little boyhood & motherhood

an excerpt from marta writes:: {explains some of my thoughts right now}

i decide three is a pretty perfect age. everything is exciting; he's big enough to do so many big boy things, tossing his two year old fears to the wayside. and still he is small enough to curl up for a nap, beg for more stories and sing songs. though old enough to have long conversations, run an afternoon of errands with me, get dressed unassisted, play by himself for long periods of time and do small favors for me. he strives to be good and do what is right. he talks about loving Jesus and trying to be like Him. no wonder we're commanded to be like little children; their hearts are of pure gold. in so many ways it's the best of both worlds. there is still some baby in his face and yet big boy feet filling out his shoes.

it's true–i know–i am pulling at our moments and greedily pocketing them. every day there is something worthy of writing down and i try to nip it into memory. but then, swiftly it is taken by another toddler sweet-ism and the second makes me forget the first. these moments are like clean clothes pinned to a line in the breezy backyard. such a breathtaking scene, even in its ordinary-ness. though we are too busy playing beneath the waving material that i can rarely breathe in the pure beauty of it. and before i know it, suddenly a strong wind comes and we create a new game of picking the loose clothing up. a new and happy memory is already in the works.

i am trying so hard to remember every single thing about us right now. i fear having a new baby will rock me so much that my memories (and mind!) will fade. of course i know in my heart that the baby will multiply our happiness and joy and love, but right now i imagine the baby's entrance will take over my mind; not unlike the rowdy pre-teens taking over the twisty slides at the park. i do not know what to expect, therefore i am soaking up our errands, our handholding, our duets.... like a starving sponge. it's a bit silly, i know. but i can't seem to help it. i am secretly (or not-so-secretly) taking it all in. it's ironic how i am simultaneously preparing benji to be the big brother, teaching him new skills i know he'll need when the baby comes, and still babying him in the quiet moments. scooping him up for longer hugs. giving in to a pile of mini marshmallows for dessert. letting him climb into the covers every morning to cuddle. oh how good it is to be a mom. i am realizing the rewards of a long hard day's work are right within my reach. i look down as we all cross the street together and feel his little hand hold tight and familiar to mine and dan's in the other; i have everything i could ever want. and growing inside me is yet another miracle, waiting to be discovered. i have so much to be thankful for.