Mess to More: My Mess is My Message

Monday, January 15, 2024

Beginning Again

Wow, 2022 into 2023 was a ride like nothing I anticipated!

I was working at writing in 2022 and came across an email in my inbox from a recruiter at Cincinnati Children's. I was curious, but not overly interested as I had not been working outside the home (as I was doing my own thing with coaching and art and whatnot).

But this email and this job description peaked my interest because of working with women with depression; specifically postpartum moms. What? There's a job for this!!?? Cool! So I let it sit with me for a couple of days and then discussed with my husband that I just wondered about doing an interview. Well, one thing led to another and to another and the ball began rolling. We set a start date in June 2022 while credentialling for being medical staff was approved and they would prepare to bring me on.

Whew, what I did not anticipate was how working from home with my boys over the summer was HARD and I began to see some of my healthy habits shifting. I became more focused on working, striving and pouring top energy into doing therapy for these women, connecting with the pediatric clinics and cultivating new systems in my life.

And as winter months came, I ate and ate and ate, and I stopped working out like I had been because "I'd rather focus on the next session." Gradually I watched the scale go up and my clothes become tighter. Every week, I could see what direction I was going and quarterly I would re-evaluate, but not fully commit.

Fastforward to today and I'm more than 15-17 pounds heavier, have less muscle, have much less energy and sit most of my work days (whether driving to home therapy sessions to sit or sitting in front of a screen for telehealth sessions). I'm lucky if I get 5,000 steps!

I have LOVED BODI (beachbody on demand), but the choice fatigue continued to hit me, and I just didn't feel like moving like I used to-especially if it was 30 minutes or more. Forget about 45 minutes! What full-time working mom has 45 minutes to sweat and then clean up! And I was not about to sacrifice my sleep (that was Kara in her 30's, she is now in her 40's).

So this is Day ONE of using a different Lifestyle and Nutrition Company's resources and custom meal plan. This time I paid for a customized meal plan because although I KNOW how to develop a meal plan and do ALL the steps. I DO NOT WANT TO DO IT. I want someone else to do it for me and sure enough, it is working. She (the coach) calculated out my appropriate macros and caloric intake and now I simply have to follow it "mostly". I do substitutes for proteins, carbs, veggies or fruits if I need to.

I JUST NEED A MINDSET SHIFT. I still love BODI, but sometimes it just becomes repetitive. So cheers to day one!!

Monday, January 1, 2024

Welcome to 2024 :: Cultivating Aliveness

2023 brought A LOT of growth for our family and various challenges (again a normal year for us):

Mark began his podcast "Mental Health and Ministry" and has interviewed several people. It has been life-giving for him and frankly he's really, really good at it. He discusses depression in ministry and how to support someone who is struggling.

Kara completed one year with Cincinnati Children's in June with pioneering the Moving Beyond Depression program working with postpartum mothers and mothers of 0-3 year olds with maternal depression. It has been exciting and exhausting and she did put herself to the side along the way. Her self-care has had good rhythms and not so good rhythms. In the end, she is ready for a recalibration of serious magnitude and to pursue vitality.

Ian began 9th grade and began playing soccer last spring FOR THE FIRST TIME, ran Cross Country again and in his free time enjoys playing computer games, at one point playing chess, rapping songs and working out. He did start a McDonald's job in the summer and did really well, but he learned that working in fast-food is not where he wants to be, but it really helped him grow as a person. "People are mean mom!" "Yes, yes they can be," I agreed.

Elijah began 5th grade, remains fascinated by dinosaurs, played soccer again and specifically Goalie position this past Fall, and enjoys playing Roblox, Fortnite and Nitro Typing in his free time.

Katie is 8 years old now, still loves to cuddle in your face, bait Ivy into take her raw-hides so she can grab them back and continues to love car rides.

Ivy is 3 and a half years old and plays like a puppy with zoomy fits and then long naps. She still sits like a princess and growls like a bear. She is remains submissive but her growl scares things away.

We are very grateful for God’s continued faithfulness, peace and His humor. We have seen so much growth in both of our boys and in ourselves. We look forward to see how His hand works this year. Much Love to you!

The Messmores

Wednesday, March 30, 2022

Creating A Guiding Writing Statement

The entire process of creating a statement that summarizes why I write and who I write for has been a challenge. I have had to dig deep into my own experiences, gifts and potential contributions to this world to really create this statement. There are several different formats I have utilized in preparing this statement and each have put a different spin on the issues I choose to focus on. Nonetheless, three years later I feel like I have narrowed down this statement to be something clear and mostly concise.

Hope*Writers (Guided Hope Circle) Format:
Problem: Women are stuck, living in pain, disengaged, in survival mode

Cause: Pain, Disappointed by life circumstances and relationships, Seeing through a lens of pain

Solution: I provide four practical principles to move them towards a lens of HOPE, which reignites a passion for life.

I help __________ (describe your reader)

• To _____________(what you help them with)

• Through ___________(how you help them)

I help women stuck in survival mode, disengaged and disappointed to move from experiencing life through a lens of pain to a lens of hope by practicing four principles that reignites their passion for life.

Donald Miller (Story Brand's) Format:

Problem: Women are stuck, living in pain, disengaged, in survival mode

Today many women (experience life or see) through a lens of pain and are stuck living in survival mode, disengaged and struggling to work through life’s disappointments.

Explain your plan/product to help them: Book

I provide practical/experiential steps for women to move from experiencing life through this lens of pain into a lens of hope

Describe a successful ending to their story: reigniting a passion for life

to reignite a passion for life, so they can gain energy and build courage to thrive.

Today many women are living in survival mode, disengaged and struggling to work through life’s disappointments. I write about four practical principles that move women from survival mode to thrive mode in shifting from a lens of pain to a lens of hope reigniting their passion for life.

