  bad nap (and it happens--all babies have off days), I just don't have the time to mull it over and stress about it. Luckily, I know babies well enough that I don't need to put a lot of time into problem solving. I just don't have time to worry about those naps. I have to move on because there is a lot going on--and there are bigger things to be concerned with than a bad nap here and there.

What is the point of this post? I have several points. One is, if you are a first time mom stuck in the monotony of babyhood, know that you are not alone in this. As I talk to other moms, most if not all of us felt the same way. Try to find the things that are unique to your situation and savor every minute of that. Find the positive and focus on that. You get to give all of your time and attention to one baby--take advantage of it! Take in every coo and smile. Spend some time just holding the baby and savoring the ability to focus on your one baby.

Another point is to encourage you that yes, one baby is hard. Definitely hard. It is an adjustment--a HUGE adjustment. When you have one baby you look at moms with multiple kids and think, "how does she do that?!? How will I ever manage more than one child?!?!" When Brayden was a baby, I had a hard time managing to get ready for the day each day. That is not difficult for me in the least now, even with a baby and three other kids to take care of. As a mom, you learn how to do juggle. It is a learned skill that you pick up over time. You get better and better as time goes one. You build the skills to be able to care for multiple children over time, just like you would build endurance to run long distances over time. If you want more than one child, but are worried about your ability to do so, you can do it! You can have more than one child. It does not get exponentially harder. My husband and I often laugh, "Remember when we thought one baby was hard! Ha!" But it was. It was hard for us at the time. 

Another point, and possible caveat, is to not overlook the importance of training your children while they are young. My children can be self-sustaining because I have taught them to be. It takes a lot of work and effort, but it is so worth it! Oh yes, it gets hard. And you don't have a lot of free time. I spend most of my time helping my kids with something or other. My three oldest can wait for me, but they do still need me often. Taking the time to teach children from the beginning makes managing and juggling a larger family much, much easier.

Finally, no matter where you are in life, try your best to really enjoy the moment. Every stage has its good points and bad points. Every stage has joys and difficulties. Do not spend today wishing away what is before you. You might have a moment of perfection somewhere along the way, but it would be fleeting. Life isn't perfect. Take what it has for you and love it. Love what there is to love right now. I love this quote:

If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the piles and piles of laundry will disappear all too soon and that you will, to your surprise, miss them profoundly. – Thomas S. Monson

I always try to keep this quote in mind as I look at the disaster my children managed to create in the course of the last 20 minutes. Someday, my children will be gone and things will be perfectly clean. I have no doubt I will miss the mess. Profoundly. There isn't one week that goes by at church when some older person comes to me and tells me, essentially, to enjoy it and that time goes by so quickly. It isn't the same person each week. Every one of them seems to take turns spreading that wisdom around. I don't think the one piece of advice these people with years of wisdom consistently choose to give should be ignored. Enjoy it. Times goes by too fast. If there is one thing they want to collectively tell me, it is to enjoy it. So I look for the happiness in what is before me and try to live in the moment. Savor it. Have a sense of humor about it. I don't want to wish each day away. Because of that, I am able to be very content and optimistic about what our life is. 

And that is how you manage life with multiple children.

You love it for what it is. There is much to love! You laugh at the blunders that are sure to come. There are many! You plan for the worst and expect the best. You love each moment. You are grateful for what life is now, not upset about what it isn't. No matter what your day looks like, spend your days of motherhood trying to enjoy it for what it is so you can look back with fondness rather than with regret.

what I've learned....from martawrites.com

when your bundle arrives,
hold out your arms and whisper, here we go. 
welcome to one of life's great adventures.

i have learned that your baby will love you and need you like nothing you've ever known. i have learned that you don't need to hear a thank you from your tiny one; their contented face is enough. i have learned there is nothing more peaceful than a baby sleeping, and you will run and leap like a leopard to answer your blaring phone in fear the baby will wake up. i have learned to trust my instincts. i have learned to let my husband help out, a lot. even from the first moments, and i'm so glad i did. i have learned to nap when the baby naps. am still doing it, every chance i get. i have learned that babies will figure out their days and nights and eventually they sleep through the nights too. consistency is everything. still, babies go through phases. i have learned to be flexible.

i have learned that you do not need every cool gadget on the market. we borrowed a lot and postponed buying things too. i have learned to be more patient, with feedings and diaper changes and outfit changes and attempting to have a life on the side... embrace the changes. every time benji and i got up at three in the morning, i would tell myself, this situation won't last forever, this is our special time together to get to know each other.i have learned that boxing up all of my cute regular-sized-clothes and not bringing them back out until benji was seven months old was a very very good thing. stretchy pants to the rescue. let me just say, those first days are not pretty. you will have no time to look in the mirror. still, you glow, even though you don't realize it. and thankfully, everyone is looking at your baby, not you.everything will work out with time. your body will eventually stop aching and you will recognize it again someday.

the main thing i've learned is how much a baby changes you. you will grow and bloom and become more than you thought you could be. suddenly you will be up for the challenge, no matter how difficult the challenge may be. all because you have given birth to a new purpose in life. you will now understand why your mother was always so worried about you. you will understand why your dad spent all that extra time with you. you will know what love feels like. you will check on your baby sleeping in the nursery, just to see him again. you won't be able to get enough of him. they call 'em bundles of love because really truly they are bundled up with surprises. it will surprise you how much you laugh. it will surprise you how much you smile. it will surprise you to see their personality unfold. it will surprise you how much they will teach you about life.

Right Now...

> a bit scared about delivering baby early (just not quite ready although I guess as ready as I might be anyway
   : wanting to be able to just be at the hospital already and not have to travel in there...30-35 min drive
   : hoping my water doesn't break in public or in my own bed...would rather just be working in hospital already again
    : wishing I could eat consistently enough and healthy enough to just let go the fear of puking during labor
    : I'm about done with the having to the bathroom every 15 minutes
> too tired to care at times about what is happening around me
> wanting to soak up and remember all that Ian is doing
   : his favorite colors - blue & green
   : his favorite words - rhyming anything...blue, glue, baby, laby, silly goose, silly moose
   : his favorite fruit - blueberries
   : some favorite toys - anything CARS, legos
   : favorite activity - running around & biking
   : his loves dessert way too much for my taste and always wants to ask for it
> cleaning occupies a large portion of my brain (I like to feel clean and uncluttered)
> house hunting - we are eyeing one particular house but there are still things to consider & people to speak with
> reading God's Word - eating up my curiousity about certain verses, topics and names (their meanings)

Wanting to begin a Christmas list....
* This December Daily Kit  $89
* this shampoo & conditioner that I was able to experience at Kingsgate Marriott Hotel over our Anniversay (Bath & Body Works - Citrus Ginger) -- want big bottles $10

Mentally Train Myself to Be Ok with Taking Time to Workout after Baby

Guilty Pleasures

The True Confessions of an Athletic Mother

By Kristen Hench  

I confess.... I am guilty. I love, love, love to workout and compete. I love to set a goal, push my body past where I have pushed it before; I like to sweat, to give it my all as I tackle a challenging workout or athletic pursuit. In this confession, I also feel the need to mention that I am a Mother. Many of you know that I am a Mother to two boys and wife to one amazing husband. I love them all dearly and devote my days and time to their growth and well-being. Of my loves comes my inner battle. Let me elaborate.....  

I am sure that most, if not all, Moms can identify with feeling "motherhood guilt". I know I sure can. After I became a mom, the idea snuck into my head that it was selfish to make the time to exercise. Suddenly there was always so much to do, so many new demands and responsibilities; getting in a workout while the baby was sleeping seemed selfish because there were so many other "more important" things to get done. I am here to tell you that while those feelings are normal, to fall prey to them is not the best choice. Remember, "putting the family first" does not mean that you should ignore your personal well-being. Feeling good physically and mentally undoubtedly makes us better at parenting; but in order to do that we need to mentally train ourselves to put aside that voice in our head.

One way to do that is through looking at our calendar and seeing what is there (and in some cases what is not). If there are many trips to the grocery store, doing laundry, and taking kids to camps, but no time to workout, then a change needs to be made. Once you can say "no" to something that is not a priority, you will feel much better when you use the free time to attend to something that is.

Thus, my guilty confession. This past Monday night I chose to take an hour out of my evening for a run rather then spend time with my family, I loved every moment of it, and we are all the better for it. I came home a rejuvenated mother and wife, ready to take on the tasks the evening had in store for me. I encourage all mothers to mentally train their inner voice, to take time for themselves, and make fitness a priority.

    

About Kristen Hench

 Kristen is currently a full-time triathlon coach, personal trainer, and kid wrangler. Her love and passion for the sport can be seen in many aspects of her life- as a competitor, coach, and fitness writer. Kristen races in sprint to iron distance races, 5K's to marathons and is the founder of Moms Who TRI (Train Race Inspire). She holds a Masters in Administration as well as a degree in Sports Medicine and a degree in Education with a Kinesiology focus. She is a Nationally Certified Athletic Trainer and Certified USA Triathlon. For more information about Moms Who TRI, visit www.momswhoTRI.com.

kelly rae: learning to be new - another wise letter from jen ...

Since becoming a mama - a whole new world has opened for me although a lot of that world has scared me and I have frankly "bucked" it trying so hard to keep the old identity.
I have realized that, that very action was something that I had needed to do in order to live into this new identity. And now I have found a blog and a person who is speaking what I experienced and even better --- she is having her dear friends guest post for her with words of wisdom and encouragement. NOW THAT IS AWESOME!! Here is one of her friends' posts.

kelly rae: learning to be new - another wise letter from jen ...: "(baby true, five weeks, 10 pounds!) i can barely get on the phone these days, or email for that matter, but i'm learning that quick 5 or ..."

You have Everything You Need Print

Some things that happen when you become a mama: « Boston Mama

Some things that happen when you become a mama: « Boston Mama

Run Like a Mother (book review) & Rewind that Tape

I'm in a blogging mood -- a couple of articles from IronGirl newsletter stuck out to me. And yes someday...I desire to run an IronMan (2.4 miles swimming, 125 miles biking & 26.2 miles running)...it is a dream. The 3 marathons on my belt were seasons & accomplishments but I want to go the distance - at least once in my life.

Run Like a Mother: How to get Moving and Not Lose Your Family, Job, or Sanity
Is the new book Run Like a Mother: How to Get Moving and Not Lose Your Family, Job, or Sanity on your nightstand (or Kindle) yet? It should be. Unlike clinical, workout-heavy running books, the essays in Run Like a Mother mimic the lively conversations good friends have when they're out on a run: a mix of personal stories; hard-won, helpful advice; and crack-you-up anecdotes that cement a connection that goes well beyond the miles logged that day. Sprinkled throughout the book is advice garnered from more than 150 running moms across the country.

With 26 chapters covering everything from conquering hills to summoning motivation after a sleepless night, from managing cranky husbands to finding the shortest port-a-pottie line before a race, this book enlightens and inspires newbie runners, veteran marathoners, and everyone in between. The book has been getting rave reviews everywhere from Redbook ("Their funny, frank stories and tips convince you that lacing up is one of the best things to do,") to mom-blogs ("This book. These women. How do I even say it? I feel like they stole the words right out of my brain."). The co-authors, Dimity McDowell and Sarah Bowen Shea, both contributing writers at Runner's World, have been-or will be-at our Seattle and Tempe races to sell and sign copies.

In addition, Run Like a Mother is for sale at Amazon.com, bn.com, Borders.com, and bookstores nationwide. To tap into the tribe-vibe, join the chat at www.runlikeamotherbook.com or on Facebook at Run Like a Mother: The Book. And meet Dimity at the Tempe Iron Girl race.

Rewind That Tape
By Amanda Loudin

Before you begin planning next year's season, take a look back.

By this time of year, you have probably marked a period on the end of your season and are taking a well-earned break from any type of hard training (well actually I'm towards the middle/end of my mini-marathon training -- Nov. 13th is my "middle of the season"). Your body and mind are taking some necessary downtime after fighting the rigors of a tough season, but there is no doubt that you have already begun to think ahead to next season. As you begin to plan your goals for 2011, start with a look back at this year.

1. Consider all of the races you did:

Were you more successful at some distances than others? Why?
Which was your favorite race? Which was your least favorite?
Did you race too often, not enough or just the right amount?
Could you have gone harder in some races? Did you blow up in others?

2. Review your training routines:

Did you spend more time on one sport than another?
Did you give yourself enough rest between hard efforts?
Did you strength train? Did you stretch?
Did you neglect any particular area of training?
3. Evaluate your reviews:

With all this information in hand, take a look at your strengths and weaknesses. How can you alter your training next season to focus on the weaker areas? If you didn't enjoy certain races or distances, consider scratching them from next season's agenda. After all, we do this for fun, right?
Figure out the right mix of races for your lifestyle - if you felt overwhelmed by training last season, maybe you need to put fewer races on the schedule in 2011. If you think you can stretch yourself and step up to a longer distance or more racing, play with the calendar and see if you can make it happen.
By keying in on what worked and what didn't, you can develop the right combination of training and racing for your coming year. With the right approach, you can not only become a stronger athlete, but a more satisfied one, too.

Amanda Loudin is a Maryland-based freelance writer, runner, triathlete and certified RRCA running coach. She's completed seven marathons, including Boston, and countless triathlons ranging from sprints to Ironman distance. You can follow her adventures at www.misszippy1.blogspot.com.

Sick Ian and Motherhood, Running

I did not get to do "What Not to Wear" today shopping trip due to Ian's sickness. It wasn't the most fun day I've ever had and at times it really wore on me but in the end my little guy went to bed happy with a full belly from cereal and a little bit of milk. Whitney was nice enough to come over mid-day to entertain him and then have him at his first boy's JV basketball game while I went grocery shopping at Walmart. It never ceases to amaze me how friends are so crucial to my own livelihood and sanity! :)

I have found that when Mark is gone for a trip, I enjoy the quiet in the house so much more at night and find it hard to go to bed. It's almost freeing to know that I can do what I'd like within reason. We usually miss one another after a couple days but find it nice to be apart during those first two days.

I'm watching a Triathlon in Britain and just wishing that I felt the motivation and urge to run. I'm trying to summon the memories of each marathon and the feelings that I had during the runs. I think it is just starting that is the hardest for me to do right now. If/when I start and am two weeks into training then I will be ok - but until then I just beat myself up. We've paid to go to the Pig (Cincinnati) but with Ian it's just not as easy. Oh well - this is a boring post but at least I'm caught up with the experience of being with Ian all day, thinking about fixing more food, and finding new creative ways to stay sane. :)

Excerpt from Steady Days by Jamie C. Martin

Marilyn Paul, a successful management consultant, confronts the issue of organization in her book, It’s Hard to Make a Difference When You Can’t Find Your Keys. She states, “Organization is deeper and more powerful than I once thought. It’s not only about freeing ourselves from clutter or putting ‘everything in its place.’ It’s about expanding our sense of personal efficacy. It’s also about discovering courage and dignity, and living our true life purpose.”

It’s easy to think of surface-level problems and results when discussing organization. But the roots go much deeper. As Marilyn Paul describes, piles of papers and other types of disorganization drain us mentally and emotionally. This leaves less of us fully available to our children [and ourselves]. Maintaining this panoramic view of organization will help us find the energy to take necessary steps toward change.
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I struggle with this - organization, disorganization, stress