Right Now:
* Sitting at my kitchen table looking out my backdoor onto the next street and with a slim view of a Kentucky hill
* not exactly knowing what to type but knowing that I must write, something is amiss
* each day I speak less words outloud, at least that is what it feels like - my pups and 12 year old hear my voice the most until my 8 year old and husband arrive home...
* it's the boredom and quiet I longed for during those years and months of working full-time, even working part-time
* "the grass is also greener on the other side" saying seems to ring true even when we know that really it isn't
* we all choose our "hard" and when I chose mental health fields to go into for schooling, I knew that I would choose my trauma (I just didn't realize that someone else's trauma as well as my own would remain in front of me daily)
* since not working outside of the home, I have gone to great lengths to work my mind to where I don't immediately think about the worst case scenario or even assume something is going on that may be detrimental to the person standing in front of me, in fact I have numbed myself so well now, that it is difficult for me to feel because I want any feelings to go off my shoulders
* it seems that PTSD as a professional may have occurred and I wonder if I'll ever recover fully from it
* Unsettled....roaming in my mind, something is amiss and I can't quite nail it down.
* rebuilding a running base slowly
* working through workouts with Muscle Burns Fat (MBF with Meghan Davies) for now
* holding loosely to friendships
* probably expecting more from myself than I am truly able to give
* listening a lot to Hope*Writers webinars for writing styles and publishing information and in general "why writing is where I want to be right now"
* that about sums it up
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