Monday, March 7, 2022

Monday Musings :: Enough

Our minds are dull and sometimes we don't fully understand the entire spectrum of a word.

"Enough" used to summon a lacking feeling in me when I heard it or read it and I directly connected it with "not having enough" or "not being enough".

However, as I have aged, I know see it in a different light.
I have "enough" has become a freeing term for me.
It now summons images of contentment and presence.
It's no longer about a "lack" of anything and more about the fullness.

Quality over quantity.
Are you searching for "enough"?
Might you already have it and simply not know it?

Saturday, March 5, 2022

Notes :: TrusT Him completely.

TrusT Him completely.
Pursue everything patiently.

His way - uses delay to develop faith in us...

walk alongside Him

What has God promised you? : not sure : (RUNWAY LIGHTS)
Practical circumstances
A Council of godly people
inner conviction
confirmation of God's WORD

release from the burden or open the door

Believers in Exile
genuine God-filled life --> talk with Him about where you are & where you want to be (in community - disciplining - practicing humble hospitality) --> feeling love & belonging

God's blessing to fall on our family

(times of refreshing) & restoration & a new hope --> a living hope

Questions :: Book Writing

What is the WHY for your Book?

Why is it needed right now?

Why are you motivated to write this book?

What next steps do you need to take with your book? --> Proposal or draft

"This is a [What-Genre] that does [What-Transformation] for [Who-Reader] because [Why-Rationale]."
-Ryan Holiday, Perenniel Seller

The Cafe at the Edge of the World by John Strelecky
When Caregiving Calls by Aaron Blight

- Arti's email: bespokewritingfirm@gmail.com

Proposal Template: https://arielcurry.com/category/publishing-2/book-proposals
https://forms.gle/o7tgbD8oDL2qkd2A9

What do you want to contribute to the world?

Write the book that you need to write.

It's ridiculous to think that your art will make

What transformational journey do you want to go on?

What brings you to life everyday?

What stirs the pot of life in you?

Color

What is the transformation I am inviting the reader/writer into?

Here's what I want to do, here's what I want to make...I don't even know if it will work or if I will receive back what I put it into you.

Valuable Advice

Would you rather be a writer, a therapist or an artist? or a declutter whiz (organizer)? What would you like to contribute to the world?

Do the continual revisions of the paintings that I have done in the past, just copy and then improvise. Take them and transform them.

No one can heal by yourself and no one can create by yourself.

Beta development Tiers (search for more)

Get our of your head and into your body (post publishing)

Take dictation from the silence.

Monday, February 28, 2022

Learnings from Retreat

I am continually amazed by what happens when we leave our environments and our daily rhythms and we GO AWAY. So WORTH IT.

This past weekend I felt seen, knew I was heard and cared for. I didn't have to force any conversations and simply remained curious about the stories of others.

I learned about where I am, who I am and most importantly WHO GOD IS.

Remembering who God is totally puts life into a lens that helps me see...where I fit in this world and in God's story.

We shared and read through scripture and focused on the bigger picture. The PERSPECTIVE that we all need in order to continue in vocational ministry and really in our walk with Jesus Christ regardless of what is happening in our world, in our churches and even in our immediate families.

I am reminded that I am very, VERY hard on myself and expect a lot of myself to the point that I will shut myself down because I have spinning my wheels so-to-speak. If I can't meet my own expectations or intentions then I think in an all-or-nothing mentality that steals my joy and distorts my heart.

I AM NOT ALONE.

I do have other women I can speak with who can relate to my family's experiences as well as my own experience in my marriage. Some of them work outside the home and the church, some are right alongside their husbands or strictly in their homes.

Some are fully enmeshed in our ministries and some of us are detached living our own lives and walking a parallel path to those in the church. We are real, authentic and completely unique. We all pursue Christ AND it looks different.

In looking at the three most needed and utilized prayers:

HELP. THANKS. WOW.

I can see that I have been in different seasons where THANKS and WOW were at the center of my prayers. But in this season I feel like HELP sums it up. HELP Lord for us to grow in our marriage, HELP Lord for me to surrender control in my child's life, HELP Lord me to trust you in the direction you desire for me professionally, HELP me see what you want me to see Lord and not be distracted by worry, the shiny things of this life or what could happen.

REST IN GOD

Who is my God? according to this passage?

Joy is "A pervasive and constant sense of well-being that is infused with hope because of the goodness of God." --Dallas Willard.

As I was walking with two women around the frozen lake in the cold wind sharing our stories, one said a phrase that will remain in my heart. It was a phrase that meant so much to me because in my previous work I experienced secondary trauma and remained bewildered as to how to best handle the dynamic of family life, life in general and intense professional work with others.

She said, "Hold their story while you are present, be present, but do not Carry it with you, release it."

YES! YES! Hold in presence but do not carry. We all are accountable to carry our own "stuff". I am prone to carry another woman's heartache or suffering but I cannot do that and also live my own life and walk my own path with God. She has to walk her own path and choose which way she goes. I can't stand there with her and try to help dig her a new path while I try to also go on my own with God.

"Stand at the crossroads and look;

ask for the ancient paths,

ask where the good way is,

and walk in it,

and you will find rest for your souls." ~Jeremiah

Have HOPE IN THE LORD --> New Beginnings -- New Stories ==> New Adventures

6 D's that Derail Us from our Walks with God
- Doubt -> Disillusioned -> Distorted -> Discouraged -> Depression -> Despair

What is it that Keeps Us going?

REMEMBER...
His faithfulness...
His promises...
His provision...
His comfort

Survival Strategies for the Long Haul - How Do We Finish Well?
These were so good and so helpful